topic Nothing seems to be working - need some new ideas to try in Supporting family and friends

Nothing seems to be working - need some new ideas to try

MummaLeigh — Sat, 03 Oct 2020 13:55:05 GMT

My now 16 year old daughter was diagnosed with depression almost 2 years ago now (along with anxiety and level 2 autism) She also has a long history of self harm which has recently started up again and a history of suicidal ideation and attempts which is also currently plaguing her again. We have been seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist for over two years now and have been given a lot of different strategies to try but so far it hasn't really helped. She is on antidepressants and sleeping tablets but these also don't seem to help much. I'm constantly worried about her and am always watching her moods carefully for any signs of a serious downward spiral but it is emotionally exhausting and I am desperate to find something that will make a difference but don't know what else to try. I'm keen to hear from other carers who have been through this and have hopefully come out the other side with maybe some advice for me and my daughter that could help. Thanks in advance.

Nothing seems to be working - need some new ideas to try

Sophie_M — Sat, 03 Oct 2020 14:06:29 GMT

Hey MummaLeigh,

Welcome to the forums, we're so grateful that you decided to reach out here to our friendly community tonight. We're so sorry to hear what your daughter is going through at the moment, but she sounds very lucky to have such a caring parent like yourself. We can hear how much this situation is affecting you but please know that our community is here to support you. Hopefully a few of them will pop by soon and offer you some words of kindness and advice.

We'd also recommend getting in touch with our Support Service which is available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or you can visit on our website www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport for online chat. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to give you some information and advice to help you and your daughter during this difficult time.

You may also be interested in reaching out to our friends at Parentline, who have a lot of experience offering support and advice to parents in situations like these. If you follow the link below it will take you to the contact numbers for Parentline in each State/Territory: https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

Please also feel free to keep updating us on how you're going, whenever you feel up to it - we hope that you find this to be a safe and non-judgemental space.

Nothing seems to be working - need some new ideas to try

Croix — Sun, 01 Nov 2020 15:48:12 GMT

Dear MummaLeigh~

I regret the delay in getting back to you. It is not you or the subject matter, it is a system that does not always work as we wold wish.

Look, I've no magic answer and may be you have tried what I'm suggesting, if so I apologize.

As someone who has been suicidal, and also at one time tried to look after an offspring who may have felt the same way I'm wondering if you have become an "authority figure". You say yourself you are constantly watching for moods and signs.

When coping skills turn to self harm and desperation leads to wanting to take your life then having someone on the same level who you can talk with can slow down and stop those impulses, at least temporarily.

Perhaps trying to be a fun companion, doing things together that she enjoys, from music to computer games to sport to ... well you get the idea. Try to be a companion at her level, not a watcher with power.

If she ever opens up to you even once and says talk to me, I really need to harm myself because ..., the urge is so strong or some similar sort of talk you will have won a great victory and talking, mainly listening and not offering to 'fix' may be the best thing of all.

Does that seem to make sense? Being an equal friend, not a parent? Incidentally it may mean you have to confide some of your problems (no not the ones related to her) to be truly equal.

Please let me know what you think

Croix

Nothing seems to be working - need some new ideas to try

therising — Sun, 01 Nov 2020 19:56:23 GMT

MummaLeigh

You are an amazing mum who's obviously doing everything in her power to make a positive difference to your daughter. She is incredibly blessed to have someone so devoted in her life. With you being such a sensitive person, sensitive to your daughter's needs, I imagine you're sensitive enough to feel the pain that goes with watching your daughter's suffering. From one mum to another, my heart goes out to you.

I can't imagine how challenging it would be, being a person who lives life with a mind that reflects autism. To sense you are different or to be led to believing you are worth less than other people, would understandably leave you feeling somewhat worthless and incredibly down.

I can recall a woman talking about how she interacts with a group of parents whose children have been diagnosed with autism. She said that finding this group changed hers and her child's life. These parents would get together and talk about the children's incredible natural abilities. So, the focus became about supporting kids with unique abilities, as opposed to supporting kids with problems. By the way, she mentioned they do discuss the sometimes overwhelming challenges but the focus was more on how do I support a child who

has the ability to take emotion out of a situation and focus solely on logic?
has a heightened sense of hearing, compared to others; someone who can be overwhelmed by this ability when there's too much to process at once?
has an incredible great or super natural ability in one specific area of life or learning and finds anything else too boring to focus on?
has a super natural sense of wonder that many of us unfortunately lose as we grow up. How many times would you have loved to wonder out loud at someone who's degrading you, 'I can't help but wonder why you're such a degrading person?' Some folk simply have the ability to not keep their wonder to them self. To question everything you find questionable can create a wonderful life, as long as you're getting answers, otherwise it's frustrating
has the ability to act sensitively to sensitive people yet not tolerate insensitive people

I can't help but wonder what abilities your daughter has. I also can't help but wonder whether she's aware she has abilities many 'normal' people around don't have. By the way most 'normal' people in this world are seriously crazy when you consider the state of the world. The world can be a frustrating, angering and depressing place for a super natural person.

🙂