topic What do I do ? in Young people

What do I do ?

JJF — Sat, 20 Sep 2014 02:58:39 GMT

Hey I'm 22 and the past 6 or so years I have been finding myself getting no enjoyment from anything up until now

I have reached a point where I cannot do anything without getting frustrated or unfocused and my social life is a complete zero.

I recently quit my job because I couldn't handle people and the job it self, I even find it hard to talk to family members and relatives about anything in general..

I can't get a good night sleep at all and I eat pretty healthy so wouldn't that help me but no it doesn't..

I also feel lonely all the time, can't ever see myself with a partner again..

Just writing this is frustrating me because I'm complaining to complete strangers and I feel my words have no importance

to me or anyone.. what do I do ( p.s) already went to doctor they just said to have anti depressants I refuse.

What do I do ?

HA1 — Sat, 20 Sep 2014 12:25:05 GMT

Hello JJF - and welcome to the BB forum.

You are not talking to strangers on this forum - many of the members have gone through the same feelings that you are experiencing. Your words are important to us, so speak freely and ask questions, no-one will judge you. I for example, tend to vent my issues on this forum - because those that read the posts understand what I/you are going through. Just to get things off my chest feels better, as does knowing that someone is listening. So, with that introduction, well done on taking the first step in sharing your issues with others here on BB, that in itself can be a difficult step.

You say that you have been to see the GP and was prescribed AD - I assume that you were diagnosed with depression/anxiety. What you have described of yourself sounds very much like what I went through. I am now on anti-depressants and after a settling-in period they are starting to work. Like you I was not happy about taking them, but they are important in helping you. I'll be blunt and suggest that you should think carefully about rejecting them. Have you been to see a Psychologist? If not that might also help - just to talk things through. They will be able to steer you other things you can do to overcome the way you are feeling. On the top left hand corner of this page you will see the tab 'Get Support' click on that and you will see that you can search for BB endorsed health professionals that understand what we are going through. Take a look. Also explore the resources available on the BB web site, as well as the discussions on this forum. That in itself is quite healing.

I would very much hope that you will continue to post and, if you are up to it, maybe tell a little bit more about yourself.

Take care

What do I do ?

white knight — Sat, 20 Sep 2014 15:58:42 GMT

Hi JJF,

I agree with AOK on all of his post.

I'm wondering why you refused AD's? Humans arent perfect and the stigma surrounding these medications is ridiculous, unfounded and in the stone age.

There are many of us here on Beyond Blue that have run the journey of AD's and found peace. I personally will never go off them and in my case mood stabilisers.

You seem, due to the last 6 years, lack stimulation. Hobbies, sport, interests or one specific interest. Can you elaborate? Is there something you are good at? Emersing yourself into a passion can help you.

you can read the many threads here on this forum for guidance also.

Please keep in touch. Take care

What do I do ?

geoff — Sun, 21 Sep 2014 00:43:08 GMT

dear JJF, please don't be frightened because the people here on this site maybe complete strangers, but only in sight, but certainly not in spirit, because all of us have been to hell and back, once if they are lucky, but normally several times, and there are a lot of people who are still in depression but reply to those that are asking for help, so it's an open forum where we all join in to help each other.

At the moment you are suffering badly, and it's virtually impossible to believe that anyone alone can overcome their problems by themselves, and if they believe that they have, then there would be plenty of concerns which have been overlooked, because these are the real problems which are causing the problem.

So I hope that you haven't been persuaded to not get back to us, because there is an enormous amount of people wanting to help you. Geoff.

What do I do ?

Neil_1 — Mon, 22 Sep 2014 00:16:02 GMT

Hi there JJF

Also here’s another warm welcome to you to Beyond Blue.

You’ve received some really awesome responses and each one has provided some really useful advice.

One thing I would like to reiterate and write about is the doctor that you went and saw. It may have been a whole lot more than what you described below, but I know that there are many doctors out there that do respond to mental health issues in a very off-hand and ‘get out of my office as soon as possible’ attitude. Your encounter sounded like that – “here take these tablets and you should get better”. Or something like that.

If you can perhaps set yourself up for an appointment with one of the GP’s that Beyond Blue have on this site (see AOK’s response for where to search for these GP’s). the thing with these guys is that they’re all fully trained in being able to deal with mental health issues.

And like Geoff mentioned – we cannot deal with depression solely by ourselves – we need many other support mechanisms out there – perhaps personal friends or family (but can be a bit tricky, as they simply don’t know how or what depression is), GP’s, psyches, anti-depressants, exercise, eating healthy, drinking lots of water (keeping body and mind hydrated is something that isn’t spoken a lot about, but is critically important). And a lot of other things.

I do hope you can get back to us.

Neil

What do I do ?

JJF — Mon, 22 Sep 2014 02:33:35 GMT

Trying to make things better makes it worse nothing gets anywhere you only end up a step backwards and I don't know what to say to any of the reply I feel too frustrated

What do I do ?

JJF — Mon, 22 Sep 2014 02:37:53 GMT

Because I refuse to take anti depressants because in my head I if feel only worse knowing my life has depend on a pill just to be happy.

What do I do ?

Amelbourneboy — Mon, 22 Sep 2014 02:57:29 GMT

Hi JJF,

I was the same for so many months. I had so much termination to NOT take a pill i possibly could have swam the english chanel had i used the same energy.

Im now on an AD and its not anything like my mind had told me to be. I dont see it as something that controls me, or with out it i wont function. Its also not a drug of dependance, its one to help me, be me.

No one can make you take them, its a choice and a control you have. If i had my time again i would have started them straight away, i feel like i lost so much good time in fighting something.

Let me know your thoughts. 🙂

What do I do ?

JJF — Mon, 22 Sep 2014 03:20:02 GMT

I've got Ad's at home but I won't take them I don't like the idea of them that's my fault and i'll live with it I suppose

What do I do ?

geoff — Mon, 22 Sep 2014 03:21:01 GMT

dear JJF, it's not so much as we have to rely on a pill to keep us going, unfortunately this is a misunderstanding of what antidepressants do for us, what they do is correct the lost serotonins that are lacking in our mind, it's no different than taking a pill for a headache, well we rely on these to help us stop the constant pain in our head, or perhaps another part of the body.

Taking antidepressants should not be considered as a 'happy pill' because they have no effect like what drinking alcohol has to us, there is no effect as this, all they do is to correct the lost feeling of being sensible and to be able to rationalise our thoughts and indeed take away the negative thoughts that someone with depression always has, so please think of them as such. Geoff.

What do I do ?

JJF — Mon, 22 Sep 2014 03:49:45 GMT

Even if I did decide to get them I don't want to have to face going to the doctor that's just another person on my list of a thousand people that I cannot talk to..

( first time I went there to get them I was with my mum..)

What do I do ?

Neil_1 — Wed, 24 Sep 2014 08:29:24 GMT

Hi there JJF

Ok, we can avoid the talk about A-D's if you wish - and we can try to move to other methods.

But just before that, if you say you can't talk to so many people - with regard to someone say, like a doctor - if you know you've got an appointment, something I do beforehand is to jot down on a piece of paper some of the things I wanted to ask or mention - just in case I clam up and can't talk or that I simply forget them. Just as a memory jogger thing. Just a thought.

May I ask what interests you have? And these can be anything? Writing, reading, sports (any kind - and either with you playing, or just watching and being a fan), any other sporting activities (gym, running, cycling, etc), music, movies, etc??

List as many of them as you can. I'd be really interested in hearing from you on this.

Neil

What do I do ?

Asche — Wed, 24 Sep 2014 09:33:49 GMT

A disclaimer before I being: I agree with everyone else. AD's don't deserve the flack they get and they can be very extremely helpful to therapy and the general recovery process.

That being said, it's not impossible to climb out of the hole without AD's. They just makes climbing out of it easier. A lot easier. If you're adamant about not taking them, then don't. But it helps to keep an open mind. From what I'm reading in your post, you're suffering and -I'll be blunt here, because we're all adults- not handling things the way you want yourself to.

I understand that. I didn't check myself into therapy for years -almost a decade- until I was outright forced to. And I hated it. I hated that I needed help, because it made me feel pathetic and weak, because I wasn't "strong" enough to deal with this on my own.

In retrospect, it's abundantly clear that I wasn't being strong by refusing help, I was just being dumb. I let pride get in the way of my health, my friends, my family...my goals. And at that time, that felt imperative because I thought that ashen, hollow pride was all I had. I thought nothing could ever be more false, but the truth is, there's no shame in getting help when you need it. Because strength isn't about being an infallible fortress that never shows any outward sign of weakness. It's about being able to do what needs to be done, even if it means setting aside pride and feeling vulnerable for a few seconds every now and them.

It sounds to me like you have a pretty good idea of who you want to be. The question you have to ask yourself is, can I become that person by doing what I am now? If not, what am I going to do about it? What is more important to me? My fear? My pride? Or my goals?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to talk you into taking your AD's. But you seem pretty reluctant to even talk, and the cold, hard truth is that if you want to get better you're going to have to do some things you might not be entirely comfortable with. Not because they're bad, but because they're just different to what you used to. You can't keep maintaining the old, comfortable habits you've been keeping if you want things to change. Transition as slowly as you want, but you have to make changes if you want to get better.

If you don't talk to people, try having a chat. It doesn't have to be here and it doesn't have to be about you. Hop on someplace online and just start talking about your interests. Books you've read, places you've been, sports you back.

What do I do ?

JJF — Wed, 24 Sep 2014 10:42:14 GMT

Okay thanks and no I don't have many interests I play video games and play guitar rarely and that's about it nothing really interests me or gets me excited.

I mainly listen to Indie music and I don't watch T.V I might occasionally watch a TV show on my computer but that's about it.

What do I do ?

JJF — Wed, 24 Sep 2014 10:52:34 GMT

Asche I actually have no Idea who I want to be.. all I know is I don't want to be me

I hate everything about who I am and the fact that I most likely will never change.. even if I do go to a doctor or a psychiatrist and change mentally the moment I stop going I will Immediately go back to who I am now.I'm tired of all this, I can't think at all that's why all my replies have been short.

What do I do ?

Asche — Thu, 25 Sep 2014 03:18:54 GMT

You said you believe you most "likely" won't change. So there is a possibility that you can change! The very fact that you are here, talking to us now is evidence of the fact that change is possible; after all, as you've said yourself, this isn't something you would ordinarily do. I get that you didn't actively choose to make this particular change so much as get backed into it, but circumstances changes us as surely as we change them. That's not to say that you should rest on your haunches and just wait for things to change on their own, because these things seldom happen at the pace you want them to or the way you prefer. Far better to chart your own course than to have it charted out for you; I just want to remind you that change is not quite as impossible as we often feel. You start off small with little adjustments, adjustments that change the world around you which change you in turn and your momentum builds...every step is a battle, but it's the first that's hardest.

You said that you don't know who you want to be, beyond not being you. Well, what would someone who is not you be like? What qualities would he possess? What skills would he have? It might also help to consider some of the qualities of people you like, if not admire.

One final note: I think you have a misconception of what therapy is. Whereas AD's can be somewhat like a crutch, therapy is more akin to physiotherapy. The progress you've made doesn't vanish the instant you stop going. You're not "topping up" your mental health when you go to therapy like a car refuelling at the station. The goal of therapy is get you to learn the skills you need and develop the habits you require to keep yourself afloat and take care of yourself. Your psychologist might help you out a little in the beginning, and they're there to direct your progress but ultimately it's up to you to make those changes. They can't make those decisions for you, and they can't force you to commit anything either. And to a large extent, that's why therapy works. That's why people can stop going to their psychologists, psychiatrists and doctors; because they've been taught how to take care of themselves and stay healthy on their own.