topic Restrictive parents in Young people

Restrictive parents

rosewater — Thu, 09 Feb 2017 11:12:17 GMT

I'm currently 18 years old and I feel like my parents grip on me hasn't loosed since I was 12. They don't let me leave the house and go out with friends, my dad won't even let me get a job because that would mean 1) I'd be out of the house and 2) Making my own money means gaining financial independence, which he doesn't want. Even if I do manage to convince them to let me go out, they insist on dropping me off and picking me up, and will text/call me the whole time I'm there. During high school I was never even allowed to catch public transport to school.

In terms of my social anxiety, this whole situation just worsens it because whenever my friends make plans or I'm invited to attend some social event I have to turn it down, which then just leaves me feeling isolated and keeps me from meeting new people. So in high school I gained a reputation for being anti-social and a 'loner', basically. I'm starting uni this year which means the only way for me to maintain friendships is to make plans with people (since I can't be around them 5 days a week). My friends are starting to invite me out clubbing and I really want to go but it's too far a reach to even consider my parents allowing me to. I'm jealous of people my age who have more control over their own lives.

I'd like to move out but if I can't even step out the door then moving out is completely out of the question + I don't think I could handle it financially. I don't really know what my question is here but I guess I just needed a place to vent because I feel frustrated and outcast at times. Hope it didn't come across as too angsty.

Restrictive parents

rosewater — Thu, 09 Feb 2017 11:23:03 GMT

I'll also add that I have this fear that I'm going to waste my younger years. My social anxiety is already pretty confining for me and holds me back from doing a lot of things, so this escalates it. I know I'm still relatively young and I have years ahead of me but knowing my parents, I don't know if they'll change until I'm at least out of uni.

Restrictive parents

Rujo — Thu, 09 Feb 2017 11:35:51 GMT

Hi Rosewater,

I just wanted to reply to your post so you know someone has read it and can understand your situation.

I may not really have any advice but just wanted to say please dont ever give up trying. I have a son who is 18 & he wants nothing to do with me - its killing me I cant interact with him as he is an AWESOME kid.

It sounds like your Dad is scared of loosing you - the problem is, he might loose you if he doesnt give you some space. PLEASE dont give up on him - NO ONE can replace your Dad. Keep on trying to talk to him about this, and ALWAYS let him know how much you love him.

Kind regards, Rujo

Restrictive parents

rosewater — Thu, 09 Feb 2017 11:50:59 GMT

Hi Rujo, thanks for the reply. I don't want to give up on my father either. I don't want our relationship to be one of two extremes- either I abide by him 100% or I make my own choices and he disowns me. I would like for there to be some middle ground.

The whole situation with my dad goes a little deeper. He's controlling not only with me but also with my mother. Once me and my mum came home at 10pm from visiting family and he turned it into a massive fight, that's just the sort of person he is. He can get very angry and I'm scared of him so I try my best to play by his rules at all times.

I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your son. I hope it improves and the two of you are able to repair your relationship, all the best and thank you.