topic My husband does not love me anymore. in Relationship and family issues

My husband does not love me anymore.

Jasmine-Tina — Sun, 01 May 2016 06:58:02 GMT

I was so shocked by his admisson that my whole world came crashing down. I showed a brave face and I did not share a single tear. I could not reveal my disappointment in knowing this is how he felt for the last 3 months. We have been together for 4 years and married for 1 year & 8 months.

He has an addictive personality and for the last 3months he plays online violent games until the wee hours. He also drinks a lot of alcohol, to the point of passing out. I was unhappy so I told then he told me he was unhappy for the last 3months. To avoid spending time with me, he turned to alcohol & on-line games. I am so lost and my head hurts so much. I am too embarrased to tell my family and friends. I am hoping I could get support here.

My husband does not love me anymore.

geoff — Sun, 01 May 2016 19:02:33 GMT

dear Tina, it must have been such a shock and an unexpected one at that after such a short time of being married.
There wasn't much stimulus going on for the both of you, and that's not what you would expect, because you would think there would be plans for the future and to enjoy what you both loved doing together.
It always seems to be ashamed in telling your friends and your family that maybe your marriage is over, just as it was for me when we got divorced, but they would find out eventually, but they could be your support, someone to lean on, as the next few weeks are going to be very difficult for you, whether or not you try and revitalise the connection, whether that's what you want to try and do, or whether you both call for an end to the marriage.
It's never easy to rekindle a marriage, although it could work for awhile but then it just goes back to the same old storey, but what it will need if you decide to try, is to suggest places or other things to do, however he may have been hooked on drinking alcohol and playing those video games and not interested, but I think that this is your decision now, as hard as it is to make, and this is where you need support and help, firstly from your family or pick out a sibling that you get on with and secondly you should go and see your doctor.
As he has an addictive personality it will be difficult to change his habits and even if you try to, then he could then feel adjudicated and need to go back to his old ways.
I'm so sorry for you, because this is never what anyone would expect after this short period of time.
Please I hope that you can get back to us. Geoff. x

My husband does not love me anymore.

Neil_1 — Mon, 02 May 2016 00:16:29 GMT

Hi there jasmine-tina,

I’m sorry to read your post and what your husband has said to you.

Geoff has sent you a really excellent response and I just want to add a little.

Do you feel that it’s totally 100% over? Do you feel that he thinks that? After just such a short time married, in my opinion, it would be a shame to throw it away without giving it a ‘second go’ or a ‘second chance’. I mean, that’s pretty harsh of him to come out like that without even giving you any warning, in words. Ok, the big time drinking and playing on-line games was possibly a bit of a hint, but really he should have come forward.

My thought would be to see if some marriage counselling or an appointment to Relationships Australia could be an option??

Did you say what he thought was wrong and why he feels like this? Simply saying that he wishes to avoid spending time with you is not enough.

I’ll send this off now, but would really love to hear back from you.

Neil

My husband does not love me anymore.

Jasmine-Tina — Mon, 02 May 2016 05:49:09 GMT

Dear Geoff, I thank you kindly for your words of wisdom and
support. You have made some excellent suggestions that I
would be open to do, like pick a sibling and definitely see
my doctor. I desperately want this marriage to work and maybe
this is my down fall. He told me that talking it out and
talking about it will not change his feelings for me. I am
still at home as I think if I leave then I would have made it
way too easy for him. I have asked him what he would like us
to do now and he says he does not know. I have asked him if
we could try and work on our marriage and he said we can try.
I am sleeping in the spare room as he suggested. For the last
two nights now. It is the worst and most weirdest feeling. I
feel so helpless and frustrated. He also likes to know where
I'm going and if I'm coming back....

My husband does not love me anymore.

Jasmine-Tina — Mon, 02 May 2016 05:52:41 GMT

..Since the admission he has played more on-line games
and stopped drinking and have taken up smoking pot. Before
the admission he would ask if it was okay that he plays his
game, I always said Okay. For the last few days, this is all
he's been doing. It is like I'm not in the same house. I
haven't cooked dinner and I will not be doing his washing.
Although I have noticed he started his own pile of washing.
You will be glad to know that I have finally told a friend
yesterday and she offerred her spare room and not to worry
about the rent. I told her I will come over on the weekends.
I work during the week and it will be too hard if I stayed
with her. I did mention to her I will not be making it easy
for him. I have told his parents and they cannot believe it.
They have expressed their stance of not interferring and not
picking sides. But they are disappointed and so am I. We had
this bright future, so I thought of buying a bigger house
with 3 bedrooms and a yard. Then very soon try to have a baby
together. All these future plans have been smashed to pieces.
He confirmed that he does not want to buy a house and he does
not want to have a baby together. I am convienced smoking pot
does not help the situation and his feelings for me

My husband does not love me anymore.

Jasmine-Tina — Mon, 02 May 2016 05:53:43 GMT

am
aware that you cannot make someone love you again. I am
living here with the greatest feeling of anxiety and its
torture. I have been listening to calming music so I can fall
asleep. But I could hear the volume of the TV so loud its
been difficult. I feel he has been so disrespectful of my
feelings and I feel I do not have any say or the right to
tell him to turn it down. It seems he is trying to make me
leave. He knows what makes me annoyed but so far I have held
my toungue and I will not give him that satisfaction. He has
not mentioned the D word yet (Divorced) so his mum believes
this marriage is not over. He has not asked me to move out
yet, even if he did. I won't as this is my home too. The only
reason I will move out is when this house is sold. Eventhough
he bought the house before he met me but I have invested
nearly six years in this relationship, this is my home too. I
will also be making an appointment to see a counsellor so I
can keep it together and not end up at the hospital in mental
services. I want to be strong but I feel so fragile. J-Tina.

My husband does not love me anymore.

Jasmine-Tina — Mon, 02 May 2016 05:56:28 GMT

Hi Neil, Thank for your words of support. I don't want this marriage to end. I still love him and I know the addiction is a disease and I love him so much and I want him to be better soon. I think he needs to speak to an addiction counseller. I am seeing a counseller so that I can work myself out. I know he is trying to push me away but I refuse to go anywhere. I am not leaving our home.

My husband does not love me anymore.

Neil_1 — Tue, 03 May 2016 01:43:58 GMT

Hi there J-Tina

Thank you for your latest responses.

Reading through those, I can get a feel for your strength in regard to this situation and that’s something you should be proud of. And yes, as you said, do make it hard for him, cause he sure hasn’t done any favours for you.

Good on you for reaching out to others, your friend, his parents, etc.

It sounds like he’s being so inflexible in this and is not willing to do anything to try and save the marriage.

I really feel for you and wish there was some other support I could try to help you with as it must be an incredibly tough situation for you.

Kind regards

Neil

My husband does not love me anymore.

Jasmine-Tina — Tue, 03 May 2016 07:50:49 GMT

Hi Neil, Thank you for your comforting words. He's been very unfair but I am blaming it on his addiction. Although by now I would like him to take some responsibility for his actions. Talking to a friend and counsellour has helped me tremendously. I have some health issues to be dealt

My husband does not love me anymore.

Jasmine-Tina — Tue, 03 May 2016 07:53:18 GMT

.. so i think i will stay put till its done. i would like to save what is left of our marriage. I will remind him everyday that I love him dearly. J-Tina.

My husband does not love me anymore.

Apollo_Black — Tue, 03 May 2016 10:29:57 GMT

Hi there J-Tina

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation.

How did it come about that he said he doesn't love you? Is it because you said you were unhappy? Has he said it's over? And why are you the one having to sleep in the spare room??

how old are you guys??

Look I'm not in the best position myself to comment but I will say this. I know when someone has checked out and it looks like your husband has checked out. This doesn't mean it's over but you can't bend to his every whim. You are not responsible for his actions or moods and particularly his BS.

I'd certainly be getting some counseling together if you can get him to do that. Just don't move out but do what you can do to stay sane. While this is happening I suggest doing a 180 or mindful attraction plan (Google both of these). Basically the premise is that you begin to work on yourself to build attraction but not for them - do it for you. Start creating some positive energy for yourself so he can either join you or he can sink and you bail. You want to get yourself in the best position to either make him want to get together or you leave.

But don't forget - your still legally entitled so get some legal advice if you need to.

are you working? Do you have many friends? I suggest start doing more things for yourself and leave him to his stupid video games for now. And please - don't tell him you love him every day. He doesn't deserve it and it's just going to make you look more needy and turn him off.

Try and forget his BS for a bit. Go out with a friend and try and have a good time. Talk to your counsellor. Do that little hobby you used to do. Take the pressure off for a while. See what happens. Keep commenting ok???

My husband does not love me anymore.

geoff — Tue, 03 May 2016 18:54:02 GMT

dear Tina, he is the one that has to change as you are trying very hard 'in all ways but one' and for him to stop drinking alcohol and then start smoking weed is no better from each other, it's just replacing one addiction to another one and he's using them to escape reality, but it is so difficult to love a person when they are in denial and pushing you away, it's sad. Geoff. x

My husband does not love me anymore.

Jasmine-Tina — Tue, 03 May 2016 21:04:06 GMT

Dear Geoff, Thank you so much for your helpful words. You are right that he replaces one addiction for another. He is in denial my counsellour said the same thing. Playing too much on-line games and talking to strangers instead if his own wife is avoiding living in reality. I have done all I can. I know this is

My husband does not love me anymore.

Jasmine-Tina — Tue, 03 May 2016 21:14:11 GMT

... not my fault. I didn't do anything wrong. He says I'm the best person he's been with. That confuses me and I could'nt understand how all of a sudden last week I got a text from him that he loved me. Then only a week later he doesn't. You are right, I'm trying everything I can do but nothing works. Its time to have a plan B. I have support from a friend bit I will want to speak to a solicitor and find out my options. J-Tina.

My husband does not love me anymore.

White_Rose — Tue, 03 May 2016 21:36:31 GMT

Dear Jasmine

I am so sorry that you are in this predicament. Geoff and Neil have given great advice so I will not add much.

I think you are right. Go to a solicitor and get advice. As I understand it, although he bought the house before you met, you are entitled to half the proceeds of the sale. Not sure how you are placed financially and solicitors can be expensive. Look up Women's Legal Service in your state. They will give you some free sessions. At the least it will give some information about divorces and settlements.

Best wishes to you.

Mary

My husband does not love me anymore.

Apollo_Black — Wed, 04 May 2016 01:36:52 GMT

In case you missed it I have response above. Totally agree you need legal advice

My husband does not love me anymore.

Jasmine-Tina — Wed, 04 May 2016 12:46:25 GMT

Dear Apollo, thank you for your helpful suggestions. It was encouraging and uplifting. Thank you for your ideas of working on myself and have a good time with friends and families. I dont have families here. They are overseas. We both work. We are both in our 30's and Im slightly older. I play sports and I havr some friends to go out for lunch and see a movie. Thank you, i will stop expressing my feelings. Im not gonna put up with his emotional torture and bs mind games.

My husband does not love me anymore.

geoff — Wed, 04 May 2016 19:13:54 GMT

dear Tina, don't let his emotional bs try and break you down, you can love someone and if they don't love you, then you could be wasting your precious time and fighting a lost cause.
Addiction to alcohol or drugs will make people say things that they don't mean, in other words lie to you, and make these comments just to suit their own needs so that he can continue on with whatever his is using, grog or drugs.
Please let us know how you get on with the lawyer. Geoff. x

My husband does not love me anymore.

Apollo_Black — Wed, 04 May 2016 21:38:12 GMT

Hi J-T

i don't mean stop expressing your feelings, just try doing the opposite for a while. Vent tryout friends if you need to. check out the googling I recommended - see if that's something you could try

My husband does not love me anymore.

Jasmine-Tina — Thu, 05 May 2016 06:50:50 GMT

Dear Geoff, Thank you for your honest reminders. I can feel I'm fighting a loosing battle. I do believe he is lying to me. Making up excuses and blaming me for his feelings that have now disappeared. I was so blindsided although I had a feeling it would go all wrong, when he admitted he hasn't been happy for a couple of months. Right there should have been thr give away clue. I also wanted to apologise for all the spelling mistakes. I'm always replying on mobile. J-Tina. ps seeing a lawyer soon.