topic Not coping after disclosure in Long-term support over the journey

Not coping after disclosure

startingnew — Tue, 07 Mar 2017 01:01:26 GMT

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

Not coping after disclosure

Nikkir — Tue, 07 Mar 2017 08:34:06 GMT

Hi startingnew,

Thank you for your post:) I understand how you feel and I think when you do suffer from anxiety/ trauma it makes things seem and feel a whole lot worse. I am not sure what you mean't by hotline? or if it was anonymous or what it is that makes you feel bad but all I can say is "what is the worst that happened?" you are still here and I am sure not that much damage was done in actual terms and if you just observe what made you ring this line then you might learn and understand some of your behaviours:) Try to have a bit of a laugh at yourself as well and know that we all do and say things we wish we didn't. Just get out there make some new memories and know that it is a new day! I really hear you though but that's what I do. You can always call us on 1300 22 46 36 or chat to us we would love to hear from you ! Best Wishes Nikkir x

Not coping after disclosure

startingnew — Tue, 07 Mar 2017 08:47:48 GMT

unfortunately i cant really laugh about it 😞

i was sexually abused 😞

a hotline like kids helpline type of thing

Not coping after disclosure

blondguy — Tue, 07 Mar 2017 08:50:01 GMT

Hi Startingnew and Welcome

Nikker is spot on for mentioning the Beyond Blue 24/7 Support Line 1300 22 4636

Just a friendly reminder that the forums are rock solid secure to ensure your privacy if you have anything else to add that we can help you with

You might feel overwhelmed right now and thats understandable as you have called a help number and had a good vent.

you are not alone here

my kind thoughts

Paul

Not coping after disclosure

startingnew — Tue, 07 Mar 2017 08:58:22 GMT

thank you @blondguy

any ideas how to feel less embarrassed and ashamed would be great 😞

Not coping after disclosure

blondguy — Tue, 07 Mar 2017 09:43:04 GMT

No worries at all startingnew 🙂

Embarrassment and Shame are like guilt.....They are man made feelings that are short term (unless we continue to focus on them continually)

Anxiety/Depression are serious clinical issues....you dont have them from what you have written

Embarrassment & Shame can be handled well by having a really good 'vent' to a close friend or even your GP......Its like blowing off steam.....we all need to. Having a small support network of one or two people can provide us with a way out by just talking about our feelings

If you dont have one or two people that you can vent to....see your GP as they are bound by the strict privacy rules & regulations to ensure your privacy like we do here.

Its difficult to help as I dont know the issue but I hope some of this has helped

Unless you wish to give us even a rough idea of whats happening 🙂

my best

Paul

Not coping after disclosure

startingnew — Tue, 07 Mar 2017 09:51:23 GMT

i aslo suffer from severe GAD, severe PTSD and severe Depression.

i suffer from these 24/7 and struggle very much with SH as well.

one of the ptsd events i am handling but the other is the one i just disclosed which is the sexual abuse

Not coping after disclosure

monkey_magic — Tue, 07 Mar 2017 10:00:01 GMT

Hey startingnew,

Im sorry this has happened to you. It wasn't your fault and you can start putting the blame where it belongs, on the person who did this, they are the one that should be feeling embarrassed.

You made a courageous first step by telling someone, how brave of you and you should be proud of yourself, you took the first step.

It takes time to get through these injustices and it would be good if u can find someone you trust like a good councillor, friend, family member to open up to so they can support you.

You can find your strength again after trauma.

I hope you are OK 🙂

Not coping after disclosure

startingnew — Tue, 07 Mar 2017 10:15:00 GMT

my family and friend dont support me 😞

im not really ok but i guess i have to be

Not coping after disclosure

monkey_magic — Tue, 07 Mar 2017 10:33:31 GMT

Hey you,

Thanks for getting back to me. It's understandable you're not feeling OK but you shouldn't have to do this alone. I would suggest speaking to a councillor then and expressing yourself in a journal/diary. You can always share this with your councillor. Sometimes it takes time to find a good one or you could get lucky and find a good one straight away.

Also, feel free to keep expressing yourself here if you feel comfortable.

You could be helping others with how you are feeling and by what you have been through and are going through.

Just to let you know there are many others opening up about the same things. You can find solace in other's story's. Feel free to have a read around the forums.

Best wishes x

Not coping after disclosure

startingnew — Tue, 07 Mar 2017 12:41:24 GMT

Yeah ive been journalling and i see my psych next week as well. Thanks 🙂

Not coping after disclosure

geoff — Tue, 07 Mar 2017 21:09:08 GMT

hello Startingnew, I'm sorry that this struggle has been so stressful for you, and yes sometimes we do feel ashamed and embarrassed but that's not our fault, it's not what we would ever want to happen, but don't hate yourself nor blame yourself, simply because you never asked to get any of these did you, no.
To be sexually abused is disgusting and as I've always said that I detest this type of behaviour as a form of violation.
If you're not OK then that is by no means satifying enough to console you, but I have this feeling as though you may not trust us enough to open up a little more, look that's OK because we have to earn your trust, and feel as though we have to tell you that it's quite comfortable posting on this forum, we don't know who you are, or what you look like, so you're anonymous to us, except that we know you are struggling all by yourself.
We really don't want you to feel as though you can't trust us, but I assure you, we have your undivirected attention, because we only want to get you through this period to help you feel as though you do have people who want to help you. Geoff.

Not coping after disclosure

startingnew — Tue, 07 Mar 2017 23:49:42 GMT

Hi Geoff

i know it wasnt my fault but i sometimes cant help but think it was and i still just feel so embarrassed and like im a dissapointment :(im not really sure what else to say

at least i can say that it was dealt with when it happened im more just disclosing it a psych etc. ive kept it a secret for so long after it was dealt with but it really is still there and i struggle with it all the time despite knowing im safe etc.

its not that i dont trust you guys on here, it really is more that i dont really know what else to say or what to add in and i just so embarrassed and feel like a dissapointment

Not coping after disclosure

monkey_magic — Wed, 08 Mar 2017 00:29:37 GMT

Hi starting new,

Im going to flip it around for you and say that what happened to you was terrible, embarrassing and disappointing. But you are amazing, you are human. You are amazing because you survived, and now it's processing it all, dealing with it and getting through the other side which I believe you can do.

Be gentle on yourself and it's perfectly OK to feel the way you do.

Have you researched the effects of sexual assault? I'm saying this because it could help to normalise what you feel emotionally, psychologically and spiritually...but with some healing will come freedom and this can make you feel better about yourself and all of the things that have happened to you.

Id also suggest doing things that will increase your self esteem and confidence for eg going for a walk, writing a poem, painting a picture...anything you like really.

You cannot let this beat you. Its time to take control back. You are now in control of your feelings and choices, its your life...time to do what makes you feel good.

Not coping after disclosure

startingnew — Wed, 08 Mar 2017 01:24:01 GMT

hi steph

i dont know how to process it. i dont know how to move forward and i dont know how to heal.

i have a very slow self esteem as it is and im struggling so much with anything

Not coping after disclosure

monkey_magic — Wed, 08 Mar 2017 01:45:54 GMT

Hello,

I understand sometimes these feelings can stay inside. Research the steps of grief/ the grief cycle which will explain the feelings you feel. Also you can research recovering from sexual abuse. You could find a support group? Or go to a supportive community centre. Art therapy and interacting with pets/animals can help some, gentle exercise, or exercising hard out..

Maybe one of the community champions can direct you to useful forums on here??

I learnt that the opposite of depression is expression so expressing these feelings in a healthy way ( some ppl punch pillows) .

Theres a smiling mind app that people use, so you could google smiling mind...

Sounds like it all has to be unravelled...it will happen in time..

For me personally if someone holds me, hugs me I find it easier to release emotions...but sometimes these people don't come around that often, in that case I nurture myself.

U could go to a good church? Speak to a paster or a female there??

Good luck xox

Not coping after disclosure

startingnew — Wed, 08 Mar 2017 02:49:58 GMT

thanks steph

ill have a look at that app thanks, im not religious so im not really up for going to church ( no judgement on any one who is religious), ill have a look at some sites that deal with this issue 🙂

thanks again

Not coping after disclosure

rustee_nails — Fri, 10 Mar 2017 15:37:31 GMT

it's been about a month since the first time i disclosed everything that was done to me ,

to the 1st person in my life ever.i was never touched up, just almost everything else.

it was a very shocking, viceral experience that had me in shock for days.

and i felt like it was still somehow my fault, but it got better every day ,

i'm not gunna give you the same advice as everyone else has.

i just want you to know that there's some very good advice on this page,

even if the cheery disposition seems a total juxtaposition to the subject matter,

everyone here wants what is best for you,and i can't understand exactly how you feel.

but i can tell you it get's easier and the more you work at it the easier it get's.

Good Luck

Not coping after disclosure

startingnew — Fri, 10 Mar 2017 23:01:24 GMT

thanks for your advice. i really appreciting it. i really do hope it gets easier with time

Not coping after disclosure

blondguy — Fri, 10 Mar 2017 23:39:43 GMT

Hi SN

I think you are really pro-active with your health especially having a counselor too!

I had chronic anxiety for many years and only saw my Psych every few months as I had low self worth with low self esteem because of the anxiety attacks.

It took me years but I eventually had weekly therapy for 8 months and the psych had me crying like a baby..it felt awful and uncomfortable at the time but after a couple of days I felt like I had so much weight lifted off me..my self esteem and self worth picked up all because I increased the frequency of the therapy.

It does get better with time and super regular therapy (and meds if the GP thinks they are a good idea too)

Im really happy that you are part of the forums now startingnew 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul