topic Social Anxiety/Depression or am I just pathetic? in Young people

Social Anxiety/Depression or am I just pathetic?

sweetwhispers — Wed, 14 Sep 2016 10:47:21 GMT

Hi, I'm new on here. I apologise if this thread is in the wrong category.

I am a high school student, graduating in a few weeks. I've been struggling with self-esteem issues for around 4 years now; acne does absolute wonders for a teenager's self esteem. I always feel uncomfortable around other people, I can not look them directly in the eye and I have always felt disgusting and like the odd one out in my "friendship" group/year group because of my horrible skin. In addition to this I am a POC, so that excludes me even more.

Now I say "friendship" group in inverted commas because I constantly feel left out amongst these people; most of them have struggled with their mental health, and they always make jokes about drugs, sex, alcohol and mental illness as part of their coping mechanism. I can not bring myself to pretend to have some kind of knowledge or interest in any of these topics just so I can "fit in". I only have one friend in this friendship group, and she is an abuse survivor, going through issues of her own. I always feel like I have nothing to say to her whenever we get a chance to talk however. We do not share many common interests, and I think that she is only being friends with me out of sympathy.

I tend to be very quiet, even amongst people I know. I always feel like whatever I have to say is irrelevant, wrong or just pointless, and this feeling is amplified because of my physical appearance, so I just don't say anything. And so, people don't talk to me. Because of this I have this irrational fear that people are misjudging me as some snobbish bitch who thinks that she is above everyone else and so can't be bothered to talk to others. I get very paranoid about what others think of me. I always have.

The only exception to all of this is my mum, I feel like I can act/speak freely around her, most of the time. However I have been struggling with this year so far. I often missed school to avoid seeing other people. I feel very lost and meaningless. I end up playing video games 24/7 to cope, and no surprise, my grades have been suffering. I have tried talking to my mum, but I can not bring myself to tell her that I am a failure. So I lie to her about my studies.

I know that I will be graduating very soon and that high school is nothing like real life. But I always have this stupid fear eating away at me: What if I can't find any close friends at uni/work? What if I end up being an awkward ugly loner for the rest of my life?

Social Anxiety/Depression or am I just pathetic?

james1 — Thu, 15 Sep 2016 01:35:39 GMT

Hey sweetwhisperers,

First of all welcome to the forums. I'm really glad you've posted here and had the courage to open up about a lot of your fears. Good on you.

I'm 24 and I have Chinese parents so I'm quite aware of the social exclusion you feel from being a POC (I'm assuming you mean person of colour?). My sister is also in year 12 at the moment so I know you're doing it really tough at the moment even without all the social pressure, hence the feeling of needing to lie to your mother about your grades.

I just want to let you know that I understand you.

You sound like an intelligent and strong person, so I have no doubt that you could tackle all the various issues you're struggling with individually, but collectively it's overwhelming. The trick, as I'm sure you'll appreciate, is to look at them one at a time.

I tutor a year 12 student at the moment in English and we were talking about the power of hope in George Orwell's 1984 and Lang's Metropolis. It sounds like there are two things on your mind - please correct me if I'm wrong - and they are worrying that your grades aren't going to be good, and worrying that you won't make friends in uni.

The truth is that year 12 is not the huge deal it's made out to be. Doing well in year 12 is like getting put into the fast track lane at the airport. You get to the plane faster than everyone else, but everyone else gets there eventually. And who knows, maybe you won't even like the plane trip. What I'm trying to say is that it's good to do well, but you can give yourself some breathing space. i.e. you are not a failure - you are stressed.

Yes, both uni and work are completely different from high school. But you know what? It's different in a better way. In high school, you're stuck with people you dislike. And they're immature. In uni and work, you can ignore the people you dislike and they're even just a tad more mature. It makes a world of difference.

Here's a little mental challenge for you which I hope is not too much: whenever you tell yourself, "I might not make any friends," follow it up with, "I also might make some really good friends." Because honestly, who knows what will happen?

A wise wizard (Gandalf) said that "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” For now, your focus is doing the best you can in these last 2 months of high school.

I'd suggest you have a chat to your school counsellor and the BeyondBlue support line (1300 22 4636).

We're here for you

James

Social Anxiety/Depression or am I just pathetic?

Zeal — Thu, 15 Sep 2016 01:47:19 GMT

Hey - welcome to the forum!

You are in the right category 🙂 James has already given great advice, but hopefully I can add something 🙂

First off, you are definitely not pathetic. The way you are feeling is distressing and isolating, and you deserve help and emotional support. I am really glad you are able to talk freely with your Mum (generally). The anxiety you are experiencing is having a very negative impact on your life and wellbeing, so seeing your doctor (GP) is crucial. GP's can help with a variety of issues, not just physical illnesses and viruses. Printing out the text of your post to take to the appointment could help if you're concerned about avoiding certain topics with your doctor. I have taken handwritten notes to my doctor before, and they were happy to read what I had to say.

I'm glad you have people you can be around at school, even if you don't feel overly close to them. I felt that way in Year 12 to be honest. I had a group of friends, though I was only somewhat close to one or two of them. You are not alone - I can relate to what you've described. I'm 23 now, and things started getting much better when I was about 20. Your situation can and will change if you receive help from others 🙂

I'd like to refer you to some previous threads that you might relate to:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/young-people/what's-wrong-with-me-00C48AE4DE78

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/young-people/i'm-feeling-really-down-and-insignificant-most-to-all-of-the-time-#qlIVNnHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/young-people/what-is-wrong-with-me--A3747033FEE9#qlISTXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/young-people/i'm-new-here-depressed-anxious-and-lonely-

I hope you can see your GP soon! Keep communicating with your Mum 🙂

Best wishes,

Social Anxiety/Depression or am I just pathetic?

Stillkickin — Thu, 15 Sep 2016 02:05:30 GMT

No need to feel terrible over it, I'm actually in year 12 as well, I've suffered depression and anxiety my entire life, but recently I've just had a relationship crash, which has made me hit rock bottom, I can't go to school out of fear of seeing my ex, barely even get out of the house, so I understand how it feels too, life can drag you too places you would have once deemed unimaginable. And no, your not going to be a loner for the rest of your life I can promise you that, I think you'd benefit a lot from helping your self-esteem, it can be challenging but I can guarantee you before you decide to jump out and love others in life, you've got to learn to love and understand yourself first, hope all goes well. 😃