topic Does the sadness last forever? in Young people

Does the sadness last forever?

LuLu_ — Thu, 07 Dec 2017 07:52:23 GMT

Hello to those who are reading

I have been struggling with severe depression for a couple of years now. There have been many influential and significant events in the most important years of my life that have shaped who I am and I believe I will forever be changed for better or for worse.

I was wondering. Will a small piece of my depression be with me forever? Will a small piece of the extreme sadness I have felt stay within?

Please share your recovery journey or any thoughts that are on your mind. Any support and knowledge would be appreciated.

Lulu

Does the sadness last forever?

Croix — Thu, 07 Dec 2017 09:01:36 GMT

Dear LuLu~

I can only give you an answer in what has happened to me. I tried for years undiagnosed to deal with PTSD anxiety and depression. I went further and further down until I could not function. Initial medical treatment when it came did improve matters as did the removal of a major stressor, my employment.

If you had asked my during those early years if I thought it possible for the depression and other symptoms to leave I would have said no.

My treatment, meds, hospital and family support all contributed to improvment. This has (by and large) kept up until now I'm not depressed for very long periods and the bouts, when they come, are short. Anxiety has lessened, and can mainly be dealt with.

Do I have a happy life? Yes. Extreme sadness? No

Of course one is changed by the events in one's life, they certainly put me in a very bad place. But that is not all. Treatment takes time. Perspective and coping skills grow with experience too. Plus I believe - at least in my case - time has greatly lessened symptoms.

If you are like me depression and sadness will have shorter and shorter bouts and be mostly manageable when they hit.

I don't know if that is much help to you, at least you know from my example a much better life is possible

Croix

Does the sadness last forever?

Sad_Mushroom — Thu, 07 Dec 2017 09:46:03 GMT

Hi LuLu,

As with Croix, I can only answer for me and my experience.

You ask "Will a small piece of my depression be with me forever? Will a small piece of the extreme sadness I have felt stay within?"

Yes and no. I have been over my depression for years now and at first, was waiting for it to come back. I was more anxious waiting for it to come back than when I was suffering previously. It never came back.

Now I can think about those times and though I feel sad about the things that happened the happy memories from earlier on in my life are shining through with a vengeance. I can remember bad/sad things but also see the good things that happened before and after without the bad/sad things hanging around for more than a few minutes. There's no more dwelling on bad times.

I'm glad I can remember and 'feel' the sadness as it's helped me to understand others who are still suffering.

So for me. Yes, a little bit of the depression has stayed deep within me. No, it's not the same as feeling depressed. For me, once the depression was gone, the happy memories, which I had forgotten about or just never seen as happy at the time, began shining through.

Does the sadness last forever?

blondguy — Thu, 07 Dec 2017 10:12:34 GMT

Hey LuLu

You have been on the forums for a while now and you have written a great thread topic here LuLu

To answer your thread topic question....Just in my opinion....no I dont think the sadness lasts forever....I used to have chronic anxiety which dissipated after 15 years....yet the depression kicked in afterwards which I still have even though its manageable.

Your question in the body of your first post is another matter....you asked "Will a small piece of my depression be with me forever?" This is an excellent question that doesnt really have an answer...unfortunate LuLu.

Even if you had a blank cheque for the best counselor available he/she would struggle to answer your question

The Good News 🙂

This is my 22nd year dealing with clinical depression. Having super regular counseling (weekly is great....fortnightly is okay) is one of the keys that unlocks the door to peace of mind. It takes a ton of determination and perseverance but it does work......

I have been on a tiny dosage of antidepressants for these 22 years but they werent a fix all. They did provide me with a solid platform on which I healed more effectively using frequent counseling....

You are an amazing person LuLu for creating such a great post and good on you!

I hope some of this has been a help to you

My Kind thoughts

Paul

Does the sadness last forever?

LuLu_ — Thu, 07 Dec 2017 10:45:49 GMT

Hi Croix

Thank you for your reply I am very grateful.

Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad you now experience happy moments and I hope the happy moments fill your life most of the time from now on.

My depression has become apart of me. I say that carefully because my psychologist doesn’t want me to identify myself by my illness. But it is hard as I don’t know when I’m talking and when my depression is talking.

Nice to hear from you Sad Mushroom

I can relate to your feeling of liking the sadness as it allows you to connect to others in pain. I am scared to let anything in for fear of it overwhelming me. I push my feelings right inside of me. However the sadness persists. It’s not that I want it to go away for it has given me great insight. It’s just I wanted to know if the sadness in me will leave me, personally I’d like to hold onto it, so it can connect me to a time of great pain. I want the sadness to keep me empathetic and human.

I like how you said that a little part of your depression stayed with you but oh do not feel depressed. I hope the light memories keep shining through for you. I hope the sunshine is so bright it evaporates the rain.

Thank you for sharing your story, it makes me feel less alone being able to say these things.

Hello blondguy

Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. You are helping me feel less alone.

The loneliness follows me and the sadness sits on my shoulder. Your compliments warm my heavy heart and bring tears to my eyes. I am in need of some kind caring people like you in my life.

I understand you have to want to get better to recover. This is a scary concept for me. I am not ready to want recovery. i am not ready to hate my depression or want it to leave.

I do believe counselling is key. I attend my sessions regularly and they do help me talk through and understand myself more. I have a long way to go though.

Thank you for your helpful and insightful response. I hope you are well and in a good place.

Vincent Van Gogh expressed his pain through the words “The sadness will last forever”. These words inspired me to write this post.

The sadness inside me resides in my heart. It’s always there. I may feel a moment of goodness but if I give my sadness attention I can feel it’s presence inside of me. The sadness makes me feel human. I feel numb mostly so being able to feel the bad lets me know I’m alive.

Thank you for your kindness

I hope to gain a small group as I and others are in need of support.

Lulu x

Does the sadness last forever?

blondguy — Thu, 07 Dec 2017 19:51:06 GMT

Hello LuLu

Thankyou for posting back and for your wonderful heartfelt feedback. I am doing okay with my depression as its been under management (my great GP) for 22 years. Just for me it does feel like I wear crutches every few months for a little while....Thankyou for having the TLC to ask too x

I think that Sad Mushroom has made a great point mentioning "Yes, a little bit of the depression has stayed deep within me. No, it's not the same as feeling depressed. For me, once the depression was gone, the happy memories, which I had forgotten about or just never seen as happy at the time, began shining through"

I am happy that you are on the forums LuLu

You have written a very good thread here. Nice1

I hope Friday is good to you 🙂

My Kindest

Paul

Does the sadness last forever?

LuLu_ — Fri, 08 Dec 2017 01:15:09 GMT

Hi blondguy

My psychologist says that I try to give 110% towards my friends in the hope that they will give me a small part of themselves. I don’t give in the hope of a return but it is hard to keep giving when you are too exhausted to give to yourself.

I read a quote that interested me. “Do not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.” I feel like i am all burnt out. I am in need of thoughtfulness and care. I am a little fragile at the moment.

Thank you for sharing your personal journey. How long did it take to get your depression to a manageable level? I too feel I have moments where I need crutches to keep me upright. How do you find the strength to keep yourself together when you feel you have no one around you? I am feeling quite alone and sad.

I hope to hear from you soin

lulu 🙂

Does the sadness last forever?

LuLu_ — Wed, 13 Dec 2017 03:38:35 GMT

Hello

I just wanted to express my hope that new and old members will feel welcome here. Please share your worries and advice. I look forward to hearing from you.

lulu

Does the sadness last forever?

Doolhof — Wed, 13 Dec 2017 05:38:28 GMT

HI LuLu,

Sometimes I worry that I will not be able to get on top of my depression. I felt that way a couple of days ago, then I read some very comforting words another user had written on the forum, and I found a sense of hope once again.

There are days when this illness can feel very consuming. It is then that we need to put strategies into action so we don't go under.

Hope you are doing okay LuLu.

Cheers from Dools

Does the sadness last forever?

LuLu_ — Wed, 13 Dec 2017 08:34:20 GMT

Hi Dools

I worry that too. My main worry is that i am selfish for not wanting to get better and also that i am a bad person. Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your post immensely.

lulu

Does the sadness last forever?

white knight — Wed, 13 Dec 2017 14:09:43 GMT

Hi lulu

Please google

Topic: dysthymia- beyondblue

Topic: worry worry worry- beyondblue

Tony WK

Does the sadness last forever?

LuLu_ — Fri, 15 Dec 2017 10:42:30 GMT

Hi Tony

Thank you very much for the links.

do you have any advice for posting on my personal thread? I am feeling a bit lost.

Thank you

lulu

Does the sadness last forever?

Doolhof — Fri, 15 Dec 2017 20:40:45 GMT

Hi LuLu,

Can you explain how you are feeling a bit lost on your own thread?

Do you feel like you need to keep it going but don't know what to post there, that it is becoming too much, it is going off track, you are tired of it, or something else altogether?

The thing with threads, is they sometimes have a mind of their own it seems to me! Some take off and run for ages, some disappear like a puff of wind in no time at all. It just happens that way.

Some threads are brought back to life and buzz on for ages, then go flat again. It just happens that way.

Would you like to share what you mean in your comment to White Knight? I could be barking up the wrong tree here!

Cheers from Dools

Does the sadness last forever?

LuLu_ — Sun, 17 Dec 2017 12:34:05 GMT

Hi dools

I feel like I am saying all the wrong things. Maybe i am just talking about me and people don’t like that. I feel like i am worried i will say the wrongs things which will send people away and I will be left alone. I get thoughts of being a burden. I know it’s a little over dramatic but I feel like I could be wasting peoples time, causing hem unnecessry annoyance.

I really just want people to notice me and acknowledge my presence if they want to, to offer advice or their own stories. I’ve been feeling invisible for as long as I can remember which makes me feel very inferior. Maybe i am being too needy and need to just let people be.

I am sorry for the badly written post. My thoughts aren’t together at the moment. Thank you for listening reading and for taking the time to reply. It means so much.

lulu

Does the sadness last forever?

LuLu_ — Mon, 01 Jan 2018 05:29:46 GMT

Hello

I can’t feel.

It’s unsettling because empathy was the one thing that I liked about myself and now I feel nothing.

I feel numb. It scares me that i will never feel again. I don’t want to live an existence where I feel nothing.

Has anyone experienced this before? Did you ever feel again?

lulu

Does the sadness last forever?

Croix — Mon, 01 Jan 2018 11:50:51 GMT

Dear LuLu~

You said before: I don’t know when I’m talking and when my depression is talking

Your empathy, ability to care, understand and love is just as much there as it has ever been, it is just temporarily out of your reach.

When I've been relay in the clutches of depression my link to myself has gone and I have been numb too. In some ways it is as if I'm on one side of a thick glass sheet and the whole world, including myself and my ability to feel is on the other side. I ask myself if I love this person - no answer, I ask myself can I love - no answer, the questions did not even seem to make sense.

Incredibly worrying.

It may not be exactly as I described, we are all different after all, but it will be sufficiently similar you should be able to recognize something and know it is temporary, it will lift for you as well.

You started with a Van Gogh quote, so I'll give you one back "Great things are done by a series of small things brought together." OK, in a lot of ways that is how one reduces the power of depression or so I have found. With treatment, lifestyle, distractions, self reward. Small steps to small attainable victories, all leading towards a better life.

Your empathy will return

Croix

Does the sadness last forever?

Sad_Mushroom — Wed, 03 Jan 2018 07:03:54 GMT

Hi LuLu,

STOP for a minute and think.

If you know you want to feel empathy then you have not forgotten about it. Just because things now are taking over does not mean you cannot or will never feel it again. Knowing enough to post about it means you are feeling, just probably not recognising it as you used to.

There is more to us all than feelings. Sometimes a part of ourselves will slacken off to allow for other more important things to take place. Maybe, for now, you are dealing with other issues and your brain just says "hold on, I need more brain space for me" and as such your empathy levels have petered off.

Not feeling can be your own self telling you, you need to focus on YOU more. Maybe you need to mend before you can try and help others. Seriously, sometimes we all need to mend ourselves first!

No point pushing a cart to deliver food for starving people if the wheels on the cart are broken.

Sorry LuLu, it might be time to focus on you more.

Does the sadness last forever?

LuLu_ — Thu, 04 Jan 2018 03:33:58 GMT

Hi Croix

I like your metaphor of being behind glass and your use of quote. I too feel everything that makes me, me is out of reach and behind thick glass.

I feel I am combating a mountain where I cannot see the top, and no matter how many steps I take the fog seems to become even thicker. My life seems to be an impossible task. I don’t mean to sound so dramatic but I feel as though I’ve been climbing for a long time, and falling.

Wouldn’t it be nice to just be able to sit on the ledge for a while? Wouldn’t it be nice for someone to say wow look how far you have come, or you may not be able to see it but you have done a great job?

I know the most gratifying thing is when you can see your own progress without people pointing it out. But at this moment I feel I am stuck. I feel it’s my fault for not making it to the top of the mountain. I am tired.

I am sorry. I have written far more than you needed in reply.

thank you for sharing your perspective and insight. You reassurance that it will pass is comforting but i am not sure I believe it yet.

I really do appreciate you reading and writing in response.

lulu

Does the sadness last forever?

LuLu_ — Thu, 04 Jan 2018 03:40:36 GMT

Hi SM

I like how you describe the balance. How something must “slacken off” for another to sort of gain a higher place of influence.

I fear I think of myself too often. My parents point out that I don’t do enough for them and others. They don’t realise how hurtful this can be. I don’t mean to be selfish. I feel sort of trapped because my depression is still present and I can’t decide when i am being me or when my depression is shining through. I have a nature to please. I dislike heavily to upset others. I do want to be selfless and help everyone and do my bit. But I seem to be doing it all wrong.

i agree I must heal. But how do you heal when so many other things and people are taking so much from you and expecting so much. The expectations are painful and diminishing.

Thank you so much for your reply. My instinct tells me to focus on me. But then I hear the words selfish and thoughtless and my head starts to spin.

your words mean more than you will ever know

thank you for your kindness

lulu

Does the sadness last forever?

Croix — Thu, 04 Jan 2018 12:11:34 GMT

Dear LuLu~
I get the feeling you give more than you really are capable of, and the end up effect on you is harmful. I quite believe you when you say “I do want to be selfless and help everyone and do my bit” and sadly in your mind you are not doing this.

Instead of being supported and told to do what you can it sounds like the opposite is happening and you are being told you are selfish – which is quite the reverse of what you need.

Actually I suspect you are in two minds, the painful powerful part accepting this and feeling you are at fault, letting people down. The other part of your mind knows this is simply not the case. The problem is getting to believe and accept that other part.

Actually to even think that with even part of your mind makes me feel you are doing pretty well, all things considered. You have a very hard road and are traveling it without the support I had, which shows both strength and resilience. You say it is gratifying for you to see your own progress – true however being told that by others is necessary, and people that should be saying it are letting you down.

Looking at myself I was on the same mountain, all obscured by the fog of depression. Then a little change in my thinking and I was a lot better, the mountain was not there anymore and ideas of how high I was climbing and how far I had to go no longer applied. I’d expect that is what will happen to you.

You may not really believe it at the moment, however it does happen, I’m a real person, not just a few lines of text, with a real MH history, we have both seen that dividing glass, and it happened for me. I’m pretty good now.

Croix