Partner with BPD - Help!

Acheron — Wed, 15 Jul 2015 23:06:07 GMT

Hi all, I'm new here and thought I'd jump straight in.

So I've been seeing my partner (who is 12 years my junior) for just over 3 years now. She's been diagnosed with BPD and I knew this from the start. We had a fantastic 3 years together and we have so much fun. We share a lot of common interests. The first year and a half of our relationship was me shifting from boyfriend to carer quite a lot, which doesn't bother me as I'm an exceptionally caring guy. As the time went on, we wanted to go on a trip, then focus in on getting a house, with a further look to having kids. Talk of marriage were there too.

About 3 months ago, she started going around to a work colleague's house to watch a TV series. I found it a bit weird, but she doesn't have many friends and I felt that it would be nasty of me to deny her this. Plus he had a girlfriend. 7 or so weeks ago, after a psych appointment, she told me straight out that she feared she would sleep with him. I asked "but doesn't he have a gf?" and she told me he broke up with her. 3 days later she had decided that she wasn't feeling in the danger zone, so she'd go around to his place. Later on that night, I thought it was about time to pick her up. When I did, she was horribly drunk and ended up vomiting in the street. We went to bed and that was that.

The next morning she told me she'd slept with him and that's when things odd. I told her that I wasn't going to dump her for one infidelity and we'd make this work out. Later that night, my friend who also has a PD suggested we move into an open relationship. This was agreeable to me at the time, as this may help us. I thought about seeing someone else too, but deep down I know it's not what I want.

So, she sees this fellow every couple of weeks. It hurts every time.I always think when she's there that when she comes home I'll break up with her, but then she does and I change my mind. She says that he offers her something I can't, which is hard for me. The last time she went over there to see him was a few days ago, and he told her outright that he doesn't want to "go out with someone with BPD."

But I do. We still are together and it's only on the days that she goes there that I find it very difficult. She told me that sometimes I make her feel trapped.

Does anyone else have an experience like this? If you're still together with them, how do you do it? Is this possible to maintain?

Partner with BPD - Help!

justinok — Wed, 15 Jul 2015 23:56:28 GMT

Hey mate, in my experience open relationships only work when it's what both partners genuinely want. And then there are usually strict boundaries about what is and isn't acceptable, such as casual sex only, no emotional attachments. I'm sorry to say but from what you're saying, it sounds like you're being taken advantage of. She's calling all the shots, and you're the one being hurt.

topic Partner with BPD - Help! in Supporting family and friends

Partner with BPD - Help!

Partner with BPD - Help!