topic starting to struggle with relationship in Young people

starting to struggle with relationship

will_awt — Thu, 09 Aug 2018 23:03:02 GMT

im 27 and have suffered from anxiety and depression for about 12 years now. im on medication.

8 months ago i started seeing this awesome chick i work with in remote australia, things have been so great i have been head over heels for her in love with the down to earth supportive person she is ,until a couple weeks ago i got major anxiety which has i think gone into mild depression all about the relationship. i have been flat out at work and it all of a sudden just hit me . im certain i love her and want to be with her im just not feeling it all of a sudden and it’s really starting to get to me , i sort of dont want to be around anyone to be true but because im feeling it toward her breaks my heart.

she is aware of my circumstances/issues and is completely fine and just wants to help and support in any way .

just wondering has anyone else been through this with a loved one ?? im sure it will pass soon but maybe some techniques will help me as im not going down without a fight . thanks people ☺️

starting to struggle with relationship

blondguy — Fri, 10 Aug 2018 12:53:27 GMT

Hello Will Awt

Welcome to the forums and I am sorry for the time its taken for you to get a reply. We are usually pretty quick in getting back to new members. Thankyou for having the strength to post with us!

You speak from the heart with your relationship Will and good on you. Are you saying that you dont have the same initial feelings that you did at the start of the relationship? You mentioned that you weren't feeling 'it' all of a sudden as per the anxiety/depression feelings you were getting.....Is that what you meant?

You mentioned that you were head over heels in love with the down to earth person she is until you started feeling anxious and depressed.

Can I ask you if you were having second thoughts as per commitment to a relationship?

If you could elaborate that would let let would help us (me) support you more effectively 🙂

Your friend sounds like an amazing caring person Will.

The forums are a safe and non judgemental place for you to post. Your privacy is assured and paramount to us

My apologies for the late response

Im Paul...and its good to meet you Will

Paul

starting to struggle with relationship

will_awt — Fri, 10 Aug 2018 15:28:34 GMT

hi paul thanks for the reply

i was fairly ready for a relationship with her , i just had a massive panic episode anxiety about the relationship for whatever reason and now starting to second guess myself. i still have very strong feelings for her but the anxiety has changed something. im just wondering if this is common for someone who suffers from anxiety and depression?

i have been having second thoughts to commitment to relationship but they came on very strong and strong in anxiety attack i truly don’t believe they are real feelings maybe a phase from anxiety/depression?

i can’t figure out how feelings change so quickly?

starting to struggle with relationship

blondguy — Fri, 10 Aug 2018 16:03:40 GMT

Hey Will

Thanks heaps for posting back

I understand where you are coming from and Im not saying for a moment that you have a commitment. You remind me of when I was in my 20's and I always had anxiety problems when I was with an awesome (seriously) girl as well

There is a huge difference between anxiety feelings and anxiety attacks which you already know anyway....Can I ask what symptoms you had when you are had the feelings of anxiety? Was it like a feeling of apprehension and being boxed in? (thats what I had....)

Your last sentence makes a lot of sense as my anxiety also used to increase when I was with a new GF as well and it drove me nuts. I was always enthusiastic for the companionship and the intimacy yet I kept backing out with my anxiety levels

Paul

starting to struggle with relationship

will_awt — Fri, 10 Aug 2018 19:02:29 GMT

hi paul

thanks heaps for your response

just repetitive thoughts snowballing out of control, knotted stomach, exhaustion and feeling depressed would be my symptoms. feeling helpless and like i have made the wrong decision all of a sudden entering a relationship . it’s happened before with work and family by pushing them away or thinking i have made the wrong decision.it’s really killing me that it’s happened with the most perfect person one could dream of . im almost sure the feeling will pass , work has been full on and we are in the process of moving in together .

i certainly am not ready to give up on the relationship because of a few days of bad thoughts

cheers

will

starting to struggle with relationship

geoff — Fri, 10 Aug 2018 19:59:25 GMT

Hi Will awt, can I also welcome you to the forums and sorry for how you're feeling.

There are a couple of issues I'd like to discuss if that's alright, the first is when you fall head over heels for this girl, there's always this feeling of whether you are going to be together for a long time, marry, have children or perhaps buy a house that is subconsciously going through your mind, or whether if this is what you want, so it's making you anxious.

The other option is these repetitive thoughts you're having to the commitment to the relationship, so I'd like to ask you whether or not they are 'intrusive thoughts' which I hope they aren't.

Looking forward to hearing back from you.

Geoff.

starting to struggle with relationship

therising — Fri, 10 Aug 2018 21:17:22 GMT

Hi Will

I can only speak of the depression side of things, as I personally haven't experienced the challenges of anxiety: Sometimes it's a bit of a chicken and egg thing - which came first - a change in feelings or a change in chemistry (in the brain). Sounds like more of a chemistry thing, seeing you're saying you don't want to be around anyone and it's not just about your partner. As you would know, chemistry definitely changes our overall perception of life.

It's good your partner knows about your challenges, so she's less likely to take things personally. She sounds very understanding and supportive. It's important that you both acknowledge the change in energy that happens in a depression. I know it sounds a little simplistic but when our internal energy changes so do the energetic connections we have with other people. For example, when we're on a high, we can be social butterflies and when we're stuck in a low we can become recluses. Depression produces some pretty low energy characteristics - lethargy, sadness, low self-esteem, disconnectedness, anger (as opposed to creative resolution) and so on. We can be left feeling the energy in motion factors whether the levels are high or low.

You sound very in touch with the way your brain works, considering you are seeking ways to manage it and not just accept defeat in this particular battle. The fact that you suspect that your feelings are not real (not the real you) indicates you have a great sense of consciousness. With 'control' defined as 'effective management', I'm wondering whether you have an anxiety management plan in order to regain control of things. With your train of thought being on full speed, with work and the move, do you have ways to slow it down? Also wondering what impact the anxiety and depression is having on your energy (you mention you feel exhausted). Amazing how mental dis-ease or unease can impact the whole body, like with creating knots in the stomach and overall exhaustion. With your brain and body doing its 'energy/chemistry thing', without your permission, there can be a sense of helplessness.

Slowing down the energy/chemistry or ramping it up in other creative areas of life could be a consideration. Shifting focus or creating distraction can also alter things. Seeking counsel in helping you manage is another consideration. Sometimes it's simply about 'riding the wave' until it passes, all the while keeping in mind that your chemistry does not define you.

Take care Will

starting to struggle with relationship

will_awt — Fri, 10 Aug 2018 22:35:42 GMT

hi the rising and geoff

thanks for your input guys it means allot

for oneday i had intrusive thoughts they weren’t really bad but still not really good.

As for the thoughts are textbook anxiety snowballing and getting bigger to the point of shaking or vomiting , she actually calms me down very quickly when i have my attacks and its always great being with her which is why im so confused how quick my mood dropped on it all . it dropped on everything which sort of makes me think that it’s anxiety which has now continued into depression, my appetite is gone sleeping like crap , out of control thoughts and the list goes on .

i like the idea of riding it out because it’s happened in other circumstances before and everything has ended up fine , ive been in crap relationships before but stuck it out way longer i suppose im in shock that i feel like its to much this time when she is so compatible and perfect for me.

this is really great not 24 hours later and i am getting help

starting to struggle with relationship

will_awt — Fri, 10 Aug 2018 22:39:01 GMT

i pressed send early, i was saying it’s great this forum getting advice and help .

i also see a physiologist and she helps me through rough patches with advice and techniques , this time round im having trouble beating it and i think it’s turning/ turned into depression unfortunately.

starting to struggle with relationship

geoff — Fri, 10 Aug 2018 23:40:43 GMT

Hi Will awt, intrusive thoughts can happen frequently in a person and may result in depression as well as anxiety with OCD.

They are terrible, cause we tend to think of something that we don't really want to do but our mind keeps pushing them into what we are thinking, so they scare us and we can never know why we have them because it could be about someone we love.

It seems to predict a negative future but as soon as they happen, turn your attention to another activity and in all the years of having OCD, none of them has ever been carried out, but this might not stop the thought, this takes enormous trust in oneself.

Geoff.

starting to struggle with relationship

will_awt — Fri, 10 Aug 2018 23:45:06 GMT

hey geoff

thanks for that , maybe that contributed to how im feeling now and ehy i feel so down. im a very gentle person and thoughts scare me like that i have had them for a while now and never come close to what they are .

im hoping the clouds lift and things go back to the way they were before! and try to take something away from each experience.

cheers for that input geoff

starting to struggle with relationship

Terry73 — Sat, 11 Aug 2018 03:20:31 GMT

Hi Will,

I been where your at too, but I know I handled it very wrong in the past, so I hope you are able to avoid the problems I faced. Here are some small things I learned, and I hope they help you.

You are working your way to move in together, that is adding stress to you, but it can be worked out, there will be a period of time where you both need to adjust to each others schedules and mannerisms, so make sure you are able to understand hers and help where you can, she should return the same to you, that makes it much easier on you both.

Try and learn to leave work at work, its ok to say what you have done and such, but try and keep it as far out of the private life as you can by simply sticking to basics. If there is a problem at work, leave it at there, same as for at work, if there is a problem at home, use work to be able to give you a time out to clear your thoughts, so when you come back home, you can have a solution ready.

Lastly, dont stop dating her, take her out when you can, even if for a simple drive to a cafe for a coffee, for no reason. This will help you be able to start to relax together, something that can help combat your (and her) stress levels.

Thats some of what I learned, it may seem all just generic, but it really is the best advice I have been given in the past, and it helped greatly.

Terry

starting to struggle with relationship

will_awt — Sat, 11 Aug 2018 13:13:06 GMT

hi terry

thanks for that information

we work on the same site at work and sleep in accommodation blocks on the mine camp. then see each other on our breaks . it’s so funny how i feel like bolting from it all because im scared all of a sudden to not knowing what i want but ill still cuddle with her all night long, i guess what im saying is i wouldn’t be doing that if i didn’t like her or want to be with her.

i suppose i work 2 weeks at a time so that might be messing up things in general. The moving in together is stressing me because i feel like im going to let her down it’s what i have wanted for so long but now am anxious and worried about it happening??

will

starting to struggle with relationship

therising — Sat, 11 Aug 2018 21:16:05 GMT

Hi Will

Sounds like you have a couple of wonderful guiding lights in your life (girlfriend and psychologist). Having people light the path we're on is a definite bonus when it comes to gaining greater clarity.

Try to remain aware of how you're identifying yourself whilst you're overcoming the anxiety Will. You're not incapable or helpless but capable and pro-active; don't undersell yourself - after all, you are determined in managing to deal with some pretty intense chemistry in that lab up there in your head. By the way, keep in mind that self-doubt is powerful food for depression, it feasts and grows so remain conscious of your internal dialogue in order to starve the beast.

Something else to keep in mind involves all the things you are giving to your girlfriend. You are giving her the companionship of a sensitive guy (something longed for by most women) and the experience of gaining greater understanding regarding the challenges of mental dis-ease, among other things. Many people are not even willing to acknowledge the challenges of anxiety or depression, let alone help another through such challenges whilst they educate their own self. She is growing and evolving in a variety of ways because of you, which makes you both wonderful, powerful and valuable giving people. Remember, in the desire for each other's evolution mutual love is found. We all grow and evolve in often unseen and unique ways.

If it's of any help in alleviating doubt, you can see moving in with each other as simply being an exercise in evolving together under one roof and not two. Such an exercise may just add another light to your path.

Take care

starting to struggle with relationship

will_awt — Sun, 12 Aug 2018 23:26:41 GMT

hi the rising

so im in love for 8 months and then all of a sudden a flick of the switch im anxious depressed and feeling like it’s all to much.

i certainly don’t want to break up with her as we have made all these plans to move in together so she is actually relying on me for a roof over her head , i want to be with her but i don’t want her wasting her time. i feel i should ride this out for sure however and see if the anxiety and depression lifts and it goes back to the way it was before this episode.

alex