topic Struggling to go on in Long-term support over the journey

Struggling to go on

Tess2 — Mon, 23 Apr 2018 10:56:38 GMT

Life is being really hard for me and troubles keep compounding. I cannot face wading through what is needed to move forward I feel isolated and alone. I have people who care but I think they can be overloaded with my despair and it can be a burden. There seem to be obstacles all along the way.

Two years ago I lost my job. A career of 50 years. I am 66 and have no partner. I have not coped well with this loss and now have significant financial problems too. I have to sell my home. Pay off my mortgage and buy a new place. I live with my son who is very caring but I have suppported him financially and emotionally through the family court. His ex is trying to remove him from his daughters life. I feel I have reached my retirement years with very little and no joy. Depression has been a big part of my life. But I have managed. Now I also have severe anxiety. It paralyses me. And panic attacks. I don’t know how to do each day.

Struggling to go on

stormcloudz — Mon, 23 Apr 2018 11:43:07 GMT

Hi Tess

I think it's very understandable that you are feeling especially anxious at the moment - there is a lot going on for you.

You mentioned you have people who care, which is great, and this is definitely the time to lean on them. And you can get heaps more support here on this forum - you don't need to worry about overloading anyone here!! We've had similar experiences and will understand and support you.

The good news is that anxiety comes and goes, so you won't feel like this all the time. There is hope, and there still is definitely hope that you can get some pleasure from your retirement.

I really feel for you, and want you know that you are not alone, and that there are wonderful people on this forum who will want to hear from you, and have a lot of experience in managing depression and anxiety.

I have had bad anxiety attacks, and it makes it really difficult to think at all. Something that I have found useful is a safety plan. For me this was really simple, and listed out tiny things that helped me feel a little bit better - even if it was only 5% better, as long as it pulled me back from the edge a bit. It was really simple things like having a hot cup of tea, or calling a friend, or watching a familiar and comforting TV series. I'm shy to admit it, but I also had a teddybear (blush). Do you have anything like that, and what would be on your safety plan?

I also kept numbers to call ready, like Lifeline and BeyondBlue. It's a good idea to give them a ring if you are feeling bad or isolated or like you can't call your friends. It's a friendly ear.

I know it's hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other in difficult circumstances... but you have coped courageously with depression for so long, and I'm convinced that you can. It's hard going through housing changes, job changes and money worries, it's not surprising your anxiety has really amped up.

We're here to help and support you. There's also other support out there, and we can help you find it if you don't have it already (eg a counsellor).

I am sending you strength and peace with all my heart.

Please post back and let us know how you are doing.

Struggling to go on

Tess2 — Tue, 24 Apr 2018 05:00:10 GMT

Thank you for the encouragement. I have found calling lifeline etc not so useful. I don’t want to be told to get counselling and given numbers. I have had loads of counselling over the years. I am not what these services can do really except provide a sympathetic ear

Struggling to go on

smallwolf — Tue, 24 Apr 2018 05:47:32 GMT

Tess2,

Hi. And welcome to Beyond Blue. I hope that you know that you can talk openly here knowing that you will not be judged by others here. It is a very safe place to post.

I am saddened that that you have not had much/any success with counselling services etc. At the moment I want you to know that I listening/reading your posts. There are threads on the forums here you might find useful for dealing with anxiety etc. My own psych has also given me the distraction and coping tools. If you are open to these suggestions please let me know and I will post more.

Smallwolf.

Struggling to go on

Tess2 — Tue, 24 Apr 2018 07:59:42 GMT

Thsnk you thst epild be helpful. It is not that counselling hasnt helped in tha past. But it is like i know now what they are going to say. It is slso a cost i cant afford

Struggling to go on

smallwolf — Wed, 25 Apr 2018 01:35:21 GMT

Hello again,

Firstly, I have 2 apps recommended by my psych. They are virtual hope box and relax melodies. I only purchased relax melodies for the additional meditations. Virtual hope box contains a couple of meditations plus a number of distraction tools. One of these is a word search game that only uses positive words. While I was initially sceptical, I found that it actually does work.

I also have deep breathing exercises, and a mindful eating exercise (using minties) to ground me into the present moment. With the mindful eating exercise, you use all of your senses. I have added posts elsewhere on the forum, where I go into more detail about each of these activities. I will find the link and let you know shortly.

Struggling to go on

smallwolf — Wed, 25 Apr 2018 02:56:24 GMT

My psych has suggested mindful eating exercise...

Take a mintie or similar treat. Feel it in your hand. How does it feel? What does it smell like? Does it make a sound when you roll it around in your hand? How small or large is it? What colour is it?
It is about engaging all of your senses.

Now take off the wrapper and repeat the above exercise. Does it feel sticky? Or not? Is the smell stronger? Again, engage all of your senses

Next... Put the sweet into your mouth. But don't bite into it. Just suck it. How does it taste? Any sounds? How does it feel? After a short while bite into it.... Don't attempt this with a hard sweet! Consider the sound, taste, smell.

The idea is to take your thoughts from your current stress and put all your energy and focus into something else.

You can do similar with meditation, with breathing, listening, feeling, sensing.

Struggling to go on

Tess2 — Fri, 27 Apr 2018 01:56:45 GMT

Thank you. I am really struggling to start each day and do the things i have to do. I feel particularly down today and wonder how long i can go on feeling this way. I dont think that i can.

Struggling to go on

stormcloudz — Fri, 27 Apr 2018 05:37:55 GMT

Tess

That sounds hard, and it's so tough when a particularly down day comes through. You are not alone - on this forum you are surrounded by friendly folk who understand that at some times it is hard to put one foot in front of the other.

Are you at that point where you can't get up, and any suggestions that anyone else has just sound pointless? Or are you so hyper-anxious that you just can't settle to anything? Or both?

People on this forum will understand and will be happy to offer practical advice or emotional support, whatever you need.

It is so, so hard to trust this when we are in a dark place, but things can improve. You have a lot happening at the moment, it's not surprising that any underlying depression or anxiety is coming to the fore.

People with depression are often reluctant to ask for help and battle on alone. Is there anyone around you that can provide some practical or emotional support, no matter how small? If not, we are still here for you.

At certain times I have found it helpful to remember that if it all just gets too much, you can always call the ambulance. Although it's a bit of a drastic option, it's good to have a backup plan.

I think it's amazing that you are keeping on going and getting a few things done. That is just great. Even if it's only tiny, every action is a huge victory in the midst of depression. You are such a trooper.

Struggling to go on

Tess2 — Fri, 27 Apr 2018 07:08:29 GMT

I am hyperanxious but also cant get moving or get up for hours. Suggestions seem well meaning but i feel so alone. I have never felt this alone.

Struggling to go on

Tess2 — Fri, 27 Apr 2018 23:34:26 GMT

Thank you for your encouragement and support. I just want to feel better

Struggling to go on

stormcloudz — Sat, 28 Apr 2018 03:18:10 GMT

Tess

Being hyperanxious and unable to do anything is a horrible combination, I know.

I also understand your experience of listening to people's suggestions or talking to the hotline, and thinking that all suggestions seem so...trite compared to the experience.

Those suggestions are based on the lived experience of people who have been in the same situation as you - but maybe those suggestions aren't right for you at the moment. They may be, at a different time. For example, at one time the minties exercise above would have meant nothing to me, but at the moment it sounds like a helpful idea (thanks smallwolf, really liked that). Try to be patient with us even when we suggest things that don't quite work for you, we know how that feels too.

It is so understandable that you just want to feel better. It is very hard to feel so alone. Remember we are all here to support you, you are not alone, and we do have a deep empathy with you.

You are going through a really rough time, but it will pass and things will improve.

Are you on any medication? Sometimes it's helpful in digging ourselves out of the hole. Do you have a helpful GP?

Please post again and let us know how you are going.

Struggling to go on

stormcloudz — Sat, 28 Apr 2018 04:04:00 GMT

PS it's probably worth mentioning that I have experienced that combination of anxiety/paralysis a few times in my life, usually, like you, in response to difficult external circumstances. I came out of the most recent bout through a combination of GP advice and physio/massage (it was worth the money for me, but I haven't heard anyone else mention this). I have confidence that things can change for you, but know it's really hard to take those first steps.

Struggling to go on

Tess2 — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 04:16:16 GMT

I appreciate your post. I feel terrible today. So alone. So panicky. I am so frightened for today and the future. I can not continue like this.

Struggling to go on

Ggrand — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 05:00:48 GMT

Hello Tess, I'm sorry your feeling terrible today and so alone..

I hope you don't mind me visiting you, I'm also in a very similar place as you are..I'm not far of your age, lost my general store A couple of years ago, living on my own and have BP2 and anxiety like you wouldn't know..it keeps me housebound a lot and when I can get outside or to the shops, I cannot talk face to face with people..and the loneliness I feel is so very overwhelming at time..

I have been practising the fine art of distraction a lot and have found when my thoughts go bad I will try to do something that distracts my thoughts, I play internet games, but the mind challenging games, to keep my negative thoughts away and onto my game..Also I do meditation a lot, and play instrumentals with my earphones in, I pick out an instrument and follow it right through the song, this aso helps me a lot..

When my anxiety is heading for a panick attack I do Counted deep breathing it helps me as well..Breath 1-2-3-4-5-..out.5-4-3-2-1. I continue doing this until my anxiety has lessened of and I'm able to go out and do what needs doing..

Do you have any favourite bands you like to listen to..my favourites are.. Black Sabboth, Yard birds, animals, Creedence, Eric Claptain, Robin Trowel, Jimmie Hendrix,

What kid of hobbies do you or did you like doing?

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Warm and caring thoughts (hugs if you like them).

Grandy

Struggling to go on

Tess2 — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 05:20:55 GMT

Thank you. I dont mind you visiting at all. It is supportive to know i am not alone in how i feel. I have stopped listening to music I crave silence I like your choices of music. I cannot calm my mind enough to meditate yet. I am so terrified

Struggling to go on

Ggrand — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 05:52:24 GMT

Hello Tess and thank you for your welcome..

I was like you are atm..I craved silence, I never had to or radio on for over two years, I found that while there was since my mind went like a tornado with negative thoughts.

I started with guided meditation on the suggestions of the wonderful people here that reached out and caught me in my depth of despair and depression, Now I have alway the radio on even though I don't listen to it, it's some form of distraction because it's not quiet.. I live on the outskirts of a very tiny village, no cars, people to be seen or heard for days or weeks at a time..

Can I ask you very warmly and with care for you. What is it your terrified of..(only if you want to answer, there no pressure). Just concern for you.. I want you to know that I'm listening and would so much like to help you if I can.

Care and warming thoughts (hugs if you like them).

Grandy

Struggling to go on

Tess2 — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 06:08:21 GMT

I am terrified of waking each day and having to get through it. I am terrified of having no money. I am terrified that my house wont sell and i will then not be able to pay the mortgage. I am terrified of looking for work. I am terrified of what is next. Thank you

Struggling to go on

stormcloudz — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 09:12:46 GMT

Hello Tess

That is a horrible feeling, being frozen with fear, and constantly thinking the worst.

I am sending you lots of strength, calmness and courage, and want you to know that you are not alone. People on this forum understand your feelings, and know that you are going through a very hard time at the moment.

You are probably feeling exhausted, so I won't try to provide any practical suggestions, but dont hesitate to let us all know if there is anything you are looking for in terms of suggestions or advice. We are here for you.

Struggling to go on

stormcloudz — Tue, 01 May 2018 08:40:39 GMT

Hi Tess

Just thinking of you this evening and wondering how you are going : )