topic It's over. Feel like giving up. in Long-term support over the journey

It's over. Feel like giving up.

Guest_223 — Sat, 11 Mar 2017 10:35:59 GMT

Hi, in the short time I've been on this forum, This is the last time I will be posting on here, I'm at the point where I feel like reaching out does nothing for me. I've done nothing but reach out over the last 18 months which is the most I've ever done in my life. To be honest rather than be helpful to me it has created more traumatising events in my life and I feel I need to avoid society. I'm never contacting a helpline again, not talking to the local mental health team, I'm going to full on avoid society, keep all my thoughts and feelings to myself, no matter what they are or how serious they are, and even when I don't feel safe like at the moment I won't be making the mistake of telling anyone of any plans or terrible thoughts.

It's over. Feel like giving up.

Croix — Sun, 12 Mar 2017 02:39:41 GMT

Dear Missmara~

I've read your other threads, and can understand what you've had to deal with -well ok, not exactly, but close enough I guess.

This place is full of people who genuinely want to help others because they have been in dark places. I'm one of them. None have full answers to the things you face. Some may have part of them, I don't know.

You are right, opening up can come back to bite you and make you feel worse. Many say in controlled conditions it has in the long term been the path to getting better. I'm not sure all say that.

Some say meds have helped a little - or a lot. For some meds were a negative. Some insist the diagnosis must be correct, others that 'what works' is what's needed.

I'm not cured (PTSD, depression, chronic anxiety) but I am in a good place, have been for ages.

So what am I saying having basically agreed with you on so many points ?

You said 'never'. Try to remember it only has to click once where help is concerned. Even a near miss can point towards something better. It did for me.

Patience when hurting so bad, having tried already, is a big ask. Help yourself where you can. I write silly stories to help cope, do other things you already know about such as the amount of exercise I can.

That does not mean I'm suggesting giving up on medical help, it means maybe you can lighten your load a little sometimes.

From your posts I see intelligence, an ability to state matters clearly, some resourcefulness. Do you have a creative side you can harness? You'd be in good company.

Croix ( Who has a picture of van Gogh wearing a bandage over his ear )

It's over. Feel like giving up.

white knight — Sun, 12 Mar 2017 06:11:21 GMT

Hi missmara.

I've been where you are now. I'm 61yo. In my 20's twice l took off on my motorcycle and headed for the mountains. People were my enemy. It didnt work.

I had to find a place in between that and normal urban living.

I found it at 52yo. A town of 200 people l rarely connect with. My caring wife and our foxy dog.

Unfortunately l still needed to connect because l owned vintage cars. I joined car clubs and soon found the struggle restarted. People can be cruel and, to be fair, l am very sensitive.

So, now I've found peace. If you can find the strength to google the following even if you only read the first post, it might help.

Google

Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue

Topic: the gang mentality- beyondblue

Topic: only the strongest survive, make it you- beyondblue

Topic: be radical- beyondblue

Topic: wit, the only answer to torment- beyondblue

Topic: want to be a hermit- beyondblue

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

Please feel free to reply. We like to help. We are sufferers also.

Tony WK

It's over. Feel like giving up.

Guest_223 — Mon, 13 Mar 2017 09:39:25 GMT

Hi. I wasn't going to post again on here but this reply managed to change my mind. I think the fact that there are people that have been through similar things is comforting. Who knows this could be a good thing. I'm actually seeing a few health professionals privately from now on. These are the only ones that are going to be involved in my care. I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist next Monday and a new psychologist at the end of the month. I hope it's worth it.

It's over. Feel like giving up.

Guest_223 — Mon, 13 Mar 2017 09:43:45 GMT

Hi, I wasn't going to post again on here but I think the fact that there are people that have been through a lot relating to their mental health is comforting. I feel like I have lost so much trust in people. It's very hard to feel like I can trust anyone with things that I say. I have this fear of what if I say something and it takes me back down a bad path right back where I really don't want to go. I'm very sensitive too that's hard to deal with when people are nasty.

It's over. Feel like giving up.

Croix — Mon, 13 Mar 2017 10:27:14 GMT

Dear Missmara~

I'm pretty pleased you came back.

Both Tony and I have had long-term conditions, and definitely in Tony's case he has actively fought to combat his illness with intelligence, patience, determination - you can see that from what he relates in his post above.

The reason I asked you about a creative side is along those lines - not for everyone but can sometimes be an avenue away from black existences.

Limited contact à la Tony can be beneficial too. I have to try to limit some contacts to preserve my equanimity, not only the nasty, but the thoughtless and also some that merely 'jar'. For me it pays dividends on not endlessly reliving matters.

I'm not going to do the conventional thing and say 'how pleased I am' that you have continued on with new health professionals. Seeing private professionals may be the way to go, I do think for me it has been the rapport rather than anything else that counted.

What I guess is sensible is for someone to take charge of their condition and actively seek out those that are capable of doing something about it - a rather lesser number than one would like (the size of the 'brag wall' is no indicator unfortunately).

I understand exactly what you mean about trust, I confided in a professional and it came back in what seemed to me to be an exaggerated distorted manner that was very disconcerting and upsetting. Just accurately rehashing what I say can be bad enough.

As for things coming back in spades, I can do that to myself - don't need anyone else at times 🙂

I would like you to keep on posting, but instead of setting down any plans or terrible thoughts why not talk about what's comfortable, start light and see how it goes? - You can always bail out anytime.

You might not have seen it that way but posting here is a two-way street. On that deep thought I'll leave you for now.

Croix (whose picture of Edvard Munch's The Scream features a VW with a parking ticket)

It's over. Feel like giving up.

white knight — Mon, 13 Mar 2017 11:29:07 GMT

Hi missmara

There is a time

There is a place

In between our maker

And the human race

There is a stream

There are some trees

There are loving people

That know what care means

There is wonder

Nastiness, not a trace

Birds, flowers and love

Part of the human race

Lift your heart up high

Show it to the world

Watch an eagle fly

Be you, be that girl

For there is nothing

Worth waiting a while

To see yourself wink

Followed by a smile....

Tony WK

It's over. Feel like giving up.

LaylaBear15 — Mon, 13 Mar 2017 11:32:13 GMT

Dont give up 🙂 I feel so alone and isloated and my mind and thoughts are driving me insane but I havent given up yet 🙂 Stay with us. You can do it 🙂

From one teen girl to another xx

It's over. Feel like giving up.

Croix — Mon, 13 Mar 2017 11:43:05 GMT

(Dear Missmara, please excuse me while I talk to LaylaBear for a moment)

Dear LaylaBear~

Feeling alone and isolated in this place is a great pity, there are may here you can relate to and who will understand your situation. Runaway thoughts are indeed a curse.

Not giving up is stage one, and that takes strength and courage. Giving a word of encouragement to another, as you've just done, shows kindness and empathy too.

Would you consider starting your own thread and saying a little more about yourself? That way you may find a larger number of people that might have similar problems, particularly if you choose to make your new thread in the appropriate area of the Forum - such as Depression, Anxiety and so on.

My thanks to you

Croix

It's over. Feel like giving up.

blondguy — Mon, 13 Mar 2017 13:03:45 GMT

Hi missmara

I joined these forums in Jan 2016 and I didnt trust anyone either as my depression was really crap at the time

Just reading all the great support above I hope you can stick around too....seriously 🙂

The forums are a non judgemental zone...your comments are just as valued as anyone else's on here

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

It's over. Feel like giving up.

Guest_223 — Fri, 17 Mar 2017 02:06:53 GMT

Thank you for your kind words. I hope your doing okay.

It's over. Feel like giving up.

Guest_223 — Fri, 17 Mar 2017 02:09:07 GMT

I see a new psychiatrist in a few days. I'm not feeling very confident about the appointment at all. I don't know what to expect.

It's over. Feel like giving up.

Croix — Fri, 17 Mar 2017 04:05:07 GMT

Dear MissMara~

Ok, I can only tell you what I did when during an initial meeting with a private psychiatrist. - it worked, though YMMV. This follows a highly unsatisfactory interview when a doctor said 'nobody does that' - which displayed a singularly unhelpful and unrealistic attitude.

I prepared firstly by writing down my current symptoms (including thoughts) and a timeline of the past.

I included a list of those that were or had been treating me together with current and past medications (as far as I could remember)

I gave time for this to be read and questions asked. This was in conjunction with the material my GP had forwarded.

I then asked about the proposed course of treatment, time line, overall goals, session goals, effects. Similarly for medications.

Any similarity with past treatments, their efficacy was mentioned, with some unfavorable comments.

I'm not pretending it was an easy process. It took up all of the first consultation, relied heavily on written material as I did not think myself capable of giving a complete and coherent account of matters (see below).

I came away with the feeling I'd left a lot unmentioned and that the pshrink probably thought I was taking over his job. On later reflection I was satisfied the major points had been covered. I was highly uncomfortable and somewhat emotional during the consultation and was very grateful for assistance to get home afterwards.

It turned out ok.

The point was I was - and many here may disagree - a 'consumer', with a consumer's rights. My previous interactions with the medical professional were that they all were completely in charge, and I was passively cooperating.

I blush to admit it but I cheated and took my wife with me.

While I'm not saying this mode is for everyone, and you may well do similar already, I do believe in -as far as possible -taking charge of one's treatments and lifestyle.

Good luck with your appointment.

Croix

It's over. Feel like giving up.

Croix — Fri, 17 Mar 2017 04:08:41 GMT

P.S. Sorry, on reading my message I realize I did not mention emphasizing those things that I'd found particularly difficult or upsetting in previous interactions, with a discussion on how to handle those.
-C

It's over. Feel like giving up.

Guest_223 — Mon, 20 Mar 2017 05:55:56 GMT

Well that psychiatrist appointment was the strangest one I've been too. I can't figure out what it was all about, I didn't understand anything, I didn't understand what he was trying to do. I didn't understand half the things he was saying. This doesn't make sense. Now I've seen a few psychiatrists through hospitals and the community and this one was nothing like any psychiatrist that I've seen before. So now I'm more confused than clear about anything. I really don't think I will be seeing this one again. It's a shame really I've run out of options, there's basically no one else I can see. I've lost all hope. I feel lost. Completely lost.

It's over. Feel like giving up.

Sophie_M — Mon, 20 Mar 2017 06:02:07 GMT

Hi missmara88, below is a link to a thread from a member who had a similar experience with a psychiatrist recently. Our resident GP and counsellor, Dr Kim, weighed in with another perspective that you might find helpful:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/treatments-health-professionals-and-therapies/first-psychiatrist-appointment#ql6S1XHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

Please let us know what you think.

It's over. Feel like giving up.

Doolhof — Mon, 20 Mar 2017 06:35:56 GMT

Hi Missmara,

Recently I started seeing a new psychologist. I mentioned to her the things I had and had not found helpful with previous counselling. She asked me if I would be honest and up front with her and tell her when I did not understand what she was saying or explaining.

During the last session, she offered a theory that I felt did not sit right with the way I think and act. So I stated that did not seem right to me and asked what other suggestions she had to explain my situation. Through an open discussion we were able to work out my issue.

At times I do not know why I think, act and behave the way I do, so trying to expect a psychologist to work it all out for me in one session or more, I realise is not helpful.

Instead of giving up on this psychologist, can you take someone in with you so you have the confidence to explain how confusing you found the first session to be. Or write down how you are feeling and hand that to the psychologist.

At times it does feel very frustrating when you are trying to find help. Don't give up, there is hope still. Communicate with the psych and explain what it is you need help with and how that might be possible.

All the best, cheers from Dools

It's over. Feel like giving up.

Guest_223 — Thu, 23 Mar 2017 00:52:26 GMT

Thanks for the reply, i have both a new psychiatrist and a new psychologist. Ive been thinking that maybe the psychiatrist was strange in a good way and that I may need to see him more than once. He didn't upset me it's more that he confused me and I didn't understand. I just couldn't seem to think properly during that appointment so i didn't think to say what do you mean by that. My first appointment with a new psychologist is next week. I've been told I should be doing fortnightly with the psychologist but the problem with that is it's just too expensive which is from what I understand a lot of people out there are having trouble with. I can't see the community mental health team anymore so free psychology through the public system is a not an option.

It's over. Feel like giving up.

Doolhof — Thu, 23 Mar 2017 05:58:13 GMT

Hi Missmara,

I don't understand the mental health system at times. Is it possible for you to ask your Dr. for a Mental Health Care Plan or is this something you have used in the past?

Unfortunately getting help can be expensive which is a real shame when it is so necessary.

Your Dr. the psychologist and the psychiatrist may be able to recommend web sites you can connect with to gain further insight into your issues.

Occasionally I have thought of taking a note book into my psych appointments so I can write down key points. I wish I had done that at one counsellor appointment as she was brilliant dealing with one of my issues.

Hopefully you will comfortable enough to ask questions next time.

Hope you are doing okay.

Cheers for now from Dools

It's over. Feel like giving up.

Guest_223 — Fri, 31 Mar 2017 06:35:34 GMT

I'm back from almost a week in hospital. I could feel things building up to the point where another hospital admission was needed. I agree I think the mental health system is confusing. I have a mental health plan that has just recently been done. I saw my new psychologist this week and felt comfortable the first appointment so I think I'm going to keep seeing her and see how things go. It wasn't as expensive as I thought it was going to be after Medicare rebate. She was very organised and had already booked a list of appointments for me.