topic I think I make my aniexty worse in Young people

I think I make my aniexty worse

Liam007 — Tue, 18 Nov 2014 08:51:03 GMT

So for the last month or so, I feel like I'm having a lot of social anxiety.Feeling lonely and isolated

I got invited to a party for work (I work as a casual for McDonalds). I originally said I wouldn't go. I felt like going would make me feel terrible as I would be left alone at the party, but then I decided "Why not?" and told them I would come.

Anyway the day of the party arrives, It started at 6:00 and was going to run until 10:00pm, I enter and discover there is not ONE person I know there. So I sat on my own for a while. Soon some people I knew turned and I went and sat them. I didn't make conversation because they were talking with each other I didn't want to interrupt them. Then I just started to feel uncomfortable, this is the first time I have ever been to a party on my own. I just couldn't stop shaking or checking the clock.

By about 7:15 I gave up, I told one of the guys I was leaving and just walked out

I now regret ever going. I wish I didn't change my mind.

I feel like my attempts to "leave the comfort zone" or "take the plunge" are disasters waiting to happen.

Same thing happened when I auditioned for a community play, I made mistakes and felt like I was annoying the entire cast and crew, I then quit the play with 5 days until opening night

Also sharing my creative artworks, one them got gratified. I know feel like I was just want to hide myself from the world out of fear I will embarrass myself or look stupid.

I don't know what to do. I feel like if I try to fix anything by myself...it just goes wrong. I just don't feel like I will ever fit in or belong. I just feel like I'm a weird outcast......

I think I make my aniexty worse

Neil_1 — Wed, 19 Nov 2014 03:02:22 GMT

Hi there Liam

Mate, you’re not on your own with these thoughts – especially about the party. But can I just say to you, “damn well done” on actually changing your mind and giving it a crack. You had the guts to change your mind and go along and try it. And even more so, when you got there and found no-one you knew – that would have been hellishly traumatic, and I’ve been in similar situations before, and I just turn on my heels and get the hell out of there.

But you persevered and stayed – took up a possie and waited till some people you knew turned up.

I gotta say that all that you did was first class. From changing your mind and going, to hanging in there when the people you knew weren’t there yet and for giving the whole thing a real good go. So what if you left early – you should be heaps proud of yourself for doing all that you did. A weird outcast – I don’t think so. Definitely not.

I think you’d also be surprised to find out how many people in the situation that you were in, would have been feeling major anxiety and awkwardness. You are not on your own with these kinds of feelings.

So please, don’t beat yourself up about this – don’t regret that you went along – but feel GOOD inside that you did give it a go and a damn good go at that.

Kind regards

Neil

I think I make my aniexty worse

Liam007 — Wed, 19 Nov 2014 11:26:39 GMT

Hi Neil, thanks for the reply.

I appreciate the giving it a good thought but I just worry that I may have blown my only chance to socialize. The kids at my school never have and most likely never want me at their parties. I feel like I don't get invite because I'm a hated person.

I kinda left in a flash as well, I just said "I'm feeling sick, I might leave" and then I was gone!

But thank you for your kind words

Liam

I think I make my aniexty worse

Neil_1 — Wed, 19 Nov 2014 22:59:04 GMT

Hi Liam

I still reckon what you did the other day with going to that party was a monumental effort – considering with how you’re feeling internally about everything, yet you pushed your boundaries and went. So I stand up and say, “Well done” to you. To me, it means nothing that you left early.

Hey dude, at least you came up with a reason for why you were leaving early, and one that sounds absolutely fine, “I’m feeling sick, I might leave”. Not too many people will say, “Oh come on, stay a while, you’ll get better”. I also said at least you came up with a reason – cause at times in the past, I’ve just slid out at an opportune time and voila, I’m gone and I instantly feel better – rude I guess, cause I should have at least said something.

Liam, I haven’t come across many of your other posts, so I’m a bit out of the loop with regard to a lot of your background, but may I ask what Year are you in at school? Only ask that to see how much longer you’ve got to go at school?

Another thing you can be damn proud about is that you are holding down a part-time job – any kind of job is an achievement and it does speak volumes that you are an intelligent young man, who is able to mix in public and to be mature enough to take on the responsibility of having a job. On top of that, you obviously do get along with your other work-mates, as you were invited to that party.

At this stage, I say, “Just keep on doing what you’re doing and hang in there”. You’re just starting out in this life, this world and you’ve got so much in front of you – and you know you’ve been doing it tough of late, but you’re getting through it.

Keep staying here and writing as well – you know you’ve got so much support behind you on this site.

Neil

I think I make my aniexty worse

Liam007 — Thu, 20 Nov 2014 04:46:27 GMT

Hi Neil

I've just started Year 12 and this time next year I will be finished, and I as I mentioned in the other posts (I'll just sum them up for you here).

I'll just sum up my background for you here, just so you don't have to worry about finding the other threads

I wasn't the nicest guy in 2011 (Year 8), I responded really angrily to bullying.

In 2012, I decided to sit in the corner and stay silent. I loved creative arts but would refuse to display them. Our school was celebrating its centenary , I had made a comic illustration in class, they said they liked it and wanted to display it at the centenary. I refused and wouldn't let them display it. Fearing I would get ridiculed by other students. I wasn't doing it to be a jerk, I was just extremely fearful.

Same for 2013, but in 2014 I wanted to be more confident and less fearful of others opinions, but after a while I started to sense that people still hated me or didn't want to know me. Which led to me feeling lonely and like and outcast and this party came along....

I hope that summed everything, if there is anything else you want to ask please do. I

Liam

I think I make my aniexty worse

Neil_1 — Fri, 21 Nov 2014 03:34:26 GMT

1. Hey Liam

Thanx mate for giving me a rundown of things. I hope that the bullying stopped for you at that time and that you’re no longer suffering from that. It’s one of my most hated things in life – and I rarely use that word (the “h” word), but for bullying, it’s just the worst.

I can understand you being fearful about having your piece displayed, but for it to be put up for display, you must have received some pretty positive feedback from your teachers??

Liam, with something like this creative arts that you’ve obviously got a talent for; and above that, a passion for – please please stick with it. It’s very important when you find something that you’re good at AND enjoy to keep that fire burning. The better you get at it, will also hopefully develop your own confidence with it and feel better in yourself about maybe putting pieces that you have completed on some sort of display. Try to get feedback from your teachers on this kind of thing – I’m sure they’ll be very warm and enthusiastic with their comments back to you.

This may have been asked already – but there must be at least one or two other kids in your age group or Year that you are able to talk with/to?? Even if it’s someone in your Art class? That’s always a good place to start – to find ‘like-minded’ people, with the same interests – and to just be able to talk to them about what piece, you or they are working on?

Hope to chat again

Neil

I think I make my aniexty worse

Liam007 — Fri, 21 Nov 2014 05:03:54 GMT

Hi Neil 🙂 I really appreciate you writing to me. Thank you.

About the bullying, I get smart-allelic comments at times. But no aggressive bullying eg hitting, slapped, violent threats. I'm really now having trouble at school because I feel lonely and don't know my place.

With the creative arts,

Some have been laughed at, I drew a portrait of Scarlett Johansson because we had to do a portrait of someone who inspires us. I chose her because she said "Courage is the most important thing an actor can have" I want to be an actor so I took a lot of inspiration from that but the other kids just laughed and said "You only like her cause she's hot!" I also did comic art of the Black Widow from Avengers to go along with it. So as a result there isn't really someone I can talk to in my visual arts class plus we have different interests, they Anime and Pokemon. I like Marvel, 80s movies and Aliens (1986). The rest of my year group is similar, I try to start conversations but I feel like they are just pretending enjoy it, they sometimes just reply with "Yeah" and go back to the other person.

The teachers= Some say that I'm enthusiastic and really could thrive in the creative industries (I want to be an actor, cameraman or action figure designer). I find myself puzzled thinking "When did I show enthusiasm?" I'm not sure if I ask that so don't feel I'm getting in over my head or if it's because I'm having self-doubts.

Another story from 2013, It may seem old but I feel it's important. I was invited by the school to do a "Self-esteem workshop" because of the bullying. I said "That's okay, I'll pass. I feel like I have really improved since 2011". Looking back, I feel like I couldn't have been more wrong. I have come no where since I started. I was nobody back then and I'm still feel like a nobody now.

My Visual Arts teacher seems to have some faith in me. The school asked us to pick teachers that we would like to be our mentors. I chose him and he said was willing to be my mentor for next year (Year 12).

I still draw and try do clay sculpts whenever I get the chance, so don't worry. I have stuck with it.

Thanks again, I like chatting with you Neil 🙂

Talk again soon

I think I make my aniexty worse

Liam007 — Fri, 21 Nov 2014 12:45:21 GMT

Hi again Neil, I had some more stuff I wanted to say but ran out of words and forgot, this is a follow up to my last reply

So I'm actually doing Visual Arts and Drama for my HSC next year. For Drama I have to make a six minute film, I wanted to make a film instead of doing a monologue. I'm not looking forward to this at the moment unfortunately. Drama is my least favourite subject now, I used to love it but not anymore. I feel inadequate compared to my peers, they really get along with the teacher and often help him out with the school production. I kept expressing my desire to help them over and over and felt like I was getting turned down so much I felt like I wasn't wanted or he was sick of me. He gave me good reports and I'm actually acting in the school production but I still feel like he is annoyed by me and doesn't like me that much.

As for Visual Arts, I don't know what to do. I can't think of any original ideas, all I can do is draw or sculpt a movie monster or superhero. Plus now the idea of idea of the public seeing stuff I made scares me.

I almost feel like these aren't the subjects to do with low self esteem issues, I love the creative world and feel like I just can't quit but at the same time I fear it's doing damage.

I was never a math whiz, hated sport because I was slow and don't enjoy construction and tech classes. I also don't like working with computers so there is not a lot of options for me. Drawing, sculpting and performing are the only things I love to do.

I hope that explained a bit, again I'm always willing to answer questions about this, it helps writing about it. Plus it helps me if I forget something.

I like talking with you Neil 🙂

Liam

I think I make my aniexty worse

Neil_1 — Sat, 22 Nov 2014 01:11:13 GMT

Hey Liam

This is awesome - and thank you so much for continuing to share your experiences with me (and others on here) - I have to say, I'm really enjoying all that you've got to say. And now I've got so much to remark back as well - I hope I don't run out of characters - here we go.

First, that is so awesome that you've been able to speak with your Visual Arts teacher about the mentor role for next year. I don't know you overly well at all, but I think for you to even do that - to ask him - would have taken a bit of effort for you. And if so, you should be damn well very proud of yourself for getting the courage to ask him. That is awesome. I think this could be a huge positive for you for, say, the rest of this year, but definitely next year.

Am also very pleased to hear that you're continuing to follow with this passion. I think I said before, it awesome to find a passion (and to be good at something) - as the two don't necessarily go hand in hand; and then to be able to continue on with it. Brilliant stuff.

I love the thoughts you have for your future - your hopes and plans - for so many young adults in their last years of school, they possibly don't have too many plans for what they want to do after school; so it's great that you've got these goals in place. Also, don't let anyone sway you off that path.

That story about Scarlett Johannson that you shared - you know, out of that, that showed a tremendous amount of maturity that you have. Ok, yes she is pretty tidy and easy on the eye - BUT you chose her because of an inspirational quote that she said. That really spoke to me that you a mature young person and someone who can appreciate how hard it can be to be a certain person (ie: becoming an actor/actress). The fact that others laughed at you should actually give you an inner sense of satisfaction (and you don't ever need to tell anyone that back to them), but something to just know on your inside. The reasons that you chose that person were for far more 'real life' reasons than just something so superficial. Well done you. 🙂

One last thing I'd like to touch on - with regard to, perhaps the rest of this year, but definitely for next year - is it possible to have a good chat with your Visual Arts teacher, with regard to your 'solo situation' at school. I know it must be difficult for you - and I just wonder whether this teacher could offer some advice for you on this matter.

Chat again soon

Neil

I think I make my aniexty worse

Liam007 — Sat, 22 Nov 2014 01:45:05 GMT

Hey Neil, All I have told my Visual Arts teacher is that I'm having 'Self-Esteem" trouble. I haven't had a chance to say too much as of it, but he knows that I'm not feeling too good at the moment. Also I can remember him talking at the end of a semester where he told me "You should stick with the course, Your work is really improving"

I agree with what you said about Scarlett (It's actually her birthday today!). I still have the painting. I'm considering hanging it up on my wall...cause why not? 🙂 Some of the students didn't do a portrait at all, so I feel comfortable knowing I at least did one and the actual quote that she said was:

"When I was a child, I auditioned fearlessly and had a lot of courage, and the fact that I am here today is probably testament to my 20 years of courage back then. I think in the film industry, you have to have that courage."

I wrote another reply but it might be a bit delayed, in it I describe a bit more about what's bothering me in Drama and and just my whole hobbies in general. If it doesn't pop up I'll try again. (Just so it doesn't get mistake for a reply to your latest thread).

Talk later, Liam 🙂

I think I make my aniexty worse

Liam007 — Sat, 22 Nov 2014 01:53:05 GMT

Hi again Neil, I just had an idea.

I've made my profile picture a photo of the painting just so you can get a preview of what it looks like. I think I got 16 out of 20 for it.

Liam

I think I make my aniexty worse

Neil_1 — Sat, 22 Nov 2014 23:20:05 GMT

Hi Liam

Man, that's awesome - your profile pic. And 16 out of 20 is something to be very proud about.

Hey, can you please do me a favour? You're acting in the school production - but you feel your drama teacher isn't overly happy with you? Is that right? You feel like he's annoyed with you. Can you please find a quiet time, when he's on his own, and could you please approach him and just ask him (all nice and friendly like) how he thinks you're going with your role?? Just like you're asking him for some feedback - as you really are enjoying this and you'd really like to 'nail this part that you've got' and so any feedback that he can give would be fantastic.

Now he may give you some or he may say, no Liam, what you're doing is great. BUT, if he does say one or two things, do take them on board and perhaps ask him for some assistance. I'm kind of thinking out loud here but that's just a thought in regard to this drama production. But above all else Liam, stick with it and see it through. By you doing that, it's going to be massive boost for you.

Cheers mate

Neil

I think I make my aniexty worse

Liam007 — Sun, 23 Nov 2014 05:06:32 GMT

Hey Neil.

I'm not sure I can do that. I couldn't do it. and I'm probably worrying for nothing. He has never told me to stay behind to scold me or said I misbehave. He wrote "Liam approaches all class tasks with interest and enthusiasm". I don't think I could handle it I'm afraid. I've apologized "in case I was being a nuisance" but he just chuckles and says "That's fine". I've had many bad moments in Drama class though. I never mentioned this but I'm a Type 1 Diabetic, I've been so since I was 3 years old. I remember my insulin pump beeped during a performance, the teacher was fine with it but another kid made a explosion noise joking I was a terrorist.

This is off topic, but I feel I should mention it.

I was at work again today. Turns out I got an award for the party for being a "Great Front Counter Worker". Now I think I feel worse about the party. I ran off and I was going to get a little praise. But I can't stand award ceremonies, especially at my school I remember there was one year I got an award. The girl before me got three at once and everyone extended their applause, then I stood up and almost no one applauded. It may sound minor but it was an awful moment.

I have a headspace appointment this Wednesday, will let you know how that goes, but instead of thinking "I'll be getting help real soon" I find myself saying "Don't screw up the appointment and say the wrong thing" I'm really nervous.

I also have a lot of negative thoughts eg "I'm worthless and serve no purpose"

Sorry to rant, but I feel like I should put as much out there as possible. I want to practice and get what I want to say down perfectly.

Though the community theatre I'm a member of rung me and asked if I wanted to audition for a play they were running. I said yes and audition in 2 weeks

I hope I don't come across as entirely negative. I just want to explain as much as I possibly can per post.

Thanks, Liam

I think I make my aniexty worse

Neil_1 — Sun, 23 Nov 2014 21:49:24 GMT

Hi Liam

Mate, that's absolutely fine - if you feel like you might not be able to do that, that's cool. (Do young un's still say cool? - It was big when I was a youngster, all those years ago - said in an old quivering, shakey voice). By the sound of it though, all things are going pretty well for you there. The big C word springs to mind that we've got to work on - Confidence.

The award from your work - Way to go Liam - that's awesome. And even more so for what the award was for - "Great Front Counter Worker" - you're the first person most people see when they enter your work and for that, you have been noticed by other staff as being a warm, approachable, happy and helpful person. That is a huge accolade - Well Done.

School award ceremonies can be a bit like that - and being honest, the applause before you was probably so loud, that the applause you received, though not as much as the girl before you, would still have been there. But another positive that you've overlooked - Liam, you were "on stage" receiving your own award.

Ok, so you've got your appointment this coming Wednesday. I don't know if you've had one of these before (ie: do you know how they work?). But what I would do (and I do this a lot anyway) is well prior to the appointment, I get a piece of paper (or a lot of times, I type it up and print it out) and using a list of dot points, I write down the things that I would like to talk about - just short subject headings so as to give you a reminder or prompt when you're there. Or if you freeze up, you've got your piece of paper to fall back upon to help.

And another audition coming up in a couple of weeks. Do you get the bits that you need to practice for it beforehand - if so, the sooner you can get that the better, so you can practice and practice, so you really know it well.

Chat soon

Neil

I think I make my aniexty worse

Liam007 — Mon, 24 Nov 2014 03:34:49 GMT

Neil.

I have no clue if kids if kids still say "cool" haha I'm afraid because of my scenario I don't talk to people much. So I have no idea with what's current or what went out of style.

I went to headspace in 2011 when I was getting bullied...but since the bullying ended in 2012 I can't remember a whole lot.

I think part of the problem with the school assembly was that I was entirely focused on hiding myself, "I don't care about what they think about me, no one cares about what I do! " Was my attitude, then when the applause situation came along it was just a "I knew it" reaction. 2012 was a not a good year,

For the audition, I think they just give me a script on the day and ask me to read a couple of lines.

I want to you know that my parents know all about what's going on, though I feel bad because I said things about myself that should never be said ever. Directly too them as well.

With the Drama teacher and teachers in general. They write good things about me in reports but I feel like they hate me in reality. I even got an "Excellent Personal Profile" award for both my reports this year..but I still feel like I've screwed up.

The kids are hosting a end of party. But there's gonna be alcohol drinking there. I don't want to drink EVER....and I don't to go because I would feel uncomfortable . "Oh come on dude, everyone's gotta go", but I don't want to drink. I feel like this is why I have no friends, I'm just TOO different to fit in.

I almost never see a girlfriend happening as well, I can't see myself having a relationship like that

Will keep posting before and after the appointment, talk soon Liam

I think I make my aniexty worse

Neil_1 — Tue, 25 Nov 2014 03:18:21 GMT

Hey Liam

I was going to ask you about your parents - do you feel that they are supportive of you?? You mentioned that you may have said some things that may not have been overly good – I hope that from that time, things have moved on a bit and things have been forgotten. In cases with parents, if they’re of the supportive kind, they’ll take what you said with a grain of salt and go back to being supportive and loving towards you.

I’m also sensing you are quite the actor – with drama involved – I sense this because there’d be no way that a teacher would be inviting someone to audition if they didn’t think they had talent. But you Liam, I believe you’ve got talent (on stage, with acting) and also with your brilliant abilities with Art. And if you want me to keep on saying this to you, then just say – because what I’d really like is for you to acknowledge this.

And receiving Awards and good write ups in reports about you – that’s more cases where you are excelling in your particular subjects. Excelling Liam – that’s brilliant stuff – and no way in the world have you screwed up. If you had, well they simply wouldn’t be giving you Awards or heaping praise on you in the reports. Confidence Liam – confidence and I don’t mind continuing to let you know this.

“End of year party” – you’ve been invited to it?? If this is the case, then you’ve said to me before that you never get invited anywhere for school, but you’ve got an upcoming party “Oh come on dude, everyone’s gotta go”. That sounds like you were invited and then you’ve possibly said, “No, I won’t be able to go”, and then they’ve rallied with the above comment. That means Liam that they WANT you at the party.

End of Part One.

I think I make my aniexty worse

Neil_1 — Tue, 25 Nov 2014 03:19:05 GMT

Part Two

I do like your stance on alcohol – very mature and sensible. You don’t wish to drink – that is totally fine and good on you for saying and doing this. Remember, no-one can make you drink, despite how much they might protest. But Liam, just because you’re not going to drink, doesn’t mean that you can’t go – of course you can go. I’ve got a couple of mates who don’t drink – and yet, they go out quite a lot to places where there is drinking happening and they fit in well. The other important things to note on this are: (a) as the party goes on, you’ll get to experience some funny and weird behaviour and all the while, you’ll be in complete control – quite the opposite to a number of others; and (b) I tell you something, the following day, you’re going to be feeling a whole helluva lot better than any of them.

One last thing to comment on this – I bet you any money in the world, that you won’t be the only one at the party who won’t be drinking. There’ll be others for sure – yes, they’ll be in the minority, but they’ll be there and they want you to be there – please remember that.

Mate, with girlfriends – man, you’ve got years and years before you need to be concerned about that – plenty of time. No need to sweat that one – plenty of water to flow under the bridge before you worry more about that side of things.

Cheers

Neil

I think I make my aniexty worse

Liam007 — Tue, 25 Nov 2014 04:55:27 GMT

In cases with parents, if they’re of the supportive kind, they’ll take what you said with a grain of salt and go back to being supportive and loving towards you.

I never swore or got angry at them, I just called myself worthless and a failure in front of them. I don't think ANY parent would like their child saying that about themselves.

And if you want me to keep on saying this to you, then just say

I really just want to keep a conversation going, if that's alright with you. I'm not expecting fast replies but just having a place where I can be honest about what's going on and have communication with others

That party is a mystery...it sounds like they want me there but then they make fun of me for not wanting to drink and even joking that I should hold the party. It doesn't sound good to me.

I'm almost worried I look unsympathetic in ways. I feel like people I mention it to go "He's just not listening". I am listening, but it's very hard to fight negative self-criticism when you have simply accepted it for this long. I feel like I'm acting strange in front of my teachers, I ask to go to the toilet at least once every lesson. I doesn't matter if I need to go or not, I just walk for 2-3 minutes then come straight back.

keep you posted.

Thanks Neil

Liam C

I think I make my aniexty worse

Neil_1 — Wed, 26 Nov 2014 00:57:10 GMT

Hi Liam

I’m more than happy to keep the conversation going – all I was getting at there, was to try and do a bit of positive reinforcement to you about your abilities and to try to beef your confidence up a bit more. No dramas, it’s all good. 🙂

Just with regard to your parents again; when you said those things about yourself, do you feel that they’ve become supportive of you and are helping? Or is it that they are sad and perhaps unsure how to provide the appropriate support for you? That would be good to know cause if they can provide a supportive home role for you, I think that could be something very positive for you.

The other awesome thing about this site, as it largely anonymous and is also monitored – most everyone who comes here can do so in comfort and with the knowledge that they can say whatever they wish too and there’ll be no judgement given – just advice, chats and support. It’s a brilliant place and I’m pleased you’ve found it.

Liam, that’s just what people (I was going to say kids do) but I used the word people, because even when you get older, if you aren’t going to have a drink, it’s often commented on, “Oh go on, whatya doing? Have one – it won’t hurt you”. Things like that. And you just have to say, “No, I’m fine with not having a drink” or “No thanks, I don’t want one”. Simple and after a couple of times, it’ll be all fine – at least it should be. It’s just a matter of being polite and keeping to your principles.

Oh and in regard to you hosting the party, just say, “Look, I’m pleased that I’m invited to go and am looking forward to it, but um, no thanks, I won’t be able to host it”. Something like that, if you really need to support your claim.

Hey, I also like your option for getting out of the room – kind of like to clear your head, is it?

Just out of interest, how many more weeks of school do you have for this year? You’re Year 11, so you should be finishing up pretty soon, yeah?

Neil

I think I make my aniexty worse

Liam007 — Wed, 26 Nov 2014 04:52:19 GMT

Hi Neil, I'm glad to hear that 🙂

So I had headspace today and it was okay. We talked about the Christmas party and whether or not my thoughts are accurate. I'll discuss more once I get going.

Arriving at school afterwards was awful, there was a kid who jokes about me being autistic and once told me to "neck myself". I felt uncomfortable most of the day and avoided social contact unless necessary. My Visual Arts teacher is trying to convince me that I have great original ideas that would be good for the HSC. I feel like I can't come up with good original ideas so just draw Marvel Characters like She Hulk, Black Widow and Captain America. I'm unsure.

I've just started Year 12 and the Year 12 nerves have hit me. I question if the HSC is actually worth it. I feel like it's a disaster waiting to happen.

I'm glad I found this site to. I think I'm the only person at my school who uses it more than Facebook!

I actually got an invite to that Year 11 party on Facebook....I'm not sure about it. I might have to think.

I do get out of class for 2-3 minutes just to calm down.

I don't want to drink because I'm diabetic (how that's affected me is a story for another time as I would need a separate reply to talk about it.) so it's very unhealthy for and could seriously make me sick.

I'll be back a bit later

Talk soon Neil 😉

Liam