topic Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum? in Relationship and family issues

Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?

Magyarok — Thu, 11 Dec 2014 06:38:18 GMT

Hi All,

I work in the public sector in western australia which has experienced massive cut backs due to the incompetency of the current state government. I was one of the unfortunate ones to receive a letter informing me that my project has ended, my position has been abolished and i am now a surplus requirement to the department i work for. Fortunately i have permanency so they can't get rid of me just like that without going through a process. This puts me on the unattached list and gives me priority for a transfer.

However new legislation is about to come in which will force permanent employees to accept involuntary redunancy. I've also learnt that another 50 permanent positions are about to be cut. Therefore i was told that i should strongly consider any opportunity that comes my way or face the possibility of involuntary redunancy. So i've been offered two opportunities .......

First Opportunity - move 3000km away to the north. This is an amazing opportunity, it is something completely new and different and it would diversify my skills and experience. Problem it is truly remote and my wife would not be able to cope with the remoteness and the stifling heat and humidity. If i was younger and single again it would be a no brainer - i'd go!

Second Opportunity - move 900km to the south and continue doing what i was already doing but in a different location. Problem is it is a specialist role and it won't diversify my experience and the whole program is under threat so i could be again faced with the same problem in a couple of years time.

Major Problems - my wife doesn't want to move and i can't blame her! We are well set up where we are, my 5yo daughter goes to a good school, everything is convenient, we like it here but because we live regionally there are no other reasonable opportunities for me so if i want to continue paying the mortgage then i have no option than to move away.

I have been given three days to make a decision which will have major implications on my family. My wife has been crying alot because of it. I will miss my beautiful wife and beautiful 5yo daughter desperately but i feel i have no other choice. I feel a dull sickness in my stomach and my head is swirling because of it. I feel as though my life is at a real crossroads and i am completely lost as to what i should do?

I guess because of the current employment situation my problem is not uncommon. Thanks for reading

Regards

Dave

Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?

CrashCoyote — Wed, 17 Dec 2014 00:45:20 GMT

Hi Dave,

What did you decide?

Kind regards, John.

Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?

Frann — Wed, 17 Dec 2014 01:11:31 GMT

Would your wife compromise and go with option no.2? Find a new good school ? If yes , I would take that for the sake of keeping you together and for financial reasons. You don't have time to be choosy and would give you some breathing space. If you have to move or are not happy with job you can consider your options at a later stage. Kids have no problem adjusting, in fact it could be an opportunity for her to experience something new.

Big life decisions are always difficult in my experience. Hindsight would be great.

Let us know what you decide, good luck!!!

Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?

Magyarok — Wed, 17 Dec 2014 05:47:16 GMT

Hello John & Frann,

Thank you for your responses.

Unfortunately the first opportunity offered to me which was up in the Kimberley region of WA was withdrawn after it was realised that budget cuts were more severe than initially thought and there wasn't the budget to cover it!

Therefore i tentatively expressed interest in the second opportunity but with concerns regarding the security of this position considering that it is part of the same project i had been working on which has already been heavily targeted for cutbacks.

I sent my very carefully constructed response to our human resources branch and received a response from them today telling me that my response has been sent to the Directors Office - the very top of the Govt dept. i work for. It will be interesting to receive their response.

It's a stressful situation which does very little for the underlying depression that i suffer. The only good that has come from the uncertainty of the situation is that it has made me really re-evaluate my life including what is important to me and it has brought my wife and i closer together again after having marital problems over the last couple of years or so.

I'll keep you informed and thanks again!

Kind Regards

Dave

Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?

Frann — Wed, 17 Dec 2014 06:17:11 GMT

Thanks Dave,

Ok , well so far so good. I always say " things happen for a reason" and you usually find this out down the track.

Hard not to worry too much but try , hopefully they'll respond soon. In the mean time spend quality time with your wife and little girl . Good chance you'll be heading down south to get things organised and will have to be apart temporarily.

Just the way I see it. Fingers crossed for you!

Sincerely,

Frann

Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?

Magyarok — Thu, 18 Dec 2014 04:54:29 GMT

I received some unexpected but positive news today. Nothing confirmed yet, i'll know in a few days. There appears to be some light but i'll remain cautiously optimistic .... fingers crossed!

Thank you:)

Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?

Frann — Thu, 18 Dec 2014 06:28:14 GMT

Ok great Dave.

Lets not get excited . How's your wife feeling about it all?

Frann

Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?

Magyarok — Thu, 18 Dec 2014 06:57:02 GMT

Thanks Frann,

My wife would be happy if this comes to fruition but like me she's not getting her hopes up but remaining cautiously optimistic i.e. hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

Take care

Dave

Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?

Frann — Thu, 18 Dec 2014 07:37:11 GMT

Hi Dave,

Good though in that in the beginning your wife was totally against moving . Sometimes when you think you can't have something - you really want it!

Sounds like you're both over the initial disappointment and now are sticking together to face the new challenges. How good is that!

Hey Dave , given you've had your ups and downs in the past , take the opportunity for the next few difficult days of waiting to impress her with your calm/ cool attitude - pretend. Just an idea ...

Let us know when you hear whatever.

Frann

P.S

When this sort of thing happens to me , (and it has , I'm in my fifties , it's just life trust me) I just keep saying " whatever is meant to be will be" - hope this helps in any way.

Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?

angelite — Thu, 18 Dec 2014 08:42:44 GMT

Hi Dave

I'm glad there maybe light at the end of the tunnel, I know how much this has affected you. Whatever happens you are a kind, caring, compassionate and thoughtful person. Your self worth is not measured by possessions but who you are as a person. That's what matters most to your family especially your daughter. A solution will present itself, maybe not exactly what you've hoped for, but you maybe surprised.

Take care my friend

Karen

Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?

Magyarok — Fri, 19 Dec 2014 06:47:02 GMT

Hi Karen & Frann,

Thank you for you concern. About this time last week i was at my lowest ebb thinking that a move and seperate living was inevitable and i was mentally preparing myself for it.

But now the light at the end of the tunnel is shining much more brightly. A couple of days ago i learnt that a work colleague went for another job and was accepted and will be leaving at the end of January.

I'm suitable to fill this position and it has been approved by my managers. I'm excited by this opportunity because it will give me the new skills and experience that i am after. But still it is no absolute certainty, there is still a process to go through - i'll be acting in the position for the next month or so until the position has to be advertised and hopefully i'll be successful.

So maybe i won't have to move after all. I couldn't have scripted this better and its turning out to be a win - win situation for all! Others have suggested it is divine intervention! We'll see in a few weeks:)

Karen -

I am so sorry that i haven't been around for you on our post lately, i've just been consumed by my own troubles. It is fantastic to see the progress you are making and to see you responding to other posts and offering advice to others. You offer wonderful advice and i do believe that you are making a positive difference to the lives of others.

I acknowledge that you are still fighting your battles but it is so wonderful to see your beautiful inner qualities (your kindness, empathy, compassion and thoughtfulness) shining brightly through the pain and touching others.

Karen you are an amazing person and a beautiful friend and i am so proud of how far you have come.

Take care

Dave

Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?

angelite — Fri, 19 Dec 2014 10:12:36 GMT

Hi Dave

Thank you for the kind words I certainly need to hear that with the darkness I have battled this week.

I understand the huge pressure you put on yourself to be the provider. Just for a moment a want to challenge that with you.

What is the most important aspect in you life.

You could have your dream home, financial security, and a fulfilling job. That doesn't guarantee happiness.

Happiness comes from within, its not anyone else's responsibility, but yours.

Dave I can see your pain, hurt and confusion, the fog, uncertainty for the future.

Its time to simplify things remember the feelings when you come home from work and the joy in your daughters face when she sees you.

I want you to look, really look into her eyes, that's what's important. Going to the park, drawing, cooking with your daughter, the unconditional love of a child. Comforting her when she is hurting.

We as adults complicate our own lives believing that our self worth comes from possessions and wealth.

From experience I know this is not true I would have given all of it up for a moment of happiness, peace and safety.

Dave don't loose sight of what's important, I wish you well with the new job opportunity.

Thinking of you, stay strong my friend.

Karen

Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?

Frann — Fri, 19 Dec 2014 11:38:27 GMT

Hi Dave ,

So glad that things are looking up for you and your family. Please keep us posted with what happens. I'll keep checking. Good luck in the next month, hope you're not under too much pressure. Whatever is meant to be...

Sincerely,

Frann

Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?

geoff — Fri, 19 Dec 2014 15:06:32 GMT

dear Dave, can I just chip in, but I don't want to take anything away from Karen and Frann who have been following your comment closely, but it's an interesting post.

My concern here is that I'm just worried that your depression is obviously on tender hooks, and I'm also sure that your wife maybe suffering from it as well.

I hope for you and your family's sake it all comes through. Geoff.

Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?

angelite — Fri, 19 Dec 2014 19:47:58 GMT

Hi Dave

Geoff has hit the nail on the head. It is certainly a conversation I wanted to have with you.

I understand your wife's background. After caring for my husband for 24years I understand the pressures and the toll it takes.

You both at some stage will need to decide on counseling together, it is a decision that you will both need to make and commit to. If one of you is unable things will continue to decline. You already know this. You already know the effects on your daughter.Children are smart, you may think they don't know but they do. I'm sure you are aware also, from what you have told me I see it too.

Please I understand this is a difficult subject, one that people avoid. But you know I understand, first had experience. I also am very aware of the toll these issues have on children.

Please be kind to yourself and give yourself credit for the wonderful, compassionate, thoughtful person you are. Take the time to appreciate the little things the way the bush is changing this time of year, the animals, look up at the sky and breathe.

Take care my friend

Karen

Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?

Magyarok — Tue, 23 Dec 2014 03:18:46 GMT

Hello Karen, Frann and Geoff,

Thank you for your concern and support. It was kind of strange to be thrown a life line when i was at my lowest ebb. I almost didn't know what to do with it or even believe it and it's taken a few days to register. But still i'm very cautious one tentative step at a time. I just REALLY feel for others in my situation who haven't been offered a lifeline.

My daughter is what is most important to me without a doubt. I love that kid so much and everything i do is for her. She is like my little shadow, a 'daddy's girl' she follows me everywhere, talks incessently and bombards me with questions. I am her 'rock' and i need her as much as she needs me.

However when depression gets the better of me i admit the constant attention can sometimes become overwhelming and i just want EVERYONE to leave me alone! Last Sunday was such a day, the fog of depression filled my head and i was working on a DIY project and when i do that i hyper focus and i don't like to be disturbed especially with trivial concerns.

But on that Sunday i was constantly bombarded by my wife, mother in law and daughter and i couldn't focus on my DIY project and the depressive fog in my head become more dense. My wife and mother in law should know better but they just don't seem to get it!

But my daughter on the other hand was just doing what every beautiful inquisitive little 5yo does and was just seeking wanting my attention but unfortunately she copped the brunt of my frustration that had been building up and compounding over the course of the day. She come into the room and opened a cupboard door i was working on and it jammed my finger and i snapped at her reducing her to tears.

Seeing her like that shattered me and racked me with guilt but it also pulled me out of my fog and allowed me to refocus on what is important and that is her. I am thankful that she is forgiving and we are still best friends.

Sorry for rambling! Need to refocus, deep breathe find focus find direction find clarity of thought!

Take care my beautiful friends

Dave

Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?

Frann — Sun, 28 Dec 2014 12:23:09 GMT

Hi Dave,

Sorry I haven't responded. I was just thinking you must be starting that new position soon. Take care not to become overwhelmed , you sound like you take a lot on board.

About the incident with your little girl , don't feel guilty or think it's the fault of depression ( not that I'm an expert) this stuff happens when raising kids. Mine are adults and I can think of so many such occasions like that. You're only human. MIL,s too aargh!

Good luck with new position ( not sure when you start) !

Frann