topic Feeling triggered? in Young people

Feeling triggered?

ejw_ — Mon, 26 Jun 2017 13:54:08 GMT

I've had my own depression and anxiety battles over the past few years and am finally in a place where I feel that I have overcome a large majority of it but still have a fair bit of work to do and am finally ready to take that last step.

However, my friend who also suffers with depression/anxiety has been coming to me a lot lately with her own struggles and I find it's almost "triggering" my own mental health issues? I do my best to help her but it's so draining/tiring/frustrating when she won't listen to anything I have to say and doesn't do anything to help herself. For example, she won't seek professional help, it's almost as if she doesn't want to get better?

I feel like such an awful "friend" but I'm essentially at a loss with what to do? Do I potentially sacrifice my own journey/progress to help someone begin theirs?

Any advice, recommendations or discussion regarding any previous experiences would be appreciated!

Feeling triggered?

Hope_for_the_best — Mon, 26 Jun 2017 14:51:54 GMT

You have already done a great job in trying to help your friend, so please don't burden yourself with her problems. It is perfectly okay to limit the time you talk to her to make yourself less stressed. You are not professional, so understandably your help is limited. She should really listen to you and seek help, but if she insists not to, then that's her choice but not your fault. It would be good to share with her how you get to where you are now (overcome a large majority of depression and anxiety) from seeking help. Hopefully this will encourage her to take that first step.

Feeling triggered?

geoff — Mon, 26 Jun 2017 20:46:49 GMT

hello I agree your own health is of prime concern, because if your friend doesn't want to listen or what you have suggested then she could be in denial, and if so, then facing a very difficult task, where you may fall back into your previous state, don't let this happen, because you simply don't know how low you may fall, prevent this and perhaps come back to her when she starts to get the help she needs.
Don't feel caught in a situation like this, although you're trying your best, it's not worth doing until you have gained some experience in coping with a situation like this.
Look after yourself first. Geoff.

Feeling triggered?

Peppermintbach — Mon, 26 Jun 2017 22:40:37 GMT

Hi Guest_80,

I think your friend clearly trusts you and is fortunate to not only have your friendship but your experience as well. You seem like a very caring but also drained and exhausted friend. And without diminishing your current struggles, I'm glad to hear that your hard work is paying off and that you are now in an improved state of mind compared to before. Well done, you.

I think hope.for.the.best and Geoff have pretty much covered it all in terms of perhaps setting time limits and healthy boundaries. As much as we can love and care for our friends, I don't think we are directly responsible for their wellbeing and choices. The cup that keeps pouring will soon run dry. Look after yourself.

Perhaps you can balance the act between self care/not being triggered and supporting your friend by allocating a specific time each week (for example) to chat with her. You don't even need to directly let her know what is her allotted "time" as long as you know it.

For example, you decide to support her by having coffee with her every Tuesday. But she texts you on a Thursday with something triggering, you could reply with "hey, you know I love you and am here for you but is it okay if we talk about it on Tuesday?" Obviously if it's an emergency then she needs 000 and the like but I mean non-emergency situations. That way, you can create healthy boundaries to look after yourself but still support your friend. Also, it doesn't have to be Tuesdays and it doesn't have to be coffee- just an example.

Anyway, I hope you continue to make progress on your journey.

All the best and kind thoughts to you,

Pepper