topic Rising from the ashes in Supporting family and friends

Rising from the ashes

healedpeoplehealpeople — Mon, 30 Sep 2019 07:33:16 GMT

What do you do when your friend has just broken up after a whirlwind of romance? How empty do your own words ‘It’s gonna be fine’ sound while consoling her? Worst of all, how do you identify signs of depression?
I was clouded by these thoughts when my very good friend, let’s call her Phoenix, was going through a bad breakup. I gave her usual words of advice, “He did not deserve you, you are going to find someone, drink your sorrows with alcohol”. Like a dutiful person, she tried to follow but she couldn’t just let go of him and the breakup in the past and all the self-esteem issues she had earlier. She was looking for validations from random hook-ups. She was so hurt, destroyed and withering in depression.
I dint know what to do, worse, I had no idea she was in depression. There were signs, but they were camouflaged under the grief of break-up. Isn’t the pain of breakup same for everyone? Isn’t breakup just a normal thing and then you should forget and get going?
No. The answer is a plain no to above questions. Phoenix saw the signs in her and decided to see a therapist. She decided to fight it for the greater good. It was not easy. There were so many moments of self-doubt, relapses, pain, hurt and anxiety. She had to go through it alone. Because, it is difficult to understand what it’s like to be in a therapy for person like me who had never visited a therapist. Thinking about it now, I feel bad for not being there. As a friend, I failed the fundamental promise of friendship.
However, Phoenix rose above all. She found an awesome psychologist, did almost a year of therapy. She rediscovered herself. She was no more the old person that I had met two years’ ago. She was so happy, joyful, kind and forgiving. Phoenix inspired me and so many others to do something about concealed mental health issues. She talks non-stop about mindfulness; she wants more and more people to be happy and fight their mental health struggles.
My Phoenix has indeed reborn from ashes and is now flying into the open sky. She knows no limit; she knows no fear.
If you know anyone going through a bad break-up, don’t ignore them, don’t count their problems as trivial. Conditions like depression and anxiety attack in various harmless forms. Beware and be mindful.

Rising from the ashes

Peppermintbach — Mon, 30 Sep 2019 08:06:18 GMT

Hi healedpeoplehealedpeople,

What a moving, heartfelt and uplifting journey your friend has been on. Thanks so much for sharing with us. I’m so glad that after her very broken heart and mental health struggles that she bravely sought help, and now tries to help others who are struggling 🙂

As for you, I’m going to gently suggest that I don’t feel you “failed” your friend, as you put it. I think you tried your best to support her, given what you understood at that point in time (and with good, well meaning intentions too).

Looking back, of course it’s easy to think maybe we “should have” done things differently in the past, but we only know what we know at the time. You tried your best and you cared about her; that counts for something. Sometimes it even counts for everything...

Thanks again for sharing. It was beautiful to read 🙂

Kindness and care,

Pepper

Rising from the ashes

healedpeoplehealpeople — Mon, 30 Sep 2019 08:24:21 GMT

Hi Pepper,

Thanks for your kind words. Her experience has been an eye-opener for me. I am striving to help others and encouraging people to recognise the signs and act accordingly.

Regards,

Rising from the ashes

Peppermintbach — Tue, 08 Oct 2019 18:59:48 GMT

Hi G.,

It’s lovely to hear from you again. You sound as though you’ve learnt so much from her. I think it’s absolutely wonderful that you have such a strong desire to help others 🙂

Kindness and care,

Pepper