topic Im new. Unsure how to start. in Long-term support over the journey

Im new. Unsure how to start.

Sapphire_ — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 10:55:33 GMT

Hello. Im new. I dont really know where to start. My heart is pounding, Im so anxious to be on here. Im not sure if its the right thing to do. I've never spoken to anyone about how i feel or anything. Even my husband. I just cant. I dont really know what i am supposes to do. I feel so alone and lost.

Im new. Unsure how to start.

startingnew — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 11:13:56 GMT

hello and welcome to the forums

firstly take a few deep breaths. your safe here and you are able to speak about anything you like.

BB is a very caring and supportive community thats free of judgment

so it seems your having trouble controlling your anxiety? would that be correct?

Im new. Unsure how to start.

Sapphire_ — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 11:29:27 GMT

Im just so depressed and think i have anxiety. I dont really know how to say how i feel. I've never done this before. I was going to go see a doctor but am too afraid to. I am just having trouble trying to ask for help, it makes me feel sick like im about to panic and cant breath. Sometimes i feel like i am nothing.

Im new. Unsure how to start.

demonblaster — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 11:37:15 GMT

Hey darl 🙂

You've made your first important step in getting help, well done.

It's hard for you but you'll find once you start opening up the rest should flow. You need to let it out hun & here's as mentioned a good safe place to do so.

How bout start off with saying one thing that's upsetting you and if you feel like saying more go for it, we're listening, care and want to help in anyway we can. Then when you've got what you need to out you could print this and give to Dr that'll be able to put you onto continuing assistance as well as here you'll always have.

Stress needs an out darl and writing is a good way esp when people have an understanding of your pain.

Then maybe later you could talk to hubby. Do you have a good relationship?
Are you getting much sleep, I imagine not poor thing, it pulls us down.

Let it out darl

Im new. Unsure how to start.

Coffeebean — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 11:38:26 GMT

Hi. A good GP will recognise if you're distressed, and will give you time, and won't judge you. Can I suggest that you make a double appointment, then there's no pressure to get it all out in 2 minutes. Even better if you can take someone for support, if not your husband, maybe a friend or sibling? Can I guess that even if you haven't spoken with your husband, that he probably notices something is wrong.

I hope you're feeling a bit less anxious now.

Im new. Unsure how to start.

startingnew — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 11:39:21 GMT

im glad you have written back

there is a few things that you could do

on here there is a K-10 questionaire that can help identify depression and also anxiety. that could be a good starting point for you.

i think speaking to your gp about how your feeling would be a good idea too, they arent there to judge you and can also put you in touch with other support services.

it can be really tough to express how your feeling, and thats ok. take a deep breath, listen to you body. what are you feeling? what sort of thoughts are you having?

i can give you some coping strategies if you like to help settle your anxiety...?

Im new. Unsure how to start.

Sapphire_ — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 11:50:57 GMT

I just feel like everything is always my fault. I was made redundant at the start of the year so we have financial trouble. Im at uni full time and cant keep up because i forget it all. Then i just cant be bothered. Also because i am studying 4 units of psychology so i feel like a total fake/fraud. I only need to do these 4 units to transfer but i just dont want to do them. I just feel like a total failure and like a burden to my hubby. I get so angry all the time like rage. Over stupid little things because i have no coping mechanism. I hate myself. Like really hate myself. I feel so ashamed to even leave my house. I dont go out anymore. I dont have any friends. I try not to talk to my family because im ashamed that i cant talk to them. I sleep like 12 hrs and never want to get up. I think i have had depression like symptoms all my life. I started self harming in my teens. And have done it off and on since. I have done it recently. I just want to disappear. I feel like everyone would be better off without me. And i really scare myself because i just want out.

Im new. Unsure how to start.

Sapphire_ — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 11:54:41 GMT

Sorry that all just came out. I only meant to write a little bit. I shouldnt have wrote that much

Im new. Unsure how to start.

Sapphire_ — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 12:00:32 GMT

Oh god. I replied a long reply and its not posted. I knew i shouldn't have done it.

Im new. Unsure how to start.

startingnew — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 12:13:05 GMT

Sapphire dont stress

Sometimes longer posts and posts in general can take a bit esp when its busy. Itll come though.

Im new. Unsure how to start.

Sapphire_ — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 12:18:22 GMT

I didnt know. When I seen it had not been posted i freaked out. I panicked and felt like a was going to pass out. Maybe I just shouldnt have posted. Maybe I just shouldnt have come here for help. I just dont know what to do. Im terrified of what might happen.

Im new. Unsure how to start.

startingnew — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 12:36:57 GMT

Take a few deep breaths for me

Breathe in.....breathe out...... breathe in...... breathe out......

Keep going until you settle abit

we are here listening and supporting you. We arent here judging you no matter what you have written. We are here to support you.

Itll be ok

Im new. Unsure how to start.

Sapphire_ — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 12:43:59 GMT

I know my life is nothing compared to others. I just want to give up.

Im new. Unsure how to start.

demonblaster — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 13:08:22 GMT

Sapphire darling

It's the anxiety that's making you feel so tense and frightened, it's stess coming out that needs a release, it's bubbling, don't feel sorry about anything your saying ok, it's fine, that's what here's for to talk as much and long as you want.

Darl, I've been where you are and it is frightening, what I want you to do as well as what's been mentioned above is to take several nice long deep steady breaths, concentrate on that only in & let it out same way nice and steady and slowly, feel the stress leaving your body.

Also take a firm voice with yourself, you know it's anxiety, tell yourself you're not having it, you're going to settle and WILL feel ok. Breath and keep at it till you calm, you will darl.

Talk when you can ok, we're here for you,

Im new. Unsure how to start.

Sapphire_ — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 13:19:59 GMT

Ive calmed down a bit. Well, im not breathing so badly. And i cant feel my pulse in my head anymore which is good i guess. There is only one thing that can calm me down when i get like that. Im just glad my hubby isnt here to see me like this. I dont want him to know. Not yet anyway. I can barely admit to myself that im like this.

Im new. Unsure how to start.

Sapphire_ — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 13:21:29 GMT

Thank you both for your breathing tips. I will try to use them next time.

Im new. Unsure how to start.

demonblaster — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 13:31:24 GMT

yw Sapphire yeah concentrating on the breathing is a vital.

Do you do any excercise or meditation can be very helpful for stress release, excercise can be done at home if you're not comfy going out, doesn't have to begin with be strenuous but really does help release.

Remember talk here when you're ready, baby steps if fine, but it needs to come out 🙂

Don't worry as mentioned some posts depending on volume of other ones can take a while which is ok cause it's so well moderated and run here it's what makes it such a good place to be. No judgement, lot of support as you can see.

I'll wait up for a bit longer otherwise probs back tomoz

If you're not back tonight hope you get a good sleep, how's that going, that creates a lot of stess & anxiety too in itself without other stuff going on. Excercise also helps with sleeping

Im new. Unsure how to start.

Sapphire_ — Sat, 12 Aug 2017 02:14:55 GMT

I am just a failure at everything i do. I cant be bothered any more. I feel like my life has no point to it.

Im new. Unsure how to start.

startingnew — Sat, 12 Aug 2017 03:04:33 GMT

hi Sapphire

you longer post is here now.

it sounds like your really struggling with all of this.

im wondering if your able to speak to the uni counsellor?

or maybe speak to your gp so they can assess, diagnose and reffer you to other support services?

Im new. Unsure how to start.

Sapphire_ — Sat, 12 Aug 2017 03:12:47 GMT

I just reread my post from last night. Its not evan what i want to say, its not even half of it. I don't know how to express how i feel. I just dont see the point anymore. Ive tried to tell people before and they didnt get it and just give generic responses. I tried to tell my GP and ge sebt me for blood tests and that was that. Nothing more. Noone listens so there isn't any point. My life has no meaning and i cant be bothered with it anymore. I just wish to disappear.