topic i have an imaginary friend in Young people

i have an imaginary friend

kebsong — Wed, 05 Jul 2017 15:05:01 GMT

hi, so this is my first post/thing/whatever and i don't know what to say or do, so please forgive me for being awkward. i also do not know where to put this so ....

i have a pretend friend. i know she's not real. everyone involved in my life thinks she is. i have this whole story i've made up about this person; i've made up how we met, how we still talk on a frequent basis, what her personality is, what she looks like, etc, etc. it's gotten to a point where i've forgotten on certain occasions that she wasn't real - where i'd go to my contacts and wonder for a minute why her name isn't there. it didn't start out weirdly; i've always like spinning stories of people that i make up. it's something i do to keep myself in check, kind of like forced daydreaming. i've been doing this since i was a kid. but whereas i abandon the other 'stories' and make new ones, i've found myself building onto this one and making it feel real.

i am still in school and i am diagnosed (unofficially, but professionally) to have minor social anxiety and minor depression. my anxiety comes in the form of me being loud and talkative out of fear of silent judgement. i have lied and exaggerated repeatedly to my 'friends' - to the point where i had almost tore a friendship apart.

i feel like i'm finally losing my plot. my relationships with real people are crumbling amazingly fast and i'm clinging to a piece of my imagination. i just need to forget my 'friend' but i don't know how and i just need someone to tell me i'm not going insane

i have an imaginary friend

Just Sara — Wed, 05 Jul 2017 16:13:51 GMT

Hi and welcome to our caring BB community Keb;

This is certainly an interesting story hun. Unfortunately it's late and I'll be in bed soon. So I'll do my best to help if I can ok?

Apart from seeing your psych regularly, I can give my interpretation of how this may have evolved. It's not to say I'm a professional anything, but I have good instincts.

Our brains can be 'tricked' into thinking something's real if we continue to talk and think as if it was. New 'pathways' are created in our brain chemistry each time we 'believe' in something so powerfully, we make it come true, or at least it seems that way.

To undo what's happened is (probably) the same process in reverse. You'll need to discuss this with your therapist as it's a process requiring professional support. I'm hoping you've spoken to your GP about it, or have someone in your life who 'knows'? If not, my advice is to do this asap to help with recovery before adulthood hits.

You can imagine dealing with this while doing your HSC too. You'll need all your mind power to get thru exams and prepare for work or Uni.

So I hope I've helped in some way. I may check in on you tomorrow for an update. Please continue to post; we may end up being a greater support than you thought. 🙂

Be kind with yourself. I hope you have great parents too.

Warm thoughts...

Sara

i have an imaginary friend

kebsong — Wed, 05 Jul 2017 21:50:45 GMT

thanks for taking the time to read my messy post haha

it was pretty late when i wrote it, so i think i left out quite a few details. one thing is that i don't have a regular psych, as i was checked out by an ex-therapist a few years back. she left the country some time last year. HSC aren't a thing in my school either; religious schools have chaplains who aren't particularly supportive of LGBT/people who aren't actually religious. my parents are lovely, accounted for their traditional beliefs and inability to accept mental illness, LGBT, bad grades, etc. they try, of course, but it's hard to change a belief you've had for fifty years, right?
the other thing i didn't really talk about is the actual amount of lying i do everyday. even if saying the truth would be harmless, i keep choosing to say the lie. it's to the point where i suspect compulsive lying (not sure about this, since i haven't gotten it checked out before and i don't want to self-diagnose)

i'm not extremely upset about the imaginary friend thing, it's more like this unwanted factor in my life that's been pushing my anxiety and depression to a new level of high - which then leads to me lying to people more, which then ruins my relationships, which then pushes my anxiety and depression even higher. it's quite a circle of life.

i was thinking last night, actually, about the source of my little friend: would you say that it was made out of boredom or desperation for a close buddy?

to be completely honest, i'm not even sure i put this thread in the right place or if any of this makes sense lol

i have an imaginary friend

james1 — Thu, 06 Jul 2017 00:57:36 GMT

Hey kebsong,

It might be a good idea to run some of these by a new psych or even your GP, because we also can't diagnose.

But your thing about lying and having an imaginary friend rings so true to me, so I thought I'd respond here.

I don't have imaginary friends, but I do daydream excessively and basically have imaginary lives. In uni and high school during holidays, there'd be days where I'd literally lie in bed from when I woke up until lunch, and "live" my alternative lives in daydreams. Then I'd have lunch, play video games which were typically some kind of fantasy role playing thing, and go to bed after dinner at maybe 10, and again daydream for another few hours living another life.

So you could say I missed out on a lot of waking hours through this.

And I also just lie constantly, whether about my weekend, or what I do, or how I meet people. I've never created a person, but I change their stories and just hope that people don't ever meet them.

I don't really have any suggestions for you unfortunately, except for the most simple one: if you catch yourself mid-lie, just say, "I'm lying", and tell the truth or change the topic if it's too hard. People will be shocked at first that you keep lying, but the good friends will stick by you. If you want to make it easier, just start doing it with family or whoever is closest to you.

And for the imaginary friend - I just basically forced myself to not daydream. It was pretty hard because then I felt mega lonely, but that pushed me back to real people.

So you're not insane. I don't know your reasons, but I never knew my own either. I just knew it was negatively impacting my life so I needed to stop it to some degree at least.

James

i have an imaginary friend

Lonelydan — Thu, 06 Jul 2017 01:01:45 GMT

Hey Kebsong, I'm trying to understand, are you identifying as gay and have invented a opposite sex partner (beard so they say) to blend in a homophobic environment. Is that the case??? I'm wondering, if it is it's all understandable. To be in a oppressive religious school and to have parents who have expressed they would not be supportive of a alternative lifestyle I can totally get it, being gay myself. Please keep posting we are all here for you and on your side. Dan...

i have an imaginary friend

kebsong — Thu, 06 Jul 2017 01:53:41 GMT

hey dan,

i'm not quite sure what the case is, really. i am a bisexual female, and i don't know why i'm flaunting a relationship with a fake girl. i think that maybe i've made her up so i could feel like i could be close friends with a girl who won't be homophobic? again, my mind's a mess and i don't know what i'm thinking.

i have an imaginary friend

kebsong — Thu, 06 Jul 2017 01:58:53 GMT

hey james,

i don't think you know how relieved i am to hear that i'm not the only one with such an excessive imagination. reading your post, can i ask you if you ever felt like lying was a thrill? this is where i get a bit worried about myself, because when i get this really relieved feeling when i lie and get away with it. did you ever feel like this, or am i just masochistic?

i have an imaginary friend

james1 — Thu, 06 Jul 2017 03:16:51 GMT

Hey kebsong, I'm glad something has resonated, because sometimes I also feel like the only one. Yes, there is an adrenalin kick to lying and seeing if I will get away with it, then successfully getting away with it.

It's something I've talked to my psych about - I create all these lies and then I forget what is true and what is not. I mean, I know what is true, but I am still confused nonetheless. It's like - do I believe the lie or do I want to believe the lie? Confusing, haha!

So my psych has helped me see that I probably do create lies to create that sense of danger, because I maybe am chasing that. Hard to say why, but the clear thing is it's damaging and I need to stop.

Does anybody know that you do this?

I think for me, telling people that I do this was the biggest step towards fixing it.

James

i have an imaginary friend

kebsong — Thu, 06 Jul 2017 05:25:37 GMT

hey james, my case seems like an echo of your story, haha!

i don't really have anyone that knows about the lies i tell. it all kind links back to my anxiety, i guess? i lie about and exaggerate things so i have things to talk about.
i also don't know who to tell; the person i'm closest with, or people who aren't close enough to me for it to affect them? i can't explain it very well either. since i don't have an official psych or diagnosis, my saying that i lie a lot probably just makes me a bit of a prick.

this is kind of personal, and i understand if you don't answer, but can you pinpoint an exact time where you had begun to lie and daydream?
i find myself wondering if my lying is a side affect of my anxiety and depression.

i have an imaginary friend

Just Sara — Thu, 06 Jul 2017 06:13:26 GMT

Hey again Keb;

It's wonderful you've connected with these amazing people! Shout out to James and Danny!!

I'm absolutely fascinated by this topic. I love learning and these posts have enlightened me in a way that helps me understand, so I can hopefully support you better.

I identify as Bi too, so if there's something I can do to help with this issue, I'm all ears. Danny's a gem of a man who's tucked away in a little piece of my heart tbh. He's done his time in Hell as I have, so I trust his words of genuine support completely.

Being on BB is an opportunity to practice being the 'real' you in 'complete' safety as well as help to discover meaning and relevance in this habit. You're obviously articulate and write really well. It's a big plus for continuing with your journey on this site.

The beautiful thing, is finding people who understand and like James, can identify with you so you don't feel alone. And, there's bound to be people reading who're going to benefit enormously from this thread.

You're one of the bravest young people I've come across on the forum. I'm so proud of you for challenging yourself in this way and opening up about what is certainly a complex issue.

I applaud you; and James? I'm inspired, proud of you, and in awe of your capacity to give of yourself my friend. Bloody courageous both of you...

My kindest;

Sara

i have an imaginary friend

james1 — Thu, 06 Jul 2017 06:46:54 GMT

Thanks Sara. Right back at you 🙂

Hey Keb, ah that's a tough one, mostly because it's been going on for so long. Daydreaming - geez, as long as I can remember really, but if I had to say any particular time...my earliest recollection would be a few years after the original Lord of the Rings trilogy came out and my crush, who became my girlfriend for 4 years, also really liked the movies. I would've been about 12-14?

I think I always had an imaginative mind, but when the relationship anxieties began, that's when the escape became really real. I'm noticing I'm doing it even now in a new relationship - my mind makes me want to escape the possibility of it crashing by living a separate life in my head.

As for the lying - I'd have to say that's pretty ingrained in me. Whether creating stories or just lying about how I'm feeling, I'd say I've always done it. I just got better at creating more elaborate lies as I got older.

It sounds like you're trying to pinpoint it in yourself as well? Perhaps when you first developed the anxiety?

Have you ever spoken to your school counsellor about these things?

James

i have an imaginary friend

kebsong — Thu, 06 Jul 2017 09:01:31 GMT

thanks sara, it really means a lot. bb is one of the most welcoming communities i've ever been a part of. 🙂

hey james,
i'd thought it had started with my anxiety, but i remember lying to my teachers in elementary. i was hoping i could pinpoint something, but it just turns out that it's deeply ingrained in my life, haha.

i'm on school holidays right now, meaning that i probably won't be able to talk to my SC in the next two weeks or so. it's a little hard to explain, but our SCs are chaplains and usually just pray for me in our sessions.

thank you so much for taking your time to reading and replying. i know it seems a little melodramatic, but in the time that this thread has been up, i've really felt like a weight's been somewhat taken off my shoulders.

i have an imaginary friend

solabear — Thu, 06 Jul 2017 10:36:31 GMT

Hey Keb, I'm a female in my early 50's and I can tell you that you are certainly not the only one with this issue. I used to do the same when I was a teenager. I made up people as imaginary friends and told people about them in high school....basically lied. And I also used to daydream about a different life when I was lying in bed from childhood to my 40's. I don't do it anymore....I think I grew out of it.

So you are not alone, and thank you for sharing it with us. And you can talk about anything here, we understand and here to listen and support.

Hugs from Sola

i have an imaginary friend

james1 — Fri, 07 Jul 2017 00:33:21 GMT

Hey keb,

A lot of these things start when we're younger. Even anxiety, which sticks it's head out later, often has roots in earlier life. We can often have predispositions which flare up but don't become diagnosable until later.

Ah, okay. Perhaps it might be good to have a chat to your GP or a doctor if you feel it getting out of hand. Otherwise, there are small steps you can take in finding someone to confide in and who you can try to be truthful with.

Small steps. I still do it, but I do it less now. And that's hopefully what I can continue to say year after year, until it does go away.

James

i have an imaginary friend

kebsong — Fri, 07 Jul 2017 08:16:48 GMT

hey sola and james,

thank you so much for spending time to read and reply.

i'll make sure to see a professional if i feel like i have to. my mind has been a little clearer in the past few days, and i'm going to try to confide in someone.

again, thank you everyone so so much for replying; it really helped me. 🙂

i have an imaginary friend

Just Sara — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 02:09:14 GMT

Hey Keb;

Popping in to see how you're travelling. Don't forget to let us know if you've found the courage to confide in someone or have seen a therapist/counsellor. We're rooting for you ok?

I'm glad to read you've had some quality days; that's a plus. School's back this week, hope all goes well there too.

Miles of smiles;

Sara x

i have an imaginary friend

james1 — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 10:39:17 GMT

Hey K,

That's wonderful. If you ever find yourself falling back into bad habits, it's okay. I've been there too and still do that, so while habits tend to take a while to break, the important thing is that you're trying.

We're here if you need people to listen or to talk to.

James