topic stuck overseas as a carer, feeling isolated in Supporting family and friends

stuck overseas as a carer, feeling isolated

bear53 — Thu, 12 May 2016 06:42:25 GMT

Hi, I am new to this forum, so here goes. My husband had been working overseas in SE Asia for the last 2 years, based inMalaysia but spending about 3out of 4 weeks travelling, coming back to Oz.when he could for brief trips, usually tied in with business. I have had several trips over there. Early Jan. this year he went back to Malaysia, but after 3 sleepless nights, he rang me to say just wanted to get on a plane back to Oz, which he did. Saw a great psychologist who diagnosed him with severe stress and anxiety. He stayed in Oz. for Jan. and most of Feb, (tried to go to Bangkok early Feb, but relapsed and I went over there and we came back to Oz. after 2 days). We went back to Malaysia in March, I took 5 weeks carers leave (nurse). A job came up inOz. which he applied for and got, starts 1st June. When I went back to Oz. beginning of April he came also for work, then back to Malaysia. He lasted 2 nights on his own before another panic attack, so now I am back over in Malaysia on more carers leave. He is doing okay, meditating daily and exercising, (apart from the first few days which were rough for both of us) . We have 2 more weeks in Malaysia before we leave for good, husband already has a psychologist appt. lined up.

I think I'm doing okay, exercising, doing relaxing things. I live stream classical music which is wonderfully relaxing when home. Just putting this post out as I feel very isolated here, away from work and friends. I do have a couple of friends inOz I can ring if needed, but don't like to ring them too often.Plan to get some counselling when back in Oz. Any suggestions of supports when I get back to Oz appreciated, or stategies for next 2 weeks, thanks.

stuck overseas as a carer, feeling isolated

blondguy — Thu, 12 May 2016 14:01:20 GMT

Hello Bear53

Welcome to the Beyond Blue Community and thankyou for posting too. My name is Paul and I do understand where you are coming from. You are strong to have done so much to assist your husband with his anxiety especially considering the geographical issues you have as well.

I have had severe anxiety and then depression for many years and am in senior management in corporate Australia. You mentioned that your husband was diagnosed with severe stress and anxiety. The symptoms alone would have been awful for your husband. I remember my first few severe anxiety attacks and they were scary.

It is great that he has been meditating daily and exercising....a huge help towards self healing. If I may ask you........has your husband been prescribed any medication whilst he/you have been in Malaysia?

I see that you are a health professional and I have nothing but respect for your vocation and what it represents. I am not qualified as you are but if I can ask another question....Can you let me know about the severity or a bit more detail about your husbands' anxiety symptoms?

Your health as a carer is also crucial to your husband right now and I see that you are self aware and astute when it comes to looking after yourself and good on you too!

If you scroll to the bottom of the page you will see the header 'Supporting Someone with depression/anxiety' It may give you some more info when it comes to supporting your husband.

Your last two weeks in Malaysia are important where your husbands' healing is concerned. The anxiety can be crippling and after what he has been through he is strong by still working but the word 'rest' is something that may be needed now. Severe anxiety is no different than a physiological injury. Rest and if necessary some basic low level meds may help as they will provide your husband with a platform on which he can heal.

You are not on your own here bear53...there are many very kind people that can be here for you too...

My Kindest thoughts for you and your husband

Paulx

stuck overseas as a carer, feeling isolated

bear53 — Fri, 13 May 2016 04:46:54 GMT

Thanks for your kind words Paul, much appreciated. When this first started back in Jan, he saw a GP in Malaysia who prescribed ,( without naming them), a strong sleeping tablet, and a strong muscle relaxant which is now virtually banned inOz due to its addiction properties! Fortunately he has hardly used these, only uses the sleeping tablet very very occasionally. He saw a psychiatrist back in Oz. who prescribed a low dose antidepressant for its antianxiety effects. Also has a low dose muscle relaxant if needed for acute episodes, needed occasionally, eg whenI have been back in Oz. and he has rung me in an acute state. (For a few reasons, not because of what he prescribed, we would change psychiatrists if he needed to see another one at a later date.)

stuck overseas as a carer, feeling isolated

Doolhof — Fri, 13 May 2016 23:54:22 GMT

Hi Bear53,

Are there things that you and your husband particularly like in the region of Malaysia where you live?

Could you prepare a special meal out of local produce you buy from a market?

Buy flowers to brighten up where you are living.

Have a massage together.

Are you close to a beach? Go for a moon lit walk.

Do you have any friends in Malaysia whom you can connect with?

You are more than welcome to communicate as much as you like here on this forum. There are not only threads offering support and advice, but also light hearted posts for chatter.

You might like to check out the BB Café thread. People there have a wonderful social connection. That might help a little to ease the sense of aloneness.

When you return to Australia will it be to a familiar place?

There is a lot of information available on this site covering all kinds of mental health issues and how to receive help. I find the more I understand about my conditions, the easier it is to work through them.

Wishing you both all the best and hope the next two weeks go quickly for you.

Cheers, from Mrs. Dools

stuck overseas as a carer, feeling isolated

Trying_to_be_a_good_paren — Sat, 14 May 2016 09:52:59 GMT

I have experienced being isolated overseas and understand how lonely it can be especially when you are feeling overwhelmed.

I have found that keeping things simple works for me. I concentrate my energy on doing what has to be done. Provide healthy meals and just be there to support. Sometimes it can be hard caring for someone who is distressed and not coping well but I think it must be so much harder for the person themselves. So I sit and listen, hug and hold, don't take offence at outburst and offer suggestions in such a way that my daughter almost thinks she came up with the idea. I try and find simple things in our day to be grateful for a cuppa in the sunshine or observing bird life.

I am not sure that my post is insightful or helpful but I just wanted you to know you are not alone others experience isolation helping family even when they are in their own country.

stuck overseas as a carer, feeling isolated

blondguy — Sat, 14 May 2016 09:53:25 GMT

Hi Bear

Thankyou for taking the time to post back!

I have been 'stuck' (frozen) with anxiety in the 80's and it was awful. I was so anti-meds at the time my GP who even has a qualification in hyperbaric medicine really had a go at me and said and I quote "Paul..since you refuse to take the 'meds' can I tell all of my patients with diabetes and high blood pressure that they don't have to take their meds anymore?" Ouch that hurt.

I take a 'calmative' small dosage every night like a diabetic takes their insulin. I no longer have teeth grinding and when I awake I am rested (not spaced out or drugged or dopey) and have had so much quality sleep I can use the usual coping mechanisms successfully where my acute anxiety was concerned.

Your feedback is appreciated and will many others that dont have the courage to post Bear....:-)

Paulx

stuck overseas as a carer, feeling isolated

bear53 — Sat, 14 May 2016 10:16:54 GMT

Forgot to mention he also takes melatonin most nights which is available over here without prescription, which helps.

stuck overseas as a carer, feeling isolated

blondguy — Sat, 14 May 2016 17:47:36 GMT

Hey Bear....Thats a smart move with your husbands' anxiety. I hope I didnt ramble too much on my post before. Here for you Bear53 if that helps x

Hello 'Trying to be a good parent' and welcome to the Beyond Blue Community and thanks for posting too..Its always great to have someone that has been in the same situation and has the courage to post as you have

Kind Thoughts

Paul

stuck overseas as a carer, feeling isolated

geoff — Sat, 14 May 2016 19:05:26 GMT

hello Bear, I had replied back to you but something I said meant that it wasn't accepted, sorry this doesn't happen very often.
What all the others have said I take on board so I will keep my reply back to you to be short.
If I can put it this way, if someone is suffering from anxiety and/or depression and have the chance to go o/s then they normally won't want to go for many reasons that their illness creates, then the same applies to someone who is forced to go because of work committments, all they want is return home, and once again, if someone develops anxiety/depression while they are o/s the first thing they want to do is go home.
Any medication that is addictive the doctors keep an eye on how much the person is taking, and that's where we hope that they don't go shopping for this drug, because if you are desperate that could happen, but I say this just as a precaution.
Anxiety and depression will only want the person, that is your husband, to also want to go home to where he feels comfortable, and perhaps it would be wise for you to see your doctor, because it's a heavy weight you are carrying. Geoff. x

stuck overseas as a carer, feeling isolated

Doolhof — Sat, 14 May 2016 22:46:37 GMT

Hi Bear,

Just reread your post with a clearer head and it makes more sense to me now.

How is your husband coping, does he feel better when you are with him? Music is a wonderful tool for so many people, does your husband enjoy certain music that might help him feel less stressed?

Does you husband have any hobbies or interests that he could partake in where he is? Same for yourself. When my depression is bad I try to do some craft or hobby that I find pleasure in and it helps.

It is amazing how medication is so easily available in some countries over the counter! Hopefully when you return to Australia, the Drs will be able to help you both.

Hopefully finding a connection here has helped you as well.

How are you planning to spend your day? Does your husband have weekends off? Do you like to explore the local area or is that just a bit too difficult right now?

Wishing you both peace. From Mrs. Dools

stuck overseas as a carer, feeling isolated

bear53 — Mon, 16 May 2016 01:35:50 GMT

Hi Mrs Dools,

In answer to your questions, my husbands is well for the majority of the time whenI am around. It seems to be whenI am not in the country that the anxiety gets really bad. So while I am here he is still working, and we go out on weekends. Originally my flight back to Oz was for early May, but we moved it to when he goesback later this month. We have seen much of the local area already, but go to see things if we want to.

Music helps him, though he hasnt been a fan of classical music in the past, I live stream abc classics now, which we both like going on in thebackground. we both go to the gym as an interest, and forhealth.I like to garden at home, a bit hard here though, living in an apartment. I also have an ongoing embroidery piece to do. We have both started reading novels more, something I normally only do on holidays, my husband was never much of a reading person.

stuck overseas as a carer, feeling isolated

blondguy — Mon, 16 May 2016 02:12:23 GMT

Hi Bear

You and your husband are doing everything you can and kudos to you for being with your husband during this time.

I was very much like your husband and my anxiety became unbearable when my girlfriend left the house. She was my 'safe' person. Besides anxiety having the awful symptoms they can really undermine our self confidence too.

Your shoulders are taking great weight right now. Take care of you too!

My Kind Thoughts for You and your husband

Paul

stuck overseas as a carer, feeling isolated

Doolhof — Mon, 16 May 2016 08:53:34 GMT

Hi again Bear 53,

Like Paul mentioned, it does sound like the two of you are trying to do all you can right now to make this situation bearable.

I sometimes have panic attacks and suffer from stress, so understand a little of what your husband is experiencing. With depression on top, makes it difficult some days to get out and do things, or even want to get out of bed.

It is easy for me to sit here and make suggestions, when in reality I need to try to put in to place a lot of what I am writing to others. Does it help at all to know that other people are going through similar emotions and mental health issues?

Congratulations to you both for trying to make this work the best ways you can. I am going to take notice of your determination and try harder in my own life! Thanks for that!

Cheers for now, from Mrs. Dools