topic caring for sister in Supporting family and friends

caring for sister

user18474618391 — Sat, 01 Aug 2026 09:01:10 GMT

Hi, I am an older sister caring for my younger sister with autism and depression, and I would really appreciate some advice. I am worried for her because she is showing signs of mental decline that is only being worsened by our home environment. To be clear, we are safe, she just gets into arguments a lot with my parents because they do not understand her. This frustrates me. She is currently in therapy, but she says she hates it. She has reached a point where she is practically non verbal and locks herself in her room all the time, even though she is the sweetest girl. She feels comfortable with me and we have had many conversations about this but recently she has found it harder to communicate and is really worsening. I wrote my parents a letter to try and get them to understand, and also had an in depth conversation with them, but nothing seems to be changing. Does anyone have advice? I don’t want to inflame anything because she has reached a point where she just doesn’t want to explain herself anymore. Thank you to anyone who can respond.

Re: caring for sister

Croix — Sat, 01 Aug 2026 14:41:36 GMT

Dear New Member~

Welcome here to the Forum. I'd have to say your sister is lucky to have such an understanding and caring older sister trying to look after her.

you must be understanding as you have been able to have long comfortable conversations wiht her, but are now worried she is saying less even to you. You go to the trouble to try to get one major problem sorted, that your parents do not understand despite yur sister's and your best efforts.

Quite fankly anyone who is constantly not understood may resort to anger, and may eventually give up. Its very stressful and even exhausting to keep on when you are convinced you will never be understood no matter waht you say. No wonder your sister taks less.

Of course this may not be the only reason. When I've had bouts of depression my mind is so full of hopeless thoughts I don't have any mental space left to deal wiht people, even the ones I love.

Of course it may be at least in part a symptom of her Autism condition.

So what can you do, given your parents are not currently a help?

Keep on being as close as you can ot your sister wihtout crowding her, so that she sees you as a safe ally. Maybe you can get an authority figure, such as an Autism familiar clinician to counsel them, and maybe even see if her current therapist is the most suitable as she dislikes the sessions.

If you can learn more about Autism and strategies that might help. I can't say anything about Autism myself as I am not on the spectrum, however I am (unfortunately) very familiar with depression and many therapies and medications for it. The good news is that it is treatable and eventually my life turned around, and while still under long term treatment live a satisfying and fulfilling life.

There have been lots of people affected by Autism here on the Forum, both those who are neurodiverse, and those that are with them. If you do a search here (the spyglass at the top of the page) for the word 'Autism' (no quotes) you will have a large number to skim though and may find fresh ideas there.

Trying to care for your sister must be a most worrying, frustrating and even upsetting matter for you, is there anyone to give you support - a family member or friend perhaps? Just having someone that cares to listen to you can be a help. Trying all by yourself is very hard.

You know yoou are always going to be welcome ot come back and talk more, it is a problem that may take time.

Croix

Re: caring for sister

therising — Tue, 04 Aug 2026 06:19:13 GMT

The warmest of welcomes to you, one of the most amazing and supportive sisters I've ever heard of. Your sister is so incredibly blessed to have you in her life, as her friend and advocate.

While depression and anxiety are not uncommon for people on the autism spectrum, I can understand why. In a world not designed to accommodate such a unique nature and with a world full of people who can't fully relate to such a nature, things can become depressing and anxiety inducing. Someone like yourself who understands some of the challenges your sister faces and some of the challenges in this world, you become that 'go between' person. For example, you're not only guiding your sister but you're trying to guide your parents too. You're in the middle, a tough place to be at times.

Depending on what your parents are like, it may pay to be a little more pushy. I say this from experience as a parent who has been pushed by my 23yo daughter to help my 21yo son in the past. While my son wanted a diagnosis when it came to why he was struggling in year 11, my daughter pushed me and pushed me to get it for him. She woke me up to the benefits of a diagnosis when it came to special consideration for year 12, the challenges without it and a whole stack of other things. She basically harassed me until I did something. I couldn't fully see the benefits until she led me to gain a better vision. Sometimes parents can be kinda 'blind' to things. They can only see things from their perspective. While my son thought he may have been struggling with ADHD, thanks to my daughter he was diagnosed with level 1 autism. While the diagnosis doesn't define my son, it does help explain some of the challenges he faces.

With you being such a beautiful, supportive and caring person, I imagine you're also someone who really feels (perhaps quite easily at times). I also imagine this is one of the reasons you get along so well with your sister. You both have the ability to feel so much. Yes, I know, can feel more like a curse than an ability at times. Developing your ability to serve you and your sister may help make some headway. Saying to your sister 'I can feel your frustration with Mum and Dad' is one thing, it's another to be able to say to your parents 'I can feel how you're dismissing what's bringing your other daughter down. I want you to try your hardest to really get a sense of her frustration and how down she actually is. I don't want her to give up'.

I can't help but wonder why your sister doesn't like the therapy. Would you say it could be based on therapists treating your sister like autism is a 'problem' or she has problems, rather than them seeing her nature as holding so many unrecognised abilities with some seriously intense struggles being thrown into the mix? In a highly overstimulating, triggering world packed with plenty of insensitive people, this can definitely present a number of challenges for a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person).🙂

Re: caring for sister

user18474618391 — Wed, 05 Aug 2026 05:19:57 GMT

Thank you for your response and kindness, I really appreciate it.

You explained perfectly the feeling of being “in the middle” that I definitely experience. Unfortunately I have already tried, and will continue, being pushy towards my parents when necessary. They are coming around a bit since I last spoke to them in depth about this, but of course there’s still improvements to be made.

I believe the reason my sister does not like therapy is because since her diagnosis earlier this year, nothing has changed in the way she has been treated. What you said about your son’s diagnosis being able to explain some of the challenges he is facing sadly hasn’t worked in my sisters case. Despite my parents having access to information that explains why my sister feels the way she does, she is constantly having to defend and explain herself. She is just tired of this, hence her dislike for therapy. This is why I have tried my best to communicate for her, since my parents just really can’t grasp the extent to which things are affecting her, which I also understand it must be hard for them to.

As of my sister, she definitely feels like a problem, and has said that her conditions are ruining her life. I will continue to support her through this of course, and advocate where necessary.

Re: caring for sister

user18474618391 — Wed, 05 Aug 2026 05:25:24 GMT

Thank you very much for this response.

I certainly try not to ever crowd my sister and I never force her to talk if she doesn’t want to. What I’ve found works is just being as gentle and reassuring as possible, and this is what has allowed her to open up to me.

I absolutely agree with what you said about getting angry when being misunderstood, my sister has told me all she wants is to be understood so I feel terrible for her in this regard.

I am lucky to have incredible friends who support me when things get tricky, so I am okay in this regard.