topic I love my best friend but she has a boy friend. I'm too scared to talk to her about it. in Young people

I love my best friend but she has a boy friend. I'm too scared to talk to her about it.

Just_another_guy — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 01:39:20 GMT

G'day everyone.

So I don't really know how to explain this. So I'll try my best not to make this too confusing.

I used to live in Dubai when I was little (from about 6-9 years of age) and during my time there my family had built a really good friendship with another and their children became really good friends with my brother and I. I won't reveal her actual name but for the sake of clarity I'll call her 'L'. So L has an older brother and he and I became really good friends for a long time, L and I are the same age and he older brother is 2 years and some change older than me and my brother. They left Dubai about one and a half years before I did and I was really gutted when they did because I had lost my two best friends.

We'd always keep in touch and like their family, mine is lucky enough to afford travelling over-seas frequently. And so when ever we had a really big stint of travelling we usually did it with them. She lives in Singapore currently and I live in Victoria so it's quite the distance apart. As of recently however I traveled over-seas with my family and met up with theirs for their dad's 50th. Being the same age as myself, L and I were talking quite a bit. I'm not very confident around girls I fancy but I feel quite comfortable around her since I've known her since I was a little tot. Whilst her brother and all the adults where off drinking we had a good chat and she revealed to me that she had a boy friend. At this point I felt like I was kicked right in the teeth, I'm not one to prophisize myself being together with one certain person and would do anything to make it so like in the movies but I felt a real sense of jealousy, guilt and a whole host of other emotions. It was obvious to her that what she said had hurt as I'm pretty awful at hiding emotions like these but I brushed it off.

This guy she's with is completely different to me, he's fit, athletic, charming, not socially awkward and very, very good looking. I'm a nerd, a gamer, I like watching anime and haven't missed an episode of Dragon Ball for the last year. I'm not fit nor am I athletic but I'm certainly not in bad shape per say. I'm arrogant and very selfish since I've never like human interaction and I am in no way shape or form charming, I'm an arsehole.

I don't know how I go about laying my cards on the table or, at the very least, telling her about them because it could after all destroy our friend ship.

Please help.

Sincerely,

Just Another Guy.

I love my best friend but she has a boy friend. I'm too scared to talk to her about it.

PamelaR — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 06:48:32 GMT

Hello Just another guy.

Thank you for sharing your story. It is difficult when you love someone who is unaware of it. I don't have the answers for you unfortunately.

Perhaps you need to sit down and list out all the positives and negatives for telling her before even contemplating it.

I'm very sad to hear you have such a low opinion of yourself. Are you seeing anyone at the moment about that? For example a doctor and health professional? I find looking after myself is important as it helps to build a better life, to build good friendships and relationships.

Your life sounds very interesting. How did you find moving around all the time when you were young?

Keep reaching out Just Another Guy - when and if you want to. You're not alone in what you are experiencing.

Kind regards

PamelaR

I love my best friend but she has a boy friend. I'm too scared to talk to her about it.

Croix — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 10:42:44 GMT

Dear Just Another Guy~

I'm sorry you are having to go though all this, it is upsetting and disheartening. It may not be logical but the mind can build up somebody or a relationship up to be more than it is - perhaps there is an element of wishful-thinking as well as hte ease of familiarity at play. The person you knew and always sort of thought would be there is changing.

I'd have to ask why you wish to tell L how you feel. Is it perhaps a hope that she will leave her boyfriend and take up with you? Actually from what you say she probably is already aware of your feelings. As she knows you and if she is at all perceptive she will have seen your dismay despite your attempts to shrug it off. From what you say it did hit you pretty hard when she told you of her BF, and she noticed.

Actually you might consider if telling her at this stage could be counter-productive. You do not want to destroy the friendship you have wiht her - which is fair enough. Do you think If you talk more about your feelings she may feel tempted to withdraw, either to try to save you pain, or through uncertainty of how to handle the situation.

On that other matter - how you feel about yourself. Like PamelaR I think it is a real shame you feel that way because there is no reason for it. Beng different from someone else simply means just that - you are different. Not better,not worse.

I've never been athletic, or hansom, and always have been into books (games came after my time:) however I've had two long term relationships, am loved and give love too. There is no reason to think you will not find someone that matches your strengths (or they might find you).

There is often a desire to take action, it may not always be the best course, what do you think?

Croix

I love my best friend but she has a boy friend. I'm too scared to talk to her about it.

geoff — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 17:19:35 GMT

Hi Just5 another guy, welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry to hear what's happened to you, but can I say that you and L have known each other for so many years so when something goes right or wrong then the first person to contact is each other and in saying that, just because she's going out with a fit, athletic, charming and good looking guy doesn't mean he won't have other people interested in wanting to go out with him.

Maintain the connection with her because there will be times when she will need to talk to somebody and the best person is you.

I know it's difficult when the person you quietly love starts going out with someone else but this shouldn't stop you from trying to win her back.

Geoff.

I love my best friend but she has a boy friend. I'm too scared to talk to her about it.

Just_another_guy — Thu, 21 Jun 2018 22:51:17 GMT

NOTICE:
I'm leaving on holiday as of tomorrow and will not be back for the entirety of the next week. Feel free to speak thy mind and reply to this thread but note that you won't be hearing anything from me for the next week.
I hope you all can still ponder and question certain aspects of this topic.
Have good one.
Sincerely,
Just Another Guy.