topic Stable relationship vs party boy in Young people

Stable relationship vs party boy

In_love_but_confused — Wed, 06 Jun 2018 16:18:30 GMT

Ok so here’s the story.

Im in the relationship with the man I thought was the man of my dreams. Around the time I got with him I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression so I went from very extravert to introvert and I thought I was ok with that. No I love/d this boy he is so kind and so sweet and we use to spend hours talking all night, we still text every day and see each other during the week and weekends. However I feel like the spark is disappearing for me. I love tried talking to him about this but he thinks we are fine. So I somehow found myself chatting to this other guy (out of boredom or self sabotage which I do a lot I’m not sure) anyway we really get along he’s so free and wild and party’s a lot I like it. In comparison to my quietish boyfriend who doesn’t really have a circle of friends and isn’t that social. So one thing led to another and some hot abs steamy things were done in the bedroom with this other guy. I felt really bad about it but now I’m not sure. Like I’m recovering from my depression and want to get out more and have fun but my boyfriend is like we do have fun and we do but I just feel like somethings missing. Or it’s just me making problems for myself. My current boyfriend I have plans to marry one day and raise a family with. So I need some way to get rid of these feelings for the party guy. Or do I leave my stable and 100% committed boyfriend for some party guy just because he is fun. i really do I want stay with my boyfriend but I need to know how to get the spark back.

Stable relationship vs party boy

quirkywords — Thu, 07 Jun 2018 03:20:10 GMT

In love but confused,

Welcome to the forum. This is a caring and supportive community.

Thanks for honestly sharing your story.

I can understand that now you feel better you are attracted to what you feel is a more exciting man.

Your boyfriend was there supporting you when you were depressed and you say he is so kind and sweet.

Maybe the spark is the same but now you feel better you want more.

Your boyfriend talks and listens and you enjoy each others company.

Was this the first depression you have or do you have times you are extraverted and seek excitement an others when you are down?

I think you know the answer about what you should do.

If you did leave your boyfriend for the party boy, and you became depressed do you think party boy would be there supporting you?

I personally feel from what you have written, the spark is still there, but you have changed and want more. Maybe you could talk to your boyfriend about how you feel.

Feel free to post when you like.

Quirky

Stable relationship vs party boy

smallwolf — Thu, 07 Jun 2018 05:08:34 GMT

In love but confused,

Hi. Welcome to Beyond Blue.

I also suffer from depression and anxiety, and currently see both a psychologist and psychiatrist. One of the things my psychologist got me to do for homework was to the find things that I would find enjoyable. And then do them. Some would involve the wife.

After I was diagnosed, I had a chat with my wife at a coffee shop about my mental illness. It was hard, but a necessary conversation.

Shortly after we had a first son, some 17 years ago the were some issues in your marriage. But we talked about it, fixed it, and still together.

So, I would ask how serious have your conversations between with your partner about mental illness, and needing to do other things as well? Things are probably OK in the relationship. But if/when you have depression it puts a different slant on things in the negative. I think that is the part which your partner might not understand?

I would think that if you told him (1) how you feel about him, (2) want support/help from him and (3) work out a way forward.

It is unfortunate that you did something with a party boy but we cannot roll back time. If you re-read your last sentence you know the answer. To get that spark back find things that you can do together, such as lunch date, coffee, movie, markets? Hit google and see what pops up in a search.

Lastly, and in each case with my wife, these conversations both make life easier for both persons, but (can) also make the relationship stronger. Hopefully it might do the same for you?

Tim

Stable relationship vs party boy

In_love_but_confused — Thu, 07 Jun 2018 07:11:39 GMT

Oh wow I didn’t think I’d just a response that soon that you! Yes this was my first depression episode thing and my boyfriend previously had depression so he knows exactly what to do and how to help me. He reassures me at every stage whenever I have doubts about myself or our relationship.

Yea I do want more. I’ve tried asking but he works full time from 5am-3pm and is tired most weekdays and on the weekends I feel like we just do the same things. When I was better and before I met him I felt like I did a new thing every week but then I became depressed and meet him and we still go out and dinner and movies but I just feel like it’s not enough. Like I’m not satisfied ie the party boy.

Thats a really tuff question. I feel like the party boy would understand but not fully support me the way my partner does. I’m just not sure why I went in search of the party boy that is what’s really confusing me and why I’m not satisfied in my current relationship.

That’s true I guess I the spark is still there but not the spark I need now it was the spark I needed why I was depressed.

Stable relationship vs party boy

In_love_but_confused — Thu, 07 Jun 2018 07:16:16 GMT

Hi thank you this has been amazing to talk about.

Mom sorry to hear about your situation but I’m glad you were able to discuss with your wife. My partner and I can at ease discuss hard topics such as my depression. However I find it really hard to talk to him about us. Like I’ll say something then he will rebut with like we do have fun then say some instances where we had fun.

I think doing regular dates is a good idea and different dates aswell. Thank you Tim

Stable relationship vs party boy

In_love_but_confused — Fri, 08 Jun 2018 14:54:35 GMT

Update

my partner and I have had a good full

in open chat discussing everything thing from breaking up to how to fix us. We’ve made a list of things to help us. He will work on telling me his needs, becoming more spontaneous and getting out of a rut. We found that the biggest problem is him being so tired from work. He went from working 5 days a week only 6hr at a pizza shop to full time and it’s taking a toll on our relationship. We aren’t sure what to do about his tiredness. Anyways I’m meant to work on communication about my feelings and stuff and helping him more. He has become depressed but is in denial. I don’t know what to do. But hey at least we know what our problems are and. Can try and solve them.

Stable relationship vs party boy

smallwolf — Fri, 08 Jun 2018 21:34:15 GMT

Hi,

That is good to hear.

My wife and son are also constantly tired. Son because of hypersomnia and wife is related to thyroid condition.

So if planning a date... Have breakfast out or lunch. See a movie in the day time. Coffee... Day time.

There are ways around the tiredness issue. Just have to work out what works best for you both.

On the tiredness also you could check out with a GP. My son eventually had to do a sleep study to work out what was going on.

Tiredness and depression can be a vicious circle. One can lead to the other. Maybe the mood will improve if not so tired? And doing different activities together?

As someone else said to me. Baby steps.

You will both get there. All the best.

Tim

Stable relationship vs party boy

quirkywords — Fri, 08 Jun 2018 22:29:34 GMT

In love but confused,

Thanks so much for your replies and update.

I am pleased you had a full and open chat and worked ot the problems in your relationship.

Tiredness is something I can relate to, and Tim has useful suggestions.

I think it is good that you are both listening to each other and trying to understand each other. You both want to work together to help your relationship. Well done.

Feel free if you want to post an update as it is always interesting to hear from people.

I wish you well in the future

Quirky