topic Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships in Young people

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

Kkgirl — Sat, 09 Sep 2017 02:06:46 GMT

I've been dealing with anxiety and depression and I've been getting professional help since earlier this year, and a few of my friends who are a part of my close friends group knew what was going on. I felt so great having this tight knit groups of friends who were like me safety net, we always had a good time and I could distract myself from all my negative thoughts.

Things got a bit rough with one of the close friends who knew about my situation, and me always being angry and volatile ended up starting arguments every once in while, until one day, a few weeks ago she told me she had had enough of me being like this. We still all sit together and I'm still included when we hang out and stuff, but for the past few weeks things have been super tense. Even other friends in the group who never had problems with me were suddenly distant towards me and even quite snappy and irritated when I tried to have normal conversations we would have.

This really got to me and I had no idea why all of them had been acting different so I decided to ask them, as a group message, and also explained to those in the group who didn't know, what I was going through.

But that just seemed to push them further away. No one responded to that message. I don't know but they seem to think the solution to what I'm going through is to just make me feel more lonely, excluded and forgotten?. Yes I still sit with them and I am a part of the conversations and plans they make, but (I don't know if it's just me) it just really feels like things are different and they're as not as close and don't like me as much as they used to, but noones confronted me about it so I don't know why things are this way.

Part of me wants to ask them what the deal is, but I just don't know how to ask without them being more irritated and distant with me. And it's just the worst timing, being the final week of year 12, and I've not only lost my bestfriend/relationship but I also feel like I'm losing my group of best friends. I really don't want to, and I want those friends to be a part of my future but I feel like it's too late, and they're only including me for the sake of school.

theres just so many things going on and I keep wasting so many days feeling lonely, bored, unmotivated to do anything I enjoy and just depressed. I literally just sit here feeling like "bleh" and I just can't explain, and it's also taking ages between psych appointments and I just don't know

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

white knight — Sat, 09 Sep 2017 10:07:02 GMT

Hi kkgirl, welcome

Yeh, psych appts take forever whereas we are here 24/7 so at leadt you can chat and ask questions.

As a rule you cant force friendships. You have to wait till they come to you. If you have to make people explain their friendship then they arent friends.

Please read the following thread. Use google

Topic: they just wont understand why? - beyondblue

Good luck. Friends are great but as a bunch they can be fairly nasty.

Tony WK

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

Kkgirl — Sun, 10 Sep 2017 11:55:40 GMT

I feel like I have no one to talk to. I just feel really lonely and like I don't have any real friends to enjoy the last week of school. This is not the life I want to live and I don't know how to make anything better. I've lost everyone, without being given a reason why. I just wish I knew what was wrong with me and why everyone can so easily let go of me.

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

BballJ — Sun, 10 Sep 2017 13:21:56 GMT

Hi Kkgirl,

Sorry to read what you are going through at the moment, I remember my high school years, particular year 12 and not really having any friends to celebrate it all with. As someone who has suffered from mental health for many years I know when telling friends, they simply don't always understand what it means and get a little scared to talk about it due to the unknown. There really isn't anything you can do in those instances as much as we wish there was, a lot of people just do not know how to respond. I think it is good they are still including you in things and sometimes our minds are our own worst enemy and allow us to overthink every scenario in our heads, for example if you feel they are being distant, you are almost looking for reasons to say they are being distant. It may or may not be happening but our minds tell us it is.

May I ask, how often are you seeing your psych, you said it's a long time between appointments? You need to keep focusing on getting yourself better as well as much as you can.

Please, feel free to post back as much as you like, we are always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

swtpotato — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 02:27:09 GMT

Hi Kkgirl,

First know that you can talk to anyone on here and you will always have support! I think I know how you feel, I was feeling very similar just a few weeks ago when my depression suddenly became too much for my friends to handle.

Loneliness and abandonment are very painful feelings, and can easily make us act desperate to connect with others and resentful when people act un a unpredictable way. People can act in seemingly cruel ways when they do not know how to deal with a situation. Some people refuse to see the negative part of life and avoid it whenever it crops up. This is their own issue to deal with.

I would suggest first acknowledging these feelings and try and not be ashamed of them, but also try to avoid projecting them onto your friends. Perhaps try focusing on yourself and acknowledging that you have the ability to validate and encourage yourself regardless of how other people are acting.

Your friends may come to understand what is going on in time, they may just have their own individual stresses to deal with first. Please be kind to yourself, it is a very difficult thing to handle.

Tbh I am not really sure what I am talking about, and still need practice in helping people here I think. What are your thoughts on this?

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

startingnew — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 10:22:50 GMT

hello Kkgirl

welcome to the forums

the others here have offered some great advice.

i remember when i was going through high school (only 3 yrs ago) and how hard it was when youfelt like you ahd no one. you said its the last week of school as in for the term or for the year?

have you got any friends outside school such as people in interest groups? alot of the time if im being honest here is that msot high school friendships dont really last but when you get jobs or start uni and make new friends they generally last longer because you ahve a life outside of school as well

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

Kkgirl — Sat, 16 Sep 2017 05:38:53 GMT

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses

Yeah this week was my last week of formal schooling in year 12, and now I've just got graduation week next week and then the hsc.

This week has been significantly better-- I got a chance to spend time and talk to a lot of friends who are not part of my close group, I finally saw my psych after 5 weeks and got the mental health care plan sorted and just had a chance to reminisce on all those years of school tbh.

As for my close group, I'm still included and they've been nice to me, I figured there was no point confronting them about the ugly and it would be better just to enjoy the week as much as I could. Honestly though, I miss being close to my best friends from that group, and things still feel different, and I feel like they're not willing to join me in resolving things properly. I still feel quite invisible and ignored and intentionally or unintentionally left out, especially when my group joins with other groups.

the last week of school also really got me thinking about who will be there when school ends, and how many of these people are only my friends because we see eachother at school everyday. And that scares me, ive always expected for myself to have at least some of those people in my future, e.g. My guy best friend, who drifted this year after our relationship got complicated, and my group of girls who have just become annoyed with me. And now I'm scared they won't be a part of my future and I've just messed up.

I don't know it's all just scary, and right now I can't really talk to any of my friends about it. And idk just feeling alone scares me, I don't have many friends out of school either. I feel like I didn't have the final year I expected to have this year and it makes me depressed. And unless I am distracted, which is quite rarely, I just find myself being drowned in all these thoughts and not knowingness what to do. Maybe I am just overthinking things but I just can't think rationally and get on with my life!!!

Whoops I didn't realise I had so much to get out, sorry for another massive post. Thank you all for your support, I hope I can overcome this and do the same for others soon.

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

startingnew — Sat, 16 Sep 2017 10:30:35 GMT

Good luck with your HSC

im glad your week has been better, no use worrying about things that might not last after school finishes.
Im glad you were able to get to see your psychologist and getting your MH plan as well.

Youll be able to make new friends, try not to worry about your friendships. I had the same thoughts and I had 3 close friends I dont even speak to them now. After the hsc they didnt want anything to do with me, deleted and blocked me on fb and these were the people I thought were my best friends.

I understand how you feel, but if they dont hang around then you know they werent real friends

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

BballJ — Sun, 17 Sep 2017 12:00:21 GMT

Hi Kkgirl,

I think one to thing to realise is that you do not stop making friends once high school finishes, in fact I think once you finish high school and go to uni or get a full time job, you start making all these new friends, I know a lot of people who didn't meet their best friends until later on in life because other things draw you together and when you are working in a career you want or studying a subject you want, you end up meeting like minded people who most likely share the same common interests as you and that allows you to make friends easier and more longer lasting. Try to enjoy everything about graduation and make the most of it.

It is great you are back seeing your psych as well.

My best,

Jay

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

Kkgirl — Mon, 18 Sep 2017 08:00:50 GMT

Maybe, things will be better in the future, but that doesn't seem to settle me for right now.

I can't not remind myself of how I messed up with my friends, and being paranoid that none of them like me and are spending time without me. And I don't know how to explain how I'm feeling but just thinking of how I lost my friendship with my two best friends and they're gonna be friends once school ends but I'm not, and they are people that really matter to me. I'm just angry at myself for all the things I did to push them away and I keep just trying to think of what I should've and could've done, and what I can do now to fix things between us, even though reality is it's up to them.

its really just messing me up, yeah the future will hold better friends, but right now and for the rest of this year I can't stand feeling like I have no one. My friendships just all could've been so good if this depression and anxiety and paranoia didn't get to me... I hate it

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

BballJ — Mon, 18 Sep 2017 12:32:50 GMT

Hi Kkgirl,

I understand everything you are saying, it may be worth speaking to these two best friends and trying to iron it all out, living with regret and thinking about all the should of could of's can really bring us down when we are dealing with anxiety and depression, these sorts of things really play on our minds. I know you feel they are in control of how you feel but you have to remember, you are as well and if you thinking being honest with them will help, then maybe it is worth a chance.

My best,

Jay

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

startingnew — Thu, 21 Sep 2017 05:00:01 GMT

hi Kkgirl

your proabably getting through your HSC within the next week or so

good luck with it and i hope that you do well

in regards to your friends, i understand and its upsetting try to focus on your hsc and studies and hopefully things will work out for the better for yuo

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

Kkgirl — Thu, 21 Sep 2017 05:53:11 GMT

Hmmmm graduation last night and I just feel horrible. Swimming in regret for not graduating how I wanted to, with the people I wanted to. I didn't even get a hug from a single "best friend" and they were hesitant to take photos with me too. Yeah they're small stupid things, but I look at them having such a great time, and I look at me and I just feel so lonely and unaccomplished and just different. I miss and love all these people and I don't know what to do or how I'm feeling right now, I'm literally just wishing to restart this year ... or just reset these friendships... even though it's impossible

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

startingnew — Thu, 21 Sep 2017 05:56:36 GMT

hi Kkgirl

i understand the same feeling. your explaining my graduation all over again. sure they are small things but they are still hard and they still have a big effect. im sorry that happened to you too. im not sure what i can say to make you feel better except that im hearing you and i understand.

sending lots of hugs

xoxoxox

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

Guest_9546 — Thu, 21 Sep 2017 06:22:13 GMT

Hey Kkgirl

I myself am a HSC student. Funnily enough my school's graduation was today and I decided not to go because I hated high school.

My advice that I would give you is simply move on and know that in the future you will find a new friendship group at uni who will (hopefully) not be like those at high school.

I absolutely hate high school. I hate every second, minute, hour, day and week of high school. This isn't just from students but from teachers as well (as well as how the education system is run in NSW).

Given that I hate high school so much (to the point where I considered it "traumatic") the only thing that keeps me less anxious and less depressed about high school is that once I finish my HSC and get the heck out of this high school nonsense I will hopefully look forward to uni (although I may bump into people from high school but I guess that's intentional). I am looking forward to uni, meeting new people and making new friends and leave behind the nonsense of high school as I believe that the bad memories of high school will start to be replaced with good new memories of university, attending fun social events with new friends, etc.

I absolutely hate the HSC and think that the HSC is nothing more but an "industry" of moneygrubbing HSC tutors and lecture companies mass advertising everywhere (in some sense) to beat their "competitors". It is so god damm annoying reading the same thing over and over again when you don't want to utilise their service (especially when they cost money). Once I leave high school I just hope that no one from uni will have their "HSC ego" within them

As I said replace bad memories of high school with good new memories with new friends and such

Does that help?

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

BballJ — Thu, 21 Sep 2017 12:45:25 GMT

Hi Kkgirl,

Like startingnew said, I do not also know what to say to make you feel better but I also understand what you have said I do really hope it starts to get better for you.

My best,

Jay

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

swtpotato — Thu, 21 Sep 2017 23:14:44 GMT

Hey kkgirl,

These are not small things. Sometimes it's just a look, a hesitation, a tone of voice, that hurts the most, especially when you are already feeling so sensitive. I understand what this feels like, at least how it has felt for me. You might feel so silly and childish for hurting so much (coming from comments like 'don't take it so personally', 'attention seeker' ah so annoying, you can feel what you want) but your inner self is simply more vulnerable than others to outside hurt.

Of course you want that friendship back! Of course you want attention and validation! Who doesn't?? You deserve all of these things --- and you don't need to be or do anything different to deserve it, you always do.

Anyway this is obviously coming from my own experience and I might possibly be still angry about it but the point is -- let yourself feel petty, or needy, or clingy, regretful or resentful. They are just normal reactions with nothing to do with you as a person. It will hurt, then it will pass, and you will continue creating your life. But I am sorry how this has affected your last bit of school.

What are you planning to do for the summer?

What are your uni plans? Maybe setting out goals and figuring out what you want from the next few months, like a personal project, will help you transition.

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

swtpotato — Thu, 21 Sep 2017 23:23:49 GMT

Hi again,

I just read through your posts again and just wanted to add a bit.

When I am depressed I think I have no friends, all of my interactions are stilted and awkward, I feel like everyone is avoiding me and ignoring me, and that my depression is really annoying them. I feel like that's it for the friendships, that I ruined everything.

But then I start to feel a little better. I am better at talking with my friends, having fun and also explaining my feelings and they are more receptive. I realise yes I was annoying but that doesn't mean our friendships are over. I also have the capacity to invest in them and other people more and take things less personally.

So just remember that depression tends to make you catastrophize everything, magnify everything bad/off, and believe that the bad will last forever, which then affects your behaviour and relationships -- these are all distortions. Things will change. I'll believe this for you if you cannot.

keep going with your treatment and self-care

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

Kkgirl — Fri, 22 Sep 2017 00:38:59 GMT

Hey startingnew and bballj,

Thank you for taking the time to respond. Most people have not known what to say to me when I’ve opened up to them and they’ve just given up. It really is comforting to hear that there are people who actually understand and have gone through similar things. I look to you guys to give me the motivation to keep going and hope for a brighter future.

hey swtpotato,

thank you for being so understanding. I just wish my friends understood, and could be patient with the unintentional words, feelings and actions that have been a result of my depression. But of course, it’s not something easy dor them to understand, or want to deal with especially at this time :/. I really hope there will be better days with them, but atm I feel like I’ve dug a hole too deep, where even on my good days, I’m simply ignored in fear that my depression will “ruin” their days. I broke the rule of leaving it be and decided to ask my best friend, why she and the others have been distant and avoiding me lately. To that she responded that she was sick of the drama I caused and she did not see our friendship working out and couldn’t force it, and she was not to blame for my loss of friendships and exclusion by others ( even though I explicitly know that she’s said things to turn the rest of the group against me, and gotten others to exclude me from gatherings).

i don’t know, I was kind of shocked by that. I mean is there still hope for us to one day be the friends we were again? Idk I really hope so, she gave up on me so easily. And this is the second time almost exactly the same thing has happened this year, first being with my other bestfriend. And now my other close friends too. I really don’t want to lose them, because they really do mean a lot to me, and it’s gonna suck if all my best friends are gonna have eachother in their lives once school ends, but I won’t.

As for summer plans, my group of friends and I organised to go away for a while. I’m not sure how that is gonna go down, or if they will still want me there. Formal tonight I am going together with them and I am really gonna feel the awkwardness and distance. So pretty much I just have the next month or so just waiting and hoping that things will sort themselves out between my friends and I.... and it’s this waiting that is messing me up even more... waiting for the better that will never come ??

Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

startingnew — Fri, 22 Sep 2017 00:41:56 GMT

hi kkg girl

im just about to log off for the morning but i wanted to let you know im hearing you and that i understand completley where your coming from

ill write a better response this afternoon 🙂