topic "Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"? in Long-term support over the journey

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

Moonstruck — Sun, 15 Jan 2017 05:31:26 GMT

I have a tendency to "over think" things (I hope you know what I mean by that) which can spiral into obsessive thoughts and imagining worst outcomes etc.

Just lately I have noticed myself perhaps going a step further when thinking over someone else's actions and/or words - assuming it is a direct personal assault on "me" . I dwell over and over on what they said, the tone of voice used, creating a scenario as to why they did or said a certain thing, what they could be "leading up to" or "covering up" something I need to know. I get more and more anxious as I "imagine" what will be next to happen - (it is always negative and scary). sometimes I imagine the conversations they "could" be having about me behind my back.

sometimes I feel like contacting him/her to have them explain if anything is wrong, and if I misconstrued anything -to reassure me all is OK. But I am too scared to do so, in case it makes things worse, in case they are embarrassed and try to avoid me in the future. . Hardly anyone knows I have such an anxiety problem at all - so I don't want to come across as a "mental case".....(LOL)

Is this sounding a bit paranoid to you? How can I stop imagining the worst possible scenario of events that "might" happen...it's seems so real to me even though I am making it up in my head.

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

1113 — Sun, 15 Jan 2017 05:56:09 GMT

Peaceful hello moonstruck,

I hear you loud and clear.

Positive affirmations.

Mediate.

Train yourself to see things differently. Turn it upside-down.

Just admitting is the first step forward.

You don't want to stop it altogether, this is natural mental ability of assessment.

Weighing pros cons etc. Catastrophizing is just anxiety and the power of your brain, capacity etc.

Believe that all is well. We are all in the same boat.

If you have any questions, please ask.

Peace

Matt.

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

Croix — Sun, 15 Jan 2017 06:44:40 GMT

Dear Moonstruck~

This post is basically about me - see if you relate, perhaps something might help a smidgen.

A while ago in another thread I was writing about myself:

An unfortunate legacy of my injury is prolonged bouts of anxiety, often triggered by an action I have taken. Here the mind enters the hamster wheel of revolving thought, unable to entirely break out, held in there by well-worn feelings of insignificance, watched over by old acquaintances doubt and dread.

Intellectually I am aware my thinking is distorted and that any anticipated adverse outcome will likely be trivial or non-existent - that is no help. I do have the small comfort of knowing it has happened and I have restarted normal life so many times before – however the clock of time passing to reach that end ticks so slowly - I have to endure.

The subject matter is often my interactions with others - what happened - what might have happened - what it meant - where did I go wrong and so on and so on and s....

Horrible. It used to be worse, years ago I was locked inside, I did not have the self awareness to know it was happening - I just endured. Nowadays I've reached the stage where I realize I'm in the wheel.

I think maybe you have a similar mechanism at work - it sounds a bit like me.

Two things - firstly like you I want to take some action to bring the matter to an end, in your case perhaps talking to the person involved - in my case that; or other actions arising from other scenarios. In just about every case I've found taking that action when thinking is awry has not lead to peace of mind, often it has exacerbated the situation.

Secondly - what can I do? My two main weapons are physical activity and distraction.

I've restricted movement and can only walk, so I walk up the street, being out of the gloom in the house and in the open air, perhaps looking around - meeting a neighbor - whatever - it helps.

Last night my wife took me to the movies because I had a flashback - I know that's a different, my solutions' the same.

Distraction - I'm big on that. I'm extremely fortunate I can lose myself in books - mostly one's I've read before with happy endings. That retreat has carried me through psych ward, and innumerable unhappy episodes to a kinder cleaner world where villains meet their just desserts and heroes and heroines live happily ever after.

Perhaps there is something you can do sometimes to break the cycle?

I understand and hope for you

Croix

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

white knight — Sun, 15 Jan 2017 07:12:08 GMT

Hi Moonstruck.

I've mentioned about this dwelling thing a few times. I don't mind repeating.

In 1987 after many years in the RAAF, prison officer, investigations and so on I got a job as a ranger for a council. A small part of that job was the dreaded parking officer role in a small country town (now large) on the outskirts of Melbourne. Up until then I was never corrupted.

After a complaint was lodged by shop keepers I attended the area to find a large white car parked in a disabled bay without authority. I issued a fine...a measly $12. Then it was in one hour zones all day and more fines were issued. My boss told me one morning "leave that big white car alone, don't book it". I asked why "he is a mate of the town clerk, its a direction for you to adhere to".

I was outraged. At the time I didn't have the simple wisdom of telling him the he could patrol the area and left it as it was. When I patrolled the street next I issued another fine well aware my boss was spying on me. We argued in the office, I got severe chest pains, I went off work...ECG was abnormal...diagnosis- heart attack at 31 years of age. It wasn't until 3 months later when doing a fitness test they found it was a panic attack. My heart rate is normal now funny enough.

Now, my honour and dignity was compromised. I needed and got lots of therapy. My therapist identified that I had a number of issues to address. One was thinking unrealistic thoughts. EG he asked what occurred this week. I answered I worried my boss would knock on my door. He'd ask...do you really think that would happen..."No" would be the answer yet I worried it would. I was then trained to turn these unrealistic thoughts away from my daily life. I learned to assess if some thought was unrealistic then it was highly unlikely it would occur.

Another one was dwelling. Churning over and over issues that I could not control. I learned to (as Croix said) divert my attention. tinkering in my shed became my safe zone. It was there and still is, that my mind is so busy and focused that I rarely think of bad thoughts.

Distance. I have slowly distanced myself from local politics, local tree planting, working bees, and so on. I remind myself I'm not well and if that means a better happier more manageable life not being involved with other people then so be it. However I walk around our small town picking up rubbish...alone!!

So that's it. I hope I've helped. Oh, and stick up for yourself!

Tony WK

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

white knight — Sun, 15 Jan 2017 07:20:19 GMT

oh and moonstruck, google these...even if you only read the first post of the threads

Topic: defending yourself, don't be an easy target- beyondblue

Topic: words are sticks and stones- beyondblue

Topic: happy marriage, hobbies and spirit- beyondblue

Topic: so what are their mental illnesses- beyondblue

Topic: depression and toxic people- beyondblue

Topic: festering issues or moving on?- beyondblue

Topic: depression and sensitivity, a connection?- beyondblue

Tony WK

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

1113 — Sun, 15 Jan 2017 09:00:49 GMT

Nice1 White knight

Moonbear,

I forgot to mention;

Have a look through "OTT old thought thoughts".

One of kaitoa's threads. Taurus will back me up on this.

Its good to just read through. It has some very good info on challanging thoughts.

Take what you can out of it and challenge those negtive thoughts.

Your not alone and a highly regard member of the community.

Peace

Matt.

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

Guest_1055 — Sun, 15 Jan 2017 09:40:00 GMT

Hey Moon,

Yeah I know it has been a while since we chatted..... Hugs for you now. Anyway your heading stood out to me, because I too over think things at times, and it seems always to be about relating to others. Like did I say something wrong, did I say to much etc. However in most cases I have known the person. Do you know the person well and trust them? If yes, then I would speak to them about it. I have done that before and the result was I felt a sense of freedom or lightness. Plus whatever I was over thinking was totally incorrect and they gently reassured me of that. I did find it a little scary to open myself and speak, but it was worth it, just to free myself from the particular thoughts.

Anyway you are not alone Moon,

Love

Shelley xx

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

blondguy — Sun, 15 Jan 2017 11:49:33 GMT

Hey Moon

What a great thread, and thankyou 🙂 Im not here to talk about me....this one is about YOU:-)

Over thinking is a huge pain...Ive been working really hard not to be an 'overthinker' and with time and a heap of frustration and crying in front of counselors I am nearly out of the woods 🙂

I really understand where you are coming from Moon. It can be crippling to spend our time using a microscope and going over things as many times as we do. It only makes us worse.

The more frequent the therapy the better our mental health and thought processes...The less frequent our therapy the more we will overthink...Sometimes we have to 'take out the trash'.......(Vent)

Nice1 Moon...

my kind thoughts

Paulxo

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

Out_the_window — Sun, 15 Jan 2017 12:55:20 GMT

Hi.may i say ive had exactly the same.my.memories go back as far as three.maybe more.at three.i had dreams that were like paranoid conflicts.some with another me in the dream.some with parents. Or school bullies. Lol . Like ..eveything was in fast motion.i didnt cope with it so i lashed out.even at five i shouted at my dad to turn the tv down it was deafening me.it was down. I believe us more sensitive people have coping proplems with ordinary sounds.feelings and actions.sometimes we dont respond well to the whole network of those.and we freak out like its over exposure to our fragile senses... hope it helps you. Im no doctor.im a patient. Wayne.

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

geoff — Sun, 15 Jan 2017 18:23:13 GMT

hi Moonstruck, as we can see you're been on the site for quite awhile, but can you google 'intrusives thoughts' which people who have OCD have.
There is an enormous section on this site and by reading some of the comments you may connect with them. Geoff.

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

gld — Sun, 15 Jan 2017 20:32:42 GMT

Hi Moonstruck,

Just had this experience yesterday with a simple question at work, "I have been looking for you everywhere and i could not find you". Well i blew it out of the water the unhelpful thoughts, "They think i am not working, They think i am lazy and hiding from work", then an unhelpful action talked about how someone was thinking this about me to another [not a good move].

Lately i have been working on questioning the thought before an action happens. For example - How true is this thought which could of prevented me from having this unhelpful action. Sometimes i confront the person which is ok but sometimes it triggers another unhelpful thought as i am often on a roll at the time.

Generally it happens when i am worried, tired or feeling a little off. Being kind to yourself getting plenty of rest, keeping healthy and realising there are out things out of my control is a good starting point for me. It is so true that we all have these thoughts racing through our mind constantly and they need to be questioned from time to time as our mind is a vast place that loses itself in is own chitter chatter.

Be kind to yourself to take time to breath so you are able to gather your thoughts that are helpful.

Gen

PS Work in progress for me keeping my thoughts helpful.

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

Moonstruck — Sun, 15 Jan 2017 23:13:40 GMT

Thank you so much to you all - I did not expect so many responses and understanding....you have all been helpful and supportive. I guess I did not realise how many people have been through the same thing!

Last night I actually began to regret posting in the first place, wondering if you would all think I am truly psychotic, hearing voices or imagining the man next door plotting to kill me or something - nothing so drastic I assure you...but to know I am not alone with this problem, and you cared enough to reply is reassuring.

Shelley - you asked if I could contact again, the person who unwittingly set off my string of horrible imaginings - that's what I would normally do probably, as I am a very good communicator and word person - but, here's the problem -

She's not a personal friend - and very recently had heart bypass surgery! So she's in recovery and rehab for that, and of course I can't go ringing and bothering someone in those circumstances, can I? Particularly over something that could be just an anxiety over-reaction on my part! She is also quite elderly, as is her husband (who is a nice person) but she'll think it odd if I ask to speak to him instead...when she answers the phone as she always does!

I don't know any mutual friends I can call either, to clarify something about our last phone call I need to check for my peace of mind - no-one! She made it clear she is not up to visitors just now which is understandable.

the only reason I keep in contact with this lady is that a few years back I re-homed my beloved pet, who means such a lot to my family (my son's childhood best friend) at her place and go to visit him every few months. Now I can't. I am afraid if I annoy her too much, she will stop me from visiting him at all - this will kill me.

I am worried sick she can no longer look after all the animals, that he has been re-located, that he is suffering in this extreme heatwave, that he is sick, died, ignored, not being cared for properly...the list goes on and on - the fact I cannot check for myself and pay a visit, or have her reassure me he is OK is unbearable.

It is on my mind 24/7 - I promised my son I would always make sure he was cared for. I feel between a rock and a hard place....powerless.

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

Croix — Sun, 15 Jan 2017 23:32:46 GMT

Dear Moonstruck~

First off please don't regret posting, that's why we are all here (you included) , and as you can see many are just like you. Asking is fine and sensible.

Secondly if the lady had medical problems there is nothing wrong with you asking after her health - a natural concerned thing to do, and during the conversation inquire about the pet.

This may re-assure you without stepping outside the bounds of normal courtesy & interaction.

This is the way I'd go - would the above approach help?

Croix

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

1113 — Mon, 16 Jan 2017 00:33:41 GMT

Peaceful hello moonstruck,

Your explanation seems perfectly rational to me.

Acceptance is what you just did. Congrats.

Some further discussion will sort it straight for you.

This me existing the convo....soz, I think you got it covered and I have no real experience to help any further. People confuse the hell out of me. Lam (laughing at myself).

Peace

Matt.

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

Moonstruck — Mon, 16 Jan 2017 05:03:21 GMT

That's the approach I tried this time Croix...I had rung her before Christmas to wish her Seasons Greetings etc and she seemed her normal self, despite having just had the surgery.

I expressed concern of course, as you do and she said then the pet was fine, how many visitors were coming for lunch etc. I said I'd ring after Christmas and try and make a day to visit.....when I rang a few days ago her mood seemed totally different, (this is where my imaginative over thinking takes hold) saying it wasn't a good time, she's still recovering and would be for 8 weeks.

No reassurance the pet was OK as she usually does, made me feel a nuisance for bothering her. So I sort of said I'd ring another time in the future, wished her all the best, said to call if she needed anything or if the pet became too much for her etc (what else could I say?).

It's since then I have been imagining the worst possible scenario, heat stress, already moved him somewhere else, or he's sick (or worse) and she doesn't know how to tell me, wondering how I'll find him if he's moved - I am terrified of offending her or falling out in any way as she might not ever let me visit him again at all!

All I can do is wait about a month and try to pluck up courage to call again....I'll be a bundle of anxiety when I do - the waiting is killing me.

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

Croix — Mon, 16 Jan 2017 05:43:53 GMT

Dear Moonstruck~

I know exactly where you are at, a I mentioned:

however the clock of time passing to reach that end ticks so slowly - I have to endure

That's why I try to distract myself - I'm getting reasonable good at it - well mostly anyway - sometimes?

The fact that you said to call if there was pet problem is good in that she probably would - and frustrating because it puts the onus on her to ring.

From outside looking in I really think things are ok and she's just getting over her op, she would have taken the opportunity to tell you when you last rang if things were not right. Having a slightly different attitude is most likely caused by something outside the conversation

(If you'll forgive a lighthearted example - maybe she just found another woman's attire in her husband's bedroom and was just about to give him a piece of her mind when you rang - who could say)

I've often thought it's ironical, the thing I'm currently worrying about may have been resolved one way other the other already, but I'm condemned to go on feeling that worry until the opportunity for me to find out what happened presents itself.

You are lovely caring sensitive person, but even 'LCSP's have their limits in what they can do, on behalf of pets - or people either I guess.

I feel for you, I know what you are going through

Croix (who hopes you get a smile from his lighthearted example)

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

Moonstruck — Mon, 16 Jan 2017 05:57:30 GMT

Dear Croix

I can't believe you are being so kind and good to me. I was about to put a second post following my last one, telling you all to excuse my rambling on about what must be a trivial thing...it sounds so silly when there are such "big things" going on in the world and for everyone on Forum.

Worried about a pet - big deal! I was imagining (there I go again) how foolish you must all think me for making such a "mountain out of a molehill". And then this lovely caring message from you...thank you.

Yes perhaps next time I should put on my sexiest telephone voice (and I do have one) and purr "Can I speak to Fred please?"

I like the bit about the clock ticking slowly to reach that end....the end always comes doesn't it? I recall a line from My best Friend's Wedding with Julia Roberts.....a hotel porter finds her sitting dejected and worried in the corridor late one night.....he says "There's something my old grandma used to say..."This too, shall pass"

I hope he was right........take care Croix.

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

Doolhof — Mon, 16 Jan 2017 06:04:48 GMT

Hi Moon and All,

I've not read all that has been written here, just sort of skimmed through. Moon, at the moment I am doing some work on Unhelpful Thoughts, Beliefs and Expectations. It is helping me immensely and is also a huge slap in the face at times.

It amazes me how much my mind can race away from me. I also have Borderline Personality Disorder, so apparently that part of my brain wants to tell me everything relating to people is a total disaster, that every one hates me and fills me with insecurity relating to people as well.

My husband running 10 minutes late coming home turns into :He has had an accident, he is in hospital, he has run away with another woman, or maybe a man, he hasn't even bothered to call me, he doesn't care, maybe I need to pack my bags and leave...etc etc.

Then I look at the clock and realise I am an hour out! He is not expected home for another 50 minutes!

Yes, some things are certainly worth the worry and anxiety. When you learnt o shut down those thoughts, let me know! Ha. Ha.

Hoping you find a way to ensure the pet is okay.

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

blondguy — Mon, 16 Jan 2017 22:06:15 GMT

No worries Moon 🙂

Your thread is an important and valid one.

Its always important for people to know that this 'over-sensitised' state of mind can be helped by regular therapy

Great thread Moon!

my kindest

Paul

"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

Out_the_window — Tue, 17 Jan 2017 02:39:36 GMT

Hi.to all on this post.id like to contribute .try and imagine that the voices are alternate versions you you. Some of you are angry little things that want to cause problems.some are insecure littler you people who want reasuring and attention.other forms of you are pestering.doubtful and want to mess you around.in a personality when growing up we have so many possible versions of us.to choose which one we want to be.grow into.with the guidance of parents and teachers. With voices.i feel its like we still havnt told the rest of the gang.versions of us to ping off.and just choose the "us" we feel comfortable being. APROACH YOUR DEMONS AND PUT THEM TO REST. all the best. Wayne. Ive been there.