topic Bi-Polar Husband and my feelings in Supporting family and friends

Bi-Polar Husband and my feelings

Sarah_123 — Fri, 04 Aug 2017 08:13:25 GMT

Hi all,

I have never posted about anything like this before and have just recently stumbled onto this forum and think its a fantastic idea as there are not many people out there who talk openly about suffering from mental health or caring for someone who does so it can often feel isolating.

My husband has had bi-polar type 1 for almost 20 years not but has only been treated since we have been married so 9 years now. The first few years were a roller coaster or hospital stays, medication levelling, manic episodes, depression and knowing when all is level as it gets confusing?

My husband is great at taking his medication and never strays from it so I am very lucky, he is also very open to me letting him know when he may need to see his psychiatrist for some level changes if moods become de stabilised and doesn't get offended by this. So again very lucky considering we have 2 daughters. However, being as lucky as I am, it is still hard to cope with.

The depression kicked in big time this year and has been going up and down since April meeting insomnia for him and being very fragile and leading him close to manic episode just last week which we intercepted quickly and have medicated accordingly. I put a lot of support and love into helping him and supporting him as he is amazing what he copes with. However, I feel he is a different person to the one I married, he is a lot less motivated, not very enthusiastic and lacks in sight into my feelings.

I often don't get encouragement from him in the things I need them for and often find when we spend weekends together just us as a family that my mood reflects his which is often down and flat (maybe this is due to his meds?)

Does anyone else ever feel like they now have someone else? That the man they married is changed forever even though you still love them? That you don't get the support you need when you need it? Does this ever change or do we have to move onto accepting as a carer and spouse of someone with bi polar that this is just how it will be moving forward? Do we just need to change our mind set (which I resent always having to do and get the why me's) Do you think its good to tell your spouse that thats how you feel? Personally I would hate to hurt him as he only has so much control but do we need to vent it with them and will that help?

Thanks for listening and so glad I have found somewhere where people will understand my situation, its comforting 🙂

Bi-Polar Husband and my feelings

quirkywords — Fri, 04 Aug 2017 09:29:21 GMT

Sarah

welcome to te forum, This a good place to come and chat and get ideas.

I am from the other sides as I have had bipolar for over 40 years and have been on medication for about 20 of those 40 years.

I know it must be hard for you. And I can see how supportive you are.

I have never had much luck with relationships in the past.

I know you wanted someone who is married to a person with bipolar but I was moved by your post to reply.

I suppose since I have been on medication my moods have stabilised but I still have small mood swings.

I know one thing I didn't like if my partner with held information or their feelings from me.

I never had a supportive spouse like Yu are and everything in the relationship that went ring was blamed on me and bipolar even if it was due to other reasons.

It sounds like you have a plan but you must look after yourself and have time o do things you like.

Do you get times when you can just relax with your husband and enjoy each other's company without worrying about bipolar.

I understand it is hard adjusting to some with bipolar but it is as you know hard for him and he is trying so hard.

Do you both do paid work?

There will e many others replying who have experience as a spouse of someone with bipolar.

I just wanted to say keep going and look after yourself.

Quirky

Bi-Polar Husband and my feelings

quirkywords — Fri, 04 Aug 2017 09:55:26 GMT

Sarah

I sent a reply,but I can't see it.So I may be repeating myself.

I just wanted to say how supportive you are and how I was touched by your post.

I have had bipolar for over 40 years and have had medication for over half of that time.

I have not had much luck in relationships in the past and I realised I was not easy to live with.My ex spouse was not supportive and understanding as you are and everything that went wrong was blamed on me and bipolar.

You need to look after yourself no have time to do th things you like.

I am sure others who have relevant experience will be able to give you advice.

I just wanted to acknowledge you caring and supportive nature.

Welcome to this forum.

Quirky

Bi-Polar Husband and my feelings

Mumma4 — Sun, 13 Aug 2017 22:51:28 GMT

Hi Sarah,

I completely understand how you are feeling and could've written some of this post myself. I have been with my husband for 20years, married for nearly 8years and he has recently been diagnosed with bi-polar. So we are just at the beginning of yet another rollercoaster after him suffering anxiety, depression, alcoholism and medication abuse for years. We too have children - three aged 1-7years and my husband too is getting better at discussing how he feels etc.

I am in the same boat as you though as wondering if this is what life will always be like - and from what I have read on these forums in the past month or so - yes it probably will be - but as carers, once we have gained profressional support ourselves, we learn to cope with it better.

I go through periods of resentment, to compassion, to sadness, to anger, to wondering surely life was meant to be better than this. And yes, it is so hard, because who do we talk to about feeling like this? I feel if I say it to my husband it only makes him feel worse, as he can't help feeling and acting like he does sometimes, so won't we just make them feel like more of a burden? I feel we need to grieve the husband that we had, as our partner that we married has gone - or maybe they will come back?? I don't know. I feel like I am a single parent at times, and have an extra child to look after. I have to work multiple jobs as my husband is self employed and when he goes through he's down times we don't have money coming in. I feel like he would love to be able to support me emotionally and financially but just can't.

So I guess, I can't give you too much advice, but let you know you are not alone. I am getting professional help for myself to learn with coping skills to be able to lead a fullfilling life for myself and our children - in the meantime it is so hard to keep going. Perhaps something for you to look into for yourself too? x

Bi-Polar Husband and my feelings

KimberleyM — Fri, 25 Aug 2017 00:06:27 GMT

Hi Sarah123

My husband has been diagnosed for over 10 years, and we have been married for 18 years.

For me, things are only getting worse as time progresses. Our daughter is about to leave high school at the end of next year so I somehow feel like my determination to 'put up with him' is waning. We have a long term plan to move to Vanuatu and start a business there, but I'm wondering now if that is a good thing to do given his constant mood changes, and anger issues. We'd be fairly isolated to start with, and putting poorly managed bipolar on top of it sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

You are lucky in that your husband willingly seeks medical help. Mine does not. he hasn't seen his psychiatrist in years, preferring his GP to manage his medication. he also hasn't seen a psychologist in over 8 years. We are in a bad spot last night and again I asked him to see someone, but he flatly refuses. He says they can't help him.

I'm not sure if my post is helpful or not, but knowing that other people go through similar things might give you some comfort.