topic Getting it wrong in Supporting family and friends

Getting it wrong

Shenae — Mon, 02 Jul 2018 18:49:12 GMT

My Husband has had depression for as long as I have known him. Over the last couple of years both depression and anxiety have caused him much grief. He is on meds, sees both a Psych and GP regularly but nothing seems to help. He doesn't have a job, our relationship is suffering and I dont know what to say to him without sounding critical. I try to be positive for him but I think everything I say comes out wrong. I sometimes think it's best I say nothing at all . I am at a loss.

Getting it wrong

Peppermintbach — Mon, 02 Jul 2018 21:06:11 GMT

Hi Shenae,

I hope you don’t mind me saying hello, and offering you a warm welcome to you to the forums.

It must be so difficult and painful to watch a loved one suffer. I would think that you feel discouraged, and as though you’re walking on eggshells if you you have to constantly second guess your (well meaning) comments. That must be rough...

I’m glad your husband is receiving help and support from a GP and psych. I wonder how much not having a job is affecting him; I would think it must have some impact on his self esteem...

I don’t know how you feel about this but I was thinking maybe couples counseling might help you with your relationship problems. Perhaps this is something you would like to consider...

I hope you feel free to write as often as you like: you’re most welcome here of course. There’s no pressure or rush but if you’re feeling up to it, it would be wonderful to hear from you again.

Kind and Caring thoughts,

Pepper

Getting it wrong

Shenae — Tue, 03 Jul 2018 13:54:16 GMT

Pepper, your reply is much appreciated. You are correct that his self esteem is compromised. Current job rejections certainly do not make things easy for him.

We have had counseling, as 2 years ago he turned his attentions to my best friend, which really threw a curve ball. His Psych blamed his depression for altering his mind set and decision making.

I am really here to try and make sense of the condition. I have read through an awful lot of posts last night as I felt so alone in that it was just us going down this seemingly never ending path. I see we are not.

I am again thankful to hear from you. I am glad that this site is available to help people.

Getting it wrong

Peppermintbach — Tue, 03 Jul 2018 21:48:33 GMT

Hi Shenae,

I think it’s lovely to hear from you again and you’re most welcome. You seem like a very nice person. Thank you so much for the kind words...

Yes, I feel not having a job must be hurting his self esteem...

Turning his attention to your best friend must have left you feeling shaken, shocked and very hurt (assuming that I’m interpreting what you’re saying correctly)...

I feel you have a lot to process based on what you’re saying. I completely agree that it can be helpful to read through posts as it’s comforting to know that we aren’t alone in our struggles.

I know you care about your husband and I feel that’s very beautiful, and reflects your kind nature. But I hope you also remember to try do some nice things for yourself sometimes/take time out for yourself too. Take care of yourself too is what I’m saying...

Please feel free to keep writing and/or reading if you find it helpful. We are here for you...

Warm and caring thoughts,

Pepper