topic depression anxiety and my boyfriend in Young people

depression anxiety and my boyfriend

justwanttobehappy123 — Tue, 19 Dec 2017 10:23:36 GMT

i have depression and anxiety and have been seeing a psychologist for around a month now. my boyfriend and i have been dating for around 11 months. i told my boyfriend i thought i had depression around 2 months ago and i confessed that i had a constant fear of being ‘too emotional’ for him to handle and it’s why i wasn’t always honest with him about my feelings. at that time he admitted to me that at points i was too emotional for him to handle and that he had thought about breaking up with me on two seperate occasions because of it. this completely blindsided me and broke my heart. i struggled with the decision of what to do: break up or keep dating him knowing i may not be happy. well i love him too much and couldn’t possibly live without him so i decided i would need to just work through it to trust him again. since uni ended we have spent nearly every day together and i have been much happier, not just in the relationship but my depression was alieviating too. but i realised that spending so much time together wasn’t healthy and i needed to be able to have my own life too. i have 2 friends and see them but find myself wanting to be with my boyfriend when i’m with them. my psychologist said i need to release him so i can be free myself so i tried being away from him for a few days. problem is that when i am alone i let my negative thoughts it and i think this is the reason i had been so happy lately (because i had my bf there to distract me from the negative thoughts). and now i am having anxiety and feeling like i’m always going to be “too emotional” for him and a constant fear he is going to break up with me and completely blindside me (like last time). i told him this because i want to be more open and he said that at times “it’s [my emotions] still hard but i’m trying” and i know i should focus on the last part but i can’t get over the first part. i’m still “too emotional”. now i have told him everything is weird between us and i’m very confused. i keep thinking about breaking up even though that’s the last thing i want to do and it makes me anxious because i don’t know why i keep having thoughts about breaking up when i don’t want to. i’m very confused and upset and i just want all these thoughts in my head to stop swirling around and disappear and i just want to be happy.

please help me i just need some advice on what to do or for someone to know what i’m going through

sincerly,

too emotional

depression anxiety and my boyfriend

Eddie93 — Tue, 19 Dec 2017 12:48:36 GMT

I do know how you feel, I was once in a relationship for almost a year and discovered constant anxiety and depression during that time.

I remember feeling those exact feelings of wanting to break up but not being able to live without but I later discovered that it was specific to the relationship, how it formed and who we were as people.

It's not that she was necessarily a bad person but it came down to us being two very different people and it was only after leaving the relationship that I realised all the things that weren't right with it, honestly you get a different perspective.

Im not at all saying this is or isn't the case for you but is just my experience, I strongly believe the best way to enter and maintain a relationship is not needing one but wanting one.

Im positive your anxiety can be tamed and your confidence can grow, I'm sure you will find a way to be happy 😊

depression anxiety and my boyfriend

BballJ — Tue, 19 Dec 2017 12:53:07 GMT

Hi justwanttobehappy123,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Relationships and mental health issues always seem to go hand in hand, on the outset it does sound like you rely on him to distract you from your feelings and I can see why your psychologist would say to "release him" but have you told them how this has made you feel? Wanting to spend so much time with your partner is very normal as well, wanting to be with someone you care a lot about and possibly love makes you want to spend every minute with them. No one is doubting how you feel but ultimately to truly be happy with someone else you have to be happy with yourself. Missing someone is perfectly normal as well but there has to be a line where you can be happy on your own and with them as well.

What do you want at the end of the day and what steps can you take to get there is probably the question you should be asking yourself. I think it is very possible to work through how you are feeling whilst maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner.

Please, post back as much as you like, we are always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

depression anxiety and my boyfriend

justwanttobehappy123 — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 12:07:21 GMT

thankyou very much for your reply, i hope that our endings are not the same because i know he is the right person for me, but you are right, i do think i need (also want) this relationship which is something i would like to get over but i’m not sure if i can do that while keeping the relationship? hopefully 🙂

thankyou

depression anxiety and my boyfriend

justwanttobehappy123 — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 12:16:58 GMT

hi thankyou for replying, what you said has been helpful. i will let my psychologist know tomorrow that i didn’t go too well with ‘releasing’ him and that’s a problem that i would like to i guess fix or learn to work with.

yes you’re right i think most of my anxieties stem from a lack of self esteem which means that my boyfriend is who/what makes me happy and i can’t be on my own.

my psychologist is helping with this to try to build my self-esteem but when i get down and sad i feel like i haven’t gotten no where and i feel terrible about myself. however once i get out of that stage i do see how much i have changed and how my self esteem is slowly growing and i can now have a good time with my friends and i now enjoy one of my hobbies again which is colouring books (which i do alone), something i stopped doing because i wasn’t enjoying i think because of my depression.

thankyou for saying that you think i can get through this whilst maintaining my relationship, it’s really nice to hear someone say that :). my problem definitely is learning to be my own person and growing my self esteem to learn to be happy on my own. i wasn’t sure if that was going to be possible while being in a relationship?

my boyfriend and i talked after this and i finally realised that he just wants to be there for me and he wants me to be happy. the thing i struggle with him though is he sees my anxiety and depression as something i need to get over, where as i see it as a part of me i need to learn to control. he likes to think that in time and with the psychologist’s help i will be ‘fixed’ or cured and then no more depression and anxiety which isn’t how i see it. but i’m making progress on showing him that!

anyway thank you so much for your reply 🙂

depression anxiety and my boyfriend

BballJ — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 13:54:07 GMT

Hi justwanttobehappy123,

I think you just have to keep working with your psychologist and working through everything, it is such a long process but you can get there, I believe you can build your own self esteem whilst maintaining the relationship. It all just takes commitment and time. Getting your boyfriend to understand depression and anxiety is tough as some people think it is something you just have to get over, you cannot blame them if they haven't experienced it before. Remember, every single day is a chance to get better and grow.

My best,

Jay