topic Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it in Long-term support over the journey

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

Guest_322 — Sun, 05 Mar 2017 19:22:47 GMT

Hi,

The title basically says it all. I'm something of a sad sack (have been for most of my life).

Some people's trauma seems to come out predominantly as PTSD. Not me, mine seems to show itself as a constant state of blues instead (either that or I'm turning into my mum).

I kind of just want to stay in bed all day. Luckily I'm usually good at dragging my arse of of bed.

Not sure if this thread serves any purpose other than looking for fellow sad sacks- I say this affectionately as I am one of them- who can empathise?

Also, anyone who has had a traumatic childhood but without PTSD?

Dottie x

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

MarkJT — Sun, 05 Mar 2017 21:53:16 GMT

Dottie, that is a really interesting question you have asked at the end of your post. I mean as an emergency services worker with PTSD, we often talk about why others do not get it when they have seen the same amount of trauma that others that have it have seen. I have just boiled it down to that my brain wasn't loaded with the program the type of trauma I saw that gave me my PTSD.The "funny" thing is that I saw more traumatic scenes and I am fine with that, just not one particular incident. So in saying that, I think that there would be plenty of people out there that have had traumatic childhoods but have not got PTSD but there are plenty that have....ever so confusing and i have successfully confused myself!

This thread serves a huge purpose! I think you would know how many people will be reading this post, not necessarily posting replies, just reading it. The re-assurance to them that they are not alone in feeling sad sackish is highly valuable.

Dottie, you are someone who is brilliant at what you do within the forums and there are so many that have benefited from your knowledge and insight into mental health. What gets you up and about? What do you like doing? Hobbies?

Can I empathise? Absolutely. Just today i woke up angry, tired and the brain going a squillion miles per hour. Did i want to stay in bed and just say to the world that it can get stuffed? Absolutely but life has to go on so it will be a tame day at work. Do what i have to do and get through the day. A fair bit of mindfulness throughout the day and just be kind to myself.

Hope that you get a smile because you are someone really special with the amount of work you do in these forums.

Mark

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

james1 — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 01:51:43 GMT

*raises hand* Pick me! I'm a fellow sad sack!

Yes, I had a pretty dreadful childhood, and while I don't suffer from flashbacks or other PTSD type things, certain things will bring out very real childhood thoughts and feelings to the point that I cannot think rationally.

About wanting to stay in bed all day...here's a quote from Inside Out: "I'm too sad to walk. Just give me a few....hours."

Hugs

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

Martii — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 04:56:37 GMT

Hey Dottie,

I guess you could say I had somewhat of a traumatic childhood. One of my parents was (and is) quite mentally ill and violent, life was a constant state of anger and stress and emotion and walking on eggshells. At one stage I feared for my life. However I do not suffer from PTSD, although I am not sure how traumatic you could call my childhood. I am quite blue though, most of the time these days at least. I don't really show it to anyone though, because I feel I have no true reason to be sad, so I feel guilty. I drag myseld out of bed everyday which is an effort but I guess it is routine, not to mention after a particularly unexpected break up with my partner a few years ago I threw myself into work to avoid the pain so that helped the routine come about. I hope that that made sense!

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

Guest_322 — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 08:38:30 GMT

Hi Mark and James,

Thank you so much for you responses. Much appreciated and I will get back to each of you individually a bit later. You're both awesome!

Yeah, I'll keep this brief as I don't want to rehash my story (plus people are probably sick of hearing it ha, ha). I've had 15 years of physical and emotional abuse but I have, so far, avoided the clutches of PTSD. I guess I asked the question because I was thinking, surely, I'm not the only one.

At most, vague memories will surface but they're not flashbacks. They're manageable and don't really affect my daily life. My greater struggle would be the constant blues.

I don't know if there's a genetic link. My dad grew up in a violent home himself but has never developed PTSD. Instead, he's chronically depressed (but it comes out as anger).

Anyway, for my whole family, the blues is a bigger issue. Bunch of sad sacks.

Talk a bit later.

Many thanks again,

Dottie x

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

MarkJT — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 09:35:04 GMT

Dottie, no need to do individual reply that's okay. I have to say that I am happy that you have stayed away from the clutches of PTSD. You are obviously a highly resilient woman and are doing the right things to keep it away. Great stuff!

You are getting into an area that is just so fascinating - is there a genetic link? The science behind mental health is just so unbelievably fascinating that I sometimes use that as mindfulness. I spin myself out so much trying to think it through that i forget that i am wigging out!

As we have said before to, why do some get PTSD and some don't?

So so interesting!!!

Mark.

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

Guest_322 — Thu, 09 Mar 2017 01:30:58 GMT

Hi Martii,

I'm so sorry for missing your post. I'm guessing you must have posted at the same time as me (?) Thank you so much, and don't worry, you make sense.

Trauma encompasses so many things and there's a degree of subjectivity there e.g. what is traumatic to one person isn't to another person (and vice versa). I would say if you feel it was traumatic then it was traumatic.

I can empathise with much of your post. The violence, mentally unwell parents and, yes, the blasted blues. The breakup must have been very painful. Using work to stifle the pain...hmm...sounds very familiar to me. I can see why you do what you do.

It makes me wonder why other people who grew up in violent homes developed PTSD whereas ours has come out sideways as constant blues instead. Hmm...

Thank you again, it was nice to hear from someone who could empathise. I kept thinking, surely, it's not just me and my dad (?!)

Speaking of the blues, it's come out to bite my bum again. Novelty of uni has worn off already so I've been a bit of a teary mess this week. At least we can empathise with each other here.

Many thanks.

Dottie x

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

Guest_322 — Thu, 09 Mar 2017 01:50:05 GMT

Hi,

Mark, thank you again for all the lovely compliments, support and encouragement.

Yeah, it is interesting why some people get PTSD and others don't- I'm guessing it's a combination of factors. I am very curious about the role of genes though.

To answer your earlier question about what makes me tick, I would say the single biggest thing for me is music. It's the source of my sanity.

Growing up, I didn't have much emotional support and things were often very difficult at home so music became my "safe place." When the music was playing or I was playing it (either way), everything was okay. When it stopped or I stopped, everyhing hurt all over again.

Thank you for empathising with my blues especially your morning struggle of dragging yourself out of bed. Life huh?

You're awesome and I so appreciate your CC work and contributions 😊

James, of course you're welcome to join the Sad Sack Society! I'll even upgrade you to VIP status!

Yeah, I know you suffered a lot during your childhood. Things must have been very rough and I vaguely recall there was neglect in your case. I remember reading somewhere online that abuse is an "act of commission" and neglect is an "act of omission." You don't have to elaborate or comment if you don't want to. I realise this is sensitive.

Okay, this is my last post of the day. I'm going to be a Sad Sack today. Have called in sick at work with a "cold" (I definitely don't have a cold).

Take care,

Dottie x

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

MarkJT — Thu, 09 Mar 2017 05:59:25 GMT

Dottie, music is the same for me. Just love it.

I remember in my early days of my post diagnoses journey, i listened to a lot of Foo Fighters. I listened to "Walk" five times in a row.

The first, I blocked everything except Dave Grohls voice;

The second, I listened to Taylor Hawkins on the drums;

The third i listened to the guitars;

The fourth i listened to all the instruments; and

The fifth, I listened to the whole song.

Felt oh so quiet and peaceful after it....for a little while anyway.

Music, makes the world go around!!

Mark.

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

james1 — Thu, 09 Mar 2017 12:27:49 GMT

Hey Dottie,

High 5! I didn't go to work today either. I tried to do a little bit of work from home but I just wasn't up to going in. I think I now have a headache from trying to sleep too much haha.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for both of us

Oh and before I forget - it's totally okay to call in sick. You can't work to your full capacity anyway, and you're better off not stressing yourself out even more.

Sorry to hear uni hasn't been much of a distraction. Have you found anything has worked recently? Have you been listening to much music? I now listen to music for at least 20 minutes in the dark in bed before I go to sleep. It helps somehow.

James

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

White_Rose — Thu, 09 Mar 2017 21:08:11 GMT

Hello Dottie

I think I have said before that we do not meet much on the BB forum but here we are again. It's really good to talk with you and acknowledge how much you help others. It is my belief that those who have lived with any kind of MI for a long time are far more responsive and compassionate towards others in the same boat. Thank you for your words to others and although they have not been directed to me specifically I have often found them helpful.

Why does one person 'manage' trauma when someone else in a similar situation does not? I suspect there are multiple reasons and situations that lead to PTSD or not. How much love and support did you, or anyone get from outside the home? I think grandparents often play a huge role here, perhaps teachers, neighbours etc. We may not have recognised this but it may have provided a buffer of sorts.

Mark became traumatised as an adult (hello Mark), but for you Dottie it was a childhood event. How much resilience did we learn growing up? I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and she told me I had Attachment Trauma from my childhood. She did explain it but I'm not sure I have right in my head yet so will not attempt an explanation. I can say I was not a product of a violent/alcoholic/gambling/anything else home. It seems to me that my upbringing was par for the course in my youth. I gather my difficulty comes from not having the care and support a child needs, not because my parents were horrible, but because of the circumstances of their lives.

Does that make it any better? I don't know. I know my mom got angry frequently but again I think it was the events in her life and the lack of control over those events that made her cross. And of course lack of control over our lives plays a huge part in our various MI. Sadly this can lead to our various beliefs in our own unworthiness which in turn adds to behaviours such as the desire to stay in bed.

To go back to your post Dottie, I get up in the morning because I have made a commitment to various people/activities and I don't want to let anyone down. I can recognise when I am physically unwell and not able to work, but feeling depressed is something I try to fight. And in truth I find I am generally much better once I shower and dress. However, I have simply stayed in bed, sometimes moving the TV into my room (it's on wheels).

Don't know if this has added to our collective knowledge. I hope so.

Mary

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

Guest_322 — Thu, 09 Mar 2017 21:52:04 GMT

Thank you everyone,

Mark, "music makes the world go round"- I 100% agree with you there! It's the soothing balm for our wounds.

I can empathise with listening to a song on repeat to get through something painful or difficult. I'm glad you had Walk and Foo Fighters.

James, returns high 5! The fact that we both chucked a sickie yesterday made me laugh. Great (depressed) minds think alike ha, ha.

Thank you for the reassurance and encouragement. Yeah, we sometimes do need days off just for some r&r. It's just hard for me being Captain Perfectionist.

I don't go a day without music. I haven't really found any new music that I'm into lately aside from Conan Gray's songs (that I keep bringing up). I'm glad listening to music before bed helps- it can help you unwind.

Mary, thank you so much for the compliment and supportive words. Much appreciated and grateful for them.

You raised some good points about how support can play a role in one developing/not developing PTSD. To be honest, I hadn't even given PTSD much thought until I crossed paths with various BB members with PTSD. So it has been an "education" of sorts for me and it was also why I asked the question.

I think school helped a lot and may have been a key "buffer" for me (I'm only guessing as I can't really say anything was directly causal). Aside from some bullying in primary school- which was infrequent and didn't have a lasting negative effect of me- I generally enjoyed school.

It meant I had af least 6 hours away from home 5 days each week. I made friends fairly easily, and school prizes and awards probably helped me build some self esteem. Overall, school was a positive and enjoyable experience for me.

Also, music helped immensely. Most of my favourite childhood memories revolved around music. Keeps me sane.

I haven't heard of attachment trauma before but I've heard of attachment styles (although I'm not sure if it's related to it). It seems like you had a difficult childhood because of circumstances but I don't know if that makes it any better or worse either.

Yeah, I'm the same in the sense that I also feel better after I've showered and dressed. But sometimes pyjama days are needed too.

I guess I started this thread to ask questions and to talk about the blues in a general sense. I do feel a lot better after doing virtually nothing yesterday (I did feel guilty though).

Now it's time to tackle some uni work!

Thanks again,

Dottie x

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

james1 — Thu, 09 Mar 2017 23:10:05 GMT

Hey Dottie struggled again today but I was messaging a friend and I thought the best way to make myself get out was to find some energy.

Desperate times call for desperate measures: I started talking about cheeses that I wanted to eat.

That got me up, haha.

So now I'm at work 🙂 Good luck with your uni work. Even a small amount is a big achievement 🙂

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

aegidius — Fri, 10 Mar 2017 09:15:05 GMT

Hi Dottie, have had a traumatic childhood at the hands of peers (school bullies etc) but parents/adults were fine, (apart from not really doing anything to help but that's understandable given the culture of the day) No PTSD and generally optimistic I'd say 70% of the time, but do have depressive episodes. Sometimes I think (actually pretty much all the time!) that nobody who really _thought_ about what was happening in the world could fail to be sad about it, especially these days... But then I probably think too much.

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

Guest_322 — Mon, 13 Mar 2017 09:13:58 GMT

Thank you very much for the responses and apologies for my late reply.

James, well, you did the best you could at the time and that's all we can ever do. Also, there's nothing wrong with talking about cheese (I still maintain that avocados are a more intellectual conversation topic ha, ha).

Thank you and especially for your ongoing support. Appreciate it immensely.

Aegedius, school certainly was very rough and traumatic for you. Bullies can do a lot of damage although I'm glad to hear you sounding so resilient in spite of it. The depressive episodes must be awful but you have a great mindset.

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

Guest_322 — Mon, 13 Mar 2017 09:15:40 GMT

*Aegidius, apologies for misspelling your name in my earlier post. I'm terrible at (not) editing.

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

aegidius — Mon, 13 Mar 2017 09:56:21 GMT

That's quite OK - everyone spells my real name wrong too 🙂 and thanks for your kind words.

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

blondguy — Mon, 13 Mar 2017 10:52:23 GMT

Hi Dottie

Im sorry that I have slack on not responding until now

MarkJT picked up on your question...

Dottie asked: "Also, anyone who has had a traumatic childhood but without PTSD? "

That really is an excellent question Dottie as I have seen the 'PTSD' label a lot on the forums.

I have had a traumatic childhood too. It was bad news but whether or not I have PTSD isnt relevant to me as I have been treating the anxiety & depression as my core health issues as a result of being bashed and belted as a boy when 'it was okay' to do it.

Just letting you know that you arent the only 'sad sack' here Dottie 🙂

I wish I had your intellect and people skills when I was younger...back in the late 14th century....lol

You are and always have been a breath of fresh air on these national forums Dottie

my kindest

Paul

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

CMF — Mon, 13 Mar 2017 11:33:55 GMT

Hey there

I'm a bit of a sad sack ATM. My anxiety has been playing up a bit the last 5 weeks or so but I just feel flat now. I was depressed as a teenager, it comes and goes in waves.

i don't struggle to get out of bed, no choice with 3 kids, but I'm just flat, not motivated. Had a good day today, got heaps done, but down and out now.

anyway, I see you around the forums Dorrie and think you are awesome.

Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

Guest_322 — Tue, 14 Mar 2017 10:03:05 GMT

Hi there,

Thank you for all the lovely messages.

Aegidius, you're most welcome.

Paul, an apology is not needed at all. Thank you for dropping in and for all the thoughtful words and compliments.

And thank you again for making me feel a little less alone. The childhood violence you suffered sounds ghastly. Abuse is never okay.

BS, it's lovely to see you here. Thank you.

It must be hard for you to juggle the blues on top of all your other pressures and responsibilities. I can empathise with the waves.

Dottie x