topic how do I tell my parents about my depression? in Young people

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

skyblue18 — Sun, 29 Apr 2018 14:12:28 GMT

hi, I'm new to the BeyondBlue online forum but I thought it would be a great place to get some advice. for the last couple years, I have been struggling with depression and anxiety but it had been "minor" and manageable. within the last 6-12 months my mental health has spiralled down and I know I need help. I have emailed headspace a few times and they suggested/want me to get face to face support which I totally agree with. the only thing in the way between me and getting help is that I don't know how to tell my parents. I know that they will be supportive as I have seen it when they helped my older sister when she was struggling. I don't know why I cant tell them but as I approach them I panic and back out. I've been hoping that my parents will initiate the conversation that's why I have been waiting so long, but they don't know that I am struggling so, therefore, they haven't initiated any conversations. to me, going up and initiating the conversation myself is daunting but I don't know what else to do.

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

stormcloudz — Sun, 29 Apr 2018 14:23:24 GMT

Skyblue, it is so brilliant that you are looking at getting some support, I think that is great.

With your parents - could you do something in writing to make it a little easier to open up the conversation? Write a short letter? Print out your post? Print out some information on depression and give it to them (even if they already know it all, it just helps to start things off).

All the very best and keep posting 🙂

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

CJames — Sun, 29 Apr 2018 14:28:18 GMT

Hi skyblue18,

I am too, new to the forums, so welcome.

Firstly would you mind discussing why your mental health has spiralled downhill? I'm glad to see you have spoken to headspace and completely agree it's great to talk to someone face-to-face, there's only going forward :).

What's your relationship like with your parents now? How do you guys usually discuss family matters? It seems your parents want the best for your sister; I'm sure it will be the same for you.

What sort of strategies help you with your anxiety/panic? I like to listen to loud music (Poor Neighbours haha)

I can relate to you about telling your parents things; I can't seem to say to them I'm gay 😞

If you don't mind me asking what are you afraid of telling them?

Well hey, you've told us you're struggling, so that's a good step in the right direction, let's work together and amongst to the forum to get you back on your feet

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

geoff — Sun, 29 Apr 2018 18:27:20 GMT

Hello Skyblue18, well done for coming to this site, and what I would do is what Stormcloudz has said and write a brief letter/note saying that you are struggling at the moment from depression/anxiety.

If you like you could go into more detail if you want to, the other option is to click on 'Get Support' and scroll down until you see
Publications to download or order, then ring up BB and order the booklet or download the information, print it out or bring your mum/dad over to read the booklet on your computer/phone.

Face to face is the best way to get help, some prefer doing it by phone or email if that's possible, but your eyes and your expression mean everything to the doctor.

The last couple of years you have been pretending that everything is OK, but deep down you have been struggling because it does become exhausting making out there is nothing wrong.

Please let your parents know.

Geoff.

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

skyblue18 — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 10:15:14 GMT

Hi CJames,

some of the reasons why my mental health got worse towards the end of last year were the fact that I was so tired and sick of hiding behind a fake social mask. no one understood me and I felt so unwanted and unloved. everything became an effort and being at an academic school like mine there's is also a lot of pressure and stress to always do good and put your life outside of school on the line in order to get good grades. my family relationship is mutual, they generally don't include me in family discussions/matters and always treat me as if I'm 10 years younger than I am. I have also had a few health problems that make life a bit difficult eg the toxoplasmosis in my eye (that nearly left me blind) and my brain (which doesn't affect me/who I am). there are a thousand and one more reasons why everything went downhill, people in my life passing away, the way I get treated by my so-called friends and a lot of others I can't really explain. it was as if the world had turned against me. to control my anxiety (this might sound weird but) I drink water as it encourages my body to take deep breaths as I can only breath through my nose. I also like to go outside and get fresh air and like you listen to music. i don't know why i am so afraid of telling them. like I know they will react in a positive way and will want to help me but there is a part of me that is petrified of what may happen that most likely won't. I also don't want them to treat me different like I obviously want them to show that they care and all that but I mean I don't want them to see me as someone who hates themselves or someone who isn't mentally stable etc. As you can tell I'm not that great at explaining things (especially my feelings), I never have been the best at English but I hope you can understand anything in all this text haha.

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

skyblue18 — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 10:20:20 GMT

hey stormcloudz,

thank you for your suggestions I will most definitely try to give it a go as it seems a lot easier and less intimidating.

Thank you very much,

Skyblue

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

skyblue18 — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 10:25:21 GMT

Hey Geoff,

it really does become exhausting and draining, especially pretending for so long. I know my parents need to know and I've done plenty of research my main problem is letting them know as for some reason (for which I don't know why) I find it quite intimidating.

Thank you so much for your advice,

Skyblue

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

CJames — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 11:03:20 GMT

Yo Skyblue,

It's alright, as long as you can be heard, unfortunately, I'm not passing English this year (AND ITS YEAR 12) so you're all right.

You mentioned you are sick of hiding behind a fake social mask, and that no one understood you, Why do you believe no one understood you? I know the false social cover all too well, hiding as a straight male because I feel no one will want to be friends with me or will start cracking gay jokes 😞

I also completely understand your attitude around school, I am so sick of it and just want to get out and start working. Hopefully, my graduation will come sooner (4-5 months away). What year are you in?

Remember who you are and just be yourself. No matter what you're told at school, e.g. It may be a stressful time but just put in your best, and you'll be okay.

Regarding your family, as Geoff said, find what best suits you and go for it. Have you tried improving your mutual relationship before? Sometimes it can be difficult, especially I know with my family, sometimes we're on, sometimes we're off and it can get confusing with the arguments as such.

Sorry to hear about your health issues, I don't have much experience as such, but I know it can be difficult.

and I like your attitude regarding "which doesn't affect me/who I am." Keep that up.

Don't worry skyblue; the world hasn't turned against you, as it may seem. Tell me more about your friends, How do they treat you? Why do you think it is? Are they just being boys/girls? Have you tried speaking to them about the issues you're experiencing or are they not the right people to talk to?

I like the way you deal with your anxiety, and in no way am I judging, you should consider sharing it with other users. I think it's an excellent way to remind yourself to say "Hey, Take a step back, take a deep breath (through your nose of course ;)." If it works, it works.

Hahaha, music is soo cool. What sort of genre/artists do you like to listen to? I'm a big fan of Indie Music especially Bastille and Kevin Garrett when I'm unusually moody.

There's a real doubt in me that your parents will react negatively and I sincerely hope they don't, as I mentioned before taking the path you want to, whichever is most comfortable. Personally, I would prepare for all aspects, explore your options, get some extra information and sit them down and try and have a conversation about it.

1/2

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

CJames — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 11:07:58 GMT

The only thing I can suggest about treating you differently is to say to them "Hey, I don't want you guys to treat me differently after this, this doesn't change who I am." I don't think you will need this anyway; I believe they would support you ultimately, you're still their son.

You've explained this quite well; I'm proud you reached out for help in the first place and are looking forward to your reply.

2/2

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

skyblue18 — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 12:06:23 GMT

the reason why I don't think anyone understands is that some of my family (most of them) believe depression is a stupid excuse to get attention and is easily curable (I obviously agree). like you i to have an on and off sort of relationship. like sometimes mum will get mad at me for no reason and i hate it. unfortunately, I'm only in year 10 so I still have a while before i can leave school. at least my school has a good soccer team (that im in) the only downside is the girl's team (my team) gets less attention than the boys. back on topic. regarding my friends, i have tried talking to them about it but as usual, they just look at me and change the subject. they're just not the type of people to talk to. they don't see depression or anxiety as a "big deal". i have 2 friends who have been really supportive and i am in the process of moving "friend groups" as the new group is more understanding and all round makes me feel good, the only people who can put a smile on my face. i have done this as i only want to surround myself with positive people and cut the toxic people out. today i have also had the courage to speak with some online counsellors and they too also suggest i get face to face support as i got 25/27 on the blackdog institute thing (meaning severe). i am planning to write a letter and give it to them on Wednesday as i am leaving early to travel 3-4 hours for soccer and arriving home late - allowing time for it to settle and to prepare ourselves with what will happen next.

with your question about music, haha, i do like most genres but i do like electronic i guess. i don't really go by genres i just go by what song sounds good to me. my favourite song at the moment is "chasing fire" by lauv. the music/songs i listen to change quite often though.

i am now feeling more confident and have my plan sorted.

thank you 🙂

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

startingnew — Tue, 01 May 2018 02:59:25 GMT

HI SkyBlue and welcome to BB

im wondering if you had spoken to your parents as yet and how it went for you?

the others here have offerred some great advice. i like the one with writing a letter, i suggest that to quote a few and have found it helpful if your not good at actually talking to people.

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

CJames — Tue, 01 May 2018 06:37:47 GMT

Hi Sky,

I left myself a little note, which when I got back to my desk, I would reply. So here it goes.

Hope you had a good day at school, I know I did.

I don't believe depression is a stupid excuse to get attention, nor do I think it's easily curable. I think it takes a lot of hard work to get up going again.

I understand entirely regarding your situation with your mum, though we argue a lot I still love her very much. It's just sometimes we don't see eye to eye which is okay.

Year 10 the big one zero, I absolutely loved year 10 I remember having a blast with my English teacher, she was soo good. How do you find your teachers? Is there one you have a connection with?

Soccer, it's cool, but I don't watch very much of it, more of a UFC fan... Do you often play a fixed position? What are you best at? That's really unfortunate that the male team receives more attention than the female squad, female soccer has recently become more popular, especially in the news. Is there someone you can speak to about this or?

Regarding your friend, it's seriously good to have someone close and in your case two friends, when you're not arguing about boys and other things .. (Idk as a male is that what girls gossip about? 😉

Especially with men, they don't often like to talk about their feelings, and it can be quite hard to get the jist of what's going on with someone when they don't speak.

I would certainly disagree that depression or anxiety is not a big deal, it can control you and shape your life. I'd say that's a pretty big deal.

I wish you luck with your friend group change; our group went through this earlier on this year, unfortunately, it didn't go too well. So best of luck there, let us know how it goes?

I like your attitude around surrounding yourself with positive people, keep it up 🙂 It's good you have taken the courage to step up and discuss some of your options with someone. It's excellent to speak face-to-face with someone, I especially like it, if I don't know them, I believe it's much easier.

As startingnew said, keep us updated on how it goes speaking to your parent's, we truly wish the best for you.

Music's sooo good, urghh, have you heard that new one by Billie Ellish & Khalid 'lovely'?

I can tell this hasn't been one of my best responses, so sowwy about that one.

Keep us informed,

Best of luck,

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

skyblue18 — Tue, 01 May 2018 07:24:14 GMT

no, I haven't as of yet I am thinking of doing tomorrow (Wednesday), i will tell you how it went after i do it. 🙂

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

skyblue18 — Tue, 01 May 2018 07:48:35 GMT

I did have a good day thank you for asking. It was weird at first because I haven't been there for a month. this is because I went on a soccer tour to Europe (England and France) for a couple weeks and when I came home it was school holidays. unfortunately, I am stuck with the "bad" teachers this year, that is a part from one, my photography teacher. she's amazing!

in answer to your question, no, we don't generally argue about boys, we generally just joke around and talk about memes haha.

i do understand what you mean about men sharing their feelings as i do have a few friends who are boys and i do agree that they don't tend to share their feelings a lot which can be annoying but i don't judge them for that, they don't have to share if they don't want to.

no, I haven't heard that song but I will make sure to listen to it. I am a fan of Khalid so I'm sure I'll like it.

with your post, don't worry about it, it made me smile so its fine to me 🙂

I will tell you how tomorrow unrolls. thanks for the support, i don't feel as alone about the situation anymore.

Sky,

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

CJames — Tue, 01 May 2018 08:12:02 GMT

Hi Sky,

Looking forward to your outcome, I believe it will be positive.

A trip to Europe, what?, that's soo cool, Why didn't you mention it earlier? What was the best part? (Spill the beans..)

It can be weird not seeing your friends for a while; it's like what do I talk about? Urgh. I hope that went well for you.

We all have that one teacher; we connect with, you know they understand you. What do you do in photography? (What a stupid question, Duuh). The only reason I ask is that it's called Media at my school and it's not limited to just photography.

You sure you don't talk about boys, at my school, that's all they argue about. (It get's heated sometimes trust me there)

I completely agree with you regarding the dudettes, but I do believe sometimes they need to share, often quite hard because they think it will question their masculinity. At least that's the way I see it.

OMGGGG, You haven't hurt the song. LISTEEEEN.

Sometimes I can reply with really helpful stuff, other times I just feel they don't help.

Catch ya tomorrow.

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

stormcloudz — Tue, 01 May 2018 08:30:00 GMT

Hey skyblue, how are you going?It's great that you are finding some friends that work better for you, that makes so much sense. Also, I agree, lots of people aren't well-informed about anxiety and depression, so they don't really know how to deal. (We do ; ). Let us know how you are going.

C James - I like your posts too.

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

CJames — Tue, 01 May 2018 08:36:11 GMT

Hi Storm,

Just provide as much support as possible. I'm really enjoying it when I have time.

It's starting to become an ATTACHMENT 🙂

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

startingnew — Tue, 01 May 2018 09:33:29 GMT

let us know how you go, will be thinking of you 🙂

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

smallwolf — Tue, 01 May 2018 11:26:40 GMT

All the best.

I know the situation will be different for you but each time I speak to someone about depression I then get their story. And some of these people have been dealing with it got 15+ years. What I am trying to say is you are not alone and it more common than we want to admit. I am hopeful that you will get the support you need. If you can be cured... then good. Otherwise be satisfied in the knowledge that you will get the tools to manage it.

Again, wishing you the best.

how do I tell my parents about my depression?

Tasman_Hodges — Wed, 02 May 2018 05:35:19 GMT

Could I suggest you read Girl over the Edge, a memoir about lived experience of mental illness