topic My Story in Young people

My Story

ALL — Wed, 29 Oct 2014 22:17:37 GMT

i really need to share this. no one knows everything yet.

So the first memories I have of anxiety are from about 8 years ago. The very first thought I had was on a windy night close to the beach I thought there would be a tsunami that would kill me while I was asleep. Safe to say I didn’t sleep that night. From there things only got worse and I started to be worried about everything, all the time. I would feel the worries crammed in my head and they were things I should be worried about. I got a fear of eating in public, started to do ‘rituals’ that were OCD like where I believed if I didn’t do them something bad would happen. I would stay up all night until I got it right ( this is still going on). It was horrible. I eventually went to see the school counsellor and things started to look up. I was using occasions like lent to force myself to give up OCD habits. But as one went another came. I got to a stage where I was feeling anxious, but like I could cope. But that went downhill really quick I got headaches, I couldn’t eat, felt sick all the time. The anxiety had manifested into physical symptoms and depression had come as well. Everything was an effort. I think this was the first time my mum really took notice and after a year of putting of seeing a psychologist she let me go. But now, while the worries aren’t crammed in my head anxiety has me wired all the time. I can’t relax and I am being pushed aside. My concerns are always ‘just anxiety’ and everything I have an opinion on is wrong. Apparently it’s all my fault. My depression ( and i know its a different forum) was openly denied to my doctor by my mum and she told me ‘its not like you are sick and you need treatment’. She doesn’t get it, despite what I have given her and told her. She won’t research on her own either. Im starting to feel alone and the one place I should feel comfortable, home, is the place where I feel the least comfortable.i dont want to try anymore and im starting to talk and yell at myself. at the same time i feel better because its not just in my head,l i dont think i have ever been worse? My relationship with my family is starting to go rigid.everything is just driving me nuts! HELP! Has anyone had a similar experience? I just really needed to tell someone the whole story.

Thankyou for reading 🙂

My Story

dougall — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 02:22:30 GMT

Hi . ALL what a story. I don't really know what to say about your mum, I am the reverse with my son, because I suffer from anxiety, depression and panic attacks I am super aware of signs in other people. My sons father is a different matter his attitude is he's all right, he's just being himself. This infuriates me because I know different. It was when my husband left that some of the behaviors changed with my son for the better. I tried for years to help my family understand, gave them information ,which they did not read. I understand your frustration and wanting to just yell actually listen to what I am saying. Sometimes the people we love the most are the ones in the biggest denial.

My Story

dougall — Sat, 01 Nov 2014 21:04:12 GMT

Hi ALL how are you doing today, well I hope.

My Story

Pixie15 — Sat, 01 Nov 2014 23:39:05 GMT

Hi All,

Thanks for sharing your story. It sounds from your post that you are still quite young and are relying on your mother to assist you to get help.

There are helplines set up especially for young people have you tried calling any of these. I know it can be hard to make a step to help yourself if you are feeling anxious. Maybe your have a friend who would keep you company while you make the call.

Hope you find some help.

Grateful.

My Story

ALL — Sun, 02 Nov 2014 01:57:13 GMT

Hey dougall

thabkyou for checking in with me it means a lot. Actually I have had abut of a rough week. Anxiety had been high I got mood swings and I can't concentrate.

I did however talk briefly with my friends mum and she has promises to help me. The best thing she did for me was hug me- I don't get that much.

I hope you are well also. Anxiety is a rough ride but we can get through it together.

ALL

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dougall — Sun, 02 Nov 2014 02:08:25 GMT

Hi ALL glad to hear from you. Sorry about your week maybe next one will be better. I am glad you spoke to someone and she is going to help, it means a lot when someone actually acknowledges you need help. Hugs are great so sending you one over the line. I don't know what it is actually called cyber hug maybe anyway you have one from me.

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ALL — Sun, 02 Nov 2014 02:10:40 GMT

Hi ggrateful

yeah I'm young- 16. I have contacted every helpline out there but I don't think it will improve without her support. I'm finding it harder and harder to feel comfortable at home now. The people I really need support from is my family. They say they know me better than I know me, how come they didn't pick up on the anxiety when I was too afraid to ask? Why now when I have it will they not listen and why can't they see ignoring me is the most painful thing?

My Story

dougall — Sun, 02 Nov 2014 06:48:03 GMT

Hi ALL sometimes it is difficult for a parent to acknowledge they have let their child down and have not done a good job. They know you but you are the only one that truly knows how you feel. People ignore things because they don't know how to cope with it. My son who is 17 has depression and his father says he is just being himself and does not agree with me or his son that there is anything wrong. His dad is in denial even though he has two people telling him otherwise, even the counselor told him. I don't know how to get your family to help maybe you could ask a doctor or school counselor. Do you know anyone at your school who may suffer as well maybe they can give you advice about how to reach your family.

My Story

ALL — Sun, 02 Nov 2014 07:02:30 GMT

Hi dougall

my mum is like that, being told twice but being in denial. she always talks to me about pushing through it though- so I wonder why she wont but I can atleast try. psychologists and counsellors tell her and they say SHE NEEDS TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST but she wont respond. while my dad is more understanding he doesn't get it either, and thinks im overreacting.

I don't know anyone who has anxiety and depression ( although im sure people do) but my friends mum ( that friend is going through her parents divorce) has offered to help me and talk to my mum and take me to a support group

I hope that you and your son are okay.im there for both of you! it can be a difficult time

ALL

My Story

dougall — Sun, 02 Nov 2014 07:17:25 GMT

Hi ALL what a quick reply. I have a good relationship with my son and very open so I talk to him about everything. If he needs to know something then if I can tell him I do. When I was young my parents were all about themselves and left my sister and I to fend for ourselves. We did not get cuddles and certainly not conversations on how to cope with things. It is great these days that people are recognizing there is mental illness and we are not crazy or overreacting. My son has a school councelor that he can go to when it gets too much. I think we are brought up a certain way and people of my generation swept everything under the carpet so no one knew there was any problems and if there was they were ignored it or you were just called a nutter. I think your dad has trouble with showing his emotions to you maybe he can relate deep down but won't show it because it is a sign of weakness. Men used to be taught not to show feelings and also some women. I am Scottish and when I was growing up anykind of emotional outburst, i.e. crying, wanting a cuddle, ect was a sign of weakness. It is hard when the people you rely on the most can't be there for you. Everyone is here for you and listening. If your mum needs help and is in denial about her own mental wellbeing then she will find it hard to understand you because she thinks if she can do it then you can. I don't know if this is helping. I know parents can be a pain and adults. I hope you and your friend can help each other out. My son is going through his parents being separated. His father is so detached from him it is not funny. His father is even more detached from his own emotional feelings. We all watch out for one another on here so please let me know how you are doing every so often. I will be thinking of you.

My Story

ALL — Sun, 02 Nov 2014 22:18:52 GMT

Hahah, im always on here. This website is the only place i really have support.

speaking of support, thankyou so much for yours. im glad that you and your son are able to connect well, and im sorry things havent worked out for you.

My friends mum did said that, that my mum is from the generation where people were called nutters...

my dad can be emotional, he just doesnt understand the fact that someone cant control their emotions. i said outright to him ( before i told my mum) after i yelled at him once 'sometimes people with anxiety cant control their emotions'. he didnt take the hint...

apparently my mum had a rough child hood but no one will tell me what happened. i was always scared of telling her for fear she wouldnt understand, but after finding out her mum had depression and her brother has bipolar i thought she would get it. oh well...

i had a pretty bad day yesterday. like seriously bad ( more depression than anxiety). but today i woke up and havent worried once! its so odd. this hasnt happened in a while. part of it might be the fact that in the last 24 hours she has started to let go and open up a bit.

i know this will probably spoil it though- i have agreed with myself that this week im going to sit down and talk to her about everything, just make her listen, and hope that this final attempt works. i think it might be a deciding factor. i was going to do it last night with my dad too but chickened out. i didnt know whether or not to just go mum first or wait for dad. what do you think? ( dad works away Monday-Thursday). im going to tell her how i feel, and how she is making me feel. someone told me once to not look at it like im hurting her, but helping myself. and at the moment, if i dont help myself im not going to cope.

i hope you and your son are well. thankyou so much for checking in on me. it means the world. let me know how things are going for you also

ALL

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dougall — Sun, 02 Nov 2014 23:58:56 GMT

Hi ALL I really don't know your mums character so I can only tell you from my point of view, being a mum and if my son wanted to talk to me I think I would like him to start by saying have you a moment to hear how I am feeling and if the time is not appropriate then ask her to tell you a time when she can give her attention solely to you. I think talking to both individually would help as I don't know whether your mum and dad communicate with one another very well. We can all talk to people but it takes a lot to communicate how we feel and listen. I would just talk about how you feel about yourself and not mention how she makes you feel because then she will be thinking of answers to you disliking what she is doing. Sometimes parents can be self absorbed and not realise what they are doing to their kids is wrong. Some people find it hard to talk about what has happened in the past so stuff it down real deep. My ex husband did that with his father, I was with him for 17 years and still don't understand why he has so much hatred for him. I think if you just say you feel unable to cope and would like to be able to chat to your mum when you are feeling stressed. Just to get off your mind what is bothering you, she does not have to do anything but listen. Say sometimes you just want to know that you can go to her to be safe. Trying to make people listen will only make them switch off, you should know that. Every time I want to talk about things with my son that he does not want to talk about he says oh mum and there is no conversation. You can chat to me anytime you like about anything as I will listen and give you my advice or tell you about my experience. I think a little at a time because people only hear that much in the beginning. Good luck with your mum and dad.

My Story

Pixie15 — Mon, 03 Nov 2014 04:28:50 GMT

Hi All,

You are only young. My son and husband both suffer from anxiety. Looking back now I wish I had known enough when my son was sixteen to get him more help. He was not diagnosed till he was away from home at university. Before this I attributed most of my husbands anxious responses to being a bloke as he always said he did not want to do something never that he could not do it because he felt anxious. I guess I did the same thing to a degree with my son.

Your mother might be afraid of your being diagnosed because of what she has seen happen in the past with other family members. Even though treatment methods have improved these days there is still the risk of negative consequences if a person is not diagnosed correctly.

One thing to keep in mind is that only doctors and psychiatrists and clinical psychologists can actually make a diagnosis. Your counselors and psychologists could be wrong. While you are waiting to see one of these you might try some of the exercise and lifestyle choices in the BB brochures on Anxiety.

I think I remember in the first post you spoke about giving up things for lent. This suggest that your family may be religious. If this is the case have you thought about speaking to a pastor or minister about your situation. That might be someone that your parents would listen to.

Grateful.

My Story

ALL — Mon, 03 Nov 2014 21:21:00 GMT

Hi Grateful,

i know i am young, and that initally made me question the diagnosis. i know they usually dont until the age of 18. i asked my psychologist ( who is a clinical psychologist) over and over ( because im actually petrified that she will get the diagnosis wrong and that it will send everything crashing down), and she said yes there is anxiety there. she wants me to see a psychiatrist more for my own acceptance of anxiety, but unfortunatly my mum just wont act. ( i had to push her to make the first phone call. that person was booked and even though she has a whole list of others she wont do it.)

in terms of religion, no im not overly. but i did use it as a time of motivation because i see religion as a way to better myself rather than anything else. my parents are even less then i am so they wouldnt listen to a pastor or minister. but thankyou for the suggestion.

i hope you are well,

ALL

My Story

Mal50 — Mon, 03 Nov 2014 21:38:10 GMT

Hello All,

I can honestly tell you that the only people who really understand the devastating affect of anxiety attacks are those who've suffered from them.

I've suffered severe anxiety attacks for many years and no amount of prescription drugs have helped.

My Story

dougall — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 01:27:40 GMT

Hi ALL how are you going, getting anywhere with conversations?

My Story

ALL — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 21:23:43 GMT

Hey Mal50,

Yeah, i guess that makes sense. with me its more constant though, all day every day with just peak moments ( that could i guess be called episodes..)

im not on medication, nor am i allowed to be.

i guess im looking for people who just accept it, and if i say something like 'im scared to talk to this person', i dont want 'why?' but 'thats okay, lets talk it through'

My Story

ALL — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 21:28:54 GMT

Hi dougall,

im actually pretty good. havent initiated conversation yet, but its for an alright reason.

sunday was a horrible day for me. like- things went very down hill. Monday i woke up and no worries. for the whole day there were minimal aches and pains, and little worry. those i had, i could control. that lasted monday, tuesday and is sort of here today, sorta going.

it was the most amazing feeling. its been 8 years since i felt like that. i cant tell you in words what thats like.

relating back to your post though, i know that conversation will get heated. so im just going to indulge in the good feeling for a few days. then i will start.

how are you? i hope your feeling okay. *cyber hug* . i will try to sent you some of the good feeling through the internet 🙂

ALL

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Mal50 — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 21:36:27 GMT

Hi All,

being able to simply talk to someone who you know you can trust certainly helps. I know what triggers my panic attacks so I avoid it at all cost. However, this limits my movement and activities. I can no longer enjoy some of the things I used to be able to do. Do you find yourself avoiding things All?

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geoff — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 22:37:15 GMT

dear All, sometimes postspass the radar for me, and unfortunately yours has up until now, because I can relate so much to what you do have OCD.

Maybe if just tell you what it did for me, which I don't necessarily like to do, because it's your post, so quickly, I have had it for 54 years, a very long time, and what you have said is entirely true in what it makes us do, rituals and/or habits it doesn't really matter which one you choice, because basically they are the same, but different people have a fancy towards one or tother.

This illness is formed by anxiety and does involve having depression, and some of my habits would be to swallow 100 times and if I was interrupt I had to start again, but how on earth could anybody ever understand the mentality for someone having to do this, especially at such a young age, so I couldn't tell anyone, but was caught out by an older brother who then labelled me as being mentally sick.

54 years ago it was it wasn't really known, but if your google search it it tells you of older generations having it, but that's here say.

I'm not too sure that your mum will understand what you are trying to say, because to people who haven't ever had it, just don't believe that a person could possibly have any OCD habits control their life, as it's no different than to say that you want to tightrope walk, blindfolded across Niagara Falls, because it would seem impossible, so they won't believe you.

Over my years, ( sounds terribly old) any of my habits have changed, and as you say they are replaced by another one.

Unfortunately I have passed this gene onto my eldest son, who says to me 'sorry Dad I have to do this', he is now married and has two daughters, and it seems as though his eldest daughter may also have it, I hope not.

I am curious to know whether any past family have had it that you know of, as I have a twin who has never had it nor any depression.

I'm running out of words, but would really love to hear back from you, and oh, by the way type OCD in the search bar, and see what it comes up with. Talk soon. Geoff.