topic No Social Media Limiting Friendships in Young people

No Social Media Limiting Friendships

HiddenGirl — Thu, 06 Jul 2017 13:49:01 GMT

Hey guys. Hope you are having a good day.

As a teenager who does not have social media, such as instagram or snapchat, I sometimes feel like I miss out on friendships. My current friendship group only talks about school, social media and other people, resulting in very limited topics for me to talk to them about. I'm not in the same classes as most of them, so school is a very limited topic. As I said before, I don't have social media, so social media is a no-go. Unfortunately, my friends love to gossip about this particular girl and her friends (they even have an instagram chat about her), but I have nothing against this girl, so once again, nothing to talk about. Last year, every inside joke was about how stupid I was, but after changing classes, I kinda distanced from my current friendship group (as of lack of communication and realisation of my somewhat toxic friendship).

Because I couldn't just walk away from a group of friends in high-school (as I'm a coward who's scared of gossip), and because I have no other friends except for some girls who I sit with in class, who have their own friends, I am still friends with this group of friends. But after my attempt at distancing myself, I have resulted in no close friends what so ever. I have lost contact with all friends from primary school, as I have moved states (and have no social media), and I have no current 'close friends'.

Back onto the topic of social media, I have noticed that a lot of times I am uninvited to an event as I am not part of an instagram group. Maybe they just don't want to invite me, but I can't help to wonder if I would be invited if i had social media. I also can't help to wonder if I would have more friends with social media, with the possibility to talk about instagram/snapchat.

I don't want to get social media just because it is the only way for me to get actual friends. I don't know, maybe this is my 'stupid teenage phase' or something, but I really want to have real friends who aren't so focused on posting aesthetic instagram pictures or streaks. I know that I should be grateful that I at least have friends, but I can't help but be greedy and want sincere friends. Maybe I am doing something wrong when it comes to friendships, but after everyone telling me that 'lifelong friendships begin in high-school', I am extremely worried.

Thank-you for taking the time to read my rant. Please help me / tell me if I'm over-reacting.

No Social Media Limiting Friendships

Vegetarian Marshmallow — Thu, 06 Jul 2017 14:16:58 GMT

Well, it's definitely easier to invite people to things with facebook. But maybe you can just text message or call people and they will learn that that's the way you like to interact, rather than social media. I know one person who doesn't have social media who has an active social life, so she makes it work. And a few more who have social media, but don't actually use it apart from for being notified of events. And then they talk about the upcoming events with people in person or text message, instead of interacting with the facebook event. Just do whatever works for you.

No Social Media Limiting Friendships

Vegetarian Marshmallow — Thu, 06 Jul 2017 14:19:48 GMT

Try organising events and get-togethers yourself. If you do something fun, people will want to come. Even just asking someone to come around for tea.

No Social Media Limiting Friendships

okadoka — Thu, 06 Jul 2017 15:17:03 GMT

Hi there,

It's good to know that you are not chasing people. As of my own experience in school (about 12 years ago when I was in 8th standard), I remember how it can become awkward when you are not aware of the topic of discussion among a group. But, not being able to be a part of discussion of the topics of other girl's interests doesn't make you less knowledgeable. Probably, it's just something you don't want to relate to.

It's good that you sit in class with other students who are not your best friends, suggesting that you are an independent and courageous girl for not just clinging to one person. That would greatly help you in university.

And well done for not taking part in gossiping as it isn't really a good skill to have; It can provide temporary entertainment but does no good in long term.

I have been on and off the social media and I agree that we tend to miss events and plans when we are not active. The other day I was watching an interview of the Katy Perry on the television show 'the project', where she said "I have millions of followers on Instagram but at the end of the day, I'm looking for real connections".

May be you can join a 'Meetups' group in your city to take part in activities that you are passionate about.

Life long friendship can begin at any stage of the life. You will meet many people, be friends with some, some will stay and some won't. Don't worry about that at all.

No Social Media Limiting Friendships

romantic_thi3f — Fri, 07 Jul 2017 07:37:46 GMT

Hi HiddenGirl,

Thanks for your post.

What you're going through is not a 'stupid teenage phase' at all and I understand it and can see where you are coming from. It can be quite confusing and isolating; not knowing if social media is the reason that you're not being invited to parties and feeling quite distanced from people.

In your post you mentioned that if you had social media you might have more friends. To that I would say - absolutely. But those people might not be sincere, and if they are, they might not even be friends for long. I see where you're coming from with the aesthetic, and that is a big part of social media. To be 'in' and 'trendy'.

When I was in school the big rage was 'Telstra 1c text' (I feel so old now) - but I was/am on Optus so it cost 25c to send a text to me, and only 1c to send a text to everyone else - so of course I was left out of conversations, and then when I couldn't watch the shows they watched at night I was left out too. So social media or not, there can and will always be that chance you can be isolated from conversations.

With all that said though, the twist is - if you have genuine and sincere friends, what you watch/do and what social media platforms you're on won't matter at all, because they'll like you for you. I wonder if maybe it's worth trying to reach out a little more to other people? Maybe you could find your sincere friends that way. Alternatively you could always bring it up with your friends - maybe they forget that they're not inviting you or don't realise that you want to come?

Oh, and one last thing 🙂 I didn't find my genuine friends until after high school, and neither did they - or my parents or their parents. The world is so much bigger than Instagram and Snapchat.