topic Why am I here? in Young people

Why am I here?

Lonely22 — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 10:10:57 GMT

Hi. I live in central Victoria. I'm 22 years old. B4 I get into the depressing stuff, why I'm here, let me say this... My hobbies are painting, basketball, video games, reading. I spend most time playing bball, listening to music (country, rap, rock, Christian), I live in the country so that keeps me busy. I have severe OCD, have since beginning Uni, moderate OCD since I was 16. I'm here b/c I guess my social life is pretty non existent, excommunicated every1 since high school, hated secondary school. Look back w fond memories now though. I'm alone because I have chosen to be, but now, 4 years in, I can't do it anymore, but I don't like socialising! I'm a terrible conversationalist, an extreme introvert. And yet I'm lonely and tired of being so. I'm Christian. It's so difficult trying to remain obedient to God without the other positives life can allow, such as friends, being social, and so on. Idk, I deserve where I'm at I think. I've been blessed w every opportunity to social and create long lasting relationships in my life, only to take them for granted and blame my mental health

Why am I here?

Nikkir — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 10:25:42 GMT

Hi Lonely22,

Thank you for your post and sharing your thoughts and feelings and welcome:) It must be hard for you to feel so isolated and alone and this may be adding to your depression. I can understand that feeling myself. I am in my mid forties and grown up kids and I am at uni, so everyone is half my age and my kids moved out so I too have interests but feel alone. By the way it is great you do have interests. I don't know if this will work for you but what I am trying is to join groups and go to things that aren't too intense and that I am interested in and just practice my social skills but I am not forced to make friendships straight away. So far its good, gets me out of the house and I do have a few people I can say hi to, not perfect but a start. What do you think ? Do you have support around you and do you have someone you can talk to? If not we are here 24/7 and you can call us on 1300 22 4636. You are not alone and we would love to know how you are going if you feel like sharing. Best Wishes Nikkir x

Why am I here?

Zeal — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 10:54:17 GMT

Hey Lonely22,

It's nice to hear more about you. I just posted to you on Friends Café, and then noticed this thread you created 🙂

OCD is a major pain. I still live with it, and have for a decade now. It's a shame that your OCD is so severe. Do you currently see a doctor and/or mental health professional about this? When my OCD was more severe in my teens, the psychiatrist I saw really helped.

You certainly have a nice array of hobbies. That is something I personally struggle with. My only hobby is reading, to be honest. I also enjoy writing to people on the forum though, spending time with my boyfriend and family, and being with kids. My boyfriend absolutely loves basketball. He plays it, watches it and coaches it! His parents both played, and his Dad is still in a social basketball team. I have grown to like basketball more now, as I often go to watch his club matches, and we've been to see some professional games in our city's basketball arena.

What do you like reading the most? I enjoy fiction by writers like Peter Goldsworthy and Mark Haddon, psychology-related books and literature.

You don't deserve to be experiencing loneliness. Having a mental health condition does not reflect one's personal attitude and personality. It's an illness, and some people find it harder to overcome than others, usually due to both biological and environmental factors.

Thanks for your post!

Best wishes,

Zeal

Why am I here?

Quiettall — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 11:38:45 GMT

Hello

You are amazing. you have a great range of hobbies. You are very insightful. You are caring and very thoughtful. I understand that you are lonely and I really feel for you. I have been lonely before and even now, often get that same feeling, although I am many years older than you. You mentioned you are Christian. As a person who grew up with a strong Christian background, can I caution you not to let Christian beliefs and norms totsally control your life and become a sasis for self judgement. Having been through some of what you are saying, I found the norms that others impose based on their "Christian" expectations, really made my life hell. It was not until I left home, and really developed my own world and spiritual view, that I could see more clearly.

Keep posting as there are others here who care and will support you

Why am I here?

Lonely22 — Thu, 15 Dec 2016 09:18:30 GMT

Thanks Nikkir that's kind of you to say. I just feel like I'm never good enough. Like I don't belong, I mean yeah, I volunteer at an op shop, that's the extent of my social life right, even then I struggle and it's so frustrating b/c I feel like there's nothing I can do about it, it isn't just my social skills, it's my speaking tone, voice, all of it, it's a wreck, and nothing a speech pathologist can fix (I've looked into) and even then, what can I say, I'm not much of a conversationalist

Why am I here?

Lonely22 — Thu, 15 Dec 2016 09:24:29 GMT

Quiettall, thank you for responding! You know, nobody has suggested this to me b4, that my beliefs and expectations cause so much difficulty in life. I've recognised the impact this has on my OCD, because I get so anxious about obsessions I have, but it's nice to finally have some1 tell me this from experience.

Why am I here?

Lonely22 — Thu, 15 Dec 2016 09:46:14 GMT

Zeal, you come across as a very considerate person, it's awesome that you dedicate so much time to this, probably with not much recognition, thank you!

psychologists, counsellors, psychiatrists, they mean well, they just don't know much regarding my OCD, as it isn't like most. It isn't a contamination, sexual, or other type, it's really just... I mean I struggle to discuss w my psychiatrist right now, but I'm getting there.

My intetests, I have many but I can't experience them as I'd like, b/c my OCD won't let me, I kno, it's difficult 4 u to understand, but that's what it is.

nice that you have a relationship, I've never had one, and every day that passes I'm falling behind everyone else in development, maturity, everything, and I'm less and less likely to have one b/c there's nothing attractive about a guy in late 20s never had any1, am I right, 😕

What kind of OCD so you have?

I can't go to public events like matches, cinema b/c social anxiety

Why am I here?

Zeal — Fri, 16 Dec 2016 02:44:10 GMT

Hey Lonely22,

Thank you for your kind reply! There is a great camaraderie among the forum volunteers, and the recognition comes through positive feedback from people like you posting 🙂 I really enjoy it, as I like the fact that I can use my past experiences with mental illness to relate to others and to give advice. It's a shame that you feel as though it's hard to talk about and work through your OCD. I am a little treatment-resistant, to be honest. My fear of contamination/germs makes sense to me and is so familiar, though I am very much aware that my compulsive
hand washing is not 'normal'. Many people with OCD have the insight that what they are doing is unhelpful, but as you would know, this doesn't make it any easier to overcome. I have done CBT before with two different
professionals, but I did not fully commit to the exposure and response tasks. I avoided doing the CBT homework. This was when I was a teenager though, and before I even started studying psychology. It is ironic that I understand OCD as an illness and how to treat it, but don't put it into practice in my own life.

You're 22, so that's certainly not in your late twenties! Don't worry, I know you meant to type early twenties!
I didn't actually have my first boyfriend until I was 21, and then I started dating the man I am currently with in May last year, when I was 22. Not having had a partner at 22 is not that bad, honestly. I used to feel bad about
not having had a boyfriend, until I started talking to people and realising that there were others who had their first boyfriend later too. I know a few people my age who have never had a partner.

I used to be really shy and self-conscious, though I wasn't diagnosed with social anxiety. There is a great site with online resources designed by professionals that you may find helpful. I was introduced to these by a mental
health nurse. Here’s the link: http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm

Thanks again for your post!

Best wishes,

Zeal

Why am I here?

Doolhof — Fri, 16 Dec 2016 06:51:24 GMT

Hi Lonely 22,

I too wish to welcome you to the community here.

When I was 22 I was already divorced from my first husband who was an absolute brute once we were married.

If I could go back to being 18 again, I would certainly have run away from that guy a lot earlier.

The thing is, please don't be concerned you don't have a boyfriend right now. It may seem to you that time is slipping away from you, just don't be in a rush.

You mentioned you are a Christian. If you don't mind me asking do you attend a Church? If so is there someone there who you would feel comfortable talking with regarding your thoughts and feelings about Christianity and all that happens around you in the world.

There have been many times when I have been greatly confused as to where my Christian beliefs fit. My husband is not a Christian, so that is confusing at times.

You mentioned something about your voice, would you like to elaborate on that further? There are times when we think we are so different from everyone else, but it may just our own perception.

I'm not sure if others have mentioned it or not, there is a social zone here on this site. You might like to check out some of the fun threads and connect with people there as well.

Do you find any treasures in the Op shop?

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

Why am I here?

Lonely22 — Fri, 16 Dec 2016 10:09:27 GMT

Zeal, nobody has given me such personal and insightful support, it means a lot, coming from someone that was in the same situation!

I try to find any positives from my OCD I can. Take your cleanliness for example, that would make for a very orderly, germ free environment you're in, and that would be terrific, but believe me, I know how exhausting and mentally/physically draining it is...

The website looks great. Shy no longer sounds appealing, I do breathing relaxation every night, helps from time to time.

I hope your moving works out, I was so anxious my OCD was making me over analyse every move I made leading up to actually leaving home, that won't be an issue for you I hope, as your condition of concerned with contamination.

As always, discussing my issues with you has me feeling okay about where I am right now. THank you😊

Why am I here?

Lonely22 — Fri, 16 Dec 2016 10:23:19 GMT

Mrs Dools,

I attend a church, no one my age to socialise with, and I plan on talking to a chaplain at my university some time.

also should have specified this earlier, I'm male, but that's okay your advice is awesome

I would love to join a local Christianity group fir youth, but feel like I wouldn't belong, I mean I'm devout but like any social situation I just never fit in. where else could I potentially belong. Idk.

sorry about you first marriage. That would have been a terribly situation to be in. It's great that you could leave at 22 though, and didn't waste much time with that person.

Why am I here?

Doolhof — Fri, 16 Dec 2016 22:17:51 GMT

Hi Lonely 22,

I apologise for making the mistake about your gender. I will put that down to lack of sleep on my behalf! My sentiments are the same though, I remember at 22 thinking my whole life was a huge mess and that I would not end up with anyone. Here I am just over 50 and have been married now for over 25 years.

My first marriage was an experience. There have been many happenings in my life. For me, the thing is to learn from them, try not to dwell too much on the negative and see what blessings today brings.

Even though I am 50 + I am the youngest one at out Church by 10 to 15 years! I don't let that be a bother and just chat to who ever is open for a conversation.

Chatting to the Chaplain at University is a good start.

Can you expand on your hobbies or interests?

Would you consider contacting some old friends and see if they would like to join you for a movie or something?

As Uni will no doubt have a break now for the Festive Season, would you consider doing other voluntary work other than the Op Shop? I recently signed up to help with Riding for the Disabled and don't know a thing about horses.

Regarding not feeling like you fit in, I understand that too. Sometimes I am just so pig headed I go somewhere anyway just to tell myself I can do it. Usually once I get to where I am going I am okay.

One thing that helps me is to ask other people about themselves, their likes, where they are from and so on.

Holding my head high and smiling helps to give me confidence as well.

Hope you manage to find a place you would like to attend and have the courage to go.

For me the thing is not to try to climb Mount Everest, but to tackle a small hill first.

Just writing down ideas of what you could do is a huge step in the right/helpful direction.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

Why am I here?

Zeal — Fri, 16 Dec 2016 23:53:14 GMT

Hey Lonely22,

I really appreciate your kind words - they mean a lot! I'm so glad that talking to me has helped your headspace at the moment. I am more than happy to keep talking to you, as I enjoy it as well!

When my OCD symptoms are milder, the cleanliness and orderliness can be positive in some ways. However, as you said, the OCD compulsions are often exhausting. I'm glad you like those resources I linked you - they are reliable and practical. I'm impressed that you do nightly breathing relaxation. I have honestly never had a regular practice like this.

Thanks, I am hopeful that moving out goes smoothly. It's only a vague plan at this stage though. My boyfriend was considering moving out before I even met him, but he is still studying, so decided against moving. Also, there is enough space for him to live at home, he helps around the house, and he is close to his family. We live in the same suburb, and our houses are only a few streets apart. This is incredibly convenient!

It's great you're studying at uni. If you don't mind me asking, what are you studying?

Best wishes,

Zeal

Why am I here?

Nikkir — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 08:56:47 GMT

Hi Lonely22,

Thank you for your reply:) I really appreciate it and I too reflect and learn from every post that I read. I can understand that you might not feel confident and I respect that. It is great that you are working in an op shop and doing something even if its not as much as you would like to be doing its a great start. You have alot of wonderful qualities and though life can be tough, you ( and me) need to focus on what we have and build on that. You are not alone, keep getting up and trying each day to do the best you can, some days admittedly are better than others, Please keep in touch if that feels right for you, we would love to hear from you. Best Wishes Nikkir x

Why am I here?

Lonely22 — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 09:19:48 GMT

Mrs. Dools,

some more great advice! I contacted an old friend this past week, we'll see how that goes after 4 years and different circles, circumstances we're in.

More volunteering is a great idea. I do some at aged care facilities, that makes me feel good, but yeah id like something I can make friends my own age for sure, not sure what kind though.

I have plenty interests, hobbies I guess. Like painting, reading, video games, music, some sports. And yeah I hope I can feel comfortable going into social circumstances, even those I would enjoy, like an art gallery, sport match, gaming hub, something like that.

Ill try to be more confident, even pretend to be, but the 'higher' I make myself feel, the more attention I draw and the worse it is when something doesn't go the way I'd like.

What small steps would you suggest in my case? Like more volunteering, or talking to strangers?

thanks!

Why am I here?

Lonely22 — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 09:36:21 GMT

Zeal,

i grew up living down the road from a young lady my age, and had goodness knows how many hours I had over the years chances to talk to her, I just never had confidence, and was always too concerned what other people thought of me, I still am that way but I really want not to care so much, and what's more, I feel like this was Gods plan, I mean the likelihood of growing up in such a situation and having some1 like that in my life that liked me, and I took it for granted, but I really want to believe that God planned it that way for me b/c I am by nature very quiet and shy... And I took it all for granted. I hate myself for the way I was, I am. I mean living so close to someone you're in a relationship with, is that by chance or something more?

Its quite expensive moving out, but doing so together would lessen this burden, and you're probably the perfect age to be doing so, or planning to, there's no need to rush into it (even though that's all I ever wanted after 18) but sure enough I'm still home.

I srudy business, Im good at it, and I liked the idea of not having too many interpersonal, communication demands (obviously there are quite a few to my dissatisfaction) but I still couldn't picture myself doing anything else...

So you studied psychology, my sister did the same. This must be really helpful practice in dealing with individuals suffering from mental illness, and getting to know these conditions in more detail, you're obviously very committed and enjoy what you do.

Why am I here?

Lonely22 — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 09:49:12 GMT

Nikkir,

I study business w major in tourism, there's quite a few mature age students studying this, mind if I ask what you're studying? With so many courses online now it's a lot more convenient and less stressful.

What sort of things do you do to meet people, if it's alright if I ask, I mean are they events or weekly occuring things?

Thanks for saying I have great qualities, from my experience that doesn't count for much in making friends, probably haven't met the right people though.

I think it's great that you study, something I can't stand is seeing people settle in life, not pursue dreams, goals (more than just day to day but life changing things). Probably b/c I'm afraid this too will be my future, but that's why I'm here.

Thanks again nikkir, you're a very kind person. I'll try to build on what I have as much as possible

Why am I here?

Doolhof — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 20:54:02 GMT

Hi Lonely22,

You mentioned that you try to build yourself up higher, than if something goes wrong, you have further to fall.

Over the years I have tried to accept myself for who I am, warts and all so to speak. Due to various health situations including previous Chronic fatigue, my brain does not recall stuff and my short term memory is sometimes lousy.

My way of coping with all of that is to laugh and make a joke of it. I cope better, others around me cope better. I give my nieces a gift, then forget a month later that I had done so. I will mention to my niece how much I like her scarf, (for example) she will laugh and tell me I gave it to her. It makes me laugh even more.

I have learnt to not take myself too seriously when stuff goes wrong. I can not control how others treat me or how they react to me. I have enough trouble sometimes working out how I should be treating myself!

Hope you have a good time with your friend when you catch up. It may be awkward at first, that is okay. It might not go well or it could go excellent. Either way try to find some good in the situation. Tell yourself that you have made an attempt, that is to be recognised as an achievement.

Just be yourself. A lot of people are awkward when meeting other people even when they have known them their whole lives.

Also remember that even though someone may look like they have everything perfect in their lives, they may still have problems and hurts of their own.

Some people may look beautiful on the outside but can be nasty on the inside.

Hope some of my rambling helps!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

Why am I here?

Lonely22 — Sun, 18 Dec 2016 02:39:10 GMT

Mrs. Dools,

you continue to give such enlightened perspective.

I hope it goes well also.

'Beautiful' people tend to have bad character in my experience, but that's generalisation and not fair to most who are probably decent. I'm just intimidated by them right, based on past encounters.

I try to consider people who I talk with lately to be suffering from their own issues, this helps my confidence and anxiety.

I need to care less about others opinions, you're right, easier said than done! I've made strides in this area compared to years past, but I still have a lot of work to do and set backs are demoralising.

Why am I here?

Nikkir — Sun, 18 Dec 2016 08:24:50 GMT

Hi Lonely22,

Thank you for your reply, it was lovely to read and very kind of you to say such lovely things to me, I really appreciate it! Wow you are studying Business with a major in tourism, what a great thing to do, you will have a great future and that is an important subject and major to study so you must be very intelligent and disciplined:) I am studying psychology as mature age student. I absolutely love it although it is a bit isolating and alot of work and pressure but like you I am trying to build on what I have and open new doors. You have alot more time to open doors than me but I thought better late than never. For me I go to yoga, i joined a walking group and I was part of womens group called "red tent' which has been really awesome for me even though its only women, it is a supportive safe space and we do interesting things together once a month and I meet so many different people. I also joined different groups at uni from psychology, astronomy, even yoga and buddhist group, there was so many to choose from. So when I go to these things I don't have to talk too much but its getting out and making connections. I actually went Stand Up Boarding this week with a young girl from that group which was out of my comfort zone but turned out to be a wonderful experience that I will rave about for a long time to come. I understand you do have some communication issues so I can't say how that would make me feel or know how this is for you, but I do know I have learn't we have to make the most of what we do have and focus on what we can do and what we do have. It has been wonderful to talk to you and I look forward to connecting if you have time in the future. Have a wonderful xmas and new year! Best Wishes Nikkir x