topic Feeling Overwhemed in Relationship and family issues

Feeling Overwhemed

cocoa1 — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 11:32:32 GMT

Feeling overwhelmed by 3 kids 2 teenagers 15 yr old boy who is verbally abusive, 14 year old daughter who is bright but does not feel happy at school and a 11 year apergers son. Myself 49 going through menopause. Can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and feel anxious all the time.

Feeling Overwhemed

blondguy — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 12:26:19 GMT

Hi Cocoa

Paul here...Welcome to Beyond Blue Forums and more importantly for having the strength to post..

You have a lot to deal with Cocoa...Your 15 year old son has crossed the line big time by being verbally abusive..That is just not on.

Your 14 year old daughter not happy at school....I remember that. If I may ask you...is your daughter reasonably happy at home?

I feel for you with your 11 year old son too...aspergers...how is he progressing?

Do you have a girlfriend/guy friend that you can 'vent' to? This is the first part of coping...to have a support network...(the experts say 5 people is ideal....I have 2 people...tops)...even 1 person is a bonus....

I dont want to presume anything here Cocoa....Is your 15 year old sons' dad around? Sounds like he has some anger happening there....

Your bright 14 year old daughter....has she mentioned why she isnt happy at school?

I dont blame you for feeling anxious all the time.....I used to suffer from severe anxiety...its awful...

Please let us know if you have anyone to 'vent' to......if you wish to of course...

Here for you Cocoa1. This is a strictly private forum and you are more than welcome here to respond 🙂

If you get 'stuck' in the meantime our friendly people have a 24/7 helpline too ....1300 22 4636

Kind Thoughts for you

Paul

Feeling Overwhemed

geoff — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 18:46:23 GMT

dear Cocoa, hello and thanks for coming to the site.
Wow you seem to have a lot to cope with at the moment with your hands full and a son and daughter at both ends of the
spectrum, one being abusive, while the other not being happy, which both of these could be a problem caused by each other.
I'm sorry that you are going through menopause, which unfortunately females have to go through, where all your
hormones are changing and I'm sure that what you are experiencing would only make it much harder to be able to handle
the concerns at home.
It's hard to know where you should begin here, try and curb your son from being abusive, help your daughter and try and
understand why she isn't happy at school, while also helping your son with apergers.
All of these could be linked, however Paul has asked a couple of questions, so I hope that you can get back to
us so that we have a little bit more information. Geoff. x

Feeling Overwhemed

cocoa1 — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 09:44:44 GMT

Thank you for your reply. Lately I have been feeling anxious all the time and I feel like my stomach is in knots and a tightening feeling around my heart.

It the stress that you want everyone to be happy or reasonable contented.

At high school daughter she has a group of friends that she feels like she doesn't connect or make her feel special. Also her cousins make her feel left as well. I have been listening and supporting her. It is a dreadful stage and I do tell her it will improve and try different avenues to make friends.

My other son is to not engage in arguments that go around in circles.

My husband is actually is very supportive and a great Dad. Although his family are nice enough but not really supportive and quite competitive so I never confide in them.

This stage in my life is triggering a lot of anxiety. With the teenagers I feel like I am walking on eggshell as I hate confrontations. As a child my mother had mental health issues and she was very unpredictable which in turn has left me suffering anxiety off and on through life.

I just want to get a handle on this.

Kind regards Cocoa

Feeling Overwhemed

blondguy — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 23:05:04 GMT

Good Morning Cocoa

Thankyou for your reply.......Well done on your hubby by the way....and your dad...huge start

I am only trying to separate one issue here to assist you have more strength in helping your daughter. Your 15 year old son....Having a kind heart, you may be an 'easy' target for your son...If I may ask Cocoa....how often is the verbal abuse you receive?

Have you tried ignoring your son when he starts his abuse? And if did...does it help?

Your sons' abuse can (possibly) be reduced if you dont respond to him when starts being a pain. My 23 year old daughter was the same at 15 and the only way I could prevent the swearing and attitude was by not feeding her fire so to speak....This is only a suggestion of course. Even very short basic responses to any would be a start if you could manage it.....except during periods of abuse.....ignore him....he will become bored and run out of steam

You are doing beautifully with your daughter. That age can be so very difficult for a teen. She may actually improve if her brother could 'help' the homelife instead of being counter-productive.

Does your hubby pull him up on the way he treats you?

Also...as for light in the tunnel....book in and see your GP if you have one that you are comfortable with....

She/he will be able to help you...even once a week/fortnight....I use this method as a type of 'mini counselling' session and it takes a load off me and feel a lot better when I get home to heal my depression.

I do hope that one day soon your 15yo son realises that he should never ever ever mistreat his mum Cocoa...

Here for you Cocoa 🙂

Kind Thoughts

Paul