topic Intrusive thoughts, anxiety and depression after drinking? Anyone else hate themselves for little or no reason after a night out? in Young people

Intrusive thoughts, anxiety and depression after drinking? Anyone else hate themselves for little or no reason after a night out?

Guest_366278 — Sat, 24 Dec 2016 14:02:09 GMT

I went out last night with a group of about 10 close friends and their partners and friends who I all know well and see on a daily basis and although I don't think I've done anything too embarrassing I feel so embarrassed and am scared to face them tomorrow. I started becoming anxious for the first time in ages before we left the house, After one beer I started convincing myself everyone was angry with me or annoyed by me even though I'd done nothing wrong. I had a few more and started to become more confident but thismorning I felt horrible and I don't know why. I've convinced myself Im a very loud drunk, like I shout over people, butt in on conversations or talk too much and annoy people. When sober I'm reserved and quiet and today I was so stuck in my head I couldn't socialise at a dinner party I was at and everyone was commenting on how quiet I was being but I literally couldn't function. I've convinced myself that everyone knew everything I was thinking while I was drunk. I keep replaying parts of the night in my head and getting embarrassed, even in the brief times today when I've stopped thinking about last night, I'll have intrusive thoughts and have to clench my fist, pinch myself or something to make them go away. Sometimes when this happens I'll pull faces or make sounds like groan, go 'aahh' or do this weird humming thing until the thought goes away without meaning to. Im just so incredibly embarrassed & I have been feeling guilty convincing myself I was flirting with my friends boyfriends when I know I wasn't. Ive asked people & they've said I was really drunk but that I didn't embarrass myself and I was funny ect. But were they laughing at me or with me? I just want this feeling to go away, even typing this I feel like an idiot, like this should be a secret that I can't bear to tell anyone even though I've done nothing to be this worked up about. I feel like I need to go away, but I don't know where 'away' is or how to get there, I think I just need to get away from myself, from the tight feeling in my chest and the way my heart races & the thoughts I can't stop. Ive never been suicidal and I'm not at the moment, I've never been diagnosed with depression & I'm usually a happy go lucky person with some self- diagnosed socially anxiety as I've never seen anyone or talked to anyone about this before. I just don't know how to make this stop, is this just me? Does this happen to anyone else? I just can't stop thinking something is wrong with me.

Intrusive thoughts, anxiety and depression after drinking? Anyone else hate themselves for little or no reason after a night out?

pipsy — Sat, 24 Dec 2016 19:51:27 GMT

Hi Crowley When you were drinking with your friends was this a pastime you often partake or was it a 'one-off'. By that I mean do you only get together to drink or is there other activities? If you are a quiet, reserved person when not drinking, then you drink and the 'other' personality 'come out'. The drink could be the catalyst behind the problem. When we have depression and we drink the drink increases the depression, consequently we drink more to 'overpower' the depression which is being fed by the alcohol. The pain from the depression is numbed by the alcohol, but the 'morning after' brings back the pain, plus the depression. Alcohol lowers the inhibitions -yes, but the abuse from the alcohol causes more problems. When we lose our inhibitions, we often are known as the 'life and soul' of the party, this is because drink gives us 'Dutch courage' and the world is ours. If that description feels like you, then the drink is your main problem. It's possible your friends were being too polite to tell you the truth as the truth could make you reach for another bottle to overcome the embarrassment. Alcoholism is a vicious, soul destroying illness, it isolates you and stops you from functioning. I am a recovering alcoholic, I say 'recovering' because I abstained about 7 months ago. I wasn't like you personality -wise, but my need for alcohol was simply and solely to get me through long, lonely, desolate days and nights. Abstaining is no picnic, but being who I am now is a better alternate. We have a thread on these forums entitled 'battling the booze'. It may help and guide you as it has others. Through BB's support which is never-ending, plus a very special man in my life, I have reached the point I'm at now.

Lynda

Intrusive thoughts, anxiety and depression after drinking? Anyone else hate themselves for little or no reason after a night out?

CheeseSlices — Tue, 27 Dec 2016 07:25:50 GMT

Alcohol is a drug. And like any drug - it has its side effects. Depression and mental illness being a rather large one in many people across the country who would rather not admit it.

You are not strange or weird or wrong - you are reacting to a drug in your system. Everyone reacts differently. You just may have to lay off the booze.

I am sorry it is distressing for you to experience this.

PS I love the user name - big fan - even met him in person a few times!

Intrusive thoughts, anxiety and depression after drinking? Anyone else hate themselves for little or no reason after a night out?

Guest_366278 — Wed, 28 Dec 2016 03:51:30 GMT

Thank you for your reply Pipsy, I have been drinking more recently than I usually would, I'll admit. Since I turned 18 I've gone from drinking around once a month to almost every weekend since April this year. I do think I drink too much, but told myself for a long time it was okay as it was only on the weekends. I've come to realise that being drunk/drinking for 2-3 out of 7 days in a week is not normal or healthy and am trying to cut down my alcohol intake. The group of friends/family I have, including all the ones who were drinking with me the night I mentioned all drink almost as much as I do, although we do spend time doing things other than drinking on a regular basis, such as swimming, camping, road trips ect.

the worst point of my drinking was a ten day bender, I didn't realise how much time had passed since I'd last been fully sober, and thought my friends were drinking as much as I was so I didn't let it phase me. It wasn't until after that I realised my friends had had a few more breaks in between than myself.

I think you could be right - I think my alcohol intake as well as some antiepiletic medications I'm taking are making me feel a lot worse. I'm going to try and come to some sort of balance and find my limits, as I'm still feeling very low. Thank you again for your insight!

Intrusive thoughts, anxiety and depression after drinking? Anyone else hate themselves for little or no reason after a night out?

pipsy — Wed, 28 Dec 2016 05:01:21 GMT

Hi Crowley. If you think you may have a drink problem, I strongly advise you to read our 'battling the booze' thread. The benders you mention, initially it's kind of fun trying to match your friends drink for drink, but after a while it stops being fun when you start to notice drinking affects memory, work and everything you try to do. If you suffer epilepsy, this could be made worse by constant alcohol intake. One of our champs has epilepsy and he was forced to stop drinking as it caused major damage to him. I suffered hangovers etc, this made me reach for another bottle so the battle continued. Abstaining is not easy, the alternate is not so good, the choices are yours. I had a major health scare earlier this year. The choice was made for me. I ask you the same question that was put to me: Can you face 'you' each morning after drinking? I couldn't, can you? If that is harsh, it's meant to be.

Lynda

Intrusive thoughts, anxiety and depression after drinking? Anyone else hate themselves for little or no reason after a night out?

Guest_366278 — Wed, 28 Dec 2016 07:18:08 GMT

Thank you for your kind words CheeseSlices, Crowley is one of my favourites! Our last names are similar and I also play football so that's where the nickname comes from hahaha!

Intrusive thoughts, anxiety and depression after drinking? Anyone else hate themselves for little or no reason after a night out?

Guest_366278 — Wed, 28 Dec 2016 07:20:55 GMT

Thanks Lynda, I will definitely check it out, my anxiety is what makes it hard to face myself the next day, I realise I am making things sound worse in my head but I have no control over my thoughts as of yet - regardless, anxiety or not, I realise alcohol is effecting more than just my feelings but also my day to day life. I think enough is enough - thank you for helping me out I really appreciate it. 🙂

Intrusive thoughts, anxiety and depression after drinking? Anyone else hate themselves for little or no reason after a night out?

Guest_366278 — Wed, 28 Dec 2016 07:30:23 GMT

Lynda, And congratulations on your 7 months of sobriety! I hope you continue on your path and you're able to find a happier, healthier you!

Intrusive thoughts, anxiety and depression after drinking? Anyone else hate themselves for little or no reason after a night out?

pipsy — Wed, 28 Dec 2016 08:19:47 GMT

Hi Crowley. Thanks for the congrats. Sobriety hasn't been easy, the alternate was harder. We will support you on your journey.

Lynda