topic Re: I can't find the right place for me to post in Long-term support over the journey

I can't find the right place for me to post

Moonstruck — Sat, 25 Mar 2017 00:02:06 GMT

I don't know any more where to put a new thread if I make one, or which ones to join in. I always used Anxiety because that is my major condition but that has been relatively under control lately - I feel Depressed today - but I don't qualify for the topics there either. I'm depressed mainly because there doesn't seem a place for me. I love some of the threads and personal thoughts for example in Staying Well, but I can't join in there, because I don't have any tips for Staying Well.

I tend to have almost paranoid thoughts through over-thinking "problems" that I would like to talk over but don't know where to talk them over before they reach the paranoid stage...I want to avoid that. I join in the Social threads saying light hearted jokey things because thats the only place I seem to belong.

I dwell on any problems my adult sons have in various aspects of their life and want to "fix things for them" - our relationship is very loving and close though - they are wonderful to me - so there is no real "problem" with my relationship with them....so I don't seem to belong in the "relationships, family" section either do I?

I worry about them all the time - when I tried to express this on forum I think it was misconstrued that I had "empty nest syndrome" - trying to adapt to my sons' leaving home....No, that's not it...they've been gone for years and years...I am a grandmother.

I liked the Getting to Know You, or is it Me? thread very much - but have been given suggestions how to start my own thread and what section to use etc and get the feeling I'm being steered away from there too.

So I am still confused. I don't feel particularly anxious today, so this shouldn't even be in Anxiety! Do you see my dilemma?

In fact the more I write the more I feel like crying - I don't know where to go next.

I can't find the right place for me to post

Croix — Sat, 25 Mar 2017 01:11:04 GMT

Dear Moon~

First of all this place is pretty forgiving, you can post in just about anywhere, or make a new thread, and it only has to be very roughly right. So you could make one anywhere your common sense says might be ok (e.g the Social Section would be unsuitable) and it would be fine.

Second of all, you already have a thread of your own, "Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"? This could be a good place to discuss the things you were talking about with Sara - it is your thread after all and you get to say what you put in it. The only downside is that you might not get many new people with fresh perspectives, only mainly those that know you already and post in that thread regularly.

If you do want a new thread so you get fresh as well as familiar posters and want my suggestion then do as Sara has suggested, just make one called Moon's Inner Space in the Staying Well Section and see if it works.

Please don't give to much thought to where the thread lives, nobody is going to be upset at any decision you make, it will work out fine.

Does that help?

Croix

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Jugglin_Strugglin — Sat, 25 Mar 2017 01:16:31 GMT

Sorry to hear you're feeling so confused and sad.

I don't really take much notice of what section a thread is posted in. I just check out 'new posts', like I did just now and clicked on this cos I was drawn to it. I think most people do the same. Anyway, after 100 posts, all threads are moved to the long term section, so it makes no difference where it was started. I'm sure your posts are valued on the 'getting to know you' thread. I think Sara and everyone else who contributes there, would be devastated to hear that you think otherwise. After all, it wouldn't be such a rich thread without everyone's posts, including yours.

At least you posted, which solved your dilemma. I'm sure everyone will be lining up to give you support. I enjoy reading your posts all over the forum. PS Well done in your tournament last week....now I feel very voyeuristic, but couldn't help but read of it in several threads. I haven't replied before cos I sometimes feel like I'm butting in on conversations, but that is something that I'm trying to work on. I'm sure we all feel exactly the same at times, especially when we are feeling down and over thinking and self-doubt begin to take over.

Why are you feeling so down today?

Lee x

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Jugglin_Strugglin — Sat, 25 Mar 2017 01:46:18 GMT

I suffer foot in mouth syndrome....have just read up recent posts in getting to know me thread. I am sorry I didn't read it first, but just felt your distress in this post, so I replied.

I also suffer from decision making. It is agony. It has changed my life. It is the cause of my current state of life paralysis. For me procrastination is an excuse for reluctance to commit to a choice.

Perhaps, now that it is started, if this thread helps you with this aspect of your life, you can continue it. In time, you can always rename it, as I see happened recently.

Maybe it helps to know that no decisions are really final. There are always modifications and improvements that can be made, if the initial choice was not a perfect one. I need to keep telling myself this!

Hopefully, now I have removed my foot from my mouth. See! Hopefully an improvement to my first impulsive post.

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CMF — Sat, 25 Mar 2017 03:37:04 GMT

Hello Moon, my beautiful friend,

It saddens me to hear you are feeling down and depressed today. You have been on such a high with your 'tournament' so i think it is natural to feel a little deflated now.

As far as where to put your post, i agree that if it is in the 'wrong' section it isn't that big a deal, and I also go through new posts rather than the different sections so regardless of where it is we will find it. Remember also that as so many of us know you we will be sure to read a new thread posted by you, no matter where it is. We care for you very much.

I always post in 'anxiety' as that is my main issue . With regards to how you are currently feeling you could post under the 'depression' section. As we've said, your new post will be seen regardless, the only difference is see in posting in the so called 'correct' section is that others feeling depressed may relate more. I know what you mean about not sure where your post will fit in, I think focus on how you actually ARE feeling rather than how you ARE NOT feeling and that will steer you in the direction of where your thread should go.

We all love you Moon and not matter where you post we will be here for you. It is pretty normal to worry about our children and their issues, no matter how old they are. Your sons and grandchildren are lucky to have such a beautiful mum/grandmother.

CMF x

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Moonstruck — Sat, 25 Mar 2017 05:09:56 GMT

Thanks CMF...yes of course I can expect a sort of "withdrawal" from the past 8 weeks or so, especially the final part which is so exhilarating - you are right, it is the norm and others experiencing it for the first time after a "game" get a bit of a shock thinking.."why am I so down?".

It's just I have a tendency to "over react" sometimes and when the thread I was enjoying being a part of, seemed to misunderstand what I was expressing completely, and I felt were directing me to go elsewhere.. I felt awful.

Jugglin' Strugglin' your first reply to me here was lovely - made me feel better. No "foot in mouth" at all...thank you for caring....yes if asked to list my worst faults...I would put "procrastination" at the top of my list.

Croix - I wonder why you credit me with "common sense". I have a high IQ... but no common sense at all. I realise this and that is why I am a procrastinator.

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Croix — Sat, 25 Mar 2017 06:11:57 GMT

I am a procrastinator -and bowler:)

Dear Moon~

I've every faith your will make a good choice in time. You do tend to undersell yourself.

Do you have any plans for another 'bowling' season?

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Moonstruck — Sat, 25 Mar 2017 06:46:33 GMT

Oh Croix....I think it's a done deal that I'll have another go at bowls if there's a suitable place for me. I can see it was beneficial to me and lets face it...I belong there - it's "home".

re: "underselling myself"...When the most significant "others" in your life- even your primary care-giver as a child finds you unacceptable and "not good enough" and tells you so, and abandons you because of it...some of us carry those scars for a lifetime.

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Wilma1 — Sat, 25 Mar 2017 07:29:30 GMT

Dear Moon, I'm very much a silent member here on BB, apart from my thread. The only places I mostly have courage to post. So often I've typed a response to you but deleted, in case of saying the wrong thing....and that was the wrong thing to do because we all need feed back, support.

I understand well the rejected child in you, I have one too. Your posts in Sara's thread helped me to reach out to my inner child. You do belong there.... As well as wherever you need to post. Oops, lost my courage... Hope I push the post button. W

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Jugglin_Strugglin — Sat, 25 Mar 2017 09:05:09 GMT

Hi Moon,

Im happy to hear you are feeling a bit better. I'm glad that I posted, and relieved that it helped. I felt awful after reading more of 'the details', worried I'd got it all wrong. It seems to be a common feeling on the forums - we are all so eager to say the right things to help, but MI and our brain's are so complex and some threads are long, so it is easy not to know the full story, or to misinterprete words. We all know our hearts are in the right place and that everyone is here with best intentions.

Regarding procrastination, I've almost perfected it...done nothing for 3mths while doing it! *There is a fantastic Ted talk by Tim Urban:Inside the mind of a master procrastinator.* Well worth a look, good for a laugh and very enlightening. It should make you feel even better. I'm going to watch it again now.

Wishful, I'm pleased you hit that post button. I often hesitate too. I have cancelled quite a lot of posts, but they are usually ones that are cathartic for me to write. Other times, I decide to hit post cos I only hope that my own experience might help. I enjoy seeing your replies. You have a gift of being able to say so much in so few words. I always know when you reply that you are writing from your heart, almost as if you cannot contain your thoughts on this one, which makes your replies so valuable.

Hoping everyone's Saturday night is happy.

Lee x

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Moonstruck — Sat, 25 Mar 2017 09:29:50 GMT

Yes I am glad too that Wishful pushed the post button! You did it Wishful, you pushed it..and I am glad you did.

Thanks for the Tim Urban thing Jugglin' - I will have to have a look some time.

I am away for a couple of days, flying to our State's esteemed capital for routine annual specialist appointment tomorrow morning....then back the next night - it will be such a quick visit I won't have time to see anyone I know or anything...thanks for being so understanding today. I really appreciate it.

You have a good Saturday night too. x

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Croix — Sat, 25 Mar 2017 12:29:50 GMT

Dear Moon~

About some of us carry those scars, I understand - really. What I said is true though, you are better than you know. You fight so hard against such odds - I admire you for it.

As for 'bowling', doing more would be so great. Your whole tone changes when you talk about it. Any 'home' in this world is a blessing.

Croix

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Kazzl — Sat, 25 Mar 2017 19:39:42 GMT

Hello Moonswoon - we're old mates (well, I'm old and you're my mate) and I just wanted to say non-bipolar peoples are very welcome in my bipolar thread - eg the gorgeous Dottie is a regular. So if you'd like a change of scene you would be very welcome there. We do a good line in anxiety, depression, overthinking, paranoia, anger, fatigue, mixed states and head hamsters (racing thoughts). And music, lots of music. And shopping - we're very good at shopping.

And we're lovely. 😀 Like you.

Kaz

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Guest_322 — Sat, 25 Mar 2017 20:17:37 GMT

Hi Moon,

I think Wishful has nailed it and I would endorse her words:

Your posts in Sara's thread helped me to reach out to my inner child. You do belong there.... As well as wherever you to post.

Many of the posters on Sara's thread post on multiple threads (including me). I mean, I post on Sara's thread, a bunch of other people's threads (Kaz's one for example) as well as my own threads too. As Wishful said, you belong wherever you need to post 😊

Dottie xxx

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Guest_322 — Sat, 25 Mar 2017 20:23:25 GMT

*accidentally omitted "need" when copying and pasting Wishful's words. Here's the correct version:

Your posts in Sara's thread helped me to reach out to my inner child. You do belong there.... As well as wherever you need to post.

Dottie xxx

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Moonstruck — Tue, 28 Mar 2017 00:48:45 GMT

I'm glad I was of some use, at some time Dottie.

I am still not sure if even this, is the right place for me to pour out any "Inner Moon" . It's in Anxiety and I feel too tired and in physical pain today (not usual) I'll explain in a minute...to be overcome with Anxiety, or even have the strength to have a Panic Attack..LOL. (see I keep falling into light-heartedness...perhaps I should have stayed in the BB Cafe or stayed a crazy Thread Killer after all?

My couple of days in Brisbane...I'd forgotten how much walking I usually do, and enjoy,around the city....and it resulted in a recurrence of this ghastly "hip" problem...just wear and tear, old age etc.....strengthening exercises had it well under control for months....walking around has left me in agony actually...bloody nuisance.

See, I have nothing really earth-shattering to say today, so my creating this post was useless anyway, but thank you to the people who have joined in. You all have much more interesting lives and challenges than I have.

My son rang me last night and told me how proud he is of me. He told me he had "forgiven me" long ago for being what I perceive to be a less than good mother, providing a less than happy childhood - he said there was really nothing to forgive - he knew how much pain I was in myself at the time. He knew how hard it was for me. I am truly blessed to have these sons. I don't deserve them - I was not good enough.

No matter how many times I hear the old sayings and yes they are true I realise...."It's in the past"..It's not happening any more.....Don't live in the past.. Those years have gone....."Be in the "now"......I know all that...I am not stupid (regardless of what some may think).....but I cannot forgive myself!

Does anyone know how to forgive oneself?

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Wilma1 — Tue, 28 Mar 2017 01:31:16 GMT

Moon, forgiving ourselves is the hardest person to ever forgive...IF forgiveness is possible there.

Moon, I had an alcoholic mother who never attempted to give up the drink.... That's just one area you have/are overcoming. You deserve your sons/grandchildren.

I have my own ADICTIONS, SH just one, yet to overcome..

You just might be helping alot more than you think. Many....like me......find it excruciatingly hard to post.....but we read....we learn from people with the courage that you have. Keep posting Moon.... Wishful

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Jugglin_Strugglin — Tue, 28 Mar 2017 06:02:51 GMT

Hi Moonest

You are so proud of your sons. They sound like wonderful, caring men.

You are their mother, they would not have the qualities they have, if not for you. You taught them well. Parenting is the hardest job in the world. Every family has struggles and issues throughout the years. Whatever ups and downs you had, you handled them as best as you could at the time. You not only survived but you were a major influence in your sons becoming the men that they are!

Doing all that walking around brizzy and ENJOYING it, is wonderful - earth shattering even, well it would be for me! Sorry to hear your in pain. (I relate to that with back/neck pain). Good though that you don't have 'energy' for anxiety etc. That's a bonus. I don't know which I'd prefer tho, tough choice. Better than both at once, anyway.

No need to worry about which section this is in, it just comes up in new posts or my threads or whatever is it. I'm sure that most people are the same as me and don't look at that. I rarely notice section, I only look at the title of thread.

All our lives are different. Absolutely no reason to think that yours is less interesting or challenging than anyone elses. In fact you wouldn't have so many friends here if it wasn't worthwhile for all of us to reply&support each other. I often have similar feelings. I feel guilty about a lot, others are worse off, wasting peoples time etc. These are typical depression thoughts.

I hope you &your sons are not near Debbie. It is indescribable watching TV as it's happening. The aftermath will take months.

I was thinking about forgiveness. Is acceptance something to do with it? Perhaps some form of grieving is needed to get to that state. I don't know your full story, but with your sons you are thankful.

I hope I can say the same in a few yrs, my son is 16 and just starting to 'assert himself'. I worry about the type of man he will become. At the moment he his so much like his dad it is scary. I never know the best way to handle tricky situations. I know I do the wrong things sometimes, so he gets his own way but you know how they can grind you down. I don't have the energy and he knows it, (just like his dad). If he turns out "ok" I think I'll be able to forgive myself for not being able to give him the childhood and upbringing I would have chosen. I often feel guilty and sad about what he has missed out on. I wish I was my old self so I could make changes now, but not possible. I do what I can.

Lee x

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Moonstruck — Thu, 30 Mar 2017 00:35:11 GMT

Hello there Lee

those are tough years to be a parent..with your son at 16. So hard - well at least I found it to be. I believe even two parents together find it difficult, but its much much harder when you're a woman alone and if the teenagers are boys! I'd had no experience with "teenage boys" no brothers etc.

If you can ride it out until they're about 18 - 20, suddenly they turn "human" again and become quite lovely young men as I have no doubt yours will be. He will remember what a great Mum you have been to him/are - don't worry . If mine did, yours will too.

They have SO much energy and male hormones racing around they can run right over the top of us. My elder son once thought Everything...I mean Everything that I believed, said, did, thought, had opinions on, etc etc was wrong!! Absolutely Everything!

Now we're so close we understand each other's thoughts and feelings as if we were twins. there's a good quote at the end of one of my fave movies Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.."we get up in the morning, we do our best...that's all "

Neither me nor the boys are near Debbie. I am further south but copping plenty of rain in the aftermath.

I've been wondering, what are you "Jugglin'"?......And what are you "Strugglin"" with? you don't have to tell me if you'd rather not..........have a good day...keep those balls in the air!......Moon S x

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CMF — Thu, 30 Mar 2017 01:45:33 GMT

Hello my dear Moon,

First of all, it no longer matters where your post is. We have found it and we are here for you. It was useless to create this post. You needed to reach out and you did, so kudos to you.

As single parents we always feel we have not done enough, good have done things better etc. The fact is we are tired, we do let things go because we can only handle so much and we are human so we make mistakes or find ways to cope that may not be ideal. In face, i have started a thread called 'BB single parents group' because i noticed this recurring theme amongst us. I thought it would be a good place for us to chat about things in general and share strategies or ask for advice from others.I hope when my kids are older i have the wonderful relationship you have with yours. You are good enough and you do deserve them.

Forgiveness is hard to do, whether it ourselves or others.When we are depressed, as you felt when you started this thread, w live in the past so it is understandable that you are struggling with forgiving yourself. Just remember that you are human, your son's have grown into beautiful men who love you dearly, you have gorgeous grandchildren, so don't beat yourself up too much because it all came good in the end.

Keep posting here if you need to Moon, sure we can chat in the cafe or thread killer but this is for YOU, for us to support YOU when you feel you need it, anytime.

CMF x