I Feel Nothing

Maui757 — Mon, 02 Mar 2015 01:11:50 GMT

I'm almost 21, studying engineering at uni, and working part time as a horse riding instructor. My problem is I can't seem to deal with every day life things, and most of all I can't cope with work.

I've changed jobs so many times, because I'll get sick of the work, or the managers will stress me out. I just can't cope with it. I worked in a bar, but the managers treated me like I was someone to be used and abused. The customers were annoying, it was long hours, split shifts, and tedious work. I liked it when I was happy, but it was the end of the world when I was down, which is about 85-90% of the time. I tried retail, but hated trying to sell stuff to people, and found I wasn't 'bubbly' enough to draw people in. I hated it, and my manager was super annoying there too.

I work at a riding school. I love horses, and I enjoy teaching (I rode horses all my life before I moved to the city for uni). This is like the perfect job for me. It's only a few days a week so I can study as well, but STILL I find myself wanting to stop it. I don't know what's wrong with me. I KNOW that work is work, and you're not always going to enjoy it. I know you're supposed to just do it because it's money at the end of the day. WHY CANT I JUST DO IT!? I would literally rather break my own arm or something similar just to get myself a valid excuse to not go to work. I hate that. It's like I'm split into two minds. A logical one, and the crazy, stupid one. I enjoy being physically damaged, because I can see what's wrong, and it can be fixed, and it heals. Not like mental illness, where it seems completely pointless and there's no direct cure. I'm not saying I do these things, just think about them a little too seriously for my liking.

I guess I just want someone to tell me I'm not as crazy as I feel?? That I will get better and one day be able to keep a job, full time, and deal with it normally. Maybe even enjoy it! Oh, and uni is the same as work. I hate it, but I can't think of anything I want to do instead, and seeing I can't exactly keep a job, there's no point quitting uni to work. So I keep forcing myself through the study hoping that at the end of my four years, I will have a good, stable, high paying job in engineering and I'll be fine. I hate this side of myself, and want to be normal!

i should add that I see a psych, I've tried many meds but they make me suicidal, I exercise almost every day, and talk to many people. I have support, just no results.

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I Feel Nothing

CrashCoyote — Mon, 02 Mar 2015 10:10:58 GMT

Hi Maui757,

I think you have hit the nail on the head. It is called work for a reason, otherwise we would call it "fun".

The logical you knows that many people have jobs that are boring or that they despise but it pays the bills.

Mark Twain, a great American writer, said, “Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” Most of us are never that lucky.

Has your psych diagnosed you with any condition?

Can I ask you, what would you rather be doing than work or study?

Kind regards, John.

topic I Feel Nothing in Young people

I Feel Nothing

I Feel Nothing