topic Re: Son in prison in Long-term support over the journey

Son in prison

Billi — Mon, 27 Jul 2026 00:14:25 GMT

My ex partner, my children's father went overseas to his mother's funeral back in 2018. He did not return, he met a woman with 7 children and stayed married her and raised her kids. I was left alone to raise my children. He ended up having a mini stroke in 2025, his wife left him all alone wanted nothing to do with him, he came back in early 2026, my second son who is 27 and is the only one who has forgiven his father, picked him up from the airport and took him to his place which he shares with his girlfriend.

Out of the blue they turned up at my door, I told the father he is not welcome in my home, my son and his girlfriend are, they walked down the stairs and my son yelled out every abusive word he could think of even suggesting that I should look after his dad. I let them leave, the father left back to his country, he only came to try and rekindle his family he had neglected. My son called and asked me foroney to send to the dad, I told my son that the dad is not my responsibility and he chose his path in life and now he needs to live with it. Anyways my son committed a crime which sent him to jail, bail refused waiting for sentencing. I think this crime had something to do with helping his dad. While in remand he calls me and says he is sorry for what he has done an he talks very nicely to me. He calls a second time and tells me to send money to the dad and that this is all my fault as I didn't let the dad stay at my house. I told my son that I will happily send him money toake phonecalls whilst in prison, he said no why am I happy to put my hand in my pocket for phonecalls but not for the dad. Again I told him the dad has his own life. My son again abused me and blamed me. I hung up the phone and have since blocked the prison number. I want peace. I feel bad about blocking the number but am too scared to talk to him again. Any advise would be appreciated..

Re: Son in prison

white knight — Mon, 27 Jul 2026 02:07:25 GMT

Hi, welcome

I think I can provide clarity from a outsiders view. Im also a former prison officer some 48 years ago.

You are correct in not providing money to your sons father, directly or indirectly. If anything if he's not paid all child support he should have years ago then he should pay you. That's black and white you are not a bank.

That distinction should be not negotiable and the pressure your son places on you, unbeknown to him, is emotional blackmail as he's using guilt to produce a result.

However, imo, proson is hard on inmates as losing ones freedom should be. By blocking his jail number I dont believe that was in your best interest. A far better approach would be to insert clear firm boundaries "if you mention anything to do with paying money to your father I'll terminate the call". Then monitor how that goes. You can be open to offering advice but zero money. Furthermore, once released giving your son money could be changed eg if he needs rent money pay it direct rather than risk him giving it to his dad.

You must be under considerable stress but try to have confidence by standing by your decisions however avoiding reacting in such a way than harms your own future with regret.

Its a learning journey, but its an inappropriate expectation to finance an ex, even more so with a life abroad. Your son could take the view of, upon his release, work and provide his father money which is his business and risk any lessons in doing so.

I hope that helps. Feel free to reply.

TonyWK

Re: Son in prison

DesertSchmezert — Mon, 27 Jul 2026 16:33:53 GMT

Hi Billi,

Sorry to hear about this chain of events. I can only speak from the perspective of a disgruntled sun who also was a but unsure of how to act when his distant father seemingly reappeared. The inner desire to have family relations the way I always thought they ought to be (both mum and dad in the picture) was too strong and sudden for me to realise what was really going on. I would like to say, it was almost a bodily instinct to take his side for a second because it was the only chance I had to gain what I had missed growing up. In doing this I too said and did things that overlooked what my mother had done for me growing up when really, the man deserved nothing.

Your son is definitely in the wrong to ask you for money or any help/housing for your dad, but I can tell from your actions in the post that you already know that. You are very strong for putting up with that and everything so far. I am jealous of this natural resilience.

I would not pin what your son did down purely to helping his father. And if he ever says that's why, then I would tell you not to believe him, too many things are going on in the country right now, I can tell for a fact that a multitude of factors built up the circumstances that lead to his sentencing.

You have done the right thing by blocking the number. He is not mentally stable enough or made up his decision on where his ethos sits if he calls up one time nicely and barates you next time. I am not sure if you should talk to him again, that is entirely up to you, but for the mean time you are more than entitled to your peace and you should keep that number blocked. I don't know how prison works but maybe sending a letter to him could help if you ever felt like you need to reach out to him.

Bon Courage,
C

Re: Son in prison

Billi — Mon, 27 Jul 2026 20:10:24 GMT

Thankyou so much for the advice. I will unblock the number and put down some boundaries regarding what is spoken about. Blocking the number is one of the hardest things I have ever done when it comes to my children. I love all my children. As for their father he loves the $$$. He calls them when he knows it's payday. Otherwise they don't hear from him. But once again. Thankyou . Stay safe and may God bless you always.

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Re: Son in prison

Billi — Mon, 27 Jul 2026 20:13:19 GMT

Thankyou for your response. I appreciate it. It is very hard as I am one person who tries my best for not only my children but for everyone. May you have peace in your life.

Re: Son in prison

Billi — Mon, 27 Jul 2026 20:16:32 GMT

Firstly I would like to thank you for your reply. . I will unblock the number and put down some boundaries regarding what is spoken about. Blocking the number is one of the hardest things I have ever done when it comes to my children. I love all my children. As for their father he loves the $$$. He calls them when he knows it's payday. Otherwise they don't hear from him. But once again. Thankyou . Stay safe and may God bless you always.
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