topic my husband had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage in Relationship and family issues

my husband had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage

rustic_charm — Wed, 20 May 2015 06:22:59 GMT

i have been married for 28 yrs im only 46yrs old now , and have just learn 4weeks ago that my husband had slept or had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage,, i have had my world shattered i love him and want to keep our marrage but im so brocken i dont no how to fix myself ,, i dont like feeling like this

my husband had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage

rustic_charm — Wed, 20 May 2015 07:33:52 GMT

has anyone been thru this ? i suffer from anxiety/ clinical depression and this has not helped, how do i move on from this pain? it all came out because my daughter in law betrayed my son he gave her a secon chance as they have 2 children together , but she kept making mistacks and having affairs as she does not love him anymore so they have seperated, my husbands guilt got the better of him so he told me , altho he said he wasnt looking for another relationship , and wanted me n the children , but if thats what he wanted why 5 times??/

my husband had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage

iamanxiety — Wed, 20 May 2015 11:48:51 GMT

Hi Rustic

i have also been in a situation where i was betrayed by my partner . i have been in a relationship for 15 years and found out i was cheated on, it tore me apart i have never felt such pain, unfortunately i dealt with this immaturely and also did the same thing causing us to have a very toxic relationship with no trust or communication but for whatever the reason we persevered . i also suffer from anxiety and depression and this situation has made it almost unbearable to live .we have recently started couples counseling and most importantly started communicating and it is making all the difference. we have had many difficult conversation about why and how and we both heard many things we did not want to hear but i guess we need to put all the cards on the table to get past it all. i guess the game changer for us was improving the communication and things are better now then they have ever been even though we are not there yet we are trying to build the trust and put the past behind us and we are doing this day by day we are talking and enjoying each other company again so we are moving forward.

i defiantly would give couples counseling a go, we tried a couple before we found a great one and she has opened our eyes to many things. he took the initiative to come clean and you could see this as a positive hopefully he will put in the effort to repair the damage. if you are both aiming for the same thing you will get there.

all the best

my husband had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage

rustic_charm — Wed, 20 May 2015 12:02:46 GMT

hi iamanxiety

thankyou for your responce im going crazy with pain and at rock bottom my heart is shattered , but he said he was young n thought he was missing out ,on what he didnt no they never meant anything to him but if that was the case i cant belive he did it so manytimes, yes we have st there and i needed to no about when and were ect , i act new 2 of them and one was in my bed its hard to get images out of my head , although it makes alot of things make sence i new back them just he denied it cause he new i would leave and that not what he wanted , but i want to try as were selling our home of 17yrs and building 4 hrs away were our grandchildren are so we can help out our son

my husband had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage

rustic_charm — Wed, 20 May 2015 12:04:14 GMT

oh have you had to take medication to get thru it?

my husband had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage

iamanxiety — Wed, 20 May 2015 23:01:11 GMT

Hi again Rustic

i know exactly how you are feeling and i can relate to having the images, they used to drive me insane, make me sick and would bring on anxiety. i would have so many negative racing thoughts that i just couldn't shake and they would effect me all day and night. i couldn't function and these negative thoughts and feeling where ruling my life.

In my case i had depression regardless of these events and yeas medication has helped me, im not sure if they will be necessary in your case that will be for you and your doctor to work out. what i would defiantly suggest is seeing a psychologist, i went through a couple before i found one that i really clicked with and understood my situation and together we are making progress.

We still have a long way to go but i believe it is possible if you both want the same thing

All the best

my husband had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage

rustic_charm — Thu, 21 May 2015 05:50:26 GMT

i also suffer from anxiety and depression but this has exculated it , i dont no weather to use more meds to help thru the pain or try to let it take its coarse as i dont want to supress it , lol its so hard

my husband had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage

iamanxiety — Thu, 21 May 2015 07:10:21 GMT

Hi again rustic

i think with or without meds you should not try to suppress it, it will only resurface again in the future if you don't deal with your pain and what has happened to you.

remember the meds are going to help you as an individual but you will also have to address the relationship as a couple. that's if you want to keep this relationship going.

im only speaking through my own experience and yours may differ a lot from mine but i hope you can take something positive away from my experience.

Just a question, how was your depression and anxiety before you found out?

my husband had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage

rustic_charm — Thu, 21 May 2015 08:11:07 GMT

i had a med change and as i said my son and his wife have seperated and our grandchildren were moved away a year ago we helped bring them up for the first 6 yrs as mum had postnatal and my son had a back injury from work with several ops , so they lived with us for 4 yrs out of 6 ,it has been a long hard jorney to keep it together, there has been lots of changes and lots of loss / grief over the last few yrs , so it just guttered me and has sunk me

my husband had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage

geoff — Thu, 21 May 2015 19:58:55 GMT

hi to the both of you, and I'm sorry to interrupt your conversation, but with me it was our marriage of 25 years where I caught my now ex phoning someone from a public phone, not once but twice, plus she didn't come home one night, at that stage I was trying to suppress my depression, hiding it, but after this I couldn't hold it down any more.

Personally I can't understand why on earth your husband would have the audacity to have 5 'one night stands', because the first few years in a marriage are meant to be exciting, where to live, how many children and doing up the house we have just bought, because back in those days it was always the plan of a couple to buy a house, the great Australian dream.

Trust is what we expect especially those first few years, and what worries me is that if and when there is an argument that he doesn't leave the house and run into the arms of someone else.

I'm sorry I seem to be putting a darker side to this story, but just offering another view and please criticise me if you want. L Geoff. x

my husband had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage

rustic_charm — Thu, 21 May 2015 21:19:36 GMT

hi geoff

i no icant belive it eather he is a very good looking man and weomen use to crave him, we were younge with 2 small children and ran a bussiness so it was very stressful , not that that is an excuse , i use to argue with him as he would leave me home to look after the children while our bussinness partner and him would go out drinking and unning a muk , it happened when he went away for work , so he wouldnt get caught , altho after the last time he did it i had my veryfirst breakdown couldnt cope with working all the time looking after 2 kids finances ect , thats when he realised what he was doing to me . althou he said he was never looking for anything else he had what he wanted all at home , he said he did it as he thought he was missing out on some thing ,?/ how do you cope with your depression ?

my husband had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage

geoff — Fri, 22 May 2015 00:24:15 GMT

dear RC, thanks so much for replying back to me, and from what you have said it must have been so tough for you, and such a struggle to try and understand what on earth was going on.

For him to go off and have, you know what with another girl, is absolutely so demanding, and should never have happened.

I don't know whether his origin of where he has come from allows this, but here in Australia it's forbidden, and excuse me if I am wrong about his origin, but there are many issues that you are missing out on, and that he hasn't provided for you, and I'm not talking about having intimate moments here.

How do I cope with getting over my depression, thankfully I have overcome depression some 11 years ago, but I still have relapses, as I am still prone to getting it, just as everyone who has suffered from this illness is.

It is never easy as we have to have our wits about us, but for you the problem now is that you yourself have to del with it, and this means getting help, so please get back to me so we cn talk some more. L Geoff. x

my husband had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage

rustic_charm — Fri, 22 May 2015 01:12:53 GMT

thanks geoff

yes he is aussie and yes it was 5 different times with 5 different women 2 of wictch i no and yes i was very strong back then to cope with everything but that was a good life compared to my life and childhood , so i thought it to be ok , now i no the truth it makes heaps of sence and he is filled with guilt and remorse , he nos half of my depressionand aniety problems he has made much worse but we dont no how to move on i can forgive but not forget , i just cant sleep eat and am gutted just want these feelings to end

my husband had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage

geoff — Fri, 22 May 2015 03:51:39 GMT

dear RC, your son is in the same position as you and how devastating all of this is for the both of you, I don't know that long term any relationship or marriage can ever survive or ever overcome this when it happens, because the trust with you knowing that it could be happening just won't go away, so his loyality to you is debatable.

What happens if there is no sexual relations between the both of you for say, 2 months, because of certain circumstances, then what is he going to do, I think I know, and I think that this is something which is going to hang over your head.

If you like you can google this 'can move on but can't forget', where it has many websites to open of people who have been in the same situation.

My point is yes you can move on but you are dragging this enormous chain behind you, which always reminds you of what has happened.

This will only stop if you cut the chain and let him go.

I know that there will be many issues that need to be sorted out, but we can talk about that tomorrow as I start early and about to log off.

Please have a look at that site and have a think about I am saying, and perhaps write down your thoughts so that you can remember them tomorrow.

I really want to help you as much as I can, so I will talk to you tomorrow. L Geoff. x