topic Mum near breaking point in Supporting family and friends

Mum near breaking point

j88 — Tue, 16 Feb 2016 10:39:31 GMT

hello,

My family and I need some help and advice about my mum. Quick background: diagnosed with breast cancer in Dec, mastectomy, then started chemo. 3 more treatments left then weeks of radiation. her diagnosis is good and she will beat this cancer but her mindset is totally negative and she is struggling with severe anxiety, We are finding it difficult as she is going to survive and has lots to be grateful for but she just cant seem to pull herself out of it. she now wont leave the house and needs someone with her constantly. everything she says is negative and she cant and wont do much to help it. weve offered so many suggestions but she cant take them on and implement them. we just don't know where to go next....

please help...

Mum near breaking point

white knight — Tue, 16 Feb 2016 11:42:26 GMT

Hi j88, welcome

This is a tough one because the usual transition from someone being a negative thinker to a positive thinker is a long one...it often doesn't happen overnight...but it can and it happened overnight for me.

Some people need a jolt. In 1982/3 it happened when I attended a motivation lecture. It was the lecture that caused the spark that changed my life. It resulted in a positive outlook/attitude about nearly everything I came across in life.

So what can you do?

Mum near breaking point

pipsy — Tue, 16 Feb 2016 11:45:14 GMT

Dear j88. It must have been a dreadful shock for your mum. Diagnosed with breast cancer, then mastectomy, how old is she? She's been through so much trauma, losing a breast is pretty major stuff. She possibly feels that losing her breast means she no longer looks beautiful. You and I know she's still the same person, but, to her, she isn't. Have you been in touch with a cancer survivors group? I would contact them, ask your Dr/specialist for a referral. If she can talk to other survivors, it would give her the opportunity to get more support. She needs to talk to people who've been through the same thing and understand her fears and doubts. It's possible that even though she's been told she's 'clear', she simply doesn't believe it. She's also possibly scared she will lose the other breast. Get hold of some printed material about surviving cancer, leave them where she can access them. Don't force her to read them but if she sees them, curiosity may cause her to have a look. Do you have a father, she desperately needs reassurance that she's still beautiful. If she has your dad or a partner, try to encourage him to show her how much he loves and wants her. Once she talks to others who have survived cancer, hopefully it will help her. Encourage her to talk about her fears, keep reiterating about getting her into a survivors group. Printed matter will also encourage a survivors group.

Mum near breaking point

white knight — Tue, 16 Feb 2016 11:47:56 GMT

(don't know what happened there)

1. look out for motivation lectures you can attend

2. Provide reading material that is inspiring

3. Tell you and the rest of your family don't want to lose her and this requires her to fight on

4. Day trip without notice to places like the beach, top of a mountain.

5. YouTube videos. I'd recommend "Maharaj". Google "youtube Maharaji sunset" as a start....he has many more.

6. Faith. Is she religious? Seek guidance in this area if so.

Good luck

Tony WK

Mum near breaking point

Zamzam — Tue, 16 Feb 2016 12:15:10 GMT

Hi I've been in your exact situation. My mum had breast cancer and also was bipolar and so suffered enormously with depression. It was very hard on all of us to pull her out of the negative pattern of thinking and I don't think we ever able to "fix" her way of thinking. The only advice I can offer is to be there to listen to her problems as draining as it can be sometimes. It will provide a comfort for her knowing you are all there. Hopefully she will get better with the anxiety as it seems to go in waves and unfortunately this wave may go on for a while but the only power you have in this situation is knowing you gave it your all to be there.

Mum near breaking point

j88 — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 21:46:17 GMT

Thank you so much. Your advice has really helped!

Mum near breaking point

j88 — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 21:46:49 GMT

Thank you!

Mum near breaking point

j88 — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 21:47:29 GMT

Thank you Tony. That has been a big help

Mum near breaking point

j88 — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 21:48:34 GMT

Thank you zamzam. That is all we've been able to do is be with her and just that has helped immensely

Mum near breaking point

Timebandit84 — Mon, 17 Oct 2016 14:04:59 GMT

I'm sorry to hear your mum is not coping . My mum also is battling cancer unfortunately my mum is stage 4 so remissionis unlikely . From being a career from my mum I have learnt that going into remission can be so difficult to deal with . It makes you question why me why do I get to surrive . Sometimes that feeling can be so overwhelming that it's impossible to take steps into a postive direction . Your mum has prob lost a lot of self confidence and is trying to find her way in the world again and people who are dealt with the possible of remission is almost daunting experience. I have found my mum going and seeing councillor has help her cope and we have fond a support group too . I hope that you mum can start feeling better about things soon.