topic Need some social advice in Young people

Need some social advice

My-name-is-Jono — Fri, 07 Apr 2017 07:31:40 GMT

I'm at school and in year 11, just started on holidays, and I need to stop playing computer games so I can focus on school. only thing is all my friends play computer games and i never get invited to any sort of events in real life so I just get so lonely which that puts me off school work. So I'm stuck in this middle ground and don't know what to do and just need advice or just an excuse to socialise so I don't feel so bad.

Need some social advice

Fairywings — Fri, 07 Apr 2017 10:53:15 GMT

hello there ans welcome glad you have joined us. Ah yes this is such a difficult thing to be confronted with. I was always an outsider at school, yes i hung around the cook kids to feel accepted and feared rejection I guess. To a teenager this seems like the world but as u get older believe me it doesn't cross your mind as much bc you are older and much wiser by the time you reach my age (37) life will have taught you many many lessons. One thing it taught me is that your friends are not really your friends and only in hard and difficult do true friends reveal themselves to you. My point to you is you are still young don't wait around so to speak the fact that you don't get invited use it as positive not a negative - use this time to find yourself, do things you want to do in life go for long walks crank up the music nice and loud learn to love spending time with yourself believe me it makes you a stronger person therefore inside yourself you don't feel like your waiting for anyone. This takes practice and what a better time to start - once you have mastered this, it will shine through you. Your school buddies will notice that you are much happier within yourself and they will start to question themselves if it is something they have done - if they are considerate in such ways if not, then that's Ok! they are not people you need in your life you are the only one that needs to make yourself happy in life so my point to you is go out there grab what you want in life bc I know playing computer games all day will get very isolating, enjoy your life view it with a sense of curiosity and wonder don't be afraid to be the little black sheep i'm not, I've always been the little black sheep and let me tell you I shine brighter than the stars in the sky. xx Don't worry about others just worry about your own happiness your soul with thank you for it. It has been nice speaking with you please do keep in touvh we are all here for you. Warmest regards Venessa xx

Need some social advice

MarkJT — Fri, 07 Apr 2017 10:55:45 GMT

Jono, do you play or follow sport? If so, getting involved in a sporting club is a great way to make friends and importantly get you outside and socialising. I have been involved in sport my entire life and have life long friends from it.

Is there school sport that you can get involved in?

When I was hospitalised with PTSD, depression and anxiety in 2013, my mates from the cricket club got around me and played a big part in my recovery.

Do you feel that you are addicted to playing the computer games? If so, I would recommend getting to the GP to break that addiction. Your schooling is such a critical part of your life that you obviously need to give it your attention, as you have pointed out.

Great that you posted what you are going through - takes courage and i commend you for that.

See what you reply with above and then we will work on what to do next.

Cheers

Mark

Need some social advice

MsPurple — Fri, 07 Apr 2017 12:27:32 GMT

Hi Jono and welcome to the forums

It can be hard finding a click and social group at school. I struggled at my first school (went there from kindergarden to year 😎 because it was a small private school. I found it difficult sometimes because I couldn't go to another group because there wasn't another group. When I moved schools I went from my year maybe having 30 people to 300 so it made it easier to make friends as I could go to different groups with different interests. I want to let you know that school is not the only place you'll make friends and social group. When I went to uni I started making friends with my uni friends, it is also easier if you are studying the same subjects and have similar interests. I also made friends with people I worked with. And since I have moved towns I started going to the gym and classes and I have made friends with a few of those girls and I am now pretty close with them. What I'm trying to say is that having a good social group maybe difficult at school because you are with limited people being around them constantly. Maybe something you could try and start a social gathering and you invite a few mates over (come over and play video games). I did that and eventually they invited me to their things as it was recipicated.

I just want you to know that high school (which I finished 8 years ago thank goodness) is not the only place you can make friends and if you don't have a large group of friends at school doesn't mean you won't be able to make friends easily at uni or outside of work. It is a completely different environment. I agree with Mark and I would try do social things outside of school such as sport or joining a club. I did netball and I know some people did karate or language schools.

Hope this helps. And remember to always be yourself

Need some social advice

My-name-is-Jono — Fri, 07 Apr 2017 13:15:39 GMT

Sorry for late reply I was working, thank u for the inspiration and just asking do u have anythings to do/try that made u happy? If I could get a bit of a kick start that would be great, thanks

Need some social advice

My-name-is-Jono — Fri, 07 Apr 2017 13:21:32 GMT

I used to play soccer for a club but a recent blow to the testicle via bycycle accident knocked me out for 3 months and i missed the try outs for this season.

I would like to go to the GP to try help the gaming problem it's just my parents don't know what's going on (for certain reasons) and i don't know how to get in touch with the gp

Thanks, sorry for late reply was working

Need some social advice

Fairywings — Fri, 07 Apr 2017 13:29:46 GMT

I take my mini foxy for a walk color in listening to music metal really loud few of my favs linkin park and disturbed and metallica xx take my son for a nice long walk in the pram he enjoys it just as much as I do 😊 nice long drive walk by the beach cook there u have it xx

Need some social advice

My-name-is-Jono — Fri, 07 Apr 2017 13:45:25 GMT

I used to try invite friends over or go to the city but i would just find myself doing those activities with myself, no one would want to come along. Ive just run out of ideas on what to try and kinda need to juggle it with school cause my parents get so angry when I do bad in tests

Thanks for reply

Need some social advice

My-name-is-Jono — Sat, 08 Apr 2017 00:28:15 GMT

I used to cruise on long boards so I might try get back into that

Thank you for your help

Need some social advice

Fairywings — Sat, 08 Apr 2017 06:16:10 GMT

Sounds like a great idea your welcome anytime xx

Need some social advice

MarkJT — Sat, 08 Apr 2017 10:15:26 GMT

Jono, you do not have to be actually playing to have an impact and make friends at the soccer club. All sporting clubs run on volunteers so that is a great way to get involved if you cannot play.

As you missed the trials, does that mean you cannot play for that club? How about going to another club where there are no trials?

Google - GP's in the area that you live and you will find one.

Don't worry about apoligising for late replies - just when you can. There is no pressure here.

Mark.

Need some social advice

MsPurple — Sat, 08 Apr 2017 12:52:49 GMT

Hi Jono. Do you know which GP clinic you used to go to? If you do you could google them and call them to make an appointment with your doctor. If you can't remember their name you can call the clinic and ask for the doctor you saw last time, they can search it up on their computer (I've done this before, many times, I have moved a few times).

Have you considered joining other clubs? Trying a new sport? I did karate for a little bit and there were a few people only just starting the same age as me. You can always ask if there are new starters of the same age before joining up

Need some social advice

My-name-is-Jono — Thu, 20 Apr 2017 07:26:01 GMT

Thank u all for ur help

Over the past week or two I got into a volleyball social on mondays and tried to do things that made me happy but I just found myself going back to the computer and feeling so bad and isolated cause going out on my own didn't help as much as I thought it would

Im just so confused on what to do

Need some social advice

MarkJT — Thu, 20 Apr 2017 10:08:00 GMT

Jono, awesome that you got yourself into the volleyball social. That is a great step into the right direction.

I want you to look at your achievements in doing what you have as a success. Yes you have gone back to the computer but lets think of this as taking two steps forward and one back.

How long did you give this a go? How many weeks? Are you able to repeatedly do the things you were doing and let yourself get used to it?

I am just wondering if you have expected to much to soon? This is a natural feeling so not in any sense of the word am i having a go at you.

What were the other things that you were doing?

Mark.

Need some social advice

My-name-is-Jono — Thu, 20 Apr 2017 13:35:19 GMT

Thanks for the reply

Its been around two weeks and I started off well by going to the gym everyday taking my dog for walks, long boarding and going to the city but just got lonely cause I had no one to share the experience with. I went back to computer games cause I got people around the country I can talk/play with and the other activities died off, I'm scared it's also gonna over take my school work as it did last term and I got bad marks. It's just the only thing I have that makes me really happy 😕

Need some social advice

MarkJT — Thu, 20 Apr 2017 22:08:28 GMT

Jono, how about the soccer club? Have you been back to support in other ways considering you missed due to injury? I really think that is a great avenue as whilst you other activities are great, they are also solo activities and we need you mixing with people.

Are there social gaming groups around that actually meet up at a location?

I encourage you to continue with the walks, the long boarding and the gym. All are physically healthy for you and physical health is very important to your mental health.

Mark.

Need some social advice

My-name-is-Jono — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 02:27:12 GMT

There is one gaming event called RFlan happens every couple of months and people do meet up (around 700) but my parents dislike me going as its a 24h gaming session with the add cost of 50$. For the soccer club I haven't gone back and I don't really know my old team mates to well as they all go to different schools and we never really get together or anything, so I wouldn't really know what to do there.

Need some social advice

MarkJT — Sat, 22 Apr 2017 01:18:07 GMT

Jono, sporting clubs run on volunteers in all different kinds of capacities. I would think that there is something you could help out with at the soccer club and you will get to know the people there pretty quickly. You are then in a good position to start playing again once able to.

Yes the first couple of times you go there will be difficult, it pretty much is for everyone when you do not know a whole lot of people, but in the whole scheme of things, a couple of weeks is not much and will go quickly.

You need to persist at this and then it will have a dual effect, one you will get socialising which is awesome and secondly it will lesson your gaming time.

Gaming is addictive that is for sure so you need to work hard on breaking the addiction.

Remember mate, you are not alone in this.

Mark.

Need some social advice

My-name-is-Jono — Sat, 22 Apr 2017 12:14:50 GMT

Ill give the soccer club

I appreciate all of u guys giving support

Thank you

Need some social advice

finchh — Sun, 23 Apr 2017 14:00:11 GMT

maybe talk to some of your friends and see if they feel the same way. If they do you might be able to organise to catch up in real life just on the weekends and begin to meet other people through that, with every one bringing someone along so that you get introduced to a wider range of people and invited to other things. basically starting a chain reaction.