topic Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it? in Young people

Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it?

Saraneedsyourhelp — Sun, 29 Jan 2017 07:38:57 GMT

Hi my name is sara and I am a good girl, I never do the bad things in my life and I am always good to people but with me, it is very easy for me to cry over small and stupid things. like for example when I asked my mum to put me some food on my plate she would laugh and say 'I just want to eat' and sometimes when my sister tells me to move I get upset easily and after I get upset, I get depressed and I don't stop thinking about that small situation all day, even people are annoyed with me because they think I am making up a story and that make me cry even more. I and 22 years old and don't have any friends. I was bullied at school, I would be little miss nothing and my 21 year old sister would be little miss perfect/ popular. I have suffered a lot as a kid and I feel like I am oversensitive, I just want to stop these feelings. And that's is not all, I had this boy telling me that I was a psychopath just because I yelled at him over the phone but he was the one who hurt me by telling me that I will never have kids and I didn't like it when he said that because I love kids and kids love me and I really want kids of my own one day. I fell as if no one wants to be around me or speak to me just because Im that sensitive and I really want to me like others - strong, not sensitive, happy, active, not caring what others think, not saying things like she did this or he said that to me (stuff like that, if you what I mean) Also what someone yells at me it is easy for me to cry. I wish I was more like my sister yes she yells sometimes but she forgets about it and moves on, I always say to my self 'Why can't I do that?' Look, I just need advice on how I can stop doing all those things I mentioned above, my dad thinks I need therapy and I have tried other websites but they didn't help. If someone could help me that would be great, I getting desperate. Thanks

Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it?

BballJ — Sun, 29 Jan 2017 11:55:37 GMT

Hi Saraneedsyourhelp,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Very tough situation you are in at a young age, first thing i wanted to say was be yourself, no need to try and be like your sister or others, you don't always find your friends in school, you can find them later in life so don't lose hope on that. Secondly maybe counselling wouldn't be such a bad idea, counsellors are great, they put things into perspective for you as they don't know you and just take in everything you talk about and try and help in any way possible. It's ok to be sensitive, so please don't think it is such a negative, it is just dealing with it in certain way which I would think a good psychologist would be able to do.

These forums are great so hopefully you get some great advice that helps you. Post back as much as you would like,

My best for you,

Jay

Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it?

geoff — Sun, 29 Jan 2017 22:08:34 GMT

hi Sarah, it sounds as though it's been a tough upbringing as you say 'you have suffered a lot as a kid' as it appears as though your younger sister stole the highlight, and then to be bullied so all of this has lowered any confidence and self esteem.
Are you able to move out of home because it's a toxic area at the moment where your sister rules and well I'm not quite sure how to take your mum at this early stage, but the longer you are around them the longer and tougher itis going to be for you.
I would like to see you move into a flat by yourself to start with, and if you are on centrelink benefits then they will provide the bond money, plus give you rent assistance, but I would really like to know about your child life, only if you want to tell us.
I know that you say that you want to be like your sister, but I'm not too sure about that, that's not your type of personality as you seem to be much kinder, friendly person, only to be held down by these other circumstances.
Your post is going to need more attention, and we can't promise you the answer, but hopefully a big improvement, so please be patient but get back to us. Geoff. x

Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it?

Saraneedsyourhelp — Mon, 30 Jan 2017 02:43:11 GMT

Hi geoff, well that's the thing, I am very close with my mum and dad but you see, my mum doesn't believe in weakness and she yells at me telling me that it's not a big deal. Sometimes she tells me why can't you be more like your sister. As a kid I nearly stopped breathing and they took me to the hospital I had so many operations. I remember everything when I was a kid and I do remember being in that childrens hospital crying. I also was diagnosed with ADHD and became aggressive, I would give everyone a hard time, but as soon as I reached the age of 7 I started to be more shy. This went on until I finished high school. After I finished high school, I started to be more chatty and I wouldn't stop being chatty (I guess I do it out of boredom). But that was the side effect of the medication I was taking, but lucky I stopped taking it. But people didn't know that and still got annoyed with me. Sometimes when I go to the shops people think I am the serious type and they turn their face away and talk to my sister as if they are scared of me, and that gets me asking questions, I mean I'm not that scary. After that I would go home and cry. And when you mentioned moving into a flat by myself, that's the thing, I am sick of being by myself. My sister has a boyfriend, she has met him since she was 13 and she is living with him and look at me 22 years old and still living with my parents. And that also get me more anxious because a boy did tell me I am never going to get a boyfriend or have kids in the near future and now I feel like I have to believe him. I cry everyday because I feel like I am going to be alone forever. But to be honest with you I am scared of meeting new people because you never know if I am going to be treated bad and make my anxiety worse and I don't know what to do, its getting way overdone.

Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it?

Saraneedsyourhelp — Mon, 30 Jan 2017 02:52:19 GMT

Hi Jay, sometimes being my self is hard because I feel as if people are running away from me or they think I am too serious. I hate crying over things that have no meaning to it. I hate crying all together, especially when people tell me to move. When I go places and people are say excuse me, I accept that because that is more polite but when they say move it hurts me and I don't know why. I just hate it when something little happens to me and then I take it the wrong way after that I don't stop thinking about it all day. I just want to stop all this.

Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it?

BballJ — Mon, 30 Jan 2017 11:31:39 GMT

Hi Saraneedsyourhelp,

Thanks for replying.

It's ok to cry, but it's what we cry over and use our tears for that is important. I understand little things get to you and that is fine, that's where i think the counsellor may assist you, working through all those little things and trying to sort them out and make sense of them for you. Overthinking seems to be a big part of your mental health which is so common and one I am very familiar with so I understand what you are going through on that level.

My best,

Jay

Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it?

Saraneedsyourhelp — Tue, 31 Jan 2017 10:31:12 GMT

I hate overthinking, its not healthy for a 22 year old. everytime someone does something like for example: When I think I am in someones way or while they are watching tv and they move there head (if you know what I mean), I get upset. Or sometimes when I am in their way, I put in my head that they did that. My main problem is misunderstanding people and getting angry and annoyed for no reason. Its not easy to stop it. The thing is I hate annoying people with my anxiety problem, I also got to a point where I am sick of it all together my self. I am getting desperate because not only I don't go out but I have gained weight. I want to go out for walks and exercises but I am just to lazy. Some people tell me that my weight is the main reason why I have anxiety and sensitivity. And it's true I also feel unhealthy. I am not fat but I just have the stomach and problems in my hormones. Sometimes It is hard not to talk to someone because you just want to let it all out. That is why I need a friend and I know friends don't come over night but you just get desperate especially when you see your sister having a whole heap of friends plus a boyfriend and your just left sitting at home with anxiety isolating your self from reality because you feel like no one likes you or is paying attention to you. Well that's how I feel and I need to change all that, that's why I am on this website because maybe you guys are my only hope.

Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it?

BballJ — Tue, 31 Jan 2017 11:06:20 GMT

Hi Saraneedsyourhelp,

Thanks for responding again.

Overthinking is such a nightmare to deal with and it makes the smallest things seem so huge, that is one thing that would be sorted out with a counsellor, we are all here to help in any way we can please don't forget that but sometimes you need that extra help from a counsellor... can i ask what your views or opinions are on counsellors, is there anything stopping you from going? If so, I may be able to counteract your reasons with positive reasons to go.

I think one thing that needs to stop is you comparing yourself to your sister and others, every one will always have different stuff to you and when you learn to accept that, the happier you become, I wish I had a lot of friends too but I don't, I have a tiny handful and it took me many years to find them, I was lonely at 22 as well. Have you or are you able at all to speak to your sister about what you are going through? Or is that not your relationship?

My best,

Jay

Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it?

Saraneedsyourhelp — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 02:40:39 GMT

well my sister goes to work and uni here and there and sometimes as she goes out she looks at me as if she is saying to herself 'I'll just leave her alone because she looks happy sitting at home on that laptop of hers'. But what she doesn't know is that I am crying deep down inside begging her to take me out. Besides I don't blame her for not taking me out as much as she use to because every time I go somewhere with her and her friends, I would call my mum to take me home. The thing is its not the fact that I get board every time I go out, I feel as if I go out Im going to cry for no reason so that's why I save my self the trouble and thats why I go home. My dad told me that my sister doesn't have that much friends either, they are just people she hangs around with. One day I heard my sister telling my mum that she wishes she could be like me because it saves her from having trouble making friends. My sister is not a trouble maker, she doesn't smoke or drink alcohol and she is afraid to do the bad things. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister and I get worried about her and we are close but sometimes I have to stop isolating myself just because I am sensitive or I think Im going to cry everywhere I go. My sister would ask me do you want to go to the pools with me, I say yes but they are the type to take literary for hours there getting a tan, I can't do that because number 1 I have a problem with the heat and number 2 the last thing I want is to get cancer. So I just stay there for an hour swimming and then I would want to go home and that is annoying to some people because they believe that I don't know how to have fun. But thats not true, To be honest with you I hate the indoors, I enjoy outdoors especially in the winter. I am not a summer person. I remember on Halloween last year she took me to lunar park with a whole group of friends after that I managed to stay past 2am. I am the type that sleeps early. I am a very positive person and I know things are going to take time with me but sometimes I wish I would just stop complaining how boring things are. I am not exactly scared to see a counsellor but I am scared I will talk to someone who is not patient with me and might yell at me and doesn't understand my situation. I just need a counsellor with a good advice because I have tried before and no one helped me, they wanted to do their job and then get rid of me.

Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it?

BballJ — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 11:43:10 GMT

Hi Saraneedsyourhelp,

It sounds like your sister is wanting a relationship with you as bad as you want with her... Have you ever tried telling her how you actually feel? Maybe showing her this post of yours and say read this.. it can get emotional but the more someone understand what you are going through the more they understand why you do the things you do... It may be just you two going out to the movies or something. There's also plenty of stuff to do indoors as well, do you both go shopping at all? that is always good bonding between friends or siblings.

Look, finding a good counsellor is hard, they generally shouldn't yell at you, they are there for compassion and to understand, they can challenge you on feelings but I haven't heard of them yelling.. it is so common not to click right away with the first counsellor you meet, but it is finding another you do click with and going from there.

My best,

Jay

Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it?

Saraneedsyourhelp — Thu, 02 Feb 2017 11:15:50 GMT

To be honest with you my main issue isnt my sister, its also the people around me. I have a problem with misunderstanding. Like for example every time some one is doing their own things like playing with their phones and, I start talking to them and when they dont answer me I think I annoy them, after that I get upset and I dont stop thinking about it all day. The thing is, its not the situation that makes my anxious, its the fact that once a small situation happens I think about it all day long and that makes me tired, so tired that I get to a point where I can't be bothered to think about it but I just end up doing it. (if you know what I mean) I just need advice on that. I know I always talk to people at a bad time and that makes me feel worse because I feel like I am being ignored but the thing is, I can't help it, I am a chatty person, once I start talking I can't stop talking and I wanna talk to people but now I think its best off not to talk to anyone (sadly) just to save me the trouble. My dad recons that wont be the best option but what else can I do? I can't do much about it. When I talk too much, I know thats apart of my anxiety and I am aware of everything. But I also want all that to stop and I dont know how. No one is helping me. I hate it when they say you have to help your self (whatever that means) when I dont know how.

Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it?

BballJ — Sun, 05 Feb 2017 11:30:30 GMT

Hi Saraneedsyourhelp,

I understand what you are saying but giving advice on it, is tricky... for me, it sounds like overthinking, which is such a common symptom of anxiety... I have anxiety and overthinking is one of my main issues... I still stuggle with it and I doubt you'll fully overcome it. What I think you have to realise is there is no quick fix... I honestly think a psychologist is the best start for you.... do you have any certain issues with seeing a psychologist at all? They try and work to root of your issue, work out why these little things bother you.... I understand also that saying you have to help yourself doesn't help anything... I get that. My advice would be to see a psychologist and talk it through... you seem to have a great personality and one that doesn't need to be weighed down by this.

My best,

Jay

Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it?

Saraneedsyourhelp — Mon, 13 Feb 2017 05:38:54 GMT

you know what? I kind of agree with you and sometimes yes, I am scared to see a psychologist. But a lot of people recommend me to see one. I tried researching on the internet but I can't seem to find anyone that suits me or is close to my area. Oh and by the way I am also worried about the fee (if there are fees). Does this website provide a psychologist?

Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it?

BballJ — Mon, 13 Feb 2017 11:47:50 GMT

Hi Saraneedsyourhelp,

It's hard to find one that suits just via the internet, it can be hit and miss because finding a good psychologist is like finding a good friend, you don't always connect with the first one you meet. I am not sure this website provides psychologist per say but you can call the helpline on 1300 22 4636 and they can give you a general direction to go for starters, if you don't feel like talking on the phone, they have an online chat 3 pm to 12 am 7 days a week too. I'd speak to your GP but, they have the best knowledge and can set you up with a mental health plan which allow medicare to cover some of the fees for you, for memory it is 6 sessions and then you go back for a review with your GP and can get another 4 under the government scheme.

My best,

Jay

Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it?

Saraneedsyourhelp — Sun, 19 Feb 2017 05:44:41 GMT

yea well I don't think anyone (not even a therapist) is ever going to help me with my fear of heights. There is no wonder people don't want me to go with them. Every time they invite me somewhere high I start to panic. Just like today, I wend shopping with my sister and she took me up the escalator, as soon as we reached the top I was looked down ans had a huge panic attack after that I was glued to the wall not being able to move of breath. It felt like like I was being suffocated. after that my sister told me not to embarrass her. I told her that it was me who was even more embarrassed than her. As soon as I got home I started crying. Now I know why people run away from me not just because I am sensitive but because I get scared of nearly every single thing. Now I believe my sister will never take me out with her again and that's for sure. You know what I actually thought everything was changing in a good way for me but it's not, instead things are getting worse for me. Now I don't want to go anywhere and it's all because I always have to be a big scardy cat of higher grounds. sometimes I think to my self 'Why me'? It's like every time I go higher and I stop as soon as I have that major panic attack, people think I am acting like a child as if they think I am joking but what they don't realise is that I am really scared from the inside of my heart and I can't control it and it is way more embarrassing for me. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it?

BballJ — Sun, 19 Feb 2017 11:39:48 GMT

Hi Saraneedsyourhelp,

Look fear of heights is so common, I have a fear of getting stuck in an elevator or small space, like each time I get into an elevator I just pray it doesn't get stuck cause I know I would have that panic attack so I know the feeling believe me. Unfortanatly these sorts of things need to be tackled head on which I know is scary but it's the only way to over come it, have you tried googling something like "Tips for getting over fear of heights"? just trying to gauge other people who have the same fear and how they cope? I wish I could help a bit more on it as I just don't know. It all links in together for you which is tough and I also understand it isn't your intention to embarrass anyone with this sort of stuff, it just happens and you cannot control it. Again I just think seeing a counsellor could help, I would think there are some who deal with fears of stuff as well.

My best,

Jay