topic Having a hard time accepting myself in Young people

Having a hard time accepting myself

Liam007 — Thu, 09 Oct 2014 04:45:43 GMT

I have doubts, I made another post on this board elsewhere but I have so much more I want to say.

As I mentioned in the other post, it's in the school section. I find myself not really fitting in with my school because I am pretty much a goody two shoes, I don't like taking risks and I refuse to drink alcohol.

But here I just wanted to discuss a few things that happen because of or outside of school.

I basically feel worthless, I don't feel as if I have done anything to help anyone else, have nothing to be really proud of or feel like I contribute anything to the world. I feel as if my existence is pointless

There are some nights I can't sleep so find myself taking self-esteem tests online and trying to listen to the saddest music to make myself cry.

I find myself apologizing all the time for the littlest mistakes, repeatedly.

Any advice to lighten up on myself? Am I thinking about too much at my age? (17) Should I wait a little longer till all those things come into play?

Thanks, Liam

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Having a hard time accepting myself

dougall — Thu, 09 Oct 2014 06:26:49 GMT

Hi , you are not alone in thinking what is it all for my 17 year son has a similar attitude, listens to music that I don't understand, lacks self-confidence, finds it hard to relate to anyone, does not like people so does not go out. It is part of growing up and trying to find where you fit in, the real thing is if you don't fit in that is okay because everyone has a place and a purpose, they may have to wait years or less to find it but you will. We all go through times when we don't know what we are meant to do or who we are meant to trust we try our best. There are people who love you and accept you for you, they may not know how to help and say the wrong thing but they do care.

Having a hard time accepting myself

Flex — Thu, 09 Oct 2014 16:56:18 GMT

Try listening to some happy songs they can actually change your mood from feeling down to feeling great give it time though. If your having trouble fitting in maybe your meant to be a leader? Leaders don't follow they lead. Feeling sad is a powerful emotion but if you can turn it around then feeling happy is much more powerful. Take up painting that always makes me feel better even though I'm no good at it, it helps with over thinking things to much. I hope this helps out.

Flex

Having a hard time accepting myself

Liam007 — Fri, 10 Oct 2014 06:20:59 GMT

Hi Flex,

I really do appreciate what you are saying, but I just feel I don't really have the confidence to be a leader, I'm not sure I just can't picture myself as one at the moment.

I'm trying a few more positive songs though.

Thanks

Having a hard time accepting myself

Flex — Mon, 13 Oct 2014 18:11:49 GMT

Hi Liam,

That's quite ok and understandable about not feeling the whole leader thing just yet, not everyone can be a leader, I guess that's why there are more followers in life. Turn the happy songs up even when your feeling under the weather they really work for me and try changing your breathing to big deep breaths instead of short and shallow breaths that can have a huge affect on how you feel in any moment or situation, but its great to hear your reply and that your trying a few more positive songs.

All the best..

Flex

Having a hard time accepting myself

dougall — Wed, 22 Oct 2014 20:02:36 GMT

Hi Liam,

Hope you are feeling good today. My son is feeling happier these days as he has found a girl who has taken an interest in him. People have asked him if he is gay or just assumed he is because he is different. He is different in the way that he listens to people and can relate to the girls. He still is trying to find his niche and he will get there and so will you. We all go through life wanting people to like us, I also was a goody two shoes at school and it was a very lonely place. I wanted to fit in so bad but was shy and thought some of the things the other girls were doing was wrong. I am still trying to fit in, have been doing it for years so I think now is the time to be myself and let everyone else worry about what they are doing. I have come to the conclusion the reason I don't fit in with others expectations or rules is it is there expectations and rules not mine. Everyone is insecure even the most confident of people are still insecure. The only person that can truly appreciate us is ourselves, the good and the bad. You are unique and only one of you so think what a wonderful thing that is because no one else has what you have.

Having a hard time accepting myself

white knight — Thu, 23 Oct 2014 10:02:52 GMT

jHi LiamC, plenty of good experiences here for your guidance. Great input.

You remind me so much of myself. At 17 I joined the RAAF and refused to drink or smoke. I soon realised (sadly) that I was on the outer of the group I lived with. Then suddenly 8 months later I broke and started to drink in excess to be popular. And sadly again it was because I did indeed become accepted quite quickly as my antics when drunk made me the village clown.

Looking back, I wished I had the will power to not weaken and remained a non drinker. Then I'd have more to be proud about.

So, my first and foremost piece of advice is to remain yourself. One day that girl will come along and want the guy that doesnt drink- believe that!!!

Some things in life dont come automatically. You might be better at maths than others. So you are not as relaxed with groups than others- same thing. Unfortunately you are the type that is often labelled. Being "different" means you are a "nerd" or other names that I think are cruel and unnecessary.

So my next piece of advice is to live your life as if you discount what everyone else does or behaves in their lives. Yes, allow yourself to mature but dont rush that. It used to drive me nuts when adults would say "grow up". Why? Why do I have to grow up faster than nature intended? And where do you buy grow up pills anyway...same as patience...cant find those pills anywhere either. Being cool pills are even harder to find Liam.

What I did realise when I was your age or a little older is that older adults want to suppress you. It's part of their need to control, feel superior and is often the result of jealousy. So be aware that most older adults are only like that to you and not like that to people their own age because they cant stand over them, only you.

If only I could prove to you Liam, that you have no reason, factual evidence, to lack confidence. And because of this confusion of yours, your lack of self worth etc you compound the issues with worry.

I too listened to sad music. I found it was a need to feel sad. Later on in my life I found I had dysthymia (google it) a form of depression. Bee Gees sad songs were my thing. Later in life I became a poet of mainly sad poems. If my poem made someone cry reading it then I succeeded.

So there might well be more to you and your condition than meets the eye. Over time you should investigate these possibilities but dont be in a rush.

Treat it as a journey of discovering yourself. That makes it interesting....

Having a hard time accepting myself

Liam007 — Thu, 23 Oct 2014 10:29:19 GMT

At 17 I joined the RAAF

Wow!, I actually tried to join the RAAF at the start of this year, but I turned away because of my Type 1 Diabetes, then I wanted to be a police officer again Diabetes shut me down and then Firefighter? Didn't even bother with the application. That was a major putdown for me. I was feeling hurt I felt like my Diabetes was going to do nothing but hold me back. It was something I should NEVER have blamed myself for. You could consider that the start of my problems then the kids and school life started to fall apart as well.

I want to you two very important things.

I will never drink or do anything to change myself to the point where I do something stupid, I've always listened to what my parents tell me and never do anything unless I'm absolutely sure
Whilst I'm very upset I never have and never will consider harming myself or taking my own life

I'll keep writing on this forum, I've decided that the worst thing I can do is stop talking about it and not acknowledge it. Ignoring it is the worst thing I can do.

Thanks again white knight, be speaking to you (and all) again soon 🙂

Having a hard time accepting myself

Doolhof — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 08:48:51 GMT

Hi Liam C,

I'm not sure if you are still connect with the forums or not as I have not seen your name around for a while.

I hope you are doing okay and you have plenty of help and assistance to work your way through year 12.

I've just read and seen a wonderful and inspiring post by a guy who goes by Maccamuffin. His post is called "this is my anxiety awareness film". I hope you will have a look at it and maybe contact the guy if you need to or want to.

You may be able to help and support each other.

Check it out and see what you think. Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

Having a hard time accepting myself

Liam007 — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 03:22:12 GMT

Hey Mrs.Dools, sorry for the late reply. I kinda had a lot going at the moment.

I canceled my headspace sessions for a few reasons. High school hasn't really changed, people tell me I'm too eccentric and they may be right.... The school has announced so many excursions it's crazy. I don't want to go on any of them or go to the formal or graduation assembly. I'm now taking some medication

I looked at that film, It was well made and I admire Maccamuffin making the film to tell his story. I'm not sure if I'm in a position to offer support though, I'm not sure what advice I could offer.

The acting interest has come back. (I told this story to Neil a while back) An actor who is famous around our town came to our school a few months ago, I actually shook his hand and had a brief chat with him.

Anyway a few weeks ago he contacts me to ask if I would help out with his latest project I said yes and will be appearing on some TV ads soon. So that's awesome.

Thanks so much for writing to me, it's much appreciated,

Liam

Having a hard time accepting myself

Doolhof — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 12:21:09 GMT

Hi Liam,

Thanks for getting back to me. It is great you had a look at the film, thought it might help you to know that others are going through similar stuff to you.

It is fantastic you were able to have a chat with the actor guy and well done you for accepting to be in the commercials! My sister had a brush with "Fame" years ago, her hands appeared in a commercial for soap or something or other! Ha. Ha. I should have asked her for her autograph!.

Her Father in law was an extra in McCloud's Daughters a few times.

It is wonderful you are able to follow on with your dreams of acting.

So how is the medication going? I hope it is helping you. My husband has just admitted that he is feeling very depressed and anxious and has been going down hill rapidly this last month.

I would like to thank you for sharing your anxiety and how it manifests itself as it has helped me to better understand my husband and how he is right now.

So even though you might not think you have anything to say to help others, you have done so already! So thanks again.

Wishing you well with your schooling. Try not to be too concerned about the graduation ceremony or formal, they are months away yet! There is no point in fretting about that, it just takes up too much time and energy.

There is nothing wrong with being eccentric. At least you are being original and are not following the crowd or trying to fit in to please others.

One of the elderly gentleman I care for is quite eccentric, and I like him for it. He wears odd slippers and Egyptian gowns. He likes to iron outside and has me doing it as well. He has lots of little quirks and quite a different personality.

Keep being yourself. You are a valuable person just the way you are!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

Having a hard time accepting myself

Liam007 — Fri, 06 Mar 2015 05:46:42 GMT

Hey Mrs.Dools,

The medication has been okay. I've been on it for a week or so. I've had some slight headaches but nothing to fret about.

I just got an email, I start on the commercials week.

Talk soon 🙂

Liam

Having a hard time accepting myself

Doolhof — Fri, 06 Mar 2015 09:14:58 GMT

Hi Liam,

That is excellent news! Keep us posted as to how it all goes!

Cheers, from Mrs. Dools

Having a hard time accepting myself

Liam007 — Thu, 19 Mar 2015 10:18:50 GMT

Hey all, I'm attempting to get this thread up and going again. I appear to be slipping again.

I still feel lonely, I feel my eccentric behavior is really what drives people away. I try to hide it and stop it but it's only a matter of time before I can't give up appearances and let my true "self" show.

I still feel inadequate compared to everyone else. I just need someone to keep in touch with.

Having a hard time accepting myself

Doolhof — Tue, 24 Mar 2015 21:05:07 GMT

Hi Liam,

I'm sorry to read you are struggling again at the moment. Sorry too that no one has gotten back to you. I have not been on the forum so much lately as my husband has been really struggling with his mental health issues and I was very concerned for him.

He has changed his medication and is feeling a little better about life right now. Hopefully your medication is helping you more as well.

So how did you get on with the commercial?

Your last two paragraphs of your post could be me to a certain degree! I went up to the CFS that I am a part of and told the group I was resigning. I feel very inadequate there at times and like I don't fit in.

They were not at all happy about my decision and have talked me into staying, so I will continue on there. They obviously see more in me than I see in myself, and maybe that is the same for you Liam!

Cut yourself some slack and just try to be yourself and see what happens.

Hope your week hasn't been too rough. Think of the good things that have happen and build on those moments.

Cheers, from Mrs. Dools

Having a hard time accepting myself

Liam007 — Wed, 25 Mar 2015 03:44:31 GMT

Hey Mrs.Dools,

The commericals got delayed unfortunately. I have to wait but will be doing some fashion parade modeling and entertainment for the elderly at a retirement home in a few weeks time.

I did "Dr.Google" though which wasn't a good idea. All I really have is some challenging aniexty but at times worry it could be more serious.

The medication is calming the aniexty but I still feel sad. I feel like all my peers hate me. I'm trying to find a reason to avoid the school formal at the end of this year.

I'm going to try eheadspace tonight and see if I can have a chat.

Having a hard time accepting myself

Doolhof — Thu, 26 Mar 2015 23:02:08 GMT

Hi Liam,

Sorry the commercials were delayed. I hope you enjoy the experience at the retirement home. The old dears will love it! How did you manage to be involved in that?

Okay, next time you use "Dr. Google" look up ways to beat anxiety, not how it manifests itself. You already know that part. Getting better is what you need to concentrate on.

When I look up information on depression and stress I go for the How to deal with it section.

It is a bit like when you buy a new medication and it comes with a million pages of possible side effects! It doesn't mean that you are going to have to deal with all those possibilities, the drug companies are just covering themselves.

Hopefully you can have a chat with Headspace again. If not there must be plenty of other numbers you can call including Beyond Blue.

Please don't stress about the formal yet, we aren't even up top Easter yet! The more you think about it, the more it will eat at you. Think of all that time you are wasting worrying about that one event when you could be using that time and energy for something else.

Do you have any new classes this year that you are enjoying? There are so many different subjects available now compared to when I was a student...way back in the dark ages. Ha. Ha.

Keep your head up high Liam, look people in the eye, give them a smile and say goodaye. Try that for a day or two and see what happens.

Cheers for now, from Mrs. Dools

Having a hard time accepting myself

Liam007 — Thu, 26 Mar 2015 23:43:22 GMT

Hey Mrs.Dools,

I saw Facebook ad asking for actors to perform some plays for the elderly. I put my name down,got a response and was accepted. I asked if I could come back for a few more plays after this one and she said yes so hopefully I'll have a side distraction.

I actually managed to book in to see someone on the 24th of April. So I'll be going back to see someone in a month.

I don't have any new classes, but dropped one which I was doing poorly in and reduced some stress but gave me a half-day during the week where I can just go home at lunch time.

Thanks 🙂

Having a hard time accepting myself

Doolhof — Fri, 27 Mar 2015 22:48:50 GMT

Hi Liam,

That is excellent news about the plays! Well done to you! So great you will have an added distraction as you mentioned. It will help to build up your confidence and self esteem.

It was a good idea to drop a subject you were struggling in. I was never any good at Maths so dropped to a lower level and that helped me immensely in year 12.

So do you have a subject you really enjoy? The lessons are so very different than what they were when I was at school. I asked my niece a lot about her year 12 experience as it is all so foreign to me seeing as we don't have children attending school.

My two nieces are wanting to come and stay with us for the Easter weekend. I am so excited. They are both over 18 and still want to have sleep overs and Easter Egg hunts at our place!

It is great you have managed to book an appointment for Headspace. Are there other people/organisations you can contact in the mean time if you are having a rough day or just need someone to talk with?

Hope you have a good weekend. I am looking forward to doing some gardening, some craft, going for a walk and watching the cricket final on Sunday.

Cheers for now, from Mrs. Dools

Having a hard time accepting myself

Liam007 — Sat, 28 Mar 2015 07:57:35 GMT

I'm also doing some costume dress-ups and joke telling for the elderly. Even joined a Clown Club.

I seem to do okay in Visual Arts, my latest essay was 15 and 1/2 out of 20. English is not good, I was never good at DE-constructing poems or anything like that.

I'm not actually not going back to headspace. I'm seeing a different psychologist who deals with depression, anxiety etc He has a good reputation so I'm hoping it's a good first step.

I use eheadspace and Lifeline's anonymous online chat when I just need someone to talk to. I do that frequently as I'm really quite lonely, I don't get invited to parties or anything like that.

Hope you have good weekend too

(P.S In case you are wondering my profile picture is the character "Mr.Pricklepants" from Toy Story 3, he's voiced by Timothy Dalton who I quite like)