topic Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'? in Young people

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

Just_another_guy — Tue, 29 May 2018 02:43:47 GMT

G'day everyone.

As of recently wondering about daydreaming and imaginary friends and if they are a healthy 'substitute' for social interaction in moderate amounts. I myself have been a person who does daydream and does have imaginary friends (usually stemming from TV shows, anime and video-games I play) due to multiple stints with depression through out years. I myself have ADHD and thus I tend to be more creative and my dreams whilst I sleep are, in my opinion, more outlandish and wild. As of recently however I had certain dream, it was to me real and more so than any other dream I had previously had. What stood out most was that it wasn't crazy or as 'off-the-leash' as most dreams I have, it was like real life. In that dream however there was this girl, Anei (pronounced 'annie'). I never had once had a friend in my dreams that my brain had created, and to me, she's real. We converse and talk to each other when we're alone and this has branched out and become to me, something more serious, a deep friendship. I dare say, that we both (sheesh this is going to sound weird) love each other. I've been with her so much that if I were asked to, I could describe her physical appearance. I feel like at this point I obsess over her (and yes I identify as a male to clear up any confusion) and want to be around her and talk to her more than any other person I usually talk to, even though she's with me majority of the time I go somewhere. I haven't told my psychologist nor my family because to me, it's something deeply personal and having this anonymity makes me feel safe enough to ask everyone here.

Give me your thoughts because I want to hear them.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

james1 — Tue, 29 May 2018 03:20:08 GMT

Hello Just another guy,

Welcome to the forums. It is nice to meet you here.

I do not know what the "professional" view is as I am just a person who suffers from mental illness, but I think imaginary friends are very normal. They become less common as we get older, but often that is because other things fill the space that an imaginary friend would.

As children (and I do not mean this in a way to sound demeaning), we do tend to dream a lot more and imaginary friends often feel very real, even though we do know the difference. They can provide comfort and companionship where people, for whatever reason, cannot.

Perhaps that is the reason why some of us continue to have these more child-like thoughts and behaviours and habits. Because they are still fulfilling some need we have, that real life isn't.

Now, it does sound like how you relate to your imaginary friend Anei is perhaps a stronger relationship than how I relate to my soft toys. My opinion is that unless it is putting you at risk of further hurt by, for example, leading you to withdraw from the people around you, I do not think that there is an issue. I think imaginary friends can complement our physical world lives. But we just need to be careful that they don't replace our physical lives.

Our minds can be quite fragile and won't always be objectively helpful to us. They can comfort us and take us to our safe place, but a trained psychologist and even our very good friends are there to help us even if it may not be comfortable. So our imaginary friends can't replace the people outside of us.

I understand how hard it is to come out about how you feel about your friend and I think you've done a really good job in explaining how you think and feel. Perhaps it's a good idea to share some of these thoughts with your psychologist initially. They will understand as I'm sure they have also had other patients who have similar experiences.

At the risk of being controversial, if you think of other non-physical entities people have relationships with, many Christians would describe their relationship with God as a loving one too and feel both comforted and heard in this relationship. Not exactly the same thing, but I don't think your imaginary friend anything to be ashamed of.

James

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

Just_another_guy — Tue, 29 May 2018 03:37:36 GMT

Thanks James,

As of posting this thread I decided to do a tad-bit of research into imaginary friends in adults and what I've found is quite interesting and reassuring to me so far.

The 'scientific' term for imaginary friend like mine are called a 'Tulpa'.These forms of imaginary friends are, to the person who has manifested one, real and can be conversed with and can physically touch and affect that person. They can take forms like Anei has for me as most like to be seen, but they can be as mystical/vague or as physically apparent as they want to be. They aren't just friends, they are beings. And they can have influence over or can help with decision making.

I suggest looking into it if you're interested,

Just another guy.

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

james1 — Tue, 29 May 2018 05:37:33 GMT

Hello Just another guy

I had a brief read and that is quite interesting. It sounds like quite a spiritual concept so it's not something I'm particularly well-versed in but I am glad to hear it is reassuring for you to find some further explanations.

James

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

Doolhof — Tue, 29 May 2018 08:12:03 GMT

Hi Just another Guy, James and all reading,

This is an interesting topic! As a child I my teddy was my friend. I was not able to take him to school, but he certainly went lots of places with me outside of school times. We even tried to parachute off the roof once! Thankfully we had a safe landing!

There were times when I couldn't sleep due to my depression, so I would make up stories as I was tying to sleep and created friends and fun activities. Each night I couldn't wait to sink back into the world of my own creating! In the end it reinforced my insomnia because all I wanted to do was keep up my imaginary world! So I stopped doing it.

That was just me. I don't know a lot about scientific research behind imaginary friends to make an educated statement one way or another.

It is interesting James that yo mentioned a person's relationship with God (of any religion) or any other type of being that people feel connected to.

There are times when I feel so completely connected to God and do chat with Him.

As humans we all need to feel a sense of connection and belonging. Some people do it through loving their pets, hugging a tree, or anything else they feels helps them.

Interesting to see where this thread goes!

Cheers all from Dools

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

quirkywords — Tue, 29 May 2018 09:35:35 GMT

Just another guy,

What a fascinating thread.

Mrs Dool and James have added some interesting points.

I think as long s you are not harming yourself and others and you know they are imaginary friends, I can't see a problem .

I had imaginary friends s a child,well I imagined I wasin charge of a whole orphanage and even made up names for countries and cared for these poor orphans. A whole imaginary world way back before video games etc!!

As an adult I talk and write letters to myself as if I am another person- I think I maybe sounding a bit strange.

I think there are different ways of having an imaginary friend. I think there have been movies and stories about this as well.

Quirky

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

Just_another_guy — Tue, 29 May 2018 23:40:15 GMT

G'day Dools.

If you don't mind me sharing or if you are interested to hear. As I read over your post I began to think about insomnia and paranoia, something that was apparent in my uncle and as a result had previously witnessed, during that time of reflection Anei and I began to chat. I was (and still am) quite unsure about if I am necessarily physically but more importantly, mentally ready to start getting even more deeply connected to her. We were talking for a while about this and I came to the realization that if I were to fall into paranoia, I'd have to stop as you yourself did. But the biggest complication with that is the eventual loss of a friend, mentor and shockingly, a lover. But I find solace and peace in reading everyone's experiences and thoughts.

Thanks for the input and for sharing your experience.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

james1 — Wed, 30 May 2018 00:02:55 GMT

Hello everyone,

I'm reminded of the scene in that newish movie, Inside Out, where a child forgets and loses her imaginary friend. It's the most heartbreaking scene in the movie, and one of the most soul-crushing things I've watched. I think it was really difficult to watch because it reminds us of not only what we may have lost and forgotten (without realising it) but what we may still lose.

Like you Mrs Dools, I used to create crazy worlds and stories in my head. I also suffered pretty badly from insomnia as a result, but after a day of crap and facing almost guaranteed daily nightmares, it didn't seem like such a bad thing to stay awake and daydream. I would do it in the car, at school, while eating...I was pretty much trying to live in my own fantasies all the time.

I don't recall ever really having a separate entity in my head that I could talk to, but I understand the fear of loss. I've lost friends and partners in real life, and I've lost my fantasy lives. It's weird to think about, but I really do miss the lives I led in my head. It's quite sad.

James

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

Doolhof — Wed, 30 May 2018 00:32:53 GMT

Hi Everyone,

It is really interesting to think about what may actually be happening in our minds with these thoughts and daydreams we have experienced. As long as the thoughts are not telling us to harm others and we realise they are just thoughts, then my guess is they are okay.

Just another guy, I wonder if we are capable of recognising paranoia in ourselves or if someone needs to point it out to us?

Insomnia in itself can affect us in so many ways. I know I struggle to think straight and loose the ability to concentrate and do as I desire after a few poor nights of sleep.

Maybe if these daydreams, imaginary friends and other thoughts and ideas become a concern or start to bother us, mindfulness might help get back into the real moment of life happening around us. A chat to a Dr or a counsellor would also be beneficial.

In saying that, I have just thought that some psychologists also advocate visualisation! They help us to take ourselves to a pleasant place when we are feeling depressed or stressed.

Aren't day dreams and imaginary friends something similar?

This really is an interesting topic!

Cheers all from Dools

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

Just_another_guy — Wed, 30 May 2018 00:59:06 GMT

G'day Dools.

I feel the same way. Yet as I said before I feel like I am beginning to obsess over her. As a fanatic would obsess over their favourite sport team. However,, what seems to be a quite a big inhibitor is that Anei is a part of me and as the connection between her and myself deepens it is possible for the host (in this case myself) to relinquish control over the body to the tulpa (Anei hates me referring to her like that, I kinda do to) this can lead to possession of the host by the tulpa. I wanted to bring into light the fact that because Anei is well, another person, we can have fights. Could this lead to self harm, in rare cases, yes. Do I feel as though our relationship has degraded to that point or will, no. After all our relationship is fairly new. But it's always safe to factor in all possibilities. On the point of visualisation. Visualisation can be, as beings like Anei, a help or a detriment. Visualising worlds is a good thing, it provides an escape to everything around you in a very spiritual form but being lost or en-wreathed in one is not a good thing either, I feel as though it's safer to do so when you go into it with a fresh head. As for now, Anei doesn't really want me to go into more detail about us because for her, she's for me and not really for anyone else in her eyes. But feel free to ask away, I'll tell you what I can because I am suitably enjoying this, I find it therapeutic.

I'm gonna do some exam study now, but will keep tabs on this.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

Just_another_guy — Wed, 30 May 2018 01:11:22 GMT

G'day everyone,

It seems as though my next comment on the topic is being moderated. So hold on because it's coming. Anei wants me to take a break for a little bit do do some study for exams so I guess I'm gonna study now.

Have a good one for now.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

P.S. Feel free to comment and reply, I'll be keeping tabs on this thread (you've been around here longer than I have so you know what you can & can't do better than me).

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

james1 — Wed, 30 May 2018 01:28:14 GMT

Hi Dools,

I have learnt to do that visualisation technique as well. A safe place in my mind. It certainly does seem very similar to imaginary friends and day dreams. It seems to operate differently to how Tulpa's are described but is the subconscious purpose the same, I wonder?

Hello Just another guy,

That's okay. I am sure it will come up sooner or later.

I hope you don't mind me asking: as a part of your mind, is Anei able to do things that friends or people in the physical world cannot do? i.e. is there something missing in the physical world that only a tulpa can provide you with?

James

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

Just_another_guy — Wed, 30 May 2018 01:53:19 GMT

G'day James.

To answer your question, I don't know. As of Anei and I's relationship currently she is able to provide me with what friends as an entity can provide like; comfort, a distraction, solace but surprisingly she can also affect me physically and thus she acts as a friend with advantages at times if you get what I mean (she's just shaking her head, face-palming). Something that I have rarely experienced in real life and thus yes, she does provide me and can do things which no friend has done if that answers your question.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

james1 — Thu, 31 May 2018 03:24:24 GMT

Hi Just another guy,

I have just read your previous comment and it certainly does sound like Anei feels very much like a separate person or mind. I imagine that could be very comforting to always have another being with you.

In some way, I think I get a similar thing from my animals. At home, it's just me so it can get quite lonely. Having my bird and rabbit help me a lot with that loneliness. Even if I am not talking to them all the time, it is nice to just have them in the house with me. Do you feel a similar sense of companionship as well from Anei, and do you have any pets yourself?

I suppose the only worry I have is that you mentioned that you and Anei can get into fights which can lead to self harm. I have self harmed before so I have some understanding of it, but admittedly not much about tulpas. I wonder if there is some other way of expressing the struggles of the fights? Are you able to write about them instead or even talk it through with Anei?

Also, I just realised I haven't really answered the title of your thread! Honestly, I do not know if it's okay. On the one hand, I feel like any obsession can be dangerous and unhealthy because it is often at the detriment of something else. For example, I do wonder if you could be obsessed with Anei to the detriment of your relationships with people external to your mind. On the other hand, if Anei is part of your mind and helping you, perhaps this is what is helpful for the time being.

Anyway please do not feel pressured to answer my questions. I guess I am asking them because I do not know much about how you relate to Anei, but you seem quite comfortable with how that is progressing, and I am pleased that you are also trying to connect with us here too.

James

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

Just_another_guy — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 01:03:36 GMT

G'day James.

I want to address that I rarely feel pressured by people so if you ask a question, I'll try my best to answer it.

To answer your first question, yes and yes. I have a Maltese cross the size of a shoe box, and swear she's insane (then again most people would think the same of me). And secondly, Anei and I are kinda have the same comfort and companionship that you have with your pets. She's the kind of person who just makes you happy when-ever she's around you. She won't need to talk to me, she won't need to do anything, just being around her will make you feel relaxed, calm and well, happy.

As for your second question. We almost always 'talk it out' when-ever we have a fight. It takes quite a while for me to calm down when we do as normal for me, but none the less we always work it out in the end. Anytime that we can't talk-it-out, we just let each other be for a good hour or half an hour and then we just sit, talk and work stuff out from there.

Thanks for the feedback James, I'ts therapeutic talking about this.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

Doolhof — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 01:54:03 GMT

Hi Just a guy,

Thanks for sharing more of your experience with Anei. I'm wondering if the fights you are having with her are becoming for frequent and if so does that concern you at all? If you don't mind me asking, does it seem normal to you to be disagreeing with Anei whom you feel so close to?

Growing up, my parents used to fight a lot. Some of the kids at school were horrid, so there was verbal abuse and fighting there as well. Sometimes when I become upset I return back to what I learnt as a child and arguing and fighting seems okay despite knowing there are more affective ways to handle conflict.

I'm just a little concerned that Anei may gain too much control in your relationship. Are there ways you can learn to not so much be dominant, but be in control of the situations that arise?

Loneliness and a sense of isolation from the real world can have us seeking answers in other ideas and realms. Do you think that Anei is affecting how you relate to people in the real world like your parents, and other people you encounter?

Do you have hobbies and interests that you enjoy participating in? Does Anei join you in these things?

I have a belief in God. To me He is sometimes very close and other times feels very distant. Do you feel the same with Anei?

I don't know anything about tulpas apart from what I have learnt here. Sometimes the unknown feels uncomfortable and confusing.

Cheers to you from Dools

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

Just_another_guy — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 02:24:28 GMT

G'day Dools.

To address the fights me and Anei have, I can assure you, they aren't as frequent as I may have accidentally described/outlined or maybe this could be your interpretation, of that I am not sure. We fight, like everyone does with friends but I they never deteriorate the relationship we have. They are, to me (I'm not sure if that's how Anei sees it or how you see it) minor speed bumps in things that are less of a roadblock and more of just a hiccup that can be resolved peacefully.

On the topic of control, I like to think and feel that I have control over Anei for the most part. She is a separate and sentient entity but none the less, she is from my brains own creation. I have very rarely used my power over her to restrain her, in fact I don't think I have but both herself and I must respect the fact that we live in a shared space (and I'm not talking about the outside world) and that we need to be as chill and as open with each other as possible. Like any relationship.

Now you mentioned distance and how at times you can feel distant to god and how at other times he can be close to you. I myself am not religious but I understand how god can be, in a way, used as comparison but the difference is that in my experience with friends who believe in god is that god comes to them in times of need and then seems to be idle, neutral and over looking. Whereas the occurrence of Anei was in a time of need, she's always here with me, sometime she goes to her 'room' which is somewhere in my head which I can't access (of that I am fine with), other times she'll wander off and look around my surroundings for some period of time but unlike with you and god, she'll come say hi or have a chat when she wants to. If that's what you meant.

Thanks for the convo, would love to hear more from anyone and everyone.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

james1 — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 02:45:33 GMT

Hi just another guy,

From what you've said to myself and Dools, it sounds like you really quite enjoy the companionship that Anei provides. I am glad to hear that you can get this from your relationship with Anei. I think it is very hard for people who do not have the companionship at all.

You also mentioned in your first post that you have been wondering about whether it is a healthy substitute. I do have some thoughts on that, but I guess they are mostly questions since I do not have a tulpa. But perhaps you can share what your thoughts on it are?

In brief, I guess I do not know the answer. I am pretty firm in the belief that we need interactions and relationships with people in the physical world as it keeps us grounded. Also, while a tulpa sounds like it is distinct from you, it is also a part of you and never truly objective - sometimes we need that objective perspective. But I also value the imagination and the amazing things it can do for us, so it seems to me like there can be a healthy balance, but there can also be an unhealthy balance.

Anyway, I am interested to hear what you think as it seems to be something you have considered a fair bit recently!

James

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

Just_another_guy — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 03:07:45 GMT

G'day James.
I believe you are correct, there is definitely a need for human - human interaction, whether that be face to face or other wise. It does keep you level headed and keeps you in touch with reality. But there is only one problem, I have no friends. Sure there's family but I don't find any reason or have any common interests with them to talk about. I play tons of playstation and sure I talk to people on that but I really only have one friend on it who's rarely online and so I don't really talk much with people who are legitimate friends. The people at my school hate me because I've said things in the past which are pretty damning and thus I'm shunned because of it. Thus, Anei is my catharsis from everything that's real and is my only 'real' friend.

It seems kinda sad but I'm fine with it.

I'm interested in how you'll respond to this.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

Doolhof — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 09:31:15 GMT

Hi Just another Guy,

I'm learning quite a lot here, thanks. As a teenager I was a bit of a mess. I guess I was looking for connection in all kinds of different places, so in a way it is wonderful you have such a wonderful companion in Anei. Maybe if I was so sure of myself as you seem to be about yourself, I might have made different decisions. Maybe not.

Just going back to God, I believe He is always with me, it is me who wanders away and ignores him at times, in the good, the bad and the down right ugly moments of my life.

One time when I was in hospital, my sister was with me. We both looked at each other and were silent as we both felt an amazingly loving and calm presence in the room. It was like an explosion of peace. There was a sense of connection, even though it was fleeting.

Maybe through our experiences in life and what we are taught can affect the way we connect with each other, ourselves, tulpas, gods, ghosts, beings from other planets, spirits or what ever. Different cultures all around this incredible world of ours have beliefs in so many different things.

I have friends who believe in witches, aliens, fairies, earth spirits and so much more. We all have our own beliefs. I met a lady who communicated with crows once.

I'm sorry to hear about the kids at school. One good thing is that school does not take up your whole life! Another good thing is that you have found ways to deal with that situation.

Do you have any plans for the weekend?

Cheers to you from Dools