topic How to respond to adult child's fears in Supporting family and friends

How to respond to adult child's fears

WorriedMum71 — Sun, 08 Nov 2020 13:06:51 GMT

Hi all,

Looking for some tips on how best to respond to my adult child's fears (female /21).

Couple of examples are she has recently become obsessed with fear of being swooped by birds and of being bitten by a small house spider living in the laundry window frame.

I genuinely do not know how to respond to these situations. My daughter wants me to remove the spider but I feel this would be enabling on my part as based on past experience she will replace the fear with a different one. I also don't want to make it worse by not removing it so don't know what to do, please help! She is also phobic in relation to thunderstorms and is scared in the kitchen e.g. lighting the stove or frying things. Her fears seem to be growing and I have no idea how to support her.

How to respond to adult child's fears

white knight — Sun, 08 Nov 2020 13:41:58 GMT

Hi, welcome

Due to a workplace incident in 1987 I ended up with severe anxiety. I was required to seek therapy.

During my sessions my therapist discovered that my thought processes, fears, were realistic. I then was put through several months of being treated for that illness.

Seek out appropriate treatment, start with your GP

TonyWK

How to respond to adult child's fears

tranzcrybe — Mon, 09 Nov 2020 02:48:18 GMT

Hi WorriedMum71,

Thanks for posting on the forums, and I think you have a degree of comprehension that the instances are not the underlying problem, and that fear is overriding rational evaluation on anything that associates with pain or entering personal space (although I also find swooping birds utterly terrifying!).

Without being insensitive to your daughter's very real problem, I'd say she has a very low pain threshold; having not been exposed to much (enough?) exposure to physical encounters over her young life (scraped knees, bruises, blisters, etc.). Small incidents in childhood may have crystalised without repeated occurrence where avoidance has exacerbated the anxiety. Conversely, a major trauma will also yield similar reactions so assessing your daughter's situation will need care, and Tony's advice to speak to your GP is always a viable action.

Whilst you can easily address the spider issue by handing her a pair of gloves and container, perhaps some introduction to more physical activities (contact sport, gardening, handcraft such as pottery or carving) could help to provide resilience to the plethora of things out there determined to attack us.

Aversion to pain makes perfect sense provided it does not impede life's experiences or become blown out of proportion.

Regards,