topic relationship breakup in Long-term support over the journey

relationship breakup

awrinkle_in_time — Fri, 08 Sep 2017 18:05:29 GMT

Hi , i was in a relationship the first after a divorce of a 20 year marriage , i didn't think i would find love again , i meet this lady through some good friends and we started slow seeing each other on weekends , we lived 2 hrs apart .. we found comfort in each other and the time we spent together was the best time i have ever spent with a women , i could watch the grass grow for ever in her company . as time went on the baggage in both our lives came out and instead of dealing with it we just broke up .. she was scared and so was i .. the going our own ways happened so suddenly and i couldn't believe it happened ...approx 10months ago ... we had little contact and got on with our lives ..i whole time feeling very sad i felt a massive loss .. honestly thought we wold spend our lives together .. i speak of the good times now but there were times that her baggage came out and with out an open communication at these times it would be impossible to have a lasting relationship ...no such communication was possible ... and i know us being apart is better ..but i am still so in love with her ...i messaged her a few days ago and showed her pictures of my apartment which i have renovated ..the finished product ..she didn't reply ..i messaged my feelings and she replied with i think you should move on like i have ..i asked her if she was seeing anyone and she said yes ...i had to get myself home and i vomited many times and just put myself to bed ..i am reliving the weekends i said with her and seeing another guy in her life exactly like i was ...i try to reflect to the times that help me understand that it wouldn't have worked between us but my heart is so full of love for her .. its painful and i can't stop crying

relationship breakup

geoff — Fri, 08 Sep 2017 18:50:43 GMT

hi Simon, I'm sorry to hear this because it's always disappointing finding another love after 20 years of being married, but I'd like to ask you, how many female movie celebrities do you or any of us chaps fall in love with, well for me it's a countless number, and as much as want to be with them it's impossible, and by the two of you breaking up doesn't mean that your love for her goes away, it doesn't.
I was married for 25 years and even though we're been divorced for years I still love her, but she only cares for me, but we couldn't live together again.
The baggage that people carry with them is not found out until you either live together or have known them for a long time, and if you can't accept their troubles isn't any fault of yours, but the r/ship wouldn't last.
You will find another person where the two of have ticked all the boxes and then develop a r/ship, it will happen because that's what you are aiming for. Geoff.

relationship breakup

awrinkle_in_time — Fri, 08 Sep 2017 19:43:16 GMT

Thanks Geoff , its not a loss it just didn't work out ..seeing it that way is easier ..Kind regards Simon

relationship breakup

monkey_magic — Fri, 08 Sep 2017 20:03:31 GMT

Dear simonc01,

Sorry to hear of your relationship not working out because of past baggage. My first thought is ,is there anywhere you can both dump this baggage? Lifeline, the beyond blue line, councillor, writing it down?

Now that there's a wedge between the two of you ( her new partner) perhaps its a good time to prepare for new love, or perhaps once " baggage"is out of the way you could have a friendly visit in the future? Hopefully she's dumping it on this new person lol. If there's issues because of baggage that's when it gets tough....she possibly wasn't the one, she could have crossed your path to prepare you for what's to come...now that's exciting.

It sounds like you are taking it hard. I hope you open yourself to the possibility of new love... It might just find you 🙂

relationship breakup

monkey_magic — Fri, 08 Sep 2017 20:09:26 GMT

I can relate to the vomiting, the crying, the pain...perfectly normal in my opinion after lost love. It does get easier. I understand you prob want her back, its again perfectly normal in grief. I sincerely hope this passes for you. Holding onto the love is fine. I do it...makes me feel good. I'll send you some cyber flowers for your pain...( here you go) & tissues for those tears...

relationship breakup

monkey_magic — Fri, 08 Sep 2017 20:11:38 GMT

Oops I wrote lost as well, sorry bout that

relationship breakup

awrinkle_in_time — Fri, 08 Sep 2017 20:12:22 GMT

Hi , yes it might have been a lesson relationship , and i will hang onto the good memories and always love her, Thankyou for your nice words

relationship breakup

awrinkle_in_time — Fri, 08 Sep 2017 20:15:41 GMT

OOOHHH thats nice thank you ..i feel better this morning ..last night was not good .. i feel it passing

relationship breakup

monkey_magic — Fri, 08 Sep 2017 20:38:25 GMT

I really like what you wrote because I'm doing the same thing even though its over for me as well. I'm happy you are feeling better 🙂

relationship breakup

awrinkle_in_time — Sat, 09 Sep 2017 04:14:34 GMT

hi , i feel sad again i have cried all morning i feel terrible i feel like so many plans made are now all meaningless ..i worked for the morning and have come home .. I'm so tired , it might be better to just sleep ..

relationship breakup

monkey_magic — Sat, 09 Sep 2017 04:33:27 GMT

Sleeping is great to restore energy levels. A nap if your tired is great also. So, you're missing her, I understand the feelings, I hope these feelings pass again. I find they pass, come back etc, all part of that grief cycle. I think most people understand what you are going through here...some more cyber tissues??

relationship breakup

awrinkle_in_time — Sat, 09 Sep 2017 04:49:24 GMT

i am sitting hear thinking about how I'm feeling , i know that it wouldn't work with her if she did say ring me and say all the right things ..( not going to happen ) ...so I'm missing her yes ... but I'm feeling sorry for myself ..its like i feel sad that i haven't got my way .. I'm just talking , thanks for listening ..

relationship breakup

monkey_magic — Sat, 09 Sep 2017 05:03:16 GMT

Simonc01,

I know the feeling all too well. Talk away....

You do become strong again. Crying is therapeutic...it can feel good to have a good cry & you're lucky that u can cry. I speak with lots of men who say they can't or won't. Better out than in. Enjoy your sleep, or nap.

relationship breakup

awrinkle_in_time — Sat, 09 Sep 2017 05:27:56 GMT

i don't have any worries in crying , and yes it feels better i have never cried so much since i meet this lady ..i wondered if the tears are for missing the female contact which i got from her .. not so much the person but the feeling that comes in a relationship ..i do also feel a little cheated in that she's with someone else and I've missed out .. i really want to get to the bottom of this i have done a lot of work since my marriage and just last week i was going great ..then i made contact with her and hear i am ...i wanted to share my good with her .. knowing it wouldn't work but just hoping things might be different .. we planned to move in together and i have cleaned up my apartment in a way ready for her ...again ill say it wouldn't have worked unless the baggage was laid on the table and a commitment to each other was made ..and that was no where in sight ... i think the feelings i had with her and when we were both together were so nice, feelings i have never had before .. i miss that .. i suppose its seeing the in-between the great feelings and the reality .. i don't want that feel sorry for myself feeling ..my be i need to be kind to myself . i can't wait to love the right person ..

relationship breakup

awrinkle_in_time — Sat, 09 Sep 2017 05:36:23 GMT

I'm going to have a nap ..thank you for being there i so appreciate that.

relationship breakup

Guest_1584 — Sat, 09 Sep 2017 06:31:48 GMT

Hi simon , so sorry about your sitch , pretty similar to mine , 20yrs ex and then new love 3yrs later. We were together 19mths and half of that was long distance, different countries.

l'm glad to say Geoff celebs don't do a thing for me so at least that's one problem l don;t have haha.

Simon she's damaged and some of them can't go without a man 5mins and that's why she's with someone already. I know that's not much help and l'm sorry buddy , 6wks for me and gf and l think and wonder and what if's everyday.

Ours was a huge huge thing from day one too , even bigger than when l first met ex wife. And l still dunno if we could have worked it out. She also had some issues , and sadly we're gonna see a lot of that in any women we meet .

but this thing with the new guy won't last , pretty sure of that, no way she coulda found mr right in well under 10mths straight outa your thing so she's doing the can't be without a man thing l'd put money on it.

l guess though if you guys had unworkable issues , maybe you dodged a bullet with her man, l mean there are a lotta bullets to dodge out there from what l've seen .

Hold on and keep on soldering , give yourself time ; guess. Me , l'm living for the future that hasn't been yet myself but prayin there's something good in it that will make this last 5yrs of hell worthwhile. Guess we won't know though mate until the fat ladies sung but , that's what l'm hoping.

Good luck and hang in there, day ata time.

relationship breakup

Guest_1584 — Sat, 09 Sep 2017 06:35:58 GMT

Ooops , that is Geoff , ahhh, apart from Kylie Monoque of course .

relationship breakup

awrinkle_in_time — Sat, 09 Sep 2017 11:59:23 GMT

Hi , thats so true i can see now its all about having someone , anyone and thats why i was so sad cause i wanted her to want me .. i have been with some good friend this afternoon and feel more balanced ..i think your right i dodged a bullet for sure ...im sure history will repeat for her ..i am sorry to hear your last 5 years were tough ..i am praying for you brother and am sure the best kind of happiness is getting closer .. Thank you for your words it helped ..

relationship breakup

awrinkle_in_time — Sat, 09 Sep 2017 20:53:02 GMT

Hi Guest , hope your feeling better ..

relationship breakup

monkey_magic — Sat, 09 Sep 2017 21:24:47 GMT

Morning simon,

I also cried, good for us, good for all. Have some dramas in my life I need to overcome and handle. I chilled all day yday. Today though I'm putting effort in. Going to exercise. I find it helps with emotional healing. I pray too, there's studies to suggest it's good.

So, you're a believer? I believe, I feel it with me, sometimes I'm surrounded. Spirituality guides me & I listen to my voice. Nobody can take that away. Nobody can take away what we know, ya know?