topic Alone and feeling trapped in Young people

Alone and feeling trapped

mg24 — Sat, 17 Mar 2018 06:37:31 GMT

Hi who ever is reading this. I’m fourteen.

Last year I went to England to visit family. (I’m not rich) Going made me really sad. I really miss being there and I miss my family. I would kill to be able to do super small things like go to certain coffee shops with my auntie or go to their house for dinner, or be able to wear a jumper during Christmas or see my family on my birthday but instead I’m stuck here and I probably won’t see them for at least another four years I don’t want them to miss seeing me grow up which sounds kind of stupid. I want t be able to share things with them like that new hair cut or a piercing or an achievement. I feel like we r both going to miss so much and there are so many relationships I could be having. I wish I could move permantly but my dad doesn’t want to, my mum does so it’s not going to happen. It’s not like I’d have anything to actually miss if we moved though. For a start, I hate Australia I don’t want to offend anyone but I don’t like the weather or the culture I don’t even like the beach. My family here sucks. They never remeber my brother and I’s Birthdays and favour our cousins because they’re babies they’re not good at being family and I can’t be myself around them. At school I don’t have any real friends. I sit with people at lunch but I’m never invited to birthday parties, this one girl is always putting me down and I don’t fit in, I’m always someone’s fourth or fifth choice. I feel like I’m a loser. No one follows me back on instagram, likes my photos or wants to talk or text me. I won’t have a boyfriend until I’m 20, they NEVER talk ir text me, I don’t have any guy friends. I know it’s not going to change either I know the groups of people at my school and there’s no where I can go I’m just stuck here, I don’t want to change schools, there’s ano point they’re all the same. I don’t have anything to look forward too until I can maybe leave for England. I think I’m getting a school laptop for Christmas, I obviously don’t have any parties coming up amy mum won’t let me have any piercings, to be honest I just need small things like that to get me through, although I wish I could get it with family members from England and sharing that experience. Just hearing accents and remembering things like eating dinner or smells makes me want to cry. I’m sick of always feeling like this. I wanted to do an exchange there for 3 months but of course I can’t afford it I don’t know how to make it through th next four/ five years.

Alone and feeling trapped

white knight — Sun, 18 Mar 2018 00:49:19 GMT

Hi MG, welcome

I get you. I have had the same feeling about Tasmania where my family came from. Every year we flew over there, milked cows, carted in hay and the smell of a farm, hay and animals was "home" to me even though I never lived there, just on holidays.

In reality your parents make the choices as adults and you, when you become an adult will have your own choices. Also, not everything can happen when we want it. That sounds like I'm saying you are selfish, not so, I'm saying we need to plan for some things in life.

So, the more wise method is to have short, medium and long term goals. This is also about finance management when you finally get a job down the track.

Short term goals might include- focusing on studies and expanding your friendship base. Like joining new activities in your area, sport, hobbies etc. meet new people. To rely on the small circle of "friends" that you have now is limiting yourself. Some circles are toxic. Medium terms- seek a casual job. It doesn't matter what it is. Once you get that job, pay a little to your parent as a display of being mature and in appreciation...save the rest. Long term goal- finish your schooling, seek better paying jobs, sort out the poor friends from the good ones, don't waste your time with the bad ones, they only hurt you.

Google

Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue

Patience is missing in all of us. We want it all now. But that isn't the way our world operates. When you reach 18 onwards you can fulfill your wishes. You might not believe this but by then you might even change your mind because if you have a boyfriend or a good paying job, you might stay here and just save to go to the UK on holidays every 6 months. Life is adjustable as we journey through it. Try to accept what you cant change now but by all means dream of these desires until you reach adulthood and can afford to carry out such dreams.

All the best

Ton WK

Alone and feeling trapped

mg24 — Sun, 18 Mar 2018 04:06:57 GMT

Hi, thanks for your advice. It’s good to know you understand, no one else really relates to the feeling of missing something more than wistfully. I’ve been planning to get a job soon which I hope goes well, I can’t afford to go to the UK every year let alone every sixth months thought I get your point with how like is until I turn 18 I just don’t want to have to end up ‘wasting’ them. Thanks for your help though!

Alone and feeling trapped

Doolhof — Sun, 18 Mar 2018 04:30:42 GMT

Hi mg24,

Welcome to the community here on the forum! I see that Tony has already provided you with a response. Growing up, our family lived in a very small community. I kept looking in the distance and wanted to be anywhere but where I was.

At 17 I ran away from home, moved to where I thought I would be happy and got into a whole lot of trouble! Now I am not suggesting at all that is going to be you in anyway, as you now have time to plan and think like Tony mentioned. Me, I just took off with a bag of clothes and that was it.

England is a beautiful enchanting place, as are a lot of places that are not home (especially so when you are unhappy where you are) My point is, that I wonder if you were to move to England right now to live, in 6 months time would you be happy there?

Visiting people and a place is different from actually moving there. On holidays everything is new and exciting. People may be on their best behaviour for overseas visitors, doing everything they can for the short period of time you are together.

The kids in the school close to your English relatives may be the same as the kids at your school.

Like Tony mentioned, you have the opportunity to be the best you can be right here. I know it sounds like a drag, but make the most of your education now.

You may have an opportunity to gain a work visa when you are 18 and may be able to find work in England. Have a chat to your teachers and family about the possibilities.

Social media can be an awful trap to get into. I'd like to suggest you limit your attention to what happens or does not happen on social media. Same with here on the forum, one person may get a lot of "mark this post as helpful" while other very worthy posts do not receive any hits. Why? It just happens.

It doesn't mean one person is more worthy than another, it just goes that way. We are all worthy!

Another ramble from me! Hope yo are doing okay today.

Cheers from (Mrs.) Dools

Alone and feeling trapped

mg24 — Thu, 22 Mar 2018 05:36:06 GMT

hi, I hav been, you know, thinking for the future and stuff but I don’t know how I’ll be able to just ‘live’ like this for at least another four years. I know I can’t live there right now not everyone in my family would want to move by I can’t even visit. From year nine onward I can’t take any time off school which only leaves the Christmas Holidays and they’re to expensive to travel in. I just want to be able to be with my family, that’s the number one thing out of all of this. I know I’ll probably still wish my parents would turn around and say we’re moving, but at least I would know whether I would hav been happier or if the kids are different. It’s about who I am here though as wel and how the people around me see me. I’ve tried expressing this too My mum and she said i can’t live like this I can’t focus on what could’ve been but I’m sick of people telling me that. This is how I feel I what I want, my dad says focus on the psostives but I don’t know what there is that’s so great too look at. Sure I may have a family, dinner on the table ect but I’m not good to compare my life with that if a homeless persons or something because that’s not a part of my life or the people’s lives I spend my day with. I may have that but I dont have (extended) family or real friends, I’m not around people I love (besides immediate family) and people say these things are more important than things like money and a house anyway, I just always wish I was somewhere else. I know I can’t move but honestly visiting would make it just that little bit easier, I don’t know what I’m supposed to hang onto now, wat do I have? I don’t want to sound spoilt or ungrateful I just want to be able to talk about it with someone without beating around in the bush, thanks for your advice though, it’s nice for someone to talk to 🙂 x

Alone and feeling trapped

RandR — Thu, 22 Mar 2018 06:59:16 GMT

Wow @mg24 !

You're a very brave and write extremely well for a 14 year old 🙂 And I sincerely mean that. I'm sorry to hear that you feel like things in your life are not exactly going the way you may have hoped for. What I can tell you from my own experience is that circumstances get better and things definitely change, and typically for the better. Do you mind if I ask you what your hobbies and or passions are? I'm sorry to hear about the girl who always puts you down. I was bullied throughout my entire primary school life and it wasn't a very fun experience, at all.

I'd be lying if I said I kept in contact with any of the friends I went to high school with some years ago at this point in life. If anything, I found, I really discovered which people were in my mind worth investing in as I got a little older and came out the other side of some serious hardship. Being in high school has some advantages, such as focusing on your studies and discovering what really interests you and perhaps for the future. Sounds like you are also at the age of almost being able to work as well? Part-time work for me whilst I studied was a great way to make friends outside of school and give me a great distraction. Is this something you might consider? OOHH instagram! What kind of pictures do you take? Nature? Food? Landscapes? I love pictures!

My girlfriend Veronica is always writing in a journal along with taking heaps of photos and drawing as that is a passion of hers. Do you write or have you considered writing in a personal journal?

Thanks for having the courage to reach out and look forward to hearing back from you 🙂

Chin up 🙂

Regards,

Raman.

Alone and feeling trapped

mg24 — Fri, 23 Mar 2018 05:17:31 GMT

Hey thanks for the compliment! Some of my hobbies are cooking and just doing things to do with fashion (I’m a little obsessed) I also have an anonymous blog that I write on sometimes because I found keeping a journal harder to keep up with! I sorta wish I had friends that I’d want to to keep in contact with but I know I’d be lying if I said I would keep in contact with any of the friends I have now. I’m hoping to get s retail job in Septmber or November because you have to be 14 and nine months! Half of my brain is kind of think to just hang around with these people for the next four years and keep my head down but the other half of my head thinks, like ‘hey I wanna enjoy myself and be with people I feel good around!’ Thanks for your comment 🙂

Alone and feeling trapped

Doolhof — Fri, 23 Mar 2018 06:29:56 GMT

Hi mg24,

None of us know what is around the corner or what our opportunities will be. It sounds like you are quite open to different things and having an adventure, so I am sure you will work hard to fulfil your dreams and ambitions.

Having work and saving will help you towards your goals.

Keeping a blog would be interesting. It is something I have never done. Is you blog open for any one to read or do you have specific people only who have access to it? I guess a journal is a more private thing. I like the idea of adding pictures to a journal, that would give it a different dimension.

Do you keep in touch with your family in England?

I have some wonderful friends in Europe. I love keeping in touch with them and seeing their photos of the places they visit. Keeping in touch is also a way to experience their lives until you can get there yourself.

Cheers from Dools

Alone and feeling trapped

mg24 — Sat, 24 Mar 2018 06:12:12 GMT

Hey dools,

i do keep in contact with the a little bit, we have a family WhatsApp chat. My blog is open to anyone I just write anonymously. I guess I prefer it to a journal because I can get feedback and advice. Having friends in Europe would b cool! I wanted to go on a student exchange in the UK as a way to b in the country and possibly near my family but I also thought it would be pretty cool for me to have my own friends to visit in England if I ever went back with my family. I keep thinking about what you said at the start of your message we never know what’s around the corner but I can’t help thinking I’m currently on a very long straight road. I don’t want to seem extremely pessimistic or like, cynical or negative or anything but sometimes I feel like I know if something is just a fact of life. And to be honest I think not going back to the UK for a very long time is a fact of life. My family doesn’t have the time nor the money and I can’t go on an exchange so I just keep wondering, when? I just don’t know what to do, I’m always waiting for something but never actually doing. I don’t want to sound cheesy but I feel like I’m not living I’m just existing. Sorry if I sound super negative 🙂

Alone and feeling trapped

RandR — Mon, 26 Mar 2018 03:29:41 GMT

Hi @mg24,

Did someone say cooking and fashion? Tell me more!! What do you enjoy cooking? Any personal favorites? Cooking is also one of my biggest hobbies! It was also one of y biggest saviors when life was getting a little tough at times. Fashion. My partner Veronica is obsessed with fashion. Is your blog on trends with Fashion? A blog is very cool btw!

Getting a part-time retail position sounds like a terrific idea once you reach the 14 years and 9 months stage! Also a great way for you to make some money that will give you a few options along with a great opportunity to meet new people 🙂 My first job was in retail for a clothes company when I was around your age. It was a great experience. Discounts on clothes was a bonus too 🙂

There's a saying. Your'e a product of your environment. I think this very true, especially when it comes to friends. As time goes on, new potential and genuine friends will present themselves. Trust me 🙂

Hope you have been feeling better and look forward to hearing back from you.

Regards,

Raman.

Alone and feeling trapped

mg24 — Mon, 26 Mar 2018 07:39:29 GMT

Hey Raman 🙂 um guess I like cooking desserts the most, I sometimes try to copy a few things off master chef. My blog doesn’t do too much fashion right now just a few hauls. I’m looking forward to discounted clothing too! I’m hoping for some real friends to present themselves at some point. Maybe it’s easier this way though, if I don’t make any friends in the next few years I won’t have any too miss when I go to England? I don’t know if I’m feeling better. I just feel like there’s a huge weight on my chest because I really cant tell anyone. I want to tell my mum, I’m just not sure when. I’ve tried a few times but last time she said I was wallowing and she focuses more on friends thing other than the UK thing, which I think is probably the thing that’s making me the most upset. I don’t know what to do because I understand that I can’t move but I can’t visit either and four years seems like an awfully long time to go back, I think last time there was 2 or 3 years in between visits 😕 thanks for your comment though, means a lot 🙂

Alone and feeling trapped

RandR — Thu, 29 Mar 2018 02:47:40 GMT

Hi @mg24

DESSERT! OMG! What's your favorite and specialty? Desserts are the one thing I've never attempted to cook before in my life. Any tips or advice you could please give me? Friends will present themselves in time. But also good to note that it is also a two way street. Just remember, good or bad, everyone you encounter plays a part to the makeup of your overall character as a person 🙂

Time most certainly flies. 4 years for me went in the blink of an eye. I think it's because I'm old and things seem to go faster (or in my old age I'm just moving slower haha).

Question, what was the last inspirational movie you watched? Do you enjoy the occasional movie here and there?

Raman 🙂

Alone and feeling trapped

mg24 — Thu, 29 Mar 2018 06:47:21 GMT

Hey! I'm not sure if I have a specialty because I'm always experimenting but I love anything with chocolate or caramel! I like making really intricate things with chocolate moulds and and stuff XD I'm hoping time flies, but at the same I don't want to waste four years of my life, especially my like, teenage years just waiting, I want to live and enjoy my life, and live the best life possible.

My last inspirational movie? I'm not too sure, I did just watch Pitch Perfect which is my favorite movie but idk if it's inspirational. I love watching movies though Speaking of like movies and entertainment, me and my mum watch this show called 24 hours in A&E which is basically a hospital documentary set in St. George's, London and they just film lot's of trauma calls and things like that, but now I can't watch it without crying. There's so many doctors saying to live your best life and you don't know when it's going to end, and it's so English.

I tried telling my mum how I feel again, but she asks me at the worst possible times! I was lying in bed in the dark facing away from her, and I was super tired, so I'm not really in the mood to talk about anything and then when she leaves I end up crying and I can't get to sleep. This time though, she told me I was wallowing and I need to 'buck up'. I just wish I could sit down with someone and just talk though everything, almost like ticking everything off a list. Thanks 🙂

Alone and feeling trapped

RandR — Sat, 31 Mar 2018 10:05:06 GMT

Hi there 🙂

Chocolate you say? I think my girlfriend would like you haha!

Intricate sounds very cool! And that it takes a measure of patience. A characteristic and something that will no doubt come in handy regarding your current situation.

I can tell you as a 33 year old, I definitely don't have life all figured out. And that, it took me some time and although I feel like my life is currently going as well as it's ever gone, there is always room for improvement and wanting more. For 14 you are, believe it or not, doing extremely well. You give me the impression that you have a very strong mind. It will do you a lot of good in the future. TRUST ME!

Pitch Perfect....not sure I have seen that one. 7 pounds was a great movie for me. I also would highly recommend a series on Netflix (if you have it) called Chef's Table. It is truly brilliant and well worth it. Especially if you enjoy cooking. My recommendation would be Francis Mallman in that series.

24 hours sounds interesting, I might have to check it out! Thanks 🙂

Sorry to hear that you tried to reach out to your mum but didn't quite get the best time. Have you tried setting a date for you and her to go out for lunch or shopping so you can sit down with her 1 on 1 outside of the house to talk about?

A change in environment might be helpful.....just a thought.

Hope you're doing okay 🙂

Raman.

Alone and feeling trapped

mg24 — Sun, 01 Apr 2018 23:04:39 GMT

hey:) thankyou for saying I’m doing well.. although I don’t really know, I’m just not dying. That doesn’t make much sense but I mean like what is there to do other than just ‘live’ I’ll have to check out your movie recommendations. You have to watch stranger things though it’s so good!!! I’ve kind of thought about going out for the one on one thing but it seems like there’s plenty of opportunity she just doesn’t bring it up and I feel, now that if I do she’ll just think I’m complaining. Maybe being a blubbery mess in public is something to avoid anyway XD I just don’t know what to do!! I may have patience but everyone’s runs out eventually. People say you never know what’s around the corner life is full of surprises, treasure everyday, ect but im not sure how to look at it like that. My parents go on and on about how you shouldn’t but bottle up your feelings and there’s always someone to talk to. I do t have any friends I can really trust and everytime I try to open up to my mum and tell her what I’m feeling she just gets mad or shuts me down or just disagrees with me and says i need to get over it! I don’t know where I’m supposed to go with this 😞

Alone and feeling trapped

RandR — Tue, 03 Apr 2018 10:31:50 GMT

Hey mg24,

How are you? I read your comment. Death is certain, life is not. It's harder to live believe me. When I was 14, I had a lot going against me. But you know what? Tough times don't last, but tough people do...

OMG! So the fact you said Stranger Things is awesome! It's my favourite Netflix series! I'm obssessed with it. I'm a 80's/90's kid so I used to BMX and have a three mates that made our core group of 4. I'm also a massive nerd so all the Star Wars references are brilliant! Who's your favorite character in the series? Have you finished season 2?

I hear what you're saying about the timing with your mum and not wanting to be a 'bluberry' mess, but at some point you will draw the conclusion that enough is enough. What I mean by that is, nothing changes if nothing changes. Think about that.

I also weigh my life and situation in two different areas:

1) Things that are in my control
2) Things that are 'not' in my control

To answer your question/statement on where to go from here, well, that's entirely up to you 🙂

Personally, my gut tells me that in time, you will look back at this and be surprised just how strong you've become and that you are leading the life you want to 🙂

All in due time. Just try to keep your chin up and being hopeful....I am for you 🙂

Regards,

Raman 🙂

Alone and feeling trapped

mg24 — Tue, 03 Apr 2018 21:49:46 GMT

Hey. I’m not necessarily talking about death, although it is inevitable I just think there’s a difference between living and existing. Like you can breath and just go to school and do your homework, ect but your just existing. Your not really living. You don’t have to go sky diving or win a noble prize but you just have to be doing something you enjoy or be somewhere you like being, surround yourself with peoples you enjoy being around. I think to live you really just have to be living a life that makes you happy, I feel like I’m just existing; getting on with it day after day.

, I LOVE STRANGER THINGS!!! I’ve seen both seasons (and rewatched them) and now I’m just waiting for season three!!! I’m not an eightys kid but I do like the 80’s era even though I wasn’t there. The music and the fashion (minus the shoulder pads) are really interesting. My fave character would have to be Dustin or Hopper. Eleven and Mike r the couple of the century though.

i get what your saying with enough is enough and to be perfectly honest I don’t think anything will change anyway but I can’t look at it like that. I think I kind of already know it but I can’t jus switch my feelings off because nothing will change. It’s the one thing I would give anything for. I don’t think anything will change but I don’t have anything to “substitute” for it in my life. That probably sounds terrible but I don’t have any “real” friends right now, I’m not rich, I fight with my family a lot I don’t know what there is to cling onto. I don’t want to sound spoilt I’m just kind of empty.

You know, I kind of do the same in the weighing life but I make lots of lists. For some reason I find them fun. To be honest though, there is so much I’m not in control of. I’m in control of, well I’m not %100 sure what I’m in control of to be honest. I know it would or will be great to look back on this, but I dont want to look back on the years of my life I was lonely or upset. I get life isn’t perfect but I don’t want to look back on the main chunk of my youth as think that it was wasted. I am trying to keep my chin up, it’s just hard. I can’t see anything to look forward too. I keep trying to talk to my mum about going back to the UK but there isn’t a “slot” that really works. I can only go in the Xmas holidays because I can’t take time off school and they go for 8 weeks but Mum says the weather is to bad, She wants to go in September. It wouldn’t ver long if we went in Sep either, I just can’t c it happening 🙂

Alone and feeling trapped

Doolhof — Fri, 06 Apr 2018 04:39:42 GMT

Hi mg24,

Funny you mentioned liking the 80s as I grew up in the 80s. I did enjoy the music from that period, then again, guess we didn't have much of a choice unless we listened to what had been from the 70s 60s or before that even.

Life is a bit like that, we do the best we can with what we have at our fingertips. Right now you desperately want to go to the UK but that is not possible. When I have had times of wanting something I can't have, I try to make the most of what I do have.

Sometimes we need to have a look around and see what is going right, or what we can strive for.

Back to the 80s, I remember a co-worker using half a can of hair spray often to make sure her hair stayed boofy! No wonder the ozone layer is so depleted! All that hairspray didn't do the environment any good!

Hope you can see the world around you with different eyes so you can make the most of your opportunities now. I know that is something I am working on myself.

Cheers to you from Dools

Alone and feeling trapped

Mal99 — Sat, 07 Apr 2018 16:03:52 GMT

Hey

What you write really stuck out to me as it’s exactly how I felt

When I was in early high school I was in big friend groups but never felt truly close with any of them and often got excluded from things too, I was never invited to parties, and if I was it felt like a pity invite cause they were inviting everyone else from my group. When I was 14-15, that’s when my mental health got worse because my best and only true friend moved away and I just felt so separated from everyone. I had no friends, I hated my school, I hated living at home, and the only thing in the world I wanted to do was to move to London and just not be stuck in Australia anymore. I told myself ‘well, I can stick it out here until I’m 18 then go’ but then I turned 18 and had no plan or money, and now I’m almost 19 and at uni here in aus for the next few years until I finish my degree, still stuck at home with my family and stuck in my same old life.

But what I can tell you is that I spent my entire teenage years waiting to be older so I could leave - I look back on high school and everyone else was having fun and living live, but I had convinced myself that as long as I was still living here, in the same school, house and life, that it couldn’t get better - so I separated myself from everyone, thinking I as soon as I graduated I could be that girl who moved away to live her life.

I don’t know if it’s because the movies made me feel like this, but I feel like your teenage years are supposed to be when you can make mistakes and live outrageously and have experiences that will shape you as a person - and I missed out on that because spent the whole time in my room praying for them to be over. I’d give anything to go back 5 years ago to when I was 14 and know that even if all I want is to be out of here, it doesn’t mean I have to sit around doing nothing while I wait.

I don’t know your exact situation so I don’t know how you can make the most of it, I know for me I was too shy and insecure to start a new activity or just talk to people - but I found making friends online really easy. I met one of my best friends on Instagram through a one direction fan account (it was 2013 don’t judge lol). She lives in Europe so it felt dumb to make friends I’d never see in person but we Skyped every so often and now we’ve been friends for 5 years and I met her in person for the first time last year!

I hope you can find happiness here in Aus in the time being 🙂

Alone and feeling trapped

mg24 — Sun, 08 Apr 2018 04:01:03 GMT

Hi! Reading what you said made me feel so much better. People say they kind of feel the same way but you really understand! Everything you said you felt and experienced seems to just line up with how I’m feeling. I really want to ‘live outrageously’ and have fun being a teenager, I just can’t find anyone to do it with or anything to experience it. Thankyou so much for saying you don’t know what my situation is because people don’t really give any regard for that, fussy there’s always opportunity or you just need to try harder but I think when you feel so strongly about something you have looked for everyone Option, you’ve tried incredibly hard to find a solution. Tbh I feel like if people r going to see me the way they do the I’ll have to just live with that and hopefully like you did, make friends somewhere else and maybe I’ll just have to wait. It sucks and feels kind of bad but sometimes it’s like what else can you do. I’m hoping I can go on a studen exchange to the uk or Canada for 3 months next year to just experience something and see who else I could be I just need to get more money 🙂 meeting your friend in person must have been amazing, I hope maybe something similar might come into my life (don’t worry we all went through a1D phase) 🙂