topic Broken in Young people

Broken

I_need_help — Wed, 10 Sep 2014 11:58:05 GMT

I'm sick of being broken.

I'm sick of not finding joy in life anymore and feeling that everything is broken and I just have nothing left and I don't know why I deserve this. Everything. Why does my dad have to be a depressed alcoholic, why did my grandma have to die and why do I have to deal with so many things and not being able to fix any of them.

and I'm sick of seeking help and people telling me to go to 'headspace' or 'see someone' because that won't help me and it won't help my dead grandmother and it won't help my dad and it won't help anything and it won't help my life and my dramatic weightless and lack of concentration and loss of everything I used to love and being knocked done continuously and I'm just so tired and broken and this won't get better and I'm just so broken.

im 14.

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Broken

white knight — Thu, 11 Sep 2014 03:50:17 GMT

Hi ! need help. A very warm welcome here to Beyond Blue.

Here you are speaking to people that have experienced so many issues in their life and we speak from this experience not necessarily qualifications.

What you have described is what life is sadly all about. The negative side of life that is. Sometimes the passing of family or friends comes quickly and often in succession. We cant predict these things. Ask any parent that has lost a child from a car accident. Nothing can prepare them for that knock on the door from police officers.

You might think you are a one off? But us older ones that have been around a while know that life has its downs and on many occasions we feel that the downs far outweigh the ups. So the question is- what can we possibly do about this unbalance of life's weighing scale?

Let's talk about the positives of life and why we dont feel those positives are more apparent in our lives. Positives are actually infinite....never ending IF you focus on them and they usually pass us by every day. The blooming of a flower in the garden, the hug or call from a friend, that you can breathe deep, that you can walk, run, have fun, write a poem (I'm a poet), getting in touch with your inner self. I have a favourite guide called Prem Rawat. he is on youtube and his clip "sunset" is my favourite. Also "perfect instrument" is a great one. Google them and listen for just a few minutes. It all comes down to perspective and value. How we value people and things on this earth.

But grief, that's so impacting on our lives that we can see the forest for the trees. We have to get that balance back and the only way is- allow yourself to grieve for your lost loved ones. Honour them in your heart. Then value life and what it is all about. Believe it or not 'I need help' all these bad life experiences will make you stronger. So strong in fact that.....one day you might be answering a letter from a 14 year old that has lost a relative and needs help.

If you feel that advice and opinion isnt enough then visit your GP and discuss it with him/her.

Cyber hug.

Broken

My_boy — Fri, 12 Sep 2014 00:58:48 GMT

Hi . Your post really moved me a lot. I can sense the pain you are feeling. I hope you keep coming back to this site because there are many helpful people here.

I'm the dad of a boy who is 16 and he has depression and similar feelings like you. He can't cope with school and is home now. I just found out a few months back he has depression so we are trying to work it out. It's hard - some days are good but some days are bad but anyway we just keep going and trying coz anything is better than giving up.

As I'm writing this I have a lot of tears because I'm not only thinking about my boy but also the terrible pain you are going thru. All I can say is my boy went to headspace and it was good and helpful and got us on the right track. It's not an instant cure, it will take time but it's a start. The ppl are really good there n my son also thought it was good.

I'm sorry I can't write anymore now but I hope you return to this site and I hope u have some better days ahead.

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AGrace — Fri, 12 Sep 2014 07:55:14 GMT

Hi I need help,

I do have some advice for you, but to show you I know how serious you are let me just say I did some research;) Guess what? I'm with you, some of the services that we have available for teens are not much better than what I had when I was 15 and going through hell.

Honestly, they all suggest talking to your parents. I found one site that had a special section for what to do if your parents are in no way able to support you, so I was expecting this incredible suggestion. Wait for it..."Talk to another adult". I'm not sure about you, but I don't know many teens that just have a few spare adults lying around.

So the second best suggestion was to go to a GP. Alright, been there done that, it's not an option, just yet. (I mean if I had a car, and an endless supply of money, and my very own Dr at 14 - I probably wouldn't be in this situation in the first place, right?)

I did find one suggestion that took me a few moments to process. The first thing that came to mind was HOW? the 2nd thing was WHY? and the 3rd thing was do people really do that, and does it work? You haven't heard the suggestion yet, so I hope you're not laughing already.

"Buy a Pet" !!!

(Ok, I'm not going to send you to the RSPCA to rescue a puppy, so I think we can safely take that one off the table.)

So where to next? Alright, so I have to think back a few years to when I was 15, but trust me the memories are still pretty vivid, it's not that easy to forget some of the worst years of your life. I had to start small.

What do I mean by starting small? I had to do things that I COULD physically do, that were practical, that would help in some small way, and that I could do on my own if necessary (b'cos there weren't too many others that knew what I was going through). The thing about small things is, if you stack them all up they make something pretty big.

I won't have enough characters left in this post to write down all the little things I did that helped, so I'll continue in a new post. While I do that I want you to start thinking about the life you want. Be as crazy or as realistic as you want to be, write it down, post it here...I'd love to hear about it:) Think about who you want to be, what you want to be doing next year, in 5 years, and if you can imagine being old - what you want to be doing in 10 years, the types of friends you want, the types of relationships you want. Think about what's important to you.

More soon, AGrace xx

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I_need_help — Fri, 12 Sep 2014 12:34:15 GMT

Thankyou, it really means a lot. Thankyou for the advice and I'll take that on and consider a lot of it... And I will take a look at those videos

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I_need_help — Fri, 12 Sep 2014 12:36:45 GMT

Hi, I'm really sorry that you have a son that's going through what I'm going through at the moment because honestly I wouldn't wish what I'm feeling on anyone.. I'm considering headspace I just don't know how to get to the place without my parents knowing.. Thankyou so much and I hope everything's been okay!

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I_need_help — Fri, 12 Sep 2014 12:39:18 GMT

Thankyou so much for the advice and research AGrace! I'm trying, I really am but I just find it really difficult thinking about y future because it makes me really sad and stresses me out a lot.. I will try it more but thankyou so much xx

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My_boy — Sat, 13 Sep 2014 09:30:44 GMT

Hi I need help. Thanks for your kind reply - I really appreciate it. Although I just joined this beyond blue site I can see here there are so many people willing to reach out and help others - like AGrace and so many others - it's really an incredible place. I hope you can find some really good advice n support here.

I'm new to all this too and yeah I can understand your dilemma about headspace. All I can suggest is maybe you can call a center that is closest to you and ask to speak with a youth counsellor first. Explain to them your situation coz of your age n that u want to talk privately n see what options they can offer you. Maybe other ppl here have other suggestions too. I think you can call ppl on beyondblue too on the telephone number on top of screen. They are professionals n can offer you advice.

regardless of that you are not alone. There's others about the same age as you facing similar stuff. I can't even imagine how tough it is for you to try n do this alone. The fact that you came n found beyondblue n took action to join shows a lot of courage. I admire that. That takes a lot of guts.

I don't want to make this reply about my sons situation, but I just wanna share with you that he's doing year 11 HSC n couldn't attend any of his exams this week as he felt so bad. Today he was feeling much better - it seems when he's distracted by stuff like sport, music or whatever it helps to take a bit of pressure off. It doesn't solve the problem but it tends to make the feeling easier to handle. Does distraction work for you?

Anyway whether you want to talk with one of the counsellors at beyondblue or chat away here I'm sure there's plenty of support for you.

Take care n regards

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I_need_help — Sun, 14 Sep 2014 04:08:54 GMT

Hello! That's more than okay! Thankyou for understanding me and I will definitely take those options into consideration. I'm really glad I have people supporting me! That would be really upsetting for your son but I do know that distractions work for me, I've lost interest in almost everything but I still try to distract myself anyway!

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My_boy — Sun, 14 Sep 2014 14:20:12 GMT

No problem at all. I'm interested to know how you deal with school - it seems you're still going to school,. Maybe I can take some tips from you on how you deal with school that could help my son.

Thanks!

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I_need_help — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 06:53:21 GMT

I would give you tips! But I don't really deal with school too well either 😞

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My_boy — Tue, 16 Sep 2014 13:55:24 GMT

Sorry to hear that. Well I thought it was worth it to ask. 🙂

actually its a good thing to be able to ask for help, etc when you're not sure of something. I always remember that funny saying by a guy called Yogi Berra - " if you don't know where you're going, you might just end up there.".

How have you been these last few days? Have you given anymore thought to how you will try n get some help? You shouldn't have to deal with all this stuff by yourself at 14, it's not fair. I'm an adult n I could not have begun to deal with my sons issues all alone. It's not easy to reach out for help, I felt a bit embarrassed at first, but it was the best thing I did.

If you feel like telling more about your stories n feelings, it's safe to do so here at beyond blue. No one will judge you. Everyone is here because they want to find solutions or offer possible solutions. Anyway I really hope you feel better soon

regards,

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geoff — Tue, 16 Sep 2014 14:51:42 GMT

dear I need help, I am sorry for missing your post, as so many go through without me even knowing, but when you get involved in replying to several posts this is easy to do, but it does upset me when an adolescent is depressed, because it can make their ageing to always be one step behind those that don't.

The support has been great by so many wonderful people and I can see that your attitude has slightly changed from 4 days ago when you posted your comment, so there's no need to repeat what they have had to say.

Maybe if I can explain why your father is doing what he is at the moment.

When depression has a grip on some people, and this included myself, they feel as though they need to self medicate, so they use alcohol, because it numbs them, and when I say 'them' this includes me, but there is a big problem that is caused by this, in that it alienates them from the rest of the family, possibly lose their job, and all they want to do is drink alcohol.

Well it was one reason that caused my wife to divorce me, and I was always sure that this wouldn't happen, but it did and this broke up the family.

Being 14 is an age where you maybe rejecting what your parents have to say, that's OK we all did, so that's why seeing and/or talking to an experience person seems like a good idea. Geoff.

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AGrace — Wed, 17 Sep 2014 07:39:34 GMT

Hi I need help,

Sorry, that was a long space of time between this and the last post. I know it's difficult to imaging YOUR future which is why I want you to think big, go crazy, and imagine the future you WANT rather than the future you think you COULD have. Maybe you'd like to be a singer, or go to uni, meet a nice partner, have children, be free of depression etc.

So the small things I was talking about earlier...

I got myself a journal, (you can use the computer if preferred). I write every day. It doesn't matter what about: thoughts, feelings, hopes, experiences. I spend at least 1/2hr just writing non-stop. At the end of each 1/2hr I write down one positive thing. It might be something I'm grateful for, something I did, something I ate, something nice I read etc.

I also have an inspiration page. Take a piece of paper, and either some old magazines or some books. Cut out images that represent the future you want. Put this inspiration page up in your room, or if you'd prefer in your journal. I look at mine every day. (I've actually done this 6 times over the past 20years because my ideas and plans change).

I use positive affirmations - Gather one each day and say it to yourself the entire day - whether you believe it or not doesn't matter, this will come in time. There's a thread of positive affirmations on the forum here, or you can find them online.

Seek positive connections with people - If you have friends at school, that's great. If not will your parents allow you to do an extra curricular activity? Join a sport group, a book club, an art class - something you do/have/think you might find interesting.

There are some more tips available on my thread SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION (enter the heading into the search function, top right of the page).

Will you let me know if you are willing to try any of the above? I know it doesn't sound like anything significant, but remember little things all stacked up do turn into something big....and at least you don't have to go to headspace to do any of them:)

I'm guessing this might be your last week of school before the holidays begin. Perhaps you can start some of the above in your break?

Thinking of you, and sending you a virtual hug and smile.

AGrace

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I_need_help — Wed, 17 Sep 2014 11:02:07 GMT

I just don't see why he needs to drink, he smokes 2 packets of cigarettes a day and it hurts me so badly because I love him when he's sober because he is so much like me and we have a connection, something that I don't have with anyone else and when he drinks he gets aggressive, he says really horrible things and changes to a different person completely and it's so hard because he makes me feel guilty when I want to leave basically to get away from me and I don't know

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I_need_help — Wed, 17 Sep 2014 11:03:16 GMT

I'm okay, I'm just really tired of a lot of things and just exhausted.. Thankyou though..

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I_need_help — Wed, 17 Sep 2014 11:04:20 GMT

Thankyou AGrace, I really appreciate it and I'll try those things... Thanks..

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My_boy — Thu, 18 Sep 2014 11:08:34 GMT

Hi I need help. Thanks for sharing your situation. AGrace has given you some helpful tips n we all hope they help you a bit.

I now see why you feel the way you do. Not only are you trying to manage your own depression but also deal with your Dad's and the side effects of it too. And you're doing that at 14. It sounds like you don't have any brothers n sisters to help and you're doing this all on your own. That's just not fair to expect you to handle all this alone. Really it's not.

Have you managed to talk to anybody about your situation? Someone at beyondblue, or a relative or anyone?

ive never had to deal with an alcoholic relative so I'm not sure of the best way that a 14 year old should deal with this situation with your Dad. What I do know is alcoholics generally deny they have a problem and get very defensive, if not aggressive if confronted by their drinking problem.

Maybe some other posters here at BB who have had experience dealing with alcoholics can chime in with their thoughts on what a 14 year old should do in your situation with an alcoholic father?

May I ask - if you haven't directly asked anyone yet for help, what is the main thing that really stops you? If you have asked ppl directly for help what was their response?

Also, anytime you just feel like venting off, or feel like chatting here, we are here to listen.

Best regards ,

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My_boy — Mon, 22 Sep 2014 14:59:29 GMT

Hi I need help. Hope you're doing ok these days. Take care,

🙂

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geoff — Mon, 22 Sep 2014 15:49:46 GMT

hi My boy, I have experienced both the drinking and trying to deal with someone else who was an alcoholic.

I have to be fair here and say to you if you haven't seen other posts regarding myself, and that's to recognise that I was an alcoholic when I was depressed, but now I am a social drinker, and your comment ' that they deny they have a problem and get very defensive' is certainly a valid point, as no one wants to be called an alcoholic, but I admitted that I was, there's no doubt about this.

First things first, but only until you accept the fact that you are an alcoholic can you realise that it is, and not maybe here, but understand that you need help, because if and when you just keep drinking and refuse the fact that you are one then nothing will happen, because to them they haven't got a problem.

I would be really interested in knowing what sort of discussions you have had with him, only when he's sober, and what he has said back to you, so I can continue on.

I do want to say to you that at your age it must be heart-breaking to try and understand what the hell is going on, so I hope that you can reply back. Geoff.