Hate feeling like this

jojo05 — Sun, 17 Apr 2016 00:17:30 GMT

Things have been really hard for me since my husband left (i've shared my story on here) all the things i have found out he was doing when we were together and now he has admitted to having a baby with another women has really pushed me to my lowest ever.

I had everything 4 months ago, a husband, a job, a house and a life and now i feel like i have nothing. I gave up my job and my house and moved to another state to live with my family and now i feel like ive made a mistake giving everything up. I did it because i wasnt coping financially and my depression/anxiety was getting worst and really when i thought about it i really didnt have anything anyway, my husband was the only person i had in my life, i didnt have any real friend's and all my family lived in other states.

Since i moved here 6 weeks ago i feel as though i cant do anything, pretty worthless actually, its a whole new place and i dont know anyone, dont have a job and my family really dont understand what im going through, i feel as though i cant do anything because i live in their house so i spend a fair bit of time in my room which i like because its my own space but sometimes i even feel as though they dont want me here.

I know my mother means well but she makes me feel as though im being lazy, i dont feel mentally ready to jump back into work yet and she makes me feel as though my anxiety is in my head.

I do see a councillor and i do have a medical certificate which is allowing me 3 months to adjust to my new life and to get help in the area i really need it but she thinks thats a long time not to have work. My councillor has told me if i was to go and get work it would push me further back and could make my depression worst, which i really dont want.

I dont want to sit around doing nothing i do plan on doing some kind of volunteer work and a course in something so i can get out there and meet some people and learn new things but i wish my family would stop pushing me and making me feel as though im doing the wrong thing.

All this is new to me i haven't been on my own for 11 years i feel lost and really out of control of my life, its a horrible feel.

Hate feeling like this

white knight — Sun, 17 Apr 2016 02:06:45 GMT

Hi jojo welcome again

You have painted a picture of you marriage- a carbon copy of mine and I think I have some solutions

In 1996 after 11 years (same as you) I was compelled due to emotional abuse, to leave my family home of my first wife. I had two daughters 7 and 4yo. The eldest I'll walk down the aisle next year!!.

So there I was. I had purchased a $1200 3 metre long caravan and towed it to a caravan park. I'd lost- my full time fatherhood (and my children lost that also), my dog, my neighbours, my town, my home. Suddenly I was alone. I, like you, questioned myself. The grief after a couple of weeks grew worse. I was tempted to ask my estranged wife if we could make up. But I returned to the park and spoke to an older man and he said the magic words "don't ever go backwards, if you do in a short time you'll regret it because nothing will change"

He was wise. I've never looked back since. My ex wife has had 3 partner since and all left for the same reasons. One even confided in me for a solution!. "If I had it one would have stayed" I told him.

After 3 months of being miserable I wanted a home. The caravan park was full of separated dads and mums. I didn't want to be a permanent resident in that park. I spotted a block of land and bought it. I spent my free time clearing it of scrub and dreaming of my new home.

As it was my wife and I settled. She got the house and mortgage and I got the large garage that I'd dismantle and place on the said land. I bought a kit home and built it largely myself. Guess what? I had focus and a direction. I had created my new journey. I no longer had the time nor energy to think about the grief. I was also working up to 60 hours a week 12 hours shifts in security.

I had to overcome many hurdles. For example under the previous (very unfair)child support system in the 1990's I was compelled to pay payments based on the previous years earnings and one time had lost my overtime and my second job- appeals took months and left me financially strapped. But I got through.

My message here is- find a direction, a new focus for your new life. Go on dates for some fun. Make it clear you want friendships. Live life!! Accept that some men stray- not all. Find your own residence even if that meant a 3 metre van in a park and have pride....its yours!!

There is a sense of pride to feel when you start afresh.

Good luck with your new life.

Tony WK

topic Hate feeling like this in Relationship and family issues

Hate feeling like this

Hate feeling like this