topic Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to? in Long-term support over the journey

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Hanna3 — Mon, 23 Dec 2019 11:33:01 GMT

Hi all, apart from here and a brief visit to church last night (to make it feel Christmassy and to just be with people) I've had day after day for weeks now with nobody at all to talk to. This time of year especially it's really depressing. Old friends that live far away are gradually losing contact with me - I ring them but they don't ring me. I understand they're busy with their live elsewhere but still it's hard when you're lonely. I'm going to a Christmas Eve service at the local church tomorrow night to at least be with people for a little while... but otherwise all day I'm alone, just me and the dog. Sometimes I strike up a conversation on BB but then the other person disappears and that's the end of that...

How are people meant to cope with prolonged periods of social isolation? I read, I watch DVDs, normally I'd go for long walks with the dog but thick smoke from bushfires and intense hot weather have stopped that. I go to a café alone sometimes. Any ideas/help?

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Paw Prints — Mon, 23 Dec 2019 15:22:09 GMT

Hello Hanna3,

I spend the majority of my time alone with just my dog. I do realise that spending time alone makes many people feel lonely, but it doesn't have that affect on me as I actually prefer being alone.

This being the Xmas holiday season so many things/places close til late January which really doesn't help you find ways to connect with people.

Not knowing if you live rural/city or if you have transport/mobility issues or mh issues which limit you currently, I will throw some really broad idea's in the ring just to start.

Have you thought of other types of volunteering, there are an amazing number of things you can volunteer to do, which means it's easy to find something you would enjoy & most groups allow you to chose how much time you spend. I say other as being on BB you are already volunteering your time & effort/care.

Do you have any interests/hobbies that you could join in a community group or club. It can be on-line, in person or both. Be aware that some groups are really supportive/encouraging/friendly & some are just competitive/nasty/mean.

Have you thought of doing things which let your dog socialise as you do. There are activities to suit most breeds/ages of dog & their humans usually enjoy them too.

Happy to chat, throw idea's about

Paws

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Hanna3 — Mon, 23 Dec 2019 22:35:36 GMT

Hi Paw Prints,

Thanks so much for replying. I wish I could read the print on your picture it looks like the dog has chewed up the couch but what do the words say?!

I moved 3 months ago from the coast to an inland large regional centre. I have one friend here but her husband is abusive so I can only have contact with her when he is away for his work. I came down with flu after moving here and was housebound for about six weeks, which meant by the time I was well enough to join anything everything was winding down for Christmas. I've posted elsewhere that I feel I've made a big mistake moving here, I'm homesick, and currently I don't have the money to move again (I'm in public housing).

I would like to volunteer but by little dog has bad separation anxiety which makes it difficult, plus volunteering needs a police check which I don't yet have...

I joined a choir and a church and made one friend but she's divorced and busy with three teenage kids and going to Sydney for Christmas and anyway during the holidays busy with the children. I'm single and older. The nearby severe bushfires haven't helped with smoke and severe heatwaves. I guess a really bad time to have moved here as it turns out!

I'm pretty introvert so I need a fair bit of time alone, but three months now of being alone with only the occasional conversation is getting me down, plus being stuck indoors so much due to the severe smoke and heat - I wasn't expecting bushfires when I moved here but we're close to one of the worst fires...

I have a car and used to be on an online social affairs forum but the trolls and comments were often nasty so I don't go on that any more. Funnly enough my friend here with the kids was on a knitting forum and the comments got so nasty it got shut down - a group of women knitters! I thought that was funny/horrifying at the same time!

Thanks for posting I appreciate it. Just being able to talk to someone about it helps. Xmas Eve and I'm alone until a church service tonight at 9pm and alone for Xmas tomorrow.... and on it goes. Just have to hunker down with my books and DVDs for a few weeks I guess! Again thanks for your help and best wishes!

I guess there's no solution over Xmas/New Year as you say nothing starts up again until after school holidays end...

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Paw Prints — Tue, 24 Dec 2019 05:33:41 GMT

Hi Hanna3,

The top line on my avatar reads : So I'm just sitting here and the whole dang thing explodes! The bottom line reads: I'm just as surprised as you are.

It's a bit of a running joke with those of us who have Great Danes that things just seem to "mysteriously explode" around them, especially when they are young. My boy is now 6 so getting old for a Dane.

I live rural there is a small post office/general store/petrol pump about 10 km away & the nearest town with chemists, doctors, shops etc is about 50 km away. I moved here a few years ago from the city.

It can take time to find your feet after such a big move. I'm not surprised your feeling homesick, what a terrible start, coming down with the flu and now with the fires/smoke as well as everything being closed with the Christmas/NY break. They say bad things come in 3, so that's yours done. (Touch wood)

Is your avatar a picture of your dog? How old? Have you thought of doing training/mind games with your dog while your both stuck inside? It can tire your dog just as much as a walk does & it can pass some time for you hunting on-line for ones that would suit your dog as well as the time it will take teaching/playing. Just google "mind games for dogs".

Paws

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Hanna3 — Tue, 24 Dec 2019 05:46:57 GMT

Hi Paw Prints, I had a laugh when I read what the caption on your pic says! I didn't know that about Great Danes. Don't think one would fit too well in my tiny cottage... it's strictly Sam-size.

Wow you did make a move to a small town - what made you decide to make a move as major as that - from a city that must have been quite an adjustment. I'm actually finding this town too big and the traffic too busy - guess I had got used to living in a quiet seaside town where you never had to worry about where you were going to park... I didn't realise how jolting the change would be.

Sam is 8 but he has a liver problem which the vet said will probably shorten his life - he said maybe another 3-4 years but I'm hoping to prove him wrong, Sam's my little guy and beloved companion. Yes we play hide the treat, where I hide treats around the house and he has to sniff them out, and he learns tricks with treat rewards, and I've bought two new toys for him for Christmas to play tug-o-war with which he loves playing. Find the treat is his favourite game, using his nose to sniff out where I've hidden the treats seems to be a great game for him.

He's never been shut inside like this either and I'm sure he's depressed. In the park he doesn't want to get back in the car when we have to go home poor little guy. I feel so guilty I've put him through this, but he was suffering terribly from the humidity where we lived - the last summer there I truly thought he might die he was so sick from the heat - I didn't know the summers here had become so hot, they used to be mild, with long winters and Sam loves the cold. We came here when it was snowing to look at the house and he absolutely loved it, he was running around the park in minus-6 degrees and was soooo happy! So I thought I was making a good move. Not.

How do you find life in your small town?

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Paw Prints — Wed, 25 Dec 2019 14:55:07 GMT

Hello Hanna3,

Our woofa's really know how to worm their way into our hearts, don't they. It must be a worry Sam having liver issues, I'm guessing you need to be careful what you feed him. Sam sounds much smarter than my boy, we haven't progressed to hiding the treats, he still struggles to find them all even when they are scattered in full view around him. They do say "like owner - like dog", I've done that standing in shop & just not seeing what I want even though it's right before me.

I moved here for my mental health, my sisters thought I was barmy moving here given I'm on my own & with my physical health issues etc. It was a sudden decision, (which I think had a lot to do with their doubts). I love being here, even though the mobile phone/internet is patchy. I have state forest across the road & I'm surrounded by paddocks of cows. There are far fewer triggers here so I find it much less stressful.

The weather is crazy isn't it, bush fires starting in spring. I think you definitely did the right thing for Sam moving from somewhere with high humidity. Dogs struggle with humidity because it stops their panting to cool down from working as it should. At least with dry heat when you wet them down, the water can easily evaporate keeping them cooler.

The smoke sounds like the big bug bear, being stuck indoors must be driving you both up the wall, without it you could go places with Sam, explore your new town, find a creek he could splash around in etc. Do you get any decent breaks from it or is it pretty much constant?

How bad is Sam's separation anxiety? Can you leave him for short times like an hour or so? Just pondering over things you could do to get out of the house & meet people, keeping Sam in mind.

Paws

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

geoff — Wed, 25 Dec 2019 18:03:22 GMT

Hello Hanna, and please excuse me for only noticing your thread, but I also know that when I'm away from my little Jack Russell I worry, so that then determines the mood I'm in, a positive mood or perhaps a negative one.

You could be in a room full of friends, family members or other distinguished protocol you might know, but if your dog is either not around or being looked after then you aren't going to feel at ease.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Hanna3 — Wed, 25 Dec 2019 22:33:15 GMT

Hi Geoff Hi PawPrints,

Gee it was nice to have you guys come along and post here, thanks! You're right Geoff when Sam's not around I worry about him...

Pawprints where you are sounds nice, I think this town is too busy for me I got used to living in a quiet little hamlet - but I had only a few hours to view the house and it was winter and snowing heavily and I guess nobody was outside so I didn't realize just how big and busy it had become. I feel it's too much for me. I'm keeping in mind the possibility of moving to a smaller town with access to this big town in the future if it's possible on my pension to rent something...

It's been tough on Sam because after moving here I got the worst influenza despite the flu shot, the sickest I ever want to be, could only manage to get out for some food then back to bed and that went on for over a month, then I was very weak. So poor Sam no walks!

Then the heat set in and the bushfires and the smoke here is horrendous we are near the megafire and they say it will have to burn itself out for weeks. Another problem is I don't feel very safe in this area - I'm in public housing but there are some very rough people around here and I don't feel safe walking Sam around here, so we have to drive somewhere for walks. Where I lived before I felt safe everywhere. So that's a real bummer.

I am trying to find a street that is fairly flat and shady and maybe walk him around 7pm when it's cooler. He's having trouble with the move, and is finding the strange streets frightening and often refuses to walk down them. He has very bad separation anxiety which started about 3 years ago, the vet told me anxiety starts in dogs about that age - he used to be fine. He gets so upset that it's hard to leave him. He barks non-stop and is very scared. The smoke is pretty constant and we're heading into another heatwave so yes we're pretty much stuck in the house except for a short morning walk in the park and maybe somewhere in the evenings early...

Don't know anything to be done about it except wish for autumn... thanks so much guys it's great to talk to you.

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Hanna3 — Wed, 25 Dec 2019 23:07:29 GMT

PawPrints/Geoff, the long reply I typed hasn't come through yet... gee it was a help to talk to people about Sam's and my problems. PawPrints could you check in on here again sometime later... I have to take Sam out for a walk before it gets too hot, but I've love some help with a problem with him here. It really helped to have someone to talk to - would you come by again as I'll write a bit more later if you could stand it, it would really help to chat to you. Thanks so much!

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Paw Prints — Wed, 25 Dec 2019 23:38:51 GMT

I will keep popping into check if your back from your walk

Paws

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Doolhof — Thu, 26 Dec 2019 00:02:32 GMT

Hi Hanna3, Paw Print, Geoff and all reading,

We moved to a small town from the city a few years ago. It has taken a while to feel like this is home for me. I've had a variety of Volunteering positions, it certainly can be rewarding.

Some organisations actually pay for the Police Clearance to be done. Depending on the state you live in, rules can be different.

There are some homes for the elderly that welcome dogs onto the premises to visit with people.

A few places do close down over the festive season, hopefully you can find people around you can chat with. Is it possible to post a notice at the shopping centre to see if people want to go out for early morning walks before it gets too hot, even if you suggest once a week?

Some places like libraries invite people in when it is really hot, you might be able to connect with other people in places of refuge or even at a bench in a shopping centre.

Chatting here does help as well. There is a social section to the forum where you might like to join in with different conversations and interests ranging from home improvements to favourite books and much more.

All the best,

cheers from Dools

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Hanna3 — Thu, 26 Dec 2019 01:51:09 GMT

Hi PawPrints/Geoff,

I typed a long reply this morning but for some reason it hasn't come through.

Sam has bad separation anxiety - he used to be fine but when we were in between rentals we were taken in by my doctor's secretary's family (would you believe) and the husband turned out to be abusive and violent and we had to flee as I was in fear of my safety and of Sam's. We were homeless after that and ended up on the north coast where after a year we got into public housing, but a tiny flat and some of the male residents were druggies/out of prison and gave me hell. So we transferred to here for cooler weather but turns out the summers now are in the mid40s.

After staying with the violent family Sam developed terrible separation anxiety. He's never recovered. I don't know what the man did to him when I had to go out. So I'm pretty stuck as I still have not been able to settle him down again. When we came to check out the house here it was winter and snowing and Sam loved the cold he ran around and seemed happy. Now we see it's very busy traffic and a bit overwhelming after the quiet coastal town I lived in. Getting out with Sam was easier there because the cafes were outdoors and dog friendly, but here they are not. The heat and fires have added to the difficulty lots of days we've been unable to go out at all due to smoke and heat and we have no aircon in a fibro house it's very hot.

Anyway the move has been too much for him, he won't walk down many streets, it took ages to get him to cross a street to get to a take away coffee place opposite the park, I have had to lure him into the car with a treat as he doesn't even want to get in the car. Tried to walk him last night, he gets a little way down a street then stops and won't go on, he wants to turn around and go back to the car.

If it was less hot/smoky we could find some walks but we are really limited for the summer. I don't know what to do about Sam's anxiety, last night he just sat down again and wouldn't walk more than a few metres. I am alone because I can't take him with me to a café like I used to. Left alone he barks constantly. I'm thinking of getting a rescue kitten if this might help him once they bond?

Thanks so much for reading this! Do you have friends in the small town where you live? It sounds nice I can understand wanting to live somewhere quiet.

So yes I'm housebound due to weather and Sam's anxiety. Any ideas???

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Hanna3 — Thu, 26 Dec 2019 01:56:22 GMT

I typed another reply it doesn't seem to have come through yet... don't know what's wrong...

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Hanna3 — Thu, 26 Dec 2019 04:28:11 GMT

Oh how funny I've had an email saying my reply has to go to the moderators and recommending all sorts of places I should go for help and I've realised the computer has picked up words I've used about my dog and thinks it's about me! That's why my first reply hasn't come through. Anyway I typed another one which has gone up OK.

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Paw Prints — Thu, 26 Dec 2019 04:47:50 GMT

Hi Hanna3,

It's not unusual for some posts to take a while to come through, especially longer ones.

Please don't get Sam a companion in an attempt to help his separation anxiety, bringing a new animal into the home can often make things worse.

Him not wanting to go on walks may be an escalation of his separation anxiety or it could be something different such as;

He may be in pain
It may simply be to hot/smokey
He may be picking up on your stress. Dogs look to us to be the confident, has everything under control ones. They are very good at reading us & our moods. If he thinks your not 100% confident or if you fuss when he baulks he won't want to try new things/places
It may be cooler, but the ground/road may still be too hot.
Past experiences after previous moves

Remember everything has changed for both of you, old routines are gone, it will take sometime for him to settle. "Now we see it's very busy traffic and a bit overwhelming after the quiet coastal town " It will be just as overwhelming for him until he gets used to it. I found moving here triggered stress behaviours from my woofa, it took time for him not to be scared silly by the Kookaburra calls, the kangaroo's, the neighbours cows, the farm sounds.

Separation anxiety can be treated but it does take consistent/patient work. How intense is his anxiety? Does Sam follow you every where you move in the house? Does he get distressed if you go into a room & shut the door keeping him out? Will he eat if you are not in the room? Does he destroy things or soil in the house if you go out & leave him home? Have you tried any behaviour modification training before?

Paws

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Hanna3 — Thu, 26 Dec 2019 05:32:24 GMT

Hi Paws, thanks so much for stopping by and helping out. Yes I realize it's been overwhelming for Sam. We've been here 3 months now. At the moment he's lying on the kitchen floor while I am in the loungeroom down the hall, but other times he does follow me from room to room. He's fine with being outside in the back yard with me out of sight inside the house, so that's good. I've tried leaving him for 5 minutes, then 15 minutes, by taking the car out and around the block and then listening before I drive back in, and he's been barking non-stop, very anxious when I come back inside.

He doesn't destroy anything or lose bowel control or anything, just has his nose by the front door waiting and extremely anxious, frantically jumping at me when I come back in the door. He's on a herbal tranquilliser already.

He likes the park. When I realised he was scared walking along the street, I managed to get him across the road from the park to the take away coffee place, and the girls there loved him and gave him pats and treats and after that he associated it with positive things (pats and treats) and is happy to go there now. Then I tried another outdoor café further down the same street - no good. I got him there by offering bits of Schmako as he walked down, then giving him a liver treat when we got to the café and sat down, so he's OK there now because again, it has positive associations (treats).

Walking around the streets for an outing/exercise just isn't working. I'm going to try tonight a street that is flat and I think will be shady, and has a path that shouldn't be too hot. I'm thinking to take some treats in my pocket and give them little bits to entice him along?

What do you think about taking treats with me for a walk? I guess I can see how it goes tonight. We're heading into another severe heatwave so walks will probably not be easy for the next few days.

He was fine when we stayed at my friend's house and was happy in her garden while I was inside her house.

Thanks so much for the help! I really appreciate it.

I'm careful not to force him once he won't go. I'm also aware of the ground being hot so am careful to feel it myself first and I don't walk him on roads etc if it's been a really hot day, just the park in that case so he's on grass.

I guess he's really confused at the different surroundings, smells, climate, it's all changed for him.

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Hanna3 — Thu, 26 Dec 2019 08:38:34 GMT

I took Sam out to the park early as it's reached 37 here this afternoon so too hot for much of a walk - but I took some liver treats and we went down two side streets near the park he has refused to walk down before and with a small treat every so often and heaps of praise he walked around them pretty well. So maybe that is the way to go to get him walking around strange places.

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Paw Prints — Thu, 26 Dec 2019 09:53:57 GMT

Hi Hanna3,

You beat me to a reply, yes I think treats & praise are usually a winning combination.

Just a some thoughts with the separation anxiety, have you tried the adaptil range of products? They release pheromones similiar to those produced by the mother dogs to settle their puppies. They don't work for every dog, but I know quite a few Dane owners have had success using the diffusers in conjunction with other strategies.

Also what strategies do you use to try to make the time your away from Sam enjoyable for him? No good me suggesting things if you've already doing them 😊

Paws

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Katyonthehamsterwheel — Thu, 26 Dec 2019 09:57:00 GMT

Hi Hanna

Sounds like you're doing all the right things with Sam, so that's great. Unfortunately lots of dogs experience separation anxiety and I don't know of anything that helps, apart from meds, and as you've said, Sam is already on a herbal one. I was thinking perhaps a thunder wrap or whatever they are called, but given the hot weather I don't think that's appropriate either. I know you're on a pension so funds will be limited too, otherwise a dog sitter or doggy daycare if you have one might be something you could consider occasionally. Poor you. Poor Sam. A tricky situation. But still, so wonderful that you have each other. I wouldn't be without my Stormy.

Sending you both lots of good thoughts, that things will improve for you in the new year x

Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Hanna3 — Thu, 26 Dec 2019 11:49:37 GMT

Hi Paws, all I've done when going out is to hide a few treats around the house so he sniffs around to find them as I am leaving. Unfortunately I can't leave him with a bone or anything like that due to his liver problems. I leave the television going softly so there is some noise. I honestly haven't thought of anything else. All ideas welcome!!!