topic Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now? in Long-term support over the journey

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

Guest_1584 — Wed, 17 Jan 2018 14:41:25 GMT

Hi BB.

l feel like this is another dumb question from rx , but ah well.ln times of uncertainties we might ask some of those right.

We sep' and divorced 5yrs ago , threw life into a spin. Together 19yrs before. l've stayed in the area to be close to my d, 16now, and finally got another house of my own 15mths ago.

l was with someone new nearly 2yrs but it hasn't worked out unfortunately but being long distance 70% of the time, there was lots of days and nights spent at home in our little private bubble world of messaging and skyping .

So now that we've split, l still haven't built any sort of a new life really. Got this hosue because loved the spot and the house itslef and great views and it's only 20mins form my d's town. lhoped l'd like it here , maybe even make a new life. But ldon't really fit in this town and so it's beena lot more time at home, l work at home too.

Nit sure if l'll stay here , but l do love the house and spot and views and in spare time can easily just hang out around the house days on end , basically alone, bt l dunno, it's just and old renovator but just really comfy to hang out in, live.

If l'm working l always try to get out most days, pick up spares or spin over to one of the other towns for a change of scenery , or some lunch, whatever.Or locally up to the shops even , groceries whatever , anything just to get out for awhile.

lately l've sort of developed a bit of a pattern in spare time. love hanging out around the house a day , 2 or 3, but then l make myslef go see some, a drink with my brother, or another mate l know, or up to the main town , see my daughter some days, or beach , go for a hike, or something. No pubbing or night life.

Same with wkends, l try to get out somewhere one day, hang out at home the other.

But that's pretty well life has been since split with gf. Mostly alone , andl enjoy lately just hanging out around this house , maybe way way too much , not sure. music or some reno's or movies , internet. It's just big and roomy and airy , views , and comfy. l often get claustrophobic but never in this house,

Do you think what l'm doing atm is ok , l really worry l'm alone too much or taht l'll slip into hermitizing too much, l dunno.

Any thoughts welcome.

rx.

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

blondguy — Wed, 17 Jan 2018 14:58:02 GMT

Hi RX

I admire and respect every post you write and wish I had your coping mechanisms when my relationship fell apart in early 2015.

I am alone a lot but have always been a homebody anyway so it doesnt really phase me too much

Just what my GP and counselor asked me....'Paul...are you happy on your own?'.....I said yes because I am.

I have people I know RX (even family) that havent had the clarity/strength to reach out on the forums and thats okay as many people wish to read only.

Your posts are always good value and I wish I was as strong when my relationship fell apart.

I didnt have the courage you possess RX. To have you as part of the forum family is a bonus

My Best as always

Paul

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

Guest_1584 — Wed, 17 Jan 2018 16:17:21 GMT

Ah thanks very much for that paul.

In all fairness though , gf and l were apart so much last year that it really could've hit me much harder and soomething like yourself bt tbh , it was like we'd already had 8mths of practice and that really helped a lot . Add it being long distance we were use to be apart in that way too, even though we were still together 24 7 one way or another and being with out that now has really knocked that hell out of me l admit.

bEING Summer right now though lalso just feel like doing things so that also helps, but l'm also really enjoying time off and couching.

l'm glad your content with what your doing mate , that's really cool but it's also a bit of my dilemma because l could also very easily just hang out at home alone. it could go weeks if l let it and that's sort of why l fight it a bit because l'm actually a bit as you sound and very content tbh .

lt's ahrd to know whether to just accept that and roll with it or push myself to get out a bit as l have been

l'm sorry the break up hit you so hard. l think mine could too if l let it in too much, l think l'm subconsciously pushing all that away tbh, the good old fake it till you make it thing .

Anyway hope your well mate and thanks again.

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

geoff — Wed, 17 Jan 2018 17:48:30 GMT

hi RX, it's always good to hear back from you.

If you are happy at home doing anything, well that's exactly how I was before depression hit me, staying at home, doing things that probably didn't need doing but did it anyway.

Don't worry because you are able to go down the street, pick up any parts and enjoy being at home, then going to have a drink with your brother, see your daughter what a great life you have, enjoy it, but remember worry creates too many problems, and we don't want to see that happening. Geoff.

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

quirkywords — Thu, 18 Jan 2018 03:51:37 GMT

Rx,

What an interesting post. Paul and Geoff have given you helpful feedback.

The sentence that speaks out loudest to me is:

"Do you think what l'm doing atm is ok , l really worry l'm alone too much or that l'll slip into hermitizing too much."

Are you ok with your lifestyle.

Are you worried because someone has commented on your lifestyle?

Even before my relationship broke up 7 years ago I was like a hermit as I didn't drive and I didn't go out.Ex only went out drinking so I was alone a lot. I live on top of my shop so I don't even go out for work! When ex left I sometimes didn't leave my house/shop for 3 or 4 weeks at a time. When my present relationship started several years ago I did not realise how my stay at home life may not suit everyone. I was so comfortable . Partner joined a community service club which means he gets to help people and socialise .

Just my thoughts, that my lifestyle suited me but now I make a bit of an effort maybe once a month to go out/

Quirky

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

Ggrand — Thu, 18 Jan 2018 04:45:11 GMT

Hello Random

I always enjoy reading your posts, and this post is the same with added interest plus I can feel your brain ticking over while you wrote it.

Randomx I really think that we are supposed to do what we want to do if it keeps us happy and/or content.

I mean if staying home for a few days a week doing renovations etc is what you want to do, then that is okay.

Staying home when you want to for a rest or renovations, or going to see your daughter, going camping , going out with your mates, going for a drink with you mate, going to the beach and having a swim, going for a walk and driving different towns, These all sound like a fantastic way to spend your time.

What it comes down to I think, is if doing these things are making you happy and content, keep doing them, Why not? You enjoy doing these and maybe other things, They keep you content, give you outside time, excercise when you walk, relaxation under the stars, self satisfaction from renovating, Sounds like it's a really good and varied routine.

If you can have a lifestyle no matter if it routine or just a randomly selected one, if it suits you and you are enjoying it it okay.

kind thoughts,

Karen

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

Guest_1584 — Thu, 18 Jan 2018 13:02:56 GMT

Thankks verymuchgeoff/

gEEZ MAte l never thought a great life but thanks very much though then , that's really encouraging.Your so right about the worrying too, it's just no damn good is it .

Hey quirky , thanks very much , and really interesting about how things have turned out for you . You've still manage to meet somebody new even being the home body, good for you.

But no nobodies said anything to me , no body knows my life and l've always been the master at keeping people out of my business. But nah it's just an inner thing with me. it's really too the first time l've been single in my life really too and that's a thing as well. still finding my feet now l guess , and wondering wth happens from here.

So l suppose l could say it's in those ways that nah l'm not really ok with my life as l've always ahd a partner or wife. But apart from that yeah l've been really enjoying this existence lately. that's waht worries me.

But eh ,l suppose geoff had the answer to that one right, stop bloody worrying rx .

Hi ya grands , how's things going , l hope you've been ok.

Thanks very much for dropping in and the thoughts . Your right yeah , l'm a thinker and the brains doing overtime lately.

And yeah l guess that about sums it up doesn't it the way you described it , everyone else too really , we do what makes us happy l guess.

lm on one hand very content right now just doin my thing as l have been , this house itself helps a lot too it's just that damn chilled. but at the same time now that l find myself single , the area and town are a worry though , as life feels like it passes me buy. and also being still around ex w's and her new life too, she's only 20mins away, so tbh l'm seriously thinking of selling up later in the year. My daughter will be old enough and l need to be somewhere with more to offer and away from ex now once and for all.

so those are ball park of rx's head right now in all this.

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

Guest_1584 — Fri, 19 Jan 2018 10:26:28 GMT

Put it this way , do people believe we should push ourselves to get out there a bit , even though truth be known , yeah sometimes l do need to get out and so l always try to be genuine to myself and make it doing something or going somewhere l feel like or that l'm interested in,

But even then there is self pushing involved because otherwise l'll just exist at home. And l often feel lonely and empty in this new life right now so l feel as if l don't push myself to get away and go do stuff, what can change . ?

On the other hand though , things have away of happening themselves in life sometimes don't they, and l often wonder if l should just not bother , let life happen and work itself out instead of pushing myself.

Hope what l'm getting at makes some kind of sense.

Any thoughts or opinions ?

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

geoff — Sat, 20 Jan 2018 22:59:28 GMT

hi Randomx, personally it's much better to be away from your ex, because you might see them too often or with someone else or participating in something you want to be in, whether she's more entitled or whether you are to be in, leaves us with ?, but choose somewhere you like and has all the facilities you want.

My son wants me to move closer to him and my 2 little granddaughters, that I would love to do, however I like where I am, 5 min to the bank, supermarket or pharmacy, and now I am used to living by myself and wouldn't have it any different.

Maybe you might feel the same, but that's only something you will learn if you find a partner and live together.

I think that's what we say to ourselves 'do people believe we should push ourselves to get out there a bit', well you can't worry about what people think because this will lead you to be unhappy and depression may return.

Do what you want to do. Geoff.

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

Elizabeth CP — Sun, 21 Jan 2018 00:14:35 GMT

Goeff was spot on. Do what feels right for you.

Recently my dtr moved OS. I really miss her. She needed to make a decision quickly whether to accept the job offer OS or not. She was worried as she owned her house (at least the bank did) , she had a stable job & good friends. Moving meant leaving her comfort zone. On the flip side she was dissatisfied with her employer & wasn't having any success finding a partner. Her final decision came down to the question-'Will I regret it if I don't go?'For her the answer was ýes' Her decision was based on what she thought NOT on what anyone else thought or even what she thought others might expect. In fact none of the family wanted her to go because of the risks & knowing we would miss her but we accepted her decision because it was right for her.

In your case base your decision on how you feel NOT on what might happen or what someone else might do. It is your life.

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

Guest_1584 — Sun, 21 Jan 2018 01:02:02 GMT

Thanks very much for the thoughts .

That's great geof that your happily settled where you are , damn nice to hear mate, good for you. How far away are your grand kids now?

And thanks for that Elizabeth , hope things work out for her os. That would've been a tough one to decide that's for sure.

But l get her sitch and things not happening for her at home and that feeling . Tough call.

But nah my sitch isn't about what other people think , l couldn't care less what anyone in my life thinks , only my daughter of course. She's only 16 so l still wanna be handy enough to be there and with her whenever we can of course. But this year she'll be 17, so maybe l can move further away now, thinking !

But no l'm not asking what anyone l know might think of whatever l'm doing , what lm asking is , let me put it this way.

does it pay in life to push ourselves , do we push oursleves, or should we just let life happen .?

what l'm wondering is how other poeple have found this stuff in their life or with someone they know , like liz's daughter, great example thanks again for that Elizabeth . l've actually been in that sitch myself and known others too.

l use to think that in life pushing ourselves to get out there or do something , often isn't the right thing for oursleves.

or like the saying , if it's meant to happen it will. Though l dunno if l believe that one really.

some things we gotta make happen, like work and finances or getting ahead.

but maybe other things should be left to just happen , life things, like friends, partners life in general , just do whatever we feel maybe , don't try to force it, life, l dunno.

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

Elizabeth CP — Sun, 21 Jan 2018 06:50:05 GMT

I think there is a time for pushing ourselves & times when it is better to let things go. Sometimes when trying to decide I will write a list with one side the pros & the other the negatives. This helps to give clarity. Also on the negative side what could I do to change this into a positive.

When I still can't decide after weighing everything up I will shelve the issue for a while. No point in pushing yourself to do something when you really aren't sure. On the other hand if you keep getting repeated feelings or thoughts about doing something then it is time to act. Years ago I kept getting the thought that I needed to go back to work. I had cared for my mum for 12 years as well as my children but she was in a nursing home after her needs became too high & my kids were in high school. I dreaded going back to my previous career. I needed to make a decision what to do so started investigating options. At the time it was scary going back to study at 50 & hoping to launch into a new career but I pushed myself & I am glad I did but I did wait until I found something I felt was right for me.

Based on my experience confused thoughts or feelings are a sign that you don't have the right time or answer yet so wait. On the other hand if somethings keeps telling you to do something even if it feels scary then that is the time to push through the doubts. As my psych reminds me life doesn't come with iron clad guarantees so we need to make the best guess at the time. If things don't work out pick yourself up dust yourself off & tell yourself Í'm human'That was a learning experience not the end of the world.

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

Guest_1584 — Sun, 21 Jan 2018 12:44:45 GMT

That was a great post , nicely explained and thanks for that. l can see exactly what you mean and the differences .

We all need a reminder sometimes l guess don't we eh.

And funny but it also hit a couple of really big things going on for me right now , right on the head, or is that the nail on the head, well you know.

Thanks again.

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

geoff — Sun, 21 Jan 2018 17:23:37 GMT

hi Randomx and Elizabeth, some excellent points being made here and I totally agree with what you have been saying.

I'm actually about 21/2 hours away from my grandkids but have to go through the city, however the bed is comfortable to sleep in but the next few days I hurt all over, I do miss seeing them, but it's a decision I had to make.
I still talk with them every week.

I think that pushing ourselves changes as we grow older, when we are young we try different things in life and if that means pushing ourselves then we certainly will, success or failure, but as we get older we learn much more and know the outcomes, because if our kids ask us then we can explain yeh or ney.

Confused thoughts are when we aren't sure, but when we have the confidence in ourselves then it's worth a try. Geoff.

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

CMF — Sun, 21 Jan 2018 21:00:27 GMT

Hi RX,

i think it sound good, the way you are living. You are comfortable in your own space and with your own company. You do get out and about when you wasn't and you sound relaxed. Who says we have to be out doing things all the time? Who puts that pressure on us? I will hint being comfortable and happy being with yourself and in your space is the best. You don't need someone else or anything else to make you happy, because of the this, if/when someone or something comes along you will know if it's right for you because you are not desperately searching for it, hoping for something better, looking for things to complete your life, isn't that a good way to be? So many people out there looking for love, hapiness, things to fill the void in their lives but you seem to have all you need to feel content. Sure, this may change in the future but for now it sounds good so enjoy.

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

Guest_1584 — Tue, 23 Jan 2018 10:05:29 GMT

Gday Geoff and thanks for the thoughts.

When l think about it we use to get taken over to my grand parents place, loved it too. Maybe you can pass the buck onto your kids.

Hi CM , thanks for the thoughts very appreciated.

l guess l could say l'm as content as l could be with what l have to work with but def' not deliriously happy that's for sure. But , how many are l guess that stuff never seems to last long in life does it.

But l hear what your saying and appreciate what you mean and yeah l agree . See so many people , chasing their tales l call it in my head haha and true , don't wanna fall into that trap .

My gf had an amazing peace with all this exact type of thing. 49yrs old and she's only just moved to sanfrancsco , doesn't know a soul in the whole state, even her parents are in another country. She is a loner if not with a partner , much like me but she was even more so and she's under 5ft tall. l keep thinking of her now , this tiny little person , totally alone now all the way over there. But strangely she was very at peace about it.

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

Guest_1584 — Sun, 11 Feb 2018 13:54:02 GMT

ls it unhealthy or weird or hermitting to just say to hell with it and stay home all wkend on your own, not see a soul, when you've been quite content and just can't be bothered doing anything else ?

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

Guest_1584 — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 12:18:38 GMT

l suppose that sounds like a silly post.

Thing is , l spend so much time on my own. No one drops in , l work at home alone, l'm also alone most wk nights wk in wk out, spent 99% of my Christmas beak alone.

l dunno , it couldn't be a healthy way to live, that's why l push myself to do things l talked about up there . And obviously l do love seeing my daughter when l can cacth her but it or a few drinks with the brother or the mate but still, l'm alone most of the time.

So if l add staying home all weekend as well and not seeing one soul , l dunno , my head keeps spinning and asking what will become of me if l allow too much of that on top of all the other time through the week l'm alone.

l've also realized , not that l'm really a chat to the neighbours type anyway unless l particularly get along with someone , but l don't think any of them like me except the old lady cross the road but l'm pretty sure her husband avoids me, same with all the others.

l've spent so much time alone over this last 5 yrs since my divorce, yeah l was seeing someone for 2yrs but because it was long distance most of the time, that was mainly in our own little private bubble over skype and messaging non stop , all day all night , all wkends too , which was fun like you wouldn't believe but it still leave me alone seems as we split up and l didn't hardly see anyone in those 2yrs except my daughter sooo, here l am again.

l honestly don't know whether to just except things like this for now and roll with it, hoping something turns up along the way or life takes still some kind of shape , or if l should be out there giving it a nudge.

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

blondguy — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 13:31:24 GMT

Hey RX

Always a bonus to read your posts. I am a lot you are. I asked my GP if there was anything wrong with me as I have spent most of the last 20 years on my own. At the time I was 36 and my female GP just answered...."are you happy on your own"? I replied...."yes..I think"

My GP then answered my question by saying "if you have a reasonable level of contentment then you will be okay" She was right. Besides a couple a relationships I feel okay about being on my own...even though it wont be forever...depending if a girl came along and really wanted me for what I stand for

I hope that made some sense RX.

Cruise and you cant lose....(roll with it) 🙂 Please excuse me for daggy old saying but it works

Your daughter has a great dad RX

You Rock

Paul

Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

Guest_1584 — Tue, 13 Feb 2018 12:23:00 GMT

Eh Paul/

Thanks very much for tthat mate always great to heaer from you too or see you about.

Haha cruise and ya can't lose , l like it, nothin daggy about that one mate l'm adding it to my list haha, and when l get you up here for a drink one of these days you'll see it right there on my board with all my other favorites , like , " an italian chick is more dangerous than a shotgun" , for example. Ooops, that one's gonna get me in trouble. No no l've gotta add that that was my running joke for my italian gf and meant in the nicest most affectionate stirring est way possible and l wouldn't have had her any other way. She'd call herself my little Ferrari .

Anyway , so your content , that's great mate , that's what matters. l think it's what scares me a bit to because l can be so content too at this place and if l'm not careful l'd just exist right here in my bubble. l dunno why but l feel like l have to fight that off.

And thanks for the cool daughter comment to btw. Haha if l can catch her these days that would be, Between year 11, the bf , and the friends , she's one booked out lady lately. But , she's gotta do her thing right and it leaves me time to do mine now to l guess.

Take care mate.