topic is it me? in Young people

is it me?

tsubasa — Thu, 14 Aug 2014 11:54:24 GMT

being raised by my sister since i was 8. in time i also live with the others big brothers and sis since i'm the youngest. and every times i felt i am a burden to them. i don't speak much. i don't cry much. people always say that i'm a heartless person, spoil. my mother died when i was 8 and my dad died when i was 19. after my mom died i felt like nothing left of me. even I've been raised with my sister, i don't feel like i should be here. my sis married and have 2 daughters and 2 sons, her eldest daughter is the same age with me. we're not that closed. where ever i go even it is my others bro and sis's house, they never like a home to me. for me to complain and to ask something always make me think that stop being ungrateful. then i kept everything inside me. and yet,hearing their laughing make me lonely and leftout.

i have a boyfriend but myself keep rejecting everything..i feel there's a hole inside me that won't fill in no matter how much i want it. sometimes i'm tired of being alone even there are people around. i hate family gathering because it makes me feel more alone and my family keeps praising and talking about my same age niece. she such a family jewel, pride. i felt so much jealousy inside. but i thought i don't care. then again i said to my self well i'm nobody. sometimes i want to give up and go away. i tried to talk but it's no use, nothing change. i'm getting worse.

is it me again? make myself suffering? well i hope someday, i can get out from this cage...........

is it me?

Struggler — Thu, 21 Aug 2014 12:17:11 GMT

Dear Guest

I was checking posts that did not receive a reply and I spotted yours. Unfortunately, new threads can get pushed to page 2 very quickly and vanish. I hope you'll come back to read this.

Reading your description, I can feel the loneliness and resentment. The less you talk, the more your family distance themselves from you, and more empty you feel. You didn't mention your father. Is it not possible to get some support from him? Are you still at school, hence depend on your siblings financially? Can you talk to the school counsellor?

Looking forward to hearing from your again.

Struggler

is it me?

tsubasa — Wed, 27 Aug 2014 16:19:51 GMT

thank you for respond..

my father, he was pretty old and had amnesia i guess. so my older sis take care of me since then. on 2011 my dad died. so my parent no longer in this world.

i'm the kind of person that don't know how to start a conversation. people keep judge me before they get to know me. so every time i get so frustrated or depressed i tend to draw and write..i don't know how to talk.

school counselor? i cant trust them. i told them once but they couldn't keep their mouth shut. so i'm afraid i can't do that.

btw thank you.